I own nothing of course. Mega thanks to Kitty & Prettyflour for all their help. Love to you all for still actually reading!

Chapter 14

"I think you can handle this one, Bella," Angela said with a wry smile and I turned to see who and what she was referring to.

"Oh no. Again?" I whispered and smiled as politely as I could, which was hard considering this was the fourth time in the past three weeks I was looking at the same face.

"You seem to have made quite the impression on him," she said, nudging me playfully. "I'll observe from the other room and leave you two alone."

"That's not necessary," I began to say, but she was gone before I finished.

"Afternoon, Ma'am," he said with a cheeky smile.

"Hello again, Private," I said through gritted teeth. "Back so soon?"

"Yes, Ma'am, afraid so; and please call me Jacob."

"Okay, Jacob, can you tell me what the problem is… it doesn't appear to be anything too serious or I doubt very much you'd be talking to me." I raised my eyebrows and I saw his cheeks darken.

"You got me there," he admitted. "But this is more delicate than life threatening."

"Oh?" I asked and Jacob leaned close to me.

"I have a nasty case of sunburn," he whispered.

"You look fine to me," I said and he laughed nervously. "Where is this sunburn?"

Jacob turned around and I saw his hands go to his belt; immediately I understood so I shouted at him furiously to stop, "Jacob, I understand and believe me, I really do not need to see… that… I mean… your… really it isn't necessary." Now it was my turn to blush furiously.

"Are you sure?" Jacob asked craning his neck around to look at me. "It hurts real bad, I can't sit down. I'd prefer you to take a look… just to make sure it's okay."

"Oh goodness," I breathed, cursing Angela for leaving me alone. "Well, if you insist, I'll make sure there's no… I'll check it's… okay drop your pants, Private."

"Jacob, remember?"

"In this situation, I think Private is definitely for the best," I muttered, my cheeks were burning and it only intensified as the beige trousers and white briefs fell to the floor revealing a severely burned backside. "Ouch, that looks painful."

"You don't say, Ma'am."

"You don't appear to have any blistering; the skin is actually quite nice."

"You think I have a nice ass, Ma'am?" Private Black snickered.

"Absolutely not!" I gasped and then worried I might have hurt his feelings. "I'm sorry I didn't mean it isn't nice… I'm sure it is lovely... not that I was looking at it or anything. I just said nice because your skin was… um…"

"Nice?"

"Nice," I groaned. "In a purely medical sense."

It was an easy treatment for such an embarrassing situation so I turned around quickly and retrieved the lotion from the tray beside me. "You can pull up your pants now, Private," I told him.

When he was done I handed him the bottle and explained how and when to use it. This was most definitely a time he would not be receiving a demonstration—I was in for a hard enough time from Angela as it was. He seemed to find this situation amusing, and his nonchalance only embarrassed me further.

"No permanent damage then?" Jacob asked with a cheeky smile.

"No, your… um… your… it will heal nicely."

"Nicely, huh? You keep using that word to describe my buttocks Ma'am. I'm beginning to think you really do think my ass is nice?"

"I meant your injury will heal nicely without permanent scarring—although that can be arranged if you like? There are plenty of instruments I can use for that," I hissed through my teeth and he held up his hands in defeat still looking amused.

"Sorry, Ma'am, I was just joking, I never meant anything by it."

I nodded and pretended to busy myself writing down notes.

"I should be getting back," he said reluctantly and once again I nodded without looking up. "Thanks, Ma'am, my buttocks and I certainly appreciate your help."

Despite myself I giggled and Jacob flashed me another wide smile. "Well, you and your buttocks are very welcome."

"Goodbye, Ma'am," Jacob tipped his hat and turned to walk away.

"Goodbye, Private." As soon as he was off the ward, I heard the approaching giggles of Angela and Maggie; I narrowed my eyes at both of them which only made them laugh even more. "It's not funny."

"Oh I disagree," Angela snorted. "I had a lot of fun watching you deal with that situation."

"Yes, I thought you handled it just fine, Bella," Maggie told me, still giggling. "And you have to admit he has a very cute butt. I'd definitely insist he come back for a check up in a day or two."

