Author's Notes
Well, I know SO MANY of you have been waiting for this Chapter so I truly hope it doesn't disappoint ;) There's still canon in here (STILL! - see if you can spot the references as there are quite a few!) and I obviously had to get a BIOTA-style disagreement and an Original Song-esque Kurt bitch moment in there too before THIS... and plus, Kurt had to get a little more confident... just like his little 'Why did you ask me to duet with you' smile!
You'll also notice that I'm incapable of NOT writing their non-face-to-face interactions too. They're too tempting and I can make Kurt as sarcastic as I like!
Thank you AGAIN for all of your truly gorgeous comments and reviews on LJ, ffnet and my tumblr. They're all so appreciated and some of them - are you trying to make me cry? I adore writing this story - so much. I try so hard to allow for their mutual flaws and issues as well as appreciating their amazing parts, plus they THINK so much that I just can't resist writing their thoughts. Thank you for all of your comments about characterisation and their chemistry - THAT is what I want so I'm bowled over by the fact it worked! Also - for those who like my Finn... you have no idea how much I love writing Furt/Hummelberry so cuddles for you.
Thank you, as always, to my lovely beta Kerry/ccmskatechick for sorting out my silly mistakes and keeping me more American than painfully British. I SWEAR I cannot make myself write 'centimeter' instead of 'centimetre'. It just feels wrong - ha!
Please enjoy and for those recc-ing this and for those who have read this story from the beginning - I hope the pay off was worth it ;)
PLEASE NOTE: Blaine's final text from the first bunch has an emoticon heart in it - but ffnet hates those so please just IMAGINE IT'S THERE!
I can't wait for tonight. Do you want to grab food before the show? My Grandmother used to take me to this amazing Greek restaurant close by. Blaine xx
Do you think a velvet jacket and wingtips are too much for the theatre? The restaurant sounds amazing - I've never eaten Greek before. xxx
I covet your wingtips. They'll look great. Perfect, it's a plan! B :) xx
You bought coffee so I'm paying for food. Just a heads up. Kurt xxx
No way. Half each or I'll be awkward and argue all night. :) :) :) B xxxxxxxx
You're so hilarious. Ok. But I'm bringing some dried mango and pumpkin seeds as theatre snacks. Deal? Kurt xx PS: the smileys don't make you cute.
Wow, so rock and roll... Actually that sounds really good. Deal. ;) that make me cute? It's better in real life... ;) xxx
Whatever. See you in an hour. Kurt xx
Ok. I'll wait outside to save you the Spanish inquisition from your dad and Carole? B xx
Good thinking xxxxx
See you then! I'm excited 3
Thank you for tonight... and for lending me a tissue. I had such a nice time. B xx
A tissue? Don't you mean a pack of tissues? Big baby. Kurt xx
Oh like you didn't cry! I can't help it if I've never seen Rent before. I didn't know Angel died. I think it broke my heart. B xxx
Shut up. It was just the lights reflecting in my eyes. Kurt xx
Oh and thank you. For the meal, for pretending to eat my dried mango even though you hated it and for buying me a programme. Kurt xxx
You're welcome. I'll text you this week? B xxxx
You can text me whenever you know? You don't need to ask me. x
Ok. It's just we've never really done that before. We really have used every possible mode of communication haven't we? B xx
We're cosmopolitan, Blaine! Let's just make a rule - if you want to text, you text. Kurt xx
Agreed. Sleep well. I had the best night. B xxxxxxx
At Jeff's party. Some college guy called Jeremiah may have hit on me. :S B xxx
Oh. Is he nice?
I guess so. He's a junior manager at GAP. He said he could get me 50% discount. He's kind of cute if you're into that thing. B xxxx
Are you?
I don't think I have a thing! B xxx
GAP... Really, Blaine?
Snob :P
At least I have standards.
Woah. What's up? Have I said something wrong?
No. Go have fun. He seems nice.
I miss you. B xxx
Are you busy? B
In Glee Club. Britt and Santana are singing. Quite pretty actually. Are you ok? xx
Dad. Wants me to go away on a business trip with him. Lots of shouting.
Oh Blaine. What did he say?
I am wasting my intelligence and fine education. That he wants the best for me. I asked why the best couldn't be what I want. He said I wasn't being logical. I'm apparently a dreamer. He said I was going to disappoint him and the family as it's expected I follow in his footsteps. He just wants to model me how he wants.
When is this trip? Kurt xxx
This weekend. Mom's going too as it's a retreat. I'm not going. I can't.
Stay with me.
Kurt, I can't do that.
I'll stay with you then.
I don't think your dad would be too thrilled with that. He might kill me.
Ok, I'll come over then. For the daytime. I haven't seen you for two weeks anyway.
I don't want you to waste your weekend, Kurt.
Why would spending it with you be a waste?
Are you really sure?
I'm not doing it out of pity or anything, Blaine. I know how it feels to be upset and feel as if nobody gives a damn. They do. Plus, I want to see your house. I'm nosey!
Fine ... :) thank you xxxx
Yes, well, maybe we can watch The Golden Girls together this time? Kurt xx
You remembered that? B xx
You'd be surprised what I remember, Blaine.
:) anything exciting happening in Glee Club? I love your stories.
Did I tell you about Artie and Britt? I was in Home Ec yesterday and Artie wheeled in and asked Britt to junior prom! I mean, we were only making cupcakes so it wasn't as if it spoiled a very exciting lesson. He sang 'Isn't she lovely'. She turned him down... He looked ready to cry. Poor guy sings a slightly inappropriate love song and has his heart whipped like the cake batter. I thought it was all exceptionally lovely - prom proposals make me a little weepy. xx
Poor Artie. Is he ok? Not the most fitting song choice though...
He seems crushed. They broke up so my guess is that he's spending prom crying into one of his delightful sweaters...
