a/n: So evidently I'm a big fat liar. I made it. By the skin of my teeth, I made it. But I make no promises for next Tuesday. (Yes, you are free to roll your eyes.)

Thank you to the gals at [t20s] of course. I would not be writing this were it not for all of you. All of you.

Thank you to AZBella, my beta, for kind words and good use of the space bar.

Thank you to the lovely ladies of Project Team Beta for helping me with my second draft.

Thanks to all the people out in reviewerland! Over a hundred now?!? HOooRayyy!!

One note for this chapter: No, I didn't invent the song. It's an old kiddie ditty called "Boom, Boom, Ain't It Great to Be Crazy?"

I promise no cliffhangers this time. That I am aware of.

And now, on with the show. Today I am Team Emmett. (Because Bear Hugs Are the Best Hugs, right gals?)

Chapter 14

I picked up one of the pictures. The guy was sitting on a motorcycle, his smile a challenge to whoever was holding the camera.

I could feel all three of them watching me, waiting for me to speak. Bella kneeled next to the coffee table to get a better view of my face as I studied the image in my hand. I strained to remember. He did look familiar…

"Is that the guy who drove you guys to school on my first day?" I asked.

Bella nodded, and let go of the calm expression she had been wearing. She bit her lip.

"And the girl too…isn't that Edward's cousin?"

Edward gave a sad smile. "Daughter, actually."

Daughter? Now this was unexpected and a little bit disconcerting. I picked up another picture and looked it over – the two of them were dancing at a party. Renesmee, Will had called her.

They hung on my every word. "So, this would be…Jacob…then?"

"Yes," Bella said.

"Your brother?"

"No," she replied. "Not really my brother. Just…family."

"You have to excuse me," I said, shaking my head. "I'm just trying to understand, trying to wrap my head around…"

"Of course," Edward said. "But have you seen him?"

"That first day, yeah."

"After that? Ever again after that?"

"No," I replied. "I don't think so."

Seth sighed and sank back into his chair again. "So square one then."

Bella looked at Edward. "Nothing? Nothing at all?"

"Ethan," Edward said. He sat down for a moment and picked up one of the pictures. He held it out to me. "Can you just take one more look? Look at the picture. Does anything at all come to mind?"

I knew it was pointless, but I did as he asked. I strained to recall anything. But all I could think of, the only thing I remembered, was that first day – his smile across to the girl, Renesmee, and his speedy exit.

Before I could reply, Edward spoke. "No."

Was it a question? It sounded like a statement.

"No," I agreed.

Bella began to gather the pictures together into a stack. "Well, thanks for trying."

"Is he missing? Is she…?"

"She's fine," Edward replied. "But yes, Jacob is missing. Has been for a couple weeks now."

I still had no idea what was going on. "Can I ask one thing?"

"Sure," Bella said. She looked up at Edward again and he nodded.

"Why me? Why am I here? I mean, I guess I just wonder why, out of the entire student body of Forks High, you thought I knew something about Jacob?"

Edward and Seth exchanged a look.

"I need to get back to her…" Bella said. She stood up, and Edward and Seth followed suit. Somehow I also found myself on my feet, caught up in their gesture. "I'm sorry to abandon you, Ethan, but Edward explains it best anyhow."

She clutched the pictures against her chest, looking off to the back wall of the house. It was made entirely of glass. The view stretched out for miles.

"It's okay," I replied. "Whatever you need to do." Go ahead and leave me here with your frighteningly strong husband who probably has a secret vendetta against me.

I was being petty. I knew this.

"And I should head back to La Push," Seth said. "I'll talk to you guys later tonight."

Edward nodded. "Of course."

Seth gave Bella a hug and stepped out of the room.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Ethan," Bella said. And in her own graceful way, she blurred out, leaving only a faint trace of her perfume behind her.

After she left, Edward motioned to the sofa. "Why don't we sit down? This is a bit of an involved question." The two of us took our seats on the couch again. With Bella gone, I found myself sinking back into an uncomfortable skin. I put my hands in the pockets of my sweater.

