14

"So are you going to talk about what's bothering you, or are you going to destroy every flower in my garden?"

Shay blinked and looked down. She'd been at her mom's house, helping to pull weeds. She had a handful of flowers, ready to yank them out of the ground.

"Sorry Mom. Guess my mind is wandering," She shrugged then leaned back, tilting her face up into the sun.

"There's an understatement," Gail eyed her daughter. "So who is he, and when do we get to meet him?"

"What?" Shay looked up at her mother in surprise. As always, she had forgotten how easy it was for her mother to get into her head.

"Don't what me. It's obvious that some man has your head in the clouds." Gail smiled knowingly.

Shay sighed. "It's not what you think."

"Oh?" Eyebrow up, Gail eased down on her knees near her daughter and began fussing over her plants. "Then what is it?"

"Mom…" Shay sighed, not wanting to go into detail.

"Oh no…you're sleeping with a married man!" Gail took a shot in the dark. Shay's mouth dropped open.

"Mom!"

"I knew something like this was going to happen!" Her mother looked at her daughter accusingly. "Working, traveling with all those men. I knew it was just a matter of time…"

"He's…not married," Shay said slowly. At least not that she knew off. It had never occurred to her to ask. Great. Something else to worry about.

"Thank you," Gail smiled sweetly. Shay actually smacked herself in the forehead, forgetting that her hands were covered in dirt. Damn…her mom was good. Shay thought she should probably take notes. She could learn something about the art of manipulation from this woman.

Gail sighed. "Hon, I can't help you if you don't talk about it."

"I know Mom, but it's…" She shrugged. "Personal."

"Sexual you mean," Gail grinned at her.

"That too," Shay finally admitted, feeling a blush rise on her cheeks. She hated it when her mom brought up sex. The 'talk' they'd had when Shay had started dating in high school had been particularly embarrassing for her.

"So you are sleeping with someone," Her mother said, ignoring Shay's pained look. "He must be something, to be able to get to you like this. Usually on your days off you lounge around the pool. Today, you're trying to strangle my petunias."

"I don't know what he is, Mom. I thought it was just going to be, you know…casual." Shay finally admitted. She refused to look her mother in the eye.

"Oh, Shay…" Gail smiled and touched her daughter's arm. "I thought the same thing when I met your father. Our first date and we…"

"Oh God, please…" Shay closed her eyes. "I do NOT want to hear sex stories about you and dad. Anything but that. Call Granddad and tell him I want to hear all of his war stories. Please?"

"Dear, I'm just saying," Gail could not hide how Shay's uneasiness amused her. "That sexual attraction turned into love."

"Don't be offended as I shudder at the thought," Shay said. "And I don't love him."

"Really?" Her mom smiled. "Then why is it every time you start talking, you yank up another flower? Really Shay, I'm going to have to put in a rock garden if you keep this up."

Shay huffed in aggravation. "I don't love him, Mother. I barely know him. There, are you happy?" She gave up on the garden and sat back on the grass, wrapping her arms around her legs.

"Oh, ecstatic," Her mother said. She was still smiling. "So what is the problem? Is he…you know…bad in bed?"

"Mom…" Shay's voice carried a warning note. The problem with having a mother who also wanted to be your friend, Shay had discovered, was that they did not feel as if any topic was taboo.

"Shay, I don't know what to tell you to make you feel better. What is the problem? You care about him, obviously…"

"Yeah. I don't know," Shay shook her head. "I feel sorry for him. And he scares me. And he…well…he turns me on. All at the same time."

Her mom's eyes showed concern for the first time. "He's not hitting you is he? Hurting you?"

"No," Shay said softly.

Gail sighed in relief. "Good. Because I'd hate to have to hurt some man for hurting my baby." When Shay didn't react, Gail reached over and took her hand. "Whatever it is we'll work through it Shay. You'll work through it. If he's a smart man, then he'll see he's worrying you and maybe you can work it out."

"Maybe," Shay said doubtfully. She finally looked into her mom's eyes. "I think…I don't know…he might be a little…unbalanced."

"Dear, if he beats people up for a living, then that's a given," Gail said, smiling again.

"Then maybe I'm the unbalanced one," Shay said. "I'm the one brooding over him."

Gail waited for Shay to go on, but there was only silence. She knew if she pushed, Shay would end up resenting it. "So…are you going to be staying for dinner tonight? Spaghetti and meatballs…"

Shay smiled weakly. "Sounds good, but no. I think I'm going to go home and destroy my own garden." She took a few minutes to wash up, then kissed her parents goodbye before leaving.

Back at her house, Shay did nothing. Paced around. Turned the TV on and off. She was restless, needing something but not knowing what it was. She picked at her dinner, then took a long soak in the tub.

She climbed into bed after midnight, worn out but not sleepy. She was just…blah, nothing, empty. She lay in the dark, staring up at the ceiling, letting her thoughts wander. Her phone rang, jarring her.

It took her a moment to find it in the dark. "Hello?"

There was silence for a second, then she heard an intake of breath. "Shay."

Shay closed her eyes. "Kane…" his name was just a whisper. Hearing his voice made her feel better and worse at the same time. She was just so damn confused about what she felt…

"You're afraid of me now," He said softly. He sounded…regretful? Shay couldn't be sure. She thought about the show, about Linda.

"I have always been a little afraid of you," she finally admitted. She settled back against the headboard, holding the phone against her ear.

"I cannot change what I am," Kane said. Now she was sure she heard regret. And hurt. And such pain it made her feel like crying.

"Kane…"

"I have a temper. I can't always control it. It's always there, just lurking, under the surface. I don't want you to be afraid of me Shay. You should just…stay away from me. It's…safer that way."

Shay gripped the phone. He sounded as if he were the one on the verge of tears. "Kane…" she took a deep breath. "Are you married?"

Shay could almost see his mind trying to follow her switch in conversation, see the confusion on his face. "No…I have never been ma…"

"Good. That's a relief." Shay cleared her throat. "I want you to come to me."

"Wh…No. I told you, I can't. I don't trust myself to…"

"I trust you, Kane." Shay actually hadn't thought so until the words were coming out of her mouth. "I know you're not working. Come to my house. You know where it is."

"It's…not a good idea…" But Shay could tell he wanted to. She could hear the need to see her in his voice.

"Do you want me to beg?" She asked softly.

"I…no…" For once it was Kane who couldn't seem to form a complete sentence. Shay smiled into the dark.

"Then come to my house. Come see me. Right now, tonight."

Kane held a thoughtful silence, and Shay let it drag out.

"All right. I can be there…" there was a shuffling noise. "In four hours. I…Shay, are you sure?"

This was a new side that she hadn't seen yet. He sounded positively bashful.

"I'm more than sure. Drive carefully. I'll be waiting." She gently hung up before he could answer, then threw back the covers. She had some time to kill before he arrived, and she suddenly felt like cooking.