You didn't tell me about Junior Prom. B xx
Not much to tell. It's quite a way away. Quinn is flouncing around the halls like she's got Prom Queen in the bag. I personally think Tina and Mike deserve the crowns - they're sickeningly cute but so very committed. They'd be perfect. Puck and Lauren are going for the underdog vote. xxx
What about Rachel and Finn? Aren't they running? I'd have thought Rachel would be fiercely campaigning.
Oh no. The girl's superficial in many respects but Prom isn't a dream for her, not like Quinn. She dreams of New York and Broadway - dreams a little bigger. I think Finn's just pleased he dodged a bullet. He'd have made a dutiful King though!
I see :) what about you?
As much as much of McKinley would no doubt love to see me crowned Prom Queen, I'm not going.
I'm going to take a wild guess at the fact you planned an outfit regardless... B xx
I may have...
You can tell me about it on Saturday. B xx
I'll bring my sketchbook! Ok, Mr Schue just started on a lecture... I better pretend to listen. Kurt xxxx PS: hope you are ok.
I'm fine. Thank you. You always cheer me up :) you and your stories never fail to make me smile. B xx
I could write a novel, Blaine. I've got plenty where they came from! Did I ever tell you about the time we spent the day in wheelchairs to support Artie and baked cupcakes to raise money for the bus to Sectionals? They went down surprisingly well until it transpired that Puck laced them with marijuana bought from the school's ex Glee Club teacher - Sandy was sacked for inappropriate touching of a male tenor... and clearly turned to supplying illegal drugs to minors. Classy.
Hahahahahahaha. I don't know where to begin...
Don't try, Blaine.
I don't want to keep you from Glee Club. Thank you for ... just texting back. B xx
Anytime. See you Saturday xxx
The house was painfully quiet.
Blaine grabbed a granola bar from the cupboard and padded in bare feet into the lounge. He'd finished off a small pile of homework and dragged down a blanket from his room to the couch to watch a movie. It was a choice between something childish and simple - Toy Story or Wall-e - or something more thought provoking - Inception or The Green Mile. He went with Wall-e knowing fine well that he'd spend half of the movie in another world.
It was growing gloomy outside, the sky patchy with dark sky, devoid of any stars, and grey clouds. He felt uncharacteristically mopey and a little sorry for himself.
It was understandable that his father wanted him to succeed in life. Dalton helped in that regard but the Andersons were a conservative bunch and Blaine was sure he was the only one to ever dream outside of the safe scope they'd built themselves. He was realistic; it was unlikely he'd ever make it to the top and become some world renowned performer but he had to try and he had interests elsewhere, which gave him just as much pleasure. Teaching, counselling and writing were interests he'd always held and they were suitable life choices - apparently not to William Anderson.
Just because Blaine had made it clear he'd never marry a girl and supply grand children, he was so sure his father compensated for that fact by ensuring Blaine stepped perfectly and precisely in his footsteps. Outsiders would see that and understand it, accept it and view their family as functional... Only it wasn't. It was twisted and strategic. Nothing was based upon desire, passion and talent - it was hypocritical.
It was amazing that he was going to see Kurt again. They'd text a lot - more than a lot - but due to school and family commitments, they'd been so busy. He wanted to see Kurt more but it was a fine line between friends and being pathetically needy. He knew it wasn't a deficiency in character to want to spend time with someone who made you happy but Kurt may not see it like that. Blaine knew he tried hard to appear fine and he was - for the most part - but he also knew that if there was anyone he'd be unable to hide from it would be Kurt.
He'd tried to play the piano. Usually it felt incredible to just lose all sense of the world and let the melody soothe your soul no matter how troubled you were. He was lucky - he knew he'd be utterly selfish to think otherwise - but it wasn't sensible to judge your life in comparison to others'. He felt sad sometimes - that was all he knew.
As he sunk into the cushions, Wall-e scoured his desolate land with his teeny tiny bug friend to the sounds of Hello Dolly. It wasn't a favourite musical but the thought that love only took a moment, a single second, was so magical that it didn't matter that he wasn't really all that into the other songs - Michael Crawford had always been a guilty pleasure anyway.
There was a noise, just loud enough to be heard over the sounds of the movie.
Craning his neck to peek out of the window, Blaine saw a car's headlights dim. He scrambled from the couch to find Kurt throwing a bag over his shoulder and beginning the walk up the driveway.
It didn't make sense.
As he pulled open the door, Blaine could feel his pulse in his fingertips.
"Hey! My god, Blaine you didn't tell me you lived in a mansion."
Kurt almost laughed in Blaine's face. His mouth gaped. The best thing was his obviously unprepared appearance and 'normal' Blaine mode. His hair was obviously still a little styled from school but was wispier and curling at the edges; his feet were bare - that alone made him seem smaller, more vulnerable - and his clothes were simple - a pale blue Dalton sport's t-shirt that skimmed his stomach and a pair of dark grey lounge pants that clearly hadn't seen an iron since time purchase. He looked... different.
"Kurt. It's Friday."
Smiling and enjoying his own confidence, Kurt nodded and hoisted his bag higher on his shoulder. "Well, Dalton sure has taught you a lot. Days of the week!"
Blaine still couldn't quite move. "What are you doing here? We said Saturday..."
"Well, if you'd rather I leave then I can just get back in-"
"No," Blaine said sharply followed by a bashful smile. He hadn't meant to seem so desperate. "No, don't leave. It's just unexpected that's all. It's late. Isn't your dad going to worry?"
That was where Kurt knew he'd taken a few liberties. It was a gamble as to how Blaine would react.
Azimio and a few other of the pathetic creeps had been up to their old tricks again. It wasn't anything too serious but Kurt had known what McKinley was like without torture and to have it cruelly thrust back into his life had been difficult. He'd talked to his dad. Burt was understanding and valiant as ever - he'd all but strung Figgins up by his cheap striped tie - but Kurt knew he wanted an escape.
The first person he'd wanted to see was Blaine.
"He thinks I'm at Mercedes."