"Bella said you met my sister, Alice. Do you remember?"

Sure thing. That was the day I hit on a vampire. Hard to forget. "Yeah."

"You might have noticed that our kind have certain inherent abilities – speed, strength, keen senses..."

I nodded.

"Beyond that, as individuals, we sometimes carry added talents with us into this life. It's not normal; we are definitely the minority. And it's never the quite the same thing twice, because it's a strengthening of some characteristic that we might have had as humans. "

"Okay…"

"Alice has the ability to see something of the future. Where people will end up if they continue on the path they are on."

He was testing my limits. I had to accept that they were quick, I had seen it. And it was pretty obvious that they weren't like anyone else. But to think that little Alice could see the future? Hard to believe.

I played along anyhow. "So she saw me with him? Or…"

Edward shook his head. "Her ability has certain blind spots, and Jake happens to fall in one of the places that she can't see."

"I don't understand."

Alice's smaller voice came through from the other room. "You're dancing around the subject, Edward." She paused in the doorway and crossed her arms. "Werewolves. I don't see werewolves."

Werewolves?

My life was slowly spinning itself into an old b-list horror movie.

I am insane. I'm asleep and dreaming. None of this is really real…

"Jake is a werewolf," she said.

"Too fast, Alice," Edward said.

"He'll get over it," said the psychic. She smiled. "Eventually."

"So let me get this straight…" They held silent as I let my jumbled thoughts settle themselves into sentences I could actually voice. "Jacob is a…werewolf. You guys are vampires. Jacob, who is not Bella's brother, is married to Renesmee, who is not Edward's cousin, but Edward and Bella's daughter." I felt like I needed a pen and paper to draw it out as a diagram. "Alice, who is Edward's sister, can see the future. But she can't see the future when it comes to werewolves. Which means she can't see…Jacob's future."

Edward nodded. "Right."

"And somehow this has something to do with me?"

I blinked and Alice was sitting in the chair across from us. My hair rustled.

"When you came to school that first day, I thought I would take a peek into what was in store for you. I often do that with new students, just as a precautionary measure for our family."

"What did you see?" I asked. I wasn't sure how much stock I could put into what she was going to tell me, but I was extremely curious to hear it anyhow.

"A lot of nothing."

"What?"

"You…blinked out. I mean that night was coming through easily enough, the sopping wet hair, your mom with the towel…" They never ceased to amaze. I don't know why I hesitated to believe them. The strange just kept getting stranger in this town.

At least they aren't robots.

She continued. "But the farther I went out, the more faint maybes I hunted down, the more you just…disappeared."

"I disappeared?"

"I honestly didn't really think much about it until after Jake was gone. We were so preoccupied with other things, and Edward went off to look for him and…"

"Wait. Go back. I disappeared?" Dear God. How many days do I have left? Will Bella kill me after all?

Calm down, maybe I go back to Polson.

No, she said "disappeared," not "moved away."

Look how casual she is when she talks about my death.

I wonder if I will get to talk to Jules one last time…

She's talking again. Pay attention.

Okay.

"Don't worry. It's not like I saw you dying. I just didn't see you at all."

OhthankGod.

"But I'm no werewolf," I said.

She chuckled. "I know that," she replied. "Which is why I later thought that maybe you were going to see Jake at some point. The moment your path gets mixed up with them, you disappear too."

"Oh." Okay. Okay. Okay. This is acceptable.

Wait, I know werewolves?

"So we thought that maybe he came to visit you at work, or you had seen him in town or something."

"I get it…I think." I sighed. "I'm sorry I wasn't any help. I really wish I could have been."

Edward stood. "It's alright. Though if you do see him by some chance…"

"You'll be the first to know."

"He'll probably come home at some point," Edward said. He put his hands in his pockets and walked toward the windowed wall. "It's not the first time he's run off."