"Yes, I think Maggie may have a point there. It would certainly help you learn more about follow up care, Bella. Although, you do lose some brownie points for not applying the lotion yourself. You can't assume the patient is capable of self-administering his treatment. Assumption can be a dangerous thing, Nurse Swan."

"I think Private Black is more than capable of applying lotion himself, Angela," I retorted, knowing full well she was still joking around. "Anyway, what were you thinking leaving me alone to deal with him like that? What if he needed something that I couldn't do? What if it was something serious?"

"Relax, Bella," Maggie dismissed me casually with a wave of her hand, "I was with him when he first arrived and he told me why he was here. Besides, you knew we were right down the hall if you needed us. Angela just thought that you could use the experience and working alone will help your confidence."

"And it has nothing to do with the fact you seem intent on setting me and Private Black up?" I put my hands on my hips and looked at her accusingly.

Maggie shrugged. "He's handsome, polite, and a sailor. What more could a girl want?"

Just one thing; just one man. I smiled sadly, knowing the very answer to her rhetorical question. "I already told you, Maggie. I just can't… not yet."

"Yet being the operative word," she persisted. "I know you're still all hung up on this Edward guy, but he's not here and maybe if you give Jacob a chance you might like him."

"Come on, Maggie, leave the poor kid alone," Angela stepped in and I sighed in relief. "Bella's young and has the world at her feet. Whenever she decides she's ready to let Edward go she'll have plenty of choice—we are more than outnumbered in the male to female ratio."

"Thank you," I told her and she squeezed my arm.

"Anytime kid, but for the record—I think Jacob is a really good friend to have around."

I smiled but there was no way she could understand. I wasn't just dealing with losing a boy. I was grieving for the loss of an entirely different kind of future as well as the one person who held my entire heart. It had been months since he left, but still he consumed my dreams and thoughts and although I was getting much better at hiding the pain, not once had the intensity of it lessened. The only reprieve I got was here at the medical centre, so I put every effort into studying and learning as much as I could.

While we were working Angela let me shadow her, showing me the basic procedures. At busier times I had my own duties to fulfil. I made the beds, restocked the cabinets and medical trolleys, I filed records, and under Angela's instruction I also continued to replenish our secret supply of bandages, splints, and anything else I could find. This supply I kept in a disused building a few hundred yards from the main medical centre for any instances when practising on the ward was not possible.

Despite the majority of doctors being agreeable to my presence and assistance in the basic jobs, one or two were not as supportive and when they were on duty, Angela and I had to refrain from our onsite training and sneak off in our breaks to practise other techniques.

All in all, life was so much better than I dared hope it would be. I shared a small house with Angela, Maggie, and Victoria. During our free time, I was always busy, either at the movie theatre or eating ice cream at a diner a few miles from the base.

As women were in short supply on the base, the amount of men vying for our affection was staggering and it was almost like a competition between them to see who could win dates with one of us. Angela did her best to shield me from it and I tended to fade into the background from everyone besides a certain Private Black.

Maggie and Angela were right, Jacob was a perfectly nice and normal boy and, had things been different, perhaps my reaction to him would have been different also. It didn't matter though, because at the end of the day everything he said or did served only as a painful reminder of who he wasn't, and it would be unbelievably selfish and cruel to even try and force any kind of relationship with him.

"So, you need your bathing suit on Sunday," Maggie told me excitedly. "Some of the guys aboard the Arizona have been issued liberty passes and we're going to have a beach party. It's going to be so much fun, Bella. You will come won't you?"

"Sure," I said, still happy for any distraction. "As long as you don't try and force-"

"I'll be good I promise," she said earnestly. "We're just going to have fun and relax. You've been working so hard studying and practising, you need the break, too."

~SIFY~

Dear Shelly,

I hope you and all your family are well. I am sorry this is my first letter to you and hope you haven't been too worried. It has taken quite some time to settle and so much has happened to me these past few months but I promise it is all wonderful.

I have the widest smile on my face as I write this letter, I have so much to tell you and I doubt you could believe even half of it. After we last spoke, I met some truly wonderful people and they have taken me under their wing.