Blaine smiled, bewildered. "You're staying?"
"I know it's presumptuous but I knew you were alone too and this week has sucked for both of us so-"
"Kurt, it's not a problem. You know that. It's just a shock, that's all."
"Well, as charming as your garden is, Blaine, it's seriously cold out here so is it ok if we talk inside?"
"Come in," Blaine laughed, taking Kurt's bag and secretly enjoying the half smile and flicker of shock it caused in Kurt. Chivalry definitely was not dead.
He stood back and watched as Kurt surveyed the room, his eyes scanning and swooping everything from the art work to the wooden flooring and light fittings. It was mystifying witnessing Kurt - so full of life and colour - inside his home. It felt like rebellion.
"Just excuse me while I die," Kurt sighed, his fingers carding through the thick linen curtains and along the silk tie backs.
Chuckling to himself, Blaine placed the bag at the foot of the stairs, his eyes never leaving Kurt. Now he seemed to be tracing the iron sculpture on the fireplace with his fingertips, his head tilted and focused. Blaine had been glancing at that ugly thing for years but Kurt seemed enchanted by it.
"I called her Esmerelda when I was younger," Blaine said, breaking the silence, "she looked like someone from a different country. She seemed exotic. I almost hated her for being so mysterious and magical." He let out a wry laugh to which Kurt turned and stared, his eyes wide.
"Esmerelda may just find her way into my bag when I leave. She's exquisite."
Kurt moved onto the family portrait as he made his way into the entrance once more. "Is this you?" Blaine nodded. He almost felt ashamed. Kurt's house was lived in, comfortable yet tastefully decorated; he knew his home felt cold sometimes despite the plush furnishings. "You look so young."
"I think I was five there."
"You were very cute as a child. Look at you in your little suit. We were quite dapper kids. You wore ties and I wore bow ties."
Kurt was grinning, giddy even, his hands still touching everything in sight as if he had been given permission to cross museum boundaries and fondle the artefacts. Blaine felt choked. Kurt was single handedly blowing him away. He was breaking down walls without even realising; his mere presence was enough to set Blaine's heart on fire and he knew in a second that he wanted that for... forever.
It hit him hard and in a split second like a freight train, a bolt of lightening and every other cliche he could imagine. Kurt was spectacular. He was intrusive, pushy, sarcastic, quick to snap, insecure and a force of nature but that was his character and he was a solid product of his environment. Beyond that, he was kind, thoughtful, gentle, hilariously funny, protective, fiercely compassionate and so god damned beautiful because of those things but mostly due to his eyes - they were Kurt. They made him who he was.
Blaine didn't know what to say.
Kurt could feel Blaine's eyes on him and shuddered under their gaze. It was the nicest feeling in the world. He'd spent far too long being frowned or glared at but, out of the corner of his eye, Blaine's expression was nothing short of swoon worthy. This Blaine - the one unprepared and a little on the softer side - was something else. He was gorgeous in his blazer lit up in a spot light and equally as handsome in the artificial Lima Bean lighting in a smart cardigan but Kurt knew that this Blaine was his favourite.
He always thought he'd want a man in a well tailored suit and shiny shoes like Cary Grant but standing in Blaine's house, as Blaine's hands slid further into the pockets of his loose pants causing his shoulders to hunch slightly, he realised that he wanted way more than he'd previously realised.
He wanted kisses and cuddles and all of the things Finn and Rachel and Quinn and even Puck had, but instead of them being temporary or borne out of a quick rush of feelings, he wanted them to mean so much. He knew that with Blaine they would - they'd mean everything and more.
"I just gate crashed your night, didn't I?"
Blaine bit his lip. "I hardly call a movie and a snack a... night. It was either that or go to sleep. Exciting, right?"
"I brought a few things," Kurt grinned, skipping to his bag and unclasping the ornate metal tabs. "Here."
A pale pink plastic bag was placed in Blaine's arms. Kurt stood proudly beside him, practically buzzing. "Is this Titanic?" Kurt nodded, smirking. "You brought ice cream... oh my god, strawberry cheesecake ice cream. The Notebook... and," Blaine started to laugh, "you brought raspberry tea! Now you can make it for me like you said you wanted to."
Kurt clasped his hands together and jumped a little in the air, bundling the things back together again and skipping to place them on Blaine's coffee table. "We both felt lame and sad so I thought... well, this is what Mercedes and I would do. We'd eat and watch epic love stories and sob into our duvets. I'm not saying we have to do the same but I brought supplies anyway. If it's weird then we don't have to, I just-"
"Kurt, shhh," Blaine interrupted softly, crossing the room and wrapping his arms gently around Kurt's shoulders.
With a tiny squeak of shock, Kurt stiffened in Blaine's arms, his skin flooding warm. Hugging wasn't one of his strong suits.
"I told you I don't get many hugs. I'm taller than you and I don't think I'm very good at it."
Blaine's lips weren't far from his neck. He was only wearing a deep red cardigan over a high necked shirt in midnight blue but the warmth of them, the vibration as Blaine laughed into his shoulder was too much to handle. He felt that ache again, the one that only made him hold tighter and drown in emotion.
"I might be smaller than you but I give exceptional hugs," Blaine whispered into the fluffiness of the red material. It tickled his nose till he couldn't smile anymore.
"Big head."
Blaine buried his nose in the softness, closing his eyes. "Tell me I'm wrong."
Kurt had to laugh. "Ok, I'll give you that."
Fully aware he was so close to simply swooning and collapsing in a pathetic heap, Kurt took a deep breath and detangled himself. His stomach swooped at the tiny noise of unhappiness that escaped from Blaine's lips and the adorable pout he received.
Kurt just looked. He'd never had a boy in his life never mind one who freely initiated the warmest hugs and looked devastating in even a ratty old t-shirt. "Um," he murmured, quite incoherently, biting his lip.