I guess they don't really need me around anymore…

Edward continued to stare out the glass. "If you want, Emmett can drive you back home. Or if you're more comfortable taking the rail…"

I wasn't too sure I could make it all the way home in that car without puking. "The rail is fine," I replied.

"Okay. He'll just be a minute," Alice said. "He's finishing up a conversation with Rosalie in the garage." Maybe I only imagined the innuendo. Seventeen-year-old, after all.

Alice waited on the couch, smiling, as an awkward silence took over. Edward stared at the stretching green that ran outside their house. And as the quiet went on, I stumbled my way into nervous small talk. Something I should never do.

I chuckled nervously. At least I managed not to giggle. "So, Alice, you can see the future. Does anyone else around here do something special?"

Edward turned his head slightly. "Alice…" he chided.

"Sure. Edward, Bella, and Jasper all have gifts." Her smile got a little wider.

"Oh yeah?" I was just trying to fill the void, really. And trying very hard to keep my mind off the fact that I was going to have to get back in the car with Emmett. "Like what?"

"Jasper can control people's emotions. Edward reads minds. And Bella's is more of a mental block…or a shield perhaps—"

"Wait…" I said.

Edward was silent.

"Yes?" Alice asked. Her eyes were wide and innocent.

I regretted the words as they tumbled out of my mouth. "Edward can…read…minds?"

Dear God.

Alice grinned and nodded.

"No…" I said.

He had heard it all. It was worse than Bella just telling him about it. He knew exactly how I felt about Bella. From the horse's mouth…or head, so to speak.

"Yes," Edward said. He turned around to face me.

He wasn't just disagreeing with me. He was answering my thoughts.

OHMYGODNO…

And then I was trying to remember if I had ever pictured her naked.

And then I realized that was a very stupid thing to do.

Edward sighed. "Yes. Please. Don't do that."

But I was stuck on the topic. All the times I had imagined conversations with her, all the times I had thought about her, looked at her, wanted to touch her…

Edward was no longer smiling.

"I'm going to go outside now," I said.

"Good idea," he replied.

I stood from the couch and walked around toward the front door. I would just bother Emmett instead of waiting. The option of having my skull pounded in by the overgrown linebacker seemed much more preferable to having Edward root through my internal monologue. If I didn't have a head, he couldn't very well get inside it, could he?

I'm going to see him every day at school.

It was a new and creative form of torture I wasn't sure I could have ever imagined.

Maybe someone got to Emmett before I got there. Maybe they told him and with his super-special-magic-I'm-better-than-you hearing he could pick it up while they were still in the living room, because he was standing on the porch just outside the front door when I stepped out of the house.

He probably heard every word Edward and I just said.

"Ready to go?" he asked.

I didn't make eye contact. My gaze landed blankly on his too-big chest. "Very much yes." He didn't scare me as much as he should have.

"Edward get to you?" He chuckled and waved a hand in front of my face. "That looks like the face Rose makes sometimes." I shook my head and looked up at him. He was smiling.

"I don't know if he really 'got to me' as much as I just died a little inside. There are some things best left in your head, you know?"

The chuckle turned into a full belly laugh. It's possible I should have been offended by his reaction, but there was no room left inside for any other feelings. The dread occupied every inch of me.

"I know what you mean, man. I know," he said. "I lost my sense of shame a long time ago."

"I don't know how to recover from this."

"You will. Everyone else has."

"But I have to be at school and…" I wiped my eye with the heel of my hand. I ran my hand down the side of my face. My head was feeling a little heavy and it was nice to have the extra support. "How can I be there when he's there? How can I be anywhere? It's like I don't know how to exist."

"Whoa, kid, slow down."

My hand fell away. "No. I mean…let's really analyze this situation. Right now I am standing on the porch of a mansion probably built before the turn of the millennium, talking to a vampire who seems bizarrely jolly for someone who has been alive…what? A hundred years?"

"Two-hundred and thirty-four actually."

"God." My reply was a whisper. And then I was shouting. "See? See what I mean? How does anyone deal with that? How do I live knowing about all this stuff? Alice can see the future. I'm not in it, evidently. Edward can read my mind. And I hit on his wife."

