Izaya actually did a happy dance.
"See, doc? I told you it'll all work out!"
The therapist was left to wonder just how it had indeed worked out. He could not help but feel that Orihara-san had some sort of powers that somehow directed things to his advantage even when the odds were so stacked against him. Then again it could be that Yagiri-san was simply odd.
So when the following day Izaya requested a private session the therapist was beyond curious. Izaya threw himself on the chair as soon as he arrived and sighing heavily removed sunglasses, revealing a black eye.
"Orihara-san, what happened?"
"Ah, where to start. Last night was wonderful, Namie even wore the sexy lingerie and all! And for once I didn't have to use condoms, the joy, the joy! So everything was so perfect that I got perhaps a bit ahead of myself and asked her to marry me. The result was a Namie punch."
Izaya sighed again.
"That's domestic violence..."
"But you see, I have a plan. It is very simple. Let us suppose that Seiji-kun had an accident."
The therapist blinked a few times, rapidly.
"I don't follow."
"Worry not, I shall elaborate. You see, Seiji-kun is Namie's whole family. What would happen if he were to, say, suffer an unfortunate accident? This city is becoming so dangerous as of late. Now, I am sure that Namie would be most sad. Exceedingly so, in fact. And who would be right there to comfort her? Orihara Izaya!"
Izaya bounced up and down as if his murderous plot was a stroke of genius.
"Orihara-san, I really don't think you should be considering such violent plans."
"I thought you'd say that but that is because you do not know Seiji-kun. He is absolutely dreadful. The world would become so much better if he were to disappear. Also, how do you fill the hole left by losing your family? By forming a new one, via marriage! It is full proof plan and a duty to humanity."
Izaya nodded with the utmost seriousness.
"Orihara-san, may ask why you are so intent on getting married? Is it because of the matching rings?"
It would actually not even surprise the therapist.
"Of course not, that's only part of it. The rest is having Namie become 'Orihara Namie' and of course wedding dress kink. And a honeymoon that I can prolong as much as I want because I just happen to be her employer! Not to mention the whole domestic part. She would warm up to me and maybe even fix me my meals! Then again, I don't suppose Namie is a great cook. But I can convince her that cooking is another form of chemistry."
"I thought that you did not care for something as traditional as marriage."
"But I want to show off a pretty and smart wife! Nothing wrong with that."
The therapist had his doubts. He decided to try another approach.
"Orihara-san, there are studies that prove that after marriage couples have less sex."
"Hmm...that is true. That would be quite troublesome, wouldn't it."
"Yes. So you should abandon marriage as a goal."
"I suppose. But I would beat the odds! Married or otherwise I am still a sexy beast if I may say so myself. And I may say so myself."
The therapist had to hand it out to Yagiri-san, she was spot on with her diagnosis of megalomania.
"Orihara-san-"
"Also, I just came across a wonderful study. See here, 'a healthy sexual relationship promotes efficiency and betters one's intellectual skills'. Scientific American, too."
And Izaya handed him the magazine in question.
"Just how much research do you do normally?"
"Quite a lot. Information management is my area of expertise and no one can beat me in that."
The therapist had never seen anyone look so content with a bruise on their eye.
"Do you think that Yagiri-san would be persuaded by this?"
Izaya literally beamed.
"Think? I know she will. But not if I tell her about it, no. That is why you'll be doing that for me!"
"What...?"
"That's right! You're unbiased and she clearly trusts you as far as psychology goes – why do you think I let you get away with rambling about how much of a ego freak I am? – so I am sure she will listen to you."