Blaine didn't look away either, nor did he widen the distance between them. "So you're staying? You brought movies, ice cream and raspberry tea and turn up at my house to cheer me up after lying to your father? What was that French phrase? The one you sent me and said I should translate?"
"Oh," Kurt giggled, hiding his face. The way Blaine was looking at him... "If anyone sent me a scarf, I'd propose marriage, Blaine Anderson. Also, I've been the most dutiful son and never broken a rule in my life so, I think he'd give me this one."
Blaine knew his eyes were betraying every single feeling inside. He could feel Kurt's skin fizzing even though they weren't touching; it was new to feel so much, to be sure your lungs and heart were literally failing you because minor functions were second best to the sheer force of emotion.
"Ok, I can set you up in the guest bedroom."
"I'll get spoons?"
Blaine grinned hugely. "Meet you back in the lounge?"
Nodding with a beaming smile, Kurt double skipped through the door and out of sight.
The Anderson kitchen was enormous. Kurt twirled around the stool at the end of the counter and opened a couple of drawers. Each was immaculately filled, so orderly and neat. There were no photographs, no randomly placed objects as a sign of a busy day or a rushed moment - nothing was out of place. He quickly located two spoons and grabbed a bowl just in case. He could hear Blaine's footsteps upstairs and wondered how lonely he must have felt by himself without a single voice or noise to distract him. Suddenly, Kurt understood exactly what Blaine had been talking about for so long. Blaine needed him. He needed someone just as much as Kurt did. Instantly, and with a sudden rush of butterflies, Kurt wanted to be that person. Blaine was oozing with confidence in so many of Kurt's areas of insecurity but Kurt knew he could provide something for Blaine too - a friend, someone to talk to, someone to spend time with and share with. He was... lonely and had been, just like Kurt. His cocky showmanship and good looks were part of who he was and, yes, he had a way about him that screamed 'perfection' but Kurt adored the parts of him that weren't so flawless. He could contribute to Blaine's life if he let him and Kurt knew he'd do it in a heartbeat.
Entering the lounge, Kurt felt such a fondness. A measly granola bar sat beside a cup of juice and a movie paused on-screen. If Kurt knew one thing about himself it was his ability to care and nurture. He'd always wondered if he'd inherited that trait from his mother. Knowing what Blaine's evening would have been made him feel so happy he'd used a little forward thinking and impulsiveness.
"Did you find them ok?" Blaine asked, padding into the lounge with an extra blanket and a thin navy sweater over his t-shirt. "In case you got cold." He signalled to the contents of his hands and dropped down onto the couch.
Kurt took a steadying breath. The process of spending the night suddenly made itself clear, causing a fresh cascade of nerves and realisations that, yes, it was another first.
Blaine took out his DVD and turned to where Kurt was standing, his palms smoothing his jeans.
"Kurt, you can sit down if you'd like. You can't spend the whole night standing."
Huffing a little, Kurt frowned. He knew that, it was just the mechanics of it all that he didn't. "Well, I didn't know if I should sit in this armchair or with you on the couch."
Blaine glanced up. "Well, I know which I'd prefer."
Feeling a little embarrassed but a whole lot happier to be sitting so close too Blaine, Kurt sat to one side, one leg crossed over the other. "Which movie would you prefer?"
Blaine leaned back against the cushions with a pondering sigh. Kurt turned and watched him, feeling the cogs of his brain turning. "You're asking me to choose between young Leonardo Dicaprio and Ryan Gosling in a flat cap."
Giggling, Kurt turned to sit on his bent leg. "I almost brought Brokeback Mountain. That's a whole other dilemma but I thought that the evening would be far too gay, even for me."
Blaine laughed, letting his head fall to the back of the cushion. "True. I'm thinking The Notebook. Titanic's awesome up until the iceberg and then it's just depressing but there's something beautiful about the melancholy of The Notebook and plus, Ryan Gosling with a beard does things to me."
As Blaine slid in the DVD, Kurt chose the moment too peel off his cardigan leaving only his shirt. It felt too much to unbutton it and expose skin - the proximity to Blaine was overwhelming enough - so he sat back just as Blaine did the same.
"So you like guys with beards then?" Kurt asked tentatively. He'd once been likened to a milk maid, doing absolutely nothing for his belief that any guy would find him sexy or appealing in any other sense than cute.
"Well, I suppose it is only Ryan Gosling in a beard. If you include Tom Ford and Johnny Depp and other guys who suit stubble then yes but I said the other night... I don't really have a 'type'. What about you?"
He wasn't asked about his preferences in guys all that often so Kurt took a second to really think. "I like guys who are clean shaven. I don't think I'm really into scruffy guys, unless they're clean and don't smell homeless."
As Blaine laughed to himself, the music began and so did the beautiful images of birds swooping over a lake in early morning sun. "The first guy I ever liked was blonde with blue eyes. The second was tall and Mediterranean looking, all dark eyes and tanned skin. I'm a true believer that it's the whole person you fall for."
"I like that thought," Kurt sighed, shuffling back after unlacing his boots and placing them to the side of the couch.
They watched and talked for an hour whilst making their way through half of the pint of ice cream. Topics meandered easily and fluidly, touching upon other favourite movies, the beauty of Ryan Gosling in a wet pale blue shirt, stories from McKinley High and a little about Blaine's father's retreat. Kurt felt sleepy, his eyes heavy and limbs lethargic after a day of existing in a constant state of nervous tension.
Blaine knew he couldn't keep his eyes off Kurt. He was as stealthy as possible so that Kurt had absolutely no idea, but ever since he'd arrived, Blaine had viewed every single aspect of his best friend in a new light. They'd had a chance to grow easier with one another and Blaine mentally kicked himself for not seeing it earlier. He'd always been drawn to Kurt's sense of humour, his honesty and, most of all, his pure strength of character but now, it felt as if he'd only been seeing a quarter of who Kurt truly was.
He was gorgeous and the coincidental conversation about it ultimately being the person and not the appearance that you fall for was fated.