"You know that what Alice saw doesn't mean you're going to die, right? It just means you've been spending too much time down in La Push."

Honestly, his words were not much more than background music. "He heard it all. All the things I thought about her that whole time…and she probably knows, too. I have to sit next to her in government and she knows every little thing that ran through my head."

Emmett put his arm around my shoulders and gave me a little shake. "You got to hang in there."

"That's what Jules would say. If I could talk to her about all this. If she was talking to me at all."

"Jules? She your girl?"

I shook my head. "No."

"Oh," he replied. "Sorry to hear that."

"No, it's just not like that between us. We're just friends. Or were friends."

"Ah. Well if I know friends, she'll come around." He dropped his arm to get his keys from his pocket. "And just so you know, Edward is pretty cool about keeping the head stuff secret. He's not big on telling us what's going on in everyone else's worlds. Bella might not know. Much."

I held on to that statement for my own personal sanity. She doesn't know.

If that was true, I could maybe get by.

"C'mon," he said. "Let's get you home."

"Okay."

We walked down the steps and crossed to the garage. Emmett unlocked the car and the doors opened.

"I think you'll be okay, Ethan," he said. "Just take it one day at a time. And try singing kiddie songs in your head. That usually does wonders to keep him away."

***

When I got home, my mom was sitting in a chair on the porch waiting for me. I walked the last couple steps up to the stairway and stopped.

"So when am I taking you to the interstate?" she asked. "Or, I could drive you home if you like."

The real world was calling me back. "I'm not going," I said.

She sighed. "Really? You're sure?"

"Why even ask?"

"Ethan." She stood as I climbed the stairs. "I want you to be happy. Of course I want you to live here with me, but not if it hurts you to do so. Your father and I decided to let you pick because it's what we want most."

"I know." I put on my best convincing smile. "And I am happy here. I'm staying."

"I'm so glad." She wrapped her arm around my shoulders. "And of course you're welcome to go up to visit him whenever you want."

"I was thinking summer." I pulled the front door open.

"Sure," she replied. "Great idea."

We walked into the house. Aunt Madison was stirring something on the stovetop. She smiled as we reached the kitchen and held a spoonful up for us to see. It was chili.

"Hungry?" she asked.

"Yeah," I replied. "But can I just take it up with me? I have homework."

"Sure thing, kiddo." She dished out a bowl for me and handed it over. "Let me know what you think. I tweaked the recipe. Cardamom. Thyme."

Those things didn't sound like they belonged in chili. "Thanks. I will."

"Are you going to come back down after you're done with your work?" Mom asked.

"I doubt I'll be done before bedtime."

"Okay, hon," she replied. "See you in the morning then."

"Night."

When I got to my room, I shut the door behind me. I set the bowl and my bag on the desk. If I was being honest, there was no way I was going to eat that stuff. And I really didn't feel like doing any homework.

And so ends another day in Forks, Washington.

I collapsed on the bed.

I wonder how long it will take before I go completely insane.

Staring up at the ceiling, I pushed the button on my headset.

"Call Jules Appleby."

Ring…

It was just a matter of balance. I could get by with balance.

Ring…

I was swimming in all this stranger-than-fiction nonsense, and I was just having a hard time leveling it off. What I needed was normal.

Ring…

I needed normal like air.

Her voice was still nice to hear, even if it was just a recording. "Jules did not answer her phone. Either the world has ended or you have somehow managed to get on her blacklist. Ponder that before you leave a message."

"Jules," I said. "I miss you. I'm a horrible person. Please forgive me, even if I don't deserve it."

And I hung up.

***

Jules did not call back. It was Thursday and I had to get up, face the day, and let problem number one simmer in the background of my life indefinitely. I'd made my bed. I would just have to lie in it.

But, then again, it didn't necessarily mean I was going to give up.

To say my mom was chipper when I got downstairs would be an understatement. She was whistling as she made omelets.