Angela—the one who made this all possible—has become like a sister to me and without her I strongly suspect things would have turned out differently. You would like her, it's impossible not to, and in some ways she's very much like you; determined, strong, and generous to a fault. I will be forever grateful that I found her and you really need not worry about me as long as I'm in her company.

Then there is Maggie, she is closer to my age but so very different to me. She is outgoing and bubbly and never fails to make me laugh. I'm trying hard to be more like her; less reserved and take each day as it comes.

There are a few other ladies too, but this letter would go on and on if I tried to tell you about all of them. I am working so hard to achieve everything I dreamed of and I honestly believe I can do it. Already I have learned so much and it is only inspiring me to push harder to learn more.

The base is probably the most daunting place I have ever been, it's vast and despite the relaxed and easygoing nature of the people here, there is that underlying air of caution about what could be waiting for us around the corner. But, despite that, I can see that this place is full of opportunity for someone like me, someone desperate to find herself again.

I still make sure I go to church on Sunday, it gives me a little comfort, knowing you and Renee will be doing the very same thing—albeit at different times—it's almost as though we're together for that short space of time.

I do hope we can see each other again. Maybe you can visit me here? But I do understand that isn't a possibility just yet.

Take care of Renee and if you can write back without raising suspicion please do. I would love to hear from you and all about life in Winnetka.

Love always,

B

I put Angela's name and rank on the return address before posting the letter, just in case Phil saw the mail first. I'd done this fifty times at least since we arrived, but never dared to actually send a single letter. I was terrified that it would land in Phil's hands and he'd force me to go back to Winnetka.

"Letter home?" Angela asked.

"Yes." I nodded. "But I'm not sure if I should post it or not. I miss one or two people and I'd love for them to know how wonderful things have turned out for me. Then, on the other hand I'm worried that Phil will see it and find out where I am. I love this life so much already and don't want to risk it."

"We've got your back, honey," she said with a kind smile. "Even those who weren't so nice at the start are growing protective of you. I'm sure they wouldn't admit it to your face, but if push came to shove they wouldn't let anyone harm a hair on your head. If you want to write home then do it. This is your life to do with as you please; you're Bella Swan now, remember, Isabella Dwyer is long gone."

So, I did it. I mailed the letter and did my very best not to worry about what might happen if my power-hungry stepfather came across it first. It soon became the least of my worries as on Sunday I had something else to worry about. I was spending a day in the company of sailors in nothing but a bathing suit.

"Will you come out of the bathroom, Bella," Maggie shouted through the door.

"I don't think I want to go," I answered, chewing nervously on my fingers as I took in my reflection. The suit had a plunging neckline and with just a sarong and shoes, I felt very exposed. "This really isn't me."

"Come on, Bella, please. You'll look great, I know you will." She banged on the door a couple of times and then called for reinforcements. "Angela, I can't get Bella out of the bathroom. Would you call Jacob Black and ask him if he can break down the door?"

"Sure," Angela played along. "I'm sure he'd be more than willing to offer assistance."

"Alright, alright, I'm coming out." I sighed. "But those Jacob threats are wearing pretty thin now."

"Last time, I promise." Maggie laughed.

I opened the door and stepped out, feeling extremely self-conscious. I was fidgeting and adjusting the straps and height and Maggie reached over and stopped me.

"Trust me, Bella, you look great. Wear these glasses and let me just fix your hair and you'll be a sexy siren." She tied my hair up in a thick navy blue scarf and handed me the largest pair of sunglasses I'd ever seen. "There—perfect, don't you agree, Angela?"

"Wow, honey, you'll have those boys eating out of your hand."

"Not what I needed to hear, Angela," I muttered. I continued to stare back at my reflection and didn't recognise the girl staring back at me. "I can't do this."

"What?"

"You heard me," I said, pulling off the scarf and removing the glasses. "This isn't me. I'm not going."

"Oh yes you are," Maggie argued and tried to stop me. "This is a fun thing, Bella."