By the time Ally had returned to Noah, Blaine was sure he'd missed half of the movie. It was as if a curtain had been lifted, one which only allowed Kurt to be seen as a beautiful boy with a razor sharp personality and a huge heart. Now, he was so completely, mind blowingly hot that Blaine wanted to laugh, face palming for his own sheer blindness.
The shirt he was wearing fit perfectly, skimming his broad shoulders but tapering to what Blaine was sure could be termed a 'nonexistent' waist, it was so slim. Kurt's arms were strong, no doubt from dance or good genes but his forearms and fingers were elegant, soft and dainty, and sending Blaine's mind spiralling with far too many impure thoughts than a movie night with ice cream could deal with.
His legs were long too - endless even on a frame so slight - but were the sign of fitness.
With a sigh - a mixture of amusement and frustration - Blaine focused on the screen with every ounce of concentration. He'd always known he liked guys, was attracted to guys and knew he was one hundred percent gay but, as he'd explained to Kurt, he hadn't felt free enough to express it fully. Simply looking at Kurt felt like opening a door to a world of possibility because he wasn't anything like the guy in Blaine's mind, the one he'd dreamed about and used alone in bed at night; Kurt was a whole person with hopes and dreams, a strong voice with fears and insecurities and a body to die for. His eyes and young features - not to mention his hair that Blaine had once admired from afar but now wanted to mess up well and truly - were so specific to Kurt that Blaine now knew what he'd been missing for years.
He just wanted to curl up against Kurt and learn every last detail about him. He wanted to wrap himself around Kurt and let himself be held for once, safety provided by another. He wanted to stand by Kurt, to be someone he could trust.
He wanted to kiss him.
That was a fact so true that Blaine dug his hand into the cushion to hold himself in place. Kurt may have found him attractive once and from afar but so much had happened and Blaine felt wrong to presume. Kurt hadn't known the person behind the looks and that was the scariest thing of all because maybe that person wasn't someone Kurt could find attractive - their destiny may only be to remain the best of friends.
One thing he did know, and that was that Kurt had issues in that department. His first and precious kiss had been stolen from him, so he deserved tenderness and consideration more than anything. Blaine had read his letter over and over, almost moved by how scared Kurt felt about the possibility of crossing the boundary between friends and more. It was no doubt the unknown but Blaine knew how gently that area of Kurt's life had to be dealt with, how Kidd gloves were required to handle Kurt's heart because it had been bruised and disappointed for far too long.
He glanced over and drew in a gulp of air. Kurt was tucked to his side, his hands as a pillow and legs bent up. He looked comfortable, his face serene and rested with only the barest hint of a smile. Blaine had never slept close to anyone before, only his comforter, but watching Kurt's chest rise and fall in perfect rhythm and hearing the tiny breaths from his lips, he realised exactly what he'd been missing out on. Kurt looked so different - younger, possibly - and, above all, he was peaceful. It wasn't difficult to imagine how many sleepless nights the bullying had caused and, to Kurt, Blaine knew how precious his sleep was. It revived something, Kurt had told him, and as well as a good skin care regime, it was the tip to flawless skin. Blaine was a soap and water kind of guy but closer inspection of the paleness of Kurt's cheeks and the creaminess of his complexion, it was obvious he was way ahead of the curve.
Time disappeared as Blaine just watched him sleep. Every now and then he'd shuffle and Blaine would feel himself tense up in fear of being caught but Kurt didn't wake up - he only buried further into the cushions and fell silent once more. Blaine could feel his warmth even through the gap between them. It was a foregone conclusion that Kurt would hate being watched and would no doubt be embarrassed that he'd fallen asleep so blatantly but Blaine felt so lucky to be one of the few people to see Kurt so unaware and at ease. Trust was implicit in order to allow yourself surrender to sleep in the presence of another and either Kurt was so tired that he couldn't help it or he trusted Blaine enough.
Regardless, Blaine knew he had to wake him eventually. Slowly, he crawled off the sofa and kneeled on the floor, just half a meter short of Kurt's face. He looked truly adorable.
"Kurt?" He whispered at first but let his voice grow in depth and volume each time. "Kurt? Hey... Kurt?"
His hands flying to hide his face, Kurt muffled something incoherent and peered through his fingers, his legs slowly stretching out. Blaine watched his shirt strain and scolded himself for being such a... boy.
"Sorry," Kurt whispered, rolling a little to hide his face, hands straightening out his hair subconsciously.
"It's alright," Blaine soothed. He shocked himself in that moment, his voice so heavily affectionate in a way he'd never heard before. "You can sleep, no problem, I just didn't want you to wake up and forget where you were."
Kurt blinked a few times, his eyes acclimatising to the golden glow of the room, the lamps providing warm yellow orbs in each corner. Blaine looked amazing. He was smiling, his eyes crinkling and doing the scrunchy, squinty thing that Kurt knew he should find hilarious but he didn't - it was too cute to be weird. Blaine's hair was a mess at the back, curling wilder than Kurt had ever seen it and his sweater was creased along one side, the neck scooped lower and pulled in all of the wrong directions. Again, Kurt should have wanted to straighten it out but he didn't. It was a shock to the system that he wanted to mess it up more, to pull it, rearrange Blaine and stake his claim.
"This couch is so comfortable," Kurt whispered, laughing to himself. He never slept on the couch; he tutted when Finn fell asleep, sprawling and like an uncoordinated llama all legs and limbs. Kurt barely recognised himself.
"Stay there. It's fine," Blaine said softly, "you have this blanket and if you feel cold then there's a bed for you upstairs. Ok?"
Kurt nodded, taking the woollen throw from Blaine and shivering a little as he felt Blaine's hands tug it a little higher. He had to still be dreaming.
"Where will you sleep?"
Blaine laughed, his voice lazy but fond. "In my bedroom."
"Stay here."