"Good morning," she said. "I'm making your favorite."

It was true. They were my favorite. She was trying awful hard for someone who already won the fight. She set one on the table and handed me a fork.

"Thanks."

"So I know I'm your mother, and it's nearly too painful to bear, but I wanted to know how things were going with that girl…Ava, was it?"

I shrugged. "Fine? I don't know."

"Fine? As in a question? As if you think I know something?" She laughed. "I just want a little information. A tiny speck of something. Is she your…girlfriend?"

I took a bite of the eggs. If I didn't eat them soon, they would be cold and worthless. And if I answered with my mouth full, maybe she would be disgusted and quit bugging me. "No. Definitely not."

Fat chance. "Did you break up with her?"

"We've never been a couple, so there was no point at which I could. But, no, we're still going out, I guess. We're supposed to do something tomorrow night."

"Oh!" She walked over with a mug of coffee. "Does that mean I get to meet her?"

"Um. Probably not. I think we're meeting there."

"Oh."

In the short silence that followed, I shoved as many forkfuls of omelet into my mouth as I could.

"And the dance…when is that?"

"Nrft wrrk," I replied. I could feel a little piece of egg on the side of my face. (Ha!)

That seemed to do the trick. "Yeah, okay. I'll leave you alone. But I want to meet her, Ethan. If you're going to spend all this time with her, I should get to know her, too."

"It's not like we're getting married." Despite what Jules thinks.

And then I was back to Jules.

"I know, I know," she replied.

I abandoned the last third of the meal. "I'm heading out."

"Okay," she said. "Have a good day, dear."

"Thanks." I picked up my bag. "See you tonight."

I took the stairs slowly, mulling over what I could possibly do to get Jules to talk to me again. I needed more information. If I was there, across from her, or on the same rail as her, I could just read her expression and know what to say. Or at least get the ball rolling.

I needed a comrade-in-arms.

I pushed the button on my headset. "Call Justin Halifax."

It rang twice. As the third ring sounded, I was afraid I had somehow gotten the whole town of Polson mad at me. But before I could convince myself of that, he answered.

"Sorry," he said. "I had to give Jules an excuse as to why I was answering on our walk to the railstop. And then I had to hang back far enough to actually answer."

"Because you can't even talk to me in front of her. Great."

"Hey, listen," he said. "I'm not looking to get her mad at me too. Whatever you did, I want no part of it."

I shook my head. "I said bad things. But really, I've said worse. I just…I don't know how to make it better without actually being there."

"I really wish I could help. But she won't talk to me about it. She won't talk to me about you. It's like…I mention your name and she pretends she didn't even hear it. Whole sentences vanish from our conversations. She just ignores whatever I say. I've given up, actually."

Wonderful.

"You have to keep it up, Justin. You have to keep bringing me up; you have to mention me as you always would. She has to crack sometime. Right?"

"I don't know man. It's Jules. Once she's decided something…"

"I know. I know. I just…I need help."

"I'll try, man. Listen, she's staring at me now. I gotta go."

"Okay." I could easily picture her in my mind, standing there with her hands on her hips, staring back at Justin as he tried to wrap up the conversation. Her left eyebrow would be slightly raised; one of her white-blonde pieces of hair would be falling across her forehead. "Thanks for the help."

"Sure thing," he replied, whispering. "Bye."

"Bye."

***

Ava sat next to me at lunch, smiling and excited for Friday. Aubree sat next to her, silent and brooding about something she didn't seem to want to talk about. Will was across from us, stirring his pudding and muttering something under his breath. Nate and Charlotte were locked in some whispered conversation that was only interrupted by Charlotte's occasional giggles.

I wasn't really paying much attention to any of them. I was focused on something else entirely.

Eli, Eli had some socks

A dollar a pair and a nickel a box

The more you wear 'em the better they get

And you put 'em in the water and they don't get wet!

I was thinking so hard about the song, it was hard to keep up with conversation.

"Did you get the suit yet?" Ava asked.

