Chapter 14 - Hunger

On the walk over to the dormitory, Kirk was grateful for his fashionable civilian clothes. His ego was having a hard enough time with the idea of taking a cadet to a dorm room. Being recognized doing so might have done him in.

Inside the room, Kirk hit the privacy lock and pushed Spock back against the closed door. He rocked up on his toes and found Spock's lips with his own, concentrated on the dry feel of them, the alien taste of them. He longed to take possession of the lean feel of Spock, the smell of Spock, and be pulled out from the inside of his own head, which was slowly wearing him down.

Spock's arms went around him, grasping. Kirk put his hands on the sides of Spock's face. "Hey. Easy there."

They stared at each other. Spock's eyes were intense.

"You okay?" Kirk asked.

"For a time I did not expect to arrive at this place again."

"I take it you don't mean your dorm room." Kirk stroked Spock's face with both hands, embedded his fingers in his hair.

Spock's voice was a whisper. "I do wish things were different."

Kirk felt a pang of deep understanding, argued with himself as much as Spock when he said, "You can't wish like that your whole life."

Spock dropped his eyes. His hands stroked up and down Kirk's back. "Understood."

"And I need you. Quite badly."

Kirk stroked Spock's back. Spock rolled over to face him with lazy movements.

"You are unsatisfied, still," Spock said.

"You aren't," Kirk teased. "Figured you out."

The teasing failed to deflect Spock's intense attention from him. Spock sat up, ran a finger over Kirk's brow, studied him as if he were a sample of something.

Kirk said, "I need to get my life back." But he felt more bereft saying this. Speaking it made it less likely. He knew that from watching others.

Spock said, "I sense resentment. Is that correct?"

"I don't want it to be. I'm proud of you and resentful of you. Isn't that stupid?" Kirk's eyes burned.

"You had a great deal taken away from you."

"I gave it away. I got something in return." The tightness in Kirk's chest eased. "I used to not have trouble remembering that."

Spock's palm stroked Kirk's cheek. "James. Everything I have is yours. Freely given."

Kirk managed a smile. He had Spock. There wasn't any place in the universe he'd rather be at this moment, than with him. He held fast to that.

A/N:

RE: Super short chapter. Most of this chapter exceeds the rating allowed on this site. The whole chapter is over at AO3 or KSArchive if you are interested, same author name.

RE: Response to comment about Chanel's description being more complete last chapter. This is actually kind of amusing. Over on the other sites I post there was some perfectly valid crit that I'm not describing the characters enough (even Kirk and Spock who are not quite canon, which I didn't even think of the need for). So I said, okay, from now on I will. And here we are, Chanel getting described more completely.

Chanel does care about her appearance. She does try to look younger than she is and that would involve some kind of biotech of their century. I tried to indicate that. Kirk wouldn't be terribly familiar with these options, just aware they exist, being 25, the little whippersnapper.

I did work in a bit more description of Overlander's physicality in the previous scene with her, but I still feel even with this late to the party of describing people thing that I need to adhere to my usual rule that only things the Point of View character is likely to note are the things that are valid to describe. For example: differences from previous time POV saw said person, or something that somehow ties into the POV's mental state. So with Overlander on the balcony, Kirk is feeling vulnerable, so he notes some things about Overlander's physical presence. Not sexual, not really as a threat, just his subconscious keeping tabs on things.

Chanel, as described earlier in the story, is still playing the field. She's in her 80s. Kirk stated that she's 70 and he thinks he's exaggerating her age upward, so his guess is way wrong. He notices her attempts to accentuate her beauty because he also used to play the field. He's fluent in the language of modern sexual signaling. Chanel probably looks like a 20st century women in her late 50s that spent too much time playing outdoor tennis. She projects herself very differently than Overlander. And she's got very old issues, not dissimilar to Kirk's very old issues. That's why he's drawn to her. That's why she feels she can give him an earful.