Kurt didn't know what he was saying. He'd never so much as propositioned someone in his dreams but the thought of Blaine being so far away wasn't right. Blaine needed someone too. He was a gentleman after all - he'd never suggest such a thing - and it possibly acted to his detriment sometimes.
"Kurt, I can't stay, where would I sleep?"
"Here." Kurt squirmed slightly, pressing his back into the feather down cushions and holding his arms to his chest. "I'm taller but not enormous. Your couch is big enough."
Blaine knew it was taking every single shred of will power to resist. The thought of curling up and falling asleep right next to Kurt was just far too close to certain dreams he'd had for many many years. "Kurt..."
"Blaine..." Kurt mimicked. He knew he was a knife edge away from tugging Blaine down. He was impossible, really. Kurt had never considered, in his life, that he'd be asking a boy to sleep by him but now he was, it was a little easier than he'd imagined and impatience bubbled inside him. As the effects of sleep were wearing off, Kurt's brain was sliding back into consciousness and he'd remembered he was still wearing a fifty dollar shirt and designer jeans but even still, he was prepared to crease them and pay up for dry cleaning if it meant Blaine caused the damage.
"We can't." Blaine said simply. His brain screamed otherwise.
"I don't see why not," Kurt stated, his eyes finding Blaine's resolutely and lingering there. It was taking most of his remaining stock of confidence to do it.
Kurt seemed so sure and, if Blaine wasn't imagining it and using far too much wishful thinking, slightly irritated that he wasn't getting his way. He let himself breathe and sighed out, closing his eyes. No way could he keep saying 'no'.
"I'll get the lights," he whispered resolutely, trying to ignore the twinkle in Kurt's eyes. Everything was happening quickly, his heart beating way too fast, feelings cascading in a jumble every few minutes sending his head reeling. As he flicked out the final lamp, plunging the room into darkness, Blaine wondered if that was the way you were supposed to feel. Either way, it was overwhelming but he'd never felt anything closer to ridiculous happiness.
He neared the couch and felt sure his heart was ready to fail. In shadow, Kurt seemed to be in the same position as before so he sat gently and lifted the blanket to his chest before relaxing down onto his back. Kurt was close - very close - and every nerved ending seemed to fire all at once.
Blaine was as warm as Kurt expected.
"What are we doing?" Blaine asked quietly, turning his head to face Kurt who was much closer than anticipated - his eyes were still bright in the darkness.
Before rational thought kicked in, Kurt spoke. "Going to sleep."
The vibrations of Blaine's silent laughter ran through the couch causing Kurt to smile into the blanket. "I can't believe you came here tonight."
"I may have missed you a little," Kurt admitted after a second's silence.
Blaine was sure Kurt would be able to feel the drum of his heart. With gratitude for the soft wool hiding his pathetic grin, Blaine shuffled closer a fraction, their knees bumping gently together. "I don't think I remember what it was like before I knew you."
"Same."
"I like the way we got to know each other."
"Me too."
"Are you going to agree with everything I say because this could become really fun," Blaine teased, his eyes growing accustomed to the darkness enough to catch Kurt's coy smile.
"You know me well enough to know I'd never do that."
"True."
They didn't speak for a moment, Blaine pulling at the thin material of his sweater to realign the seams. "Sorry," he whispered as his elbow came into contact with something.
"It's ok. If you're too warm..."
"No," Blaine laughed, burying his head into the softness. It felt ridiculous. They were the closest they'd ever been, they were alone in an empty house, the air almost laced with unspoken words and feelings and they were talking like old friends - simple and innocent. Every word fell lightly into the air, so matter of fact and free that neither the serious topics nor the flippant ones appeared different from one another. "I'm fine, it's just, I've never slept like this before and I don't want to move around in my sleep in case I wake you"
"I'd kick you if you did," Kurt scoffed.
It was Kurt's talent of breaking the ice that did it - whether he knew it or not. It was the way he had such little awareness of how wonderful he was in so many ways. Blaine knew that when the moment was right, he had to try and explain exactly thatso Kurt knew and understood.
As his limbs melted into the couch, Kurt closed his eyes and focused upon every part of his body that fell to lie against Blaine's. His knees, his elbow and Kurt was sure his toes were resting against Blaine's ankle, curved against the arch of it. The intimacy of would never be considered explosive to others but the fact that tears threatened at the corner of Kurt's eyes was so immediate he could hardly stop them. Screwing them tight, he breathed deep, focusing on the rise and fall of Blaine's chest and the timbre of his heartbeat close-by.
Blaine took a breath as if to speak. "I'm so pleased we met."
"I am too although I have too many beautiful stationary sets left unused. It's criminal." It was as if Blaine was pushing, trying to press the conversation into the realm of honesty and more emotional matters. There was a question Kurt had wanted to ask for a while but he'd refrained, his nerves not quiteextending that far. "Can I ask you something?"
Immediately, Blaine's heart quickened. "Of course."
"Why did you call it a date when we went to see Rent?"
Kurt lay still, his body singing with nervous tension and each breath on a stuttering knife edge. He just hadto ask.
It was as if Kurt's question unlocked the last door and gave Blaine the confidence to do what he'd been trying to stop thinking about all night. He'd tried but telling Kurt how he felt and just getting it all out in the open was filling him up too much, suffocating every word and clouding every look with so much feeling that he could hardly think. There was so much he wanted, so much he knew Kurt wanted too but, as many wise people often said, the thin line between friends and more was always as delicate as a flower petal. With Kurt it was doubly so.
"Kurt, did I ever tell you why we're called The Warblers?"
"No."
Blaine smiled as Kurt became a little clearer, his nose only a few inches away.
"Well, Warblers are birds. They usually sing in large groups, harmonising. They strive to live that way instead of being alone because when they're solitary, they become a little lost. Their voice isn't as strong, they don't feel part of something and legend says that when a Warbler has been alone for a long time, their voice becomes weaker and their magic dampened but when joined again by a partner, someone to sing with, to harmonise with and share their soul's purpose then that voice slowly returns and their full vibrancy is restored."
Kurt could feel his eyes prickling with tears. His mouth gaped a little, lips pouting into a tiny bow as Blaine's eyes sparkled in the darkness.
"I didn't know that."
Smiling full of emotion and with trembling fingers, Blaine didn't look away. "I think there's a moment when, like a Warbler, you say to yourself, 'oh there you are, I've been looking for you forever'. I felt that. With you." Blaine knew he was shaking but Kurt wasn't racing for the door so some blessed pocket of confidence kept his lips moving. "When we began writing to one another, I only did it because David signed me up to PFLAG and the email made me curious after a bad day. When I got your letter, it was nice to begin with just to know that there was someone in this area like me and someone I could talk to but I didn't expect to connect to the person or anything-"
"Our school counsellor told me that I should try it. I took it as a personal insult. I'm labelled a loser enough at McKinley without adding to it so I thought she was an idiot." Sucking in a breath, Kurt smiled, eyes shining with rested tears.
"I don't blame you. I just remember reading your first letter and you made me laugh. That's a hard thing to do with me. By our fourth letter, I felt like I knew you somehow, like we connected in a way I truly didn't expect. It was when we started really talking, sharing things that I'd never shared with anyone before. I remember reading how sad you felt, how miserable your school was making you and wishing I could help in some way and then, well, the misunderstanding happened. I felt so bad. It was a mess and I was responsible-"
"I'd have done the same, Blaine," Kurt said quickly, his hand inching closer but fell short, not quite making contact. Blaine noticed. His spine tingled.
"I know but I still felt awful. Anyway, when we spoke on the phone, I knew we'd be fine and I don't think I've ever been more relieved. Just hearing your voice was enough. I used to come home and, yes, singing with The Warblers makes me happy and I have other things too but life was getting me down and I felt flat. Somehow, your letters became part of my day, of my week, and we wrote quicker and with way more honesty than we had done before. I was so worried when you didn't write and when Karofsky did what he did. It felt hard having a friend you couldn't go see and check they were ok. I wanted to meet you. It was after one of your last letters. I know you said you were going to burn it or even refuse to send it at all but I'm so pleased you didn't. I'd never admit this to anyone but you moved me, you made me cry and I don't do that often. I felt so angry that the things that should be special and full of magic had been so horrible. You should never have been treated like that and hearing that some of those things were firsts and not only that but," Blaine swallowed hard, his brain working in overdrive and completely unstoppable, "that you felt uncomfortable with them... It's sowrong."
"Not with you," Kurt muttered under his breath, more forceful words impossible as his throat choked with every word. There wasn't room to be embarrassed when every syllable Blaine spoke was so fused with compassion and an oddly fierce sense of protectiveness.
"What?"
Breathing deep, Kurt swallowed hard. "I said not with you. The feeling uncomfortable... it doesn't happen so much."
"Oh." Blaine fell silent. He needed a moment; his mind ricocheting with the multitude of possibilities for the meaning to Kurt's words. "I'm glad."
"I cried when you called me. The things you said."
Blaine watched Kurt's eyelashes meet his cheek, quick fingers swiping under them followed by a shy smile - something Kurt didn't often show. "I just want..." He couldn't finish. Blaine knew he wanted too much. "I want..."
Kurt was so still, still so composed even though Blaine could see his eyes were glistening and could feel his heart beating faster. The unassuming way he lay so motionless and contained regardless of how he felt inside was so Kurt-like. His eyes were blown wide and refused to move from Blaine's; his cheeks - even through the darkness - were noticeably pink and just as Blaine felt his stuttering breath tumble over his words, silencing him, he couldn't think straight any longer. Kurt made him happy - that was all he needed to know.
In a moment, or seconds after the softest gasp, Blaine pressed his lips to Kurt's, his eyes sliding closed.
So many words swam in his mind, melted and warm, but the way Kurt sucked in a breath, his body tensing so perfectly in shock was the thing that did it. It was tentative and ever so soft with only the slightest sound.
As Blaine felt an ache, low and deep and dragging him down in the best possible way, the gradual press of fingers made their way along his jaw as Kurt dragged him closer.
Kurt could barely move. All that mattered were Blaine's lips, the smoothness of his skin and the way his chest inched closer, the weight pressing him down and holding him in place. The overwhelming sense of heat and an added need for... everything... was too much to handle. He wanted Blaine. It was an entirely new feeling and as it took over, filling him up, choking him a little and telling his hands to hold tighter, lips to press firmer and every inch to seek out the warmth of Blaine's body, Kurt was sure he was losing his mind.
Blaine felt Kurt's lips lift free delicately, as if they didn't expect to be kissed again - grateful for the first time but so unassuming. They were only centimeters apart now. As a breath ghosted his cheek, Blaine lifted open his eyes to find Kurt staring straight at him, bright and alive but glittering with every emotion imaginable. He looked near to hyper-ventilation, his shoulders rising and falling with laboured breaths.
Blaine truly had no words. He couldn't shake the ache he'd never experienced before and knew if Kurt moved even a fraction, his heart would break and body would crumble. It was as if he'd found what he'd always needed and giving it back just wasn't an option.
"We should..." Blaine whispered, completely mindless as to what the end of the sentence could have been before Kurt covered the distance between them and pressed Blaine into the cushions; his lips kissed harder and with just the exact amount of pressure.
All Kurt could feel was heat. He couldn't get close enough. As he felt Blaine's fingers slide along his hip, his mind raced, the fears and worries of old stuttering over one another until all he could do was stop. He leaned back, eyes closed tight, and sunk to Blaine's side. The loss of contact felt painful, as if something necessary and vital had been removed, but he couldn't think straight.
"Kurt?" Blaine could feel the panic creep up his spine, fingertips suddenly cold. "Are you ok?"
"Need a second."