Boom, boom, ain't it great to be crazy?

"Um. No."

Boom, boom, ain't it great to be crazy?

"Ethan!" she said with an elbow to my side. Ouch. "We don't have a lot of time."

Giddy and foolish the whole day through. Boom, boom, ain't it great to be crazy?

"This weekend. I swear."

I tried to not look over at the Cullens' table. Problem was, the moment I realized I was trying not to look at them, I thought about them. And then I would think about Edward and how he was probably listening in. Could he hear that far? I wasn't sure what his range was, but I wasn't really going to ask, either. And then as I thought of Edward, I would remember the conversation we'd had the day before. And the subject of Bella…and…and…

Way up North where there's ice and snow

There lived a penguin and his name was Joe

He got so tired of black and white

He wore pink slacks to the dance last night!

It was uncomfortable to say the least.

"Edward Cullen is staring at you," Will said.

"Hm?"

"Edward. He's staring right at you."

Oh God, where did I slip up?

"Oh. Weird." I allowed a glance in his direction. He wasn't throwing daggers via his eyes, luckily. His expression was more annoyed than anything else.

Sorry. I just don't want to…

He nodded. It was very slight, but I saw it.

This is very weird to have a conversation with someone in my mind.

He nodded again.

I'll try to keep it down over here. I'm doing my best to keep from thinking about…

And as thoughts were, I couldn't help but follow the train.

He sighed and looked away to the far wall.

"Ethan," Ava whispered. "Are you even listening to me?"

Had I missed something? Completely possible.

"Um. Sure."

"So what do you think?"

"About what?"

She groaned. "Rail in? Or have my father drive us?"

"For the dance?"

"Yeah."

"The rail, definitely."

The lunch warning went off and the noise and bustle of the cafeteria was a welcome sound. Ava gathered her things and followed me out the door.

"You know you'll have to meet him eventually," she said. "He's already threatened that we can't go out anymore if you don't introduce yourself tomorrow."

"Oh. Okay. Well…"

"Five minutes, that's all I ask."

"I thought we were going to meet there so you could have time to get ready and all that."

"Well you could just take the rail up to my place before, at say…seven? Then we could ride the last stops together."

I sighed. Was there really any way to get out of it? "Okay."

"Thank you." She looked around us for a moment, as if checking to see if anyone was watching. And then she kissed my cheek.

In public.

At school.

Damn it.

My face was on fire. "Um."

"See you after class," she said with a wink and ran off for her building.

Edward and Bella came around the corner. Edward was chuckling. They walked past me, pausing just before the stairway up to the building. He gave her a hug and whispered something in her ear.

Gee, so glad to amuse.

I stomped my way up to the classroom door, doing my best to ignore them.

The room was already half-full. I wound my way to the corner chair and dropped my bag beside me. I had a few moments to myself. I leaned back in the chair and closed my eyes. It was a relief to not have to think though kiddie music for just a little while. Aunt Madison's house was only an hour away. It would be complete heaven to just lie on my bed and drift away and not think a damn thing…

"Hi, Ethan," Bella said. I jumped a little in my seat. "How are you today?"

I opened my eyes. "As good as I can be, I guess."

"Did everything get sorted out after I left yesterday?"

She had to already know what had gone down. There was no way she hadn't heard by now. "Yeah."

"Okay. Good. Thanks again for coming up. I realize it probably wasn't something you really wanted to do."

I shrugged. "I wanted to help. Wish I could have done more."

The answering smile was weak. "I appreciate it."

"Any new leads?" I asked.

Her forehead crinkled and the corners of her mouth turned down a little bit. "No. Nothing new. He's still gone."

And then the teacher entered, and the worry in her face vanished. She turned her eyes up to Mr. Barrett, attentive and studious. The smile she now wore was bright and in no way artificial. I couldn't imagine what it must have been like to turn that on every day. To have to wear that kind of mask for the whole world while a part of your family was missing.

Yes, I had problems. But maybe they weren't the worst in the world after all.

Awwwww.

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