"Fun for you guys, sure," I told her. "And maybe in a few months it could be fun for me, just not right now. I'm still adjusting, Maggie, I'm still trying to find out who Bella Swan is."

"It is going to be so much fun," Maggie pleaded.

"Don't force her," Angela stepped in to fight my corner once again. "If Bella doesn't want to go, she doesn't go. We're here to be her friends and support her. She left one home because she was sick of the controlling atmosphere she lived in, let's not put her through anything like that again."

I smiled at her, thankful that she understood. "I just need time, Maggie."

"But what will you do while we're out? Do you want one of us to stay here?"

"Not at all," I told her. "I'm going to study this afternoon and then later I think I'll go and see a movie."

It took some time, but eventually Maggie relented. After they'd left the house, I took my books outside and spent the next few hours reading the books Angela had given me. A Comprehensive Guide To The Human Heart wasn't exactly Wuthering Heights, but I kept the end result in my mind. A career, a chance to accomplish something that money and power held no influence over.

Aorta… ventricle… vena cava… beats per minute… blood flow… pressure… arrhythmia…

The words were spinning around and around in my mind and I felt my eyelids start to grow heavy.

"A small break won't hurt," I murmured to myself and lay back on the grass, allowing the glorious sunshine to pour down upon me as I fell asleep.

I rolled my head to the side and opened my eyes, crying out in a mixture of shock and pure ecstasy at Edward laying right there beside me on the grass.

"You're here?" I reached out to touch his face, but stopped myself just as my fingers grazed his icy cold skin. "I'm dreaming again," I said sadly. Allowing myself to touch him, even in a dream, would have painful consequences when I woke up.

"You are," he whispered, his voice igniting every nerve, every sense in my body and I remembered… this was how it felt to be alive.

I refused to look away, aware that in any instance I could wake up. I studied his mouth, his jaw line, his cheeks, his hair, and then finally allowed my eyes to meet his intense gaze. I was expecting to see the beautiful, gold coloured eyes that occupied my mind every minute of the day, but instead Edward's eyes were black… the darkest black I'd ever seen and the shadows around them almost purple.

He was still the most beautiful boy I'd ever seen.

"Your eyes." I reached for him once again, unable to stop myself.

The moment my fingertips connected with his skin, the rush of exhilaration that coursed through my body took my breath away.

"It's worth every second of the pain to touch you," I said.

"You have no idea how it feels to be here with you like this."

"But you have to leave soon," I said, and his silence told me the answer I already knew. "I want to stay with you."

"And I want to stay with you always, but this is how it has to be, Bella."

"Why?" I snatched my hand away and rolled onto my other side, refusing to look at him. "You have to decide, Edward, once and for all. Stay and never leave, or go and never come back. I can't live like this anymore."

Tears pooled in my eyes, as I felt his ice-cold fingers traced over my eyes, my nose, and my lips one final time. This was it; he was saying goodbye once and for all.

What had I done?

I rolled back to face him, but I was already too late… he was gone leaving nothing behind but an imprint in the long grass.

The pain awoke me with a start and I clutched at my chest, wrapping my arms tightly around myself to try and alleviate it somehow. As I cried, I looked down at the spot beside me fully expecting the grass to be standing long and tall because in reality he'd never been there... but it wasn't.

"It's not possible," I gasped.

The grass was flattened, in two places, my spot and his. My sensible, rational side screamed at me to think logically. I must have rolled over, making two imprints. However, the romantic, desperate side told me that it just might be true… Edward had really been here.

I looked around the garden which was now shrouded in near darkness. There were no shadows near the trees, no figures lurking by the house or anywhere else, yet I felt it… felt him. His presence was all around me.

Edward Cullen had been here, of that I was absolutely certain. In fact I'd never been so convinced of anything in my entire life.

A/N Eek hope you liked!

I'm so sorry for the huge time between updates… I've just had a pretty shitty time in RL lately as some of you already know. Hopefully I can get back in some sort of routine writing wise, but I just can't promise any kind of posting schedule at the moment.

We're getting pretty close to the end now… according to the summary in my head I reckon maybe 5 more chapters give or take.

xxxx