The only contact left was Kurt's right hand. It was curled into Blaine's sweater and he could feel it pulled tighter and moving ever so slightly with each and every breathe Kurt took.
Blaine slid his fingers through the gaps between Kurt's and watched his eyes fly open, lips parting a little and gratitude flooding his expression.
"No rush."
Without blinking, Kurt leaned closer to Blaine once more and snuggled his head into the gap between chin and chest. "I..." Kurt's voice was different, filled with something new. In a second his lips sought out Blaine's again as if incapable of separation, swiftly sucking the air away and holding them still for a moment, unmoving. It was Blaine who responded, his arms wrapping around Kurt's waist and holding him tight, the meaning behind it so explicit without requiring words.
Kurt stopped once more, this time allowing his lips to drag free, slower as if making the most of every second and letting his brain catch up. It didn't seem real. He didn't like to be out of control, nor did he like the notion of being vulnerable and so open that another person's actions could crush you in a heartbeat but Blaine's arms weren't moving, his back was arched and followed the labour breath as if the moment took every drop of energy from his body - Kurt knew he wasn't scared.
"I... We... I don't know why I don't know what to say."
Blaine breathed out on a laugh, feeling Kurt tuck into his side and lay his head down. "Same."
"That damned Warbler story. Do you use that on every guy you lure over to your beautifully decorated empty mansion?"
Kurt knew he was being ridiculous but short of 'oh my god', 'you're everything I've ever wanted and more', 'I've never felt like this in my whole life' and 'thank you', nothing else seemed to fit. He giggled slightly, lips moving against Blaine's chest. He could feel his eyes still a little wet.
"You came here remember," Blaine laughed, "and believe me, none of this is rehearsed."
"You smell of laundry detergent."
Chuckling and pressing his lips to Kurt's hair momentarily, Blaine closed his eyes. It was as if he was drowning under the vastness of the moment regardless of how contained they were, how close and tight they fit together and the lack of emotional space between them.
Kurt felt giddy.
Blaine moved to slide his unoccupied arm free. As he did, Kurt dared to glance into his eyes. "Can we sleep here still?"
"Sure."
"I can make incredible pancakes."
Blaine laughed, raising his eyebrows. "It's crazy to me that you'll still be here in the morning."
A wash of heat blanketed Kurt's body at those words. They felt safe and contained. He was scared – that was unquestionable – but Blaine wasn't the scary part, he wasn't the part that caused anxiety. The feelings did and the consequences of those feelings – those were the parts guaranteed to keep the pace slow but it didn't seem to matter because he knew that, yes, they'd never get it exactly right but they'd try and that was worth more than anything.
"I may need reminding that this was real in the morning," Kurt whispered, fingers daring to walk across Blaine's chest and fall to a wide open palm over his heart.
Blaine watched every second, smiling at the gesture and holding Kurt's hip just a fraction tighter. "We'll still be here. I'll still be here."
"That sounds nice."
Blaine nuzzled closer, feeling Kurt do the same. They both laughed lightly, Blaine's chin resting gently on the top of Kurt's head, enjoying the added height for once. "The house is all locked up so we don't need to move if you don't want to."
Kurt chanced it. Ever since he'd mentioned breakfast, his brain couldn't help but wonder – what if. "Maybe we don't have to sleep on the couch. Maybe we can sleep somewhere else."
Immediately, Blaine slid sideways and off the couch, causing Kurt to scramble to a sitting position, eyes blinking through the darkness. He felt cold, the heat of Blaine lost to air and space and distance. "Only if you're sure, Kurt, because we don't have to stay upstairs. We can sleep here or in separate rooms, because-"
"Not separate rooms," Kurt rushed, embarrassed by how frantic he sounded. They'd spent too long being so far apart – Kurt wanted closeness and now he knew exactly how Blaine felt pressed against him and wrapped around him, anything less felt wrong. "Please."
Smiling slowly, Blaine held out his hand to help Kurt up. Taking it and trying to suppress the rush of emotion that clutched at his chest, Kurt stood and followed Blaine slowly through the blackness.
Blaine knew he'd tidied up quickly after Kurt's arrival. He hadn't expected anything and certainly could never have hoped for the night to progress in quite the same way but he knew Kurt and knew how excited he'd been to explore the house. Knowing he'd want to see where Blaine wrote their letters, he'd made sure his room was presentable.
Blaine flicked on a lamp, his room bathing instantly in a golden glow. "If you want to change..."
Kurt was speechless. The walls were dark and furnishings rich, but there were so many things that caught his eye. There were spots of such bright colour provided by a cool arty lamp on Blaine's desk and posters and it was just the right side of cluttered. Expectations were a funny thing; Blaine seemed so well put together, so tidy and organised and although the room was neat, bold and traditional, it was also full of character and vibrancy. It felt like the very best representation of Blaine himself.
Then there was his cork board.
Kurt decided, storing a mental note for the morning, to pay particular attention to it when things weren't so intense.
Blinking back into the room, Kurt remembered Blaine's words. "I brought pyjamas."
Blaine stifled a giggle. "This is so weird. Um, the bathroom's down the hall."
Kurt hid his face, smiling, but a little nervous under the scrutiny. Turning, he gestured without speaking that he was leaving the room.
Ten minutes later and Kurt felt exposed. It was one thing to ride the spontaneity and kiss Blaine on the couch in his clothes but it was an entirely different matter now he was in night wear that nobody – well, except his family, Mercedes and Rachel Berry – had ever seen before. Night times were his time. They'd been sacred and quiet times, dedicated to forgetting the day that had gone before or memorising the special moments.
Blaine looked up, well aware his eyes widened and heart fluttered as Kurt entered the room. He looked adorable. Daytime Kurt was so layered and striking with just the right amount of style and an overpowering amount of personality but night time Kurt looked stripped bare. He was still so regal and stunning but he felt subtler, more understated and delicate. Blaine just wanted him near. It was this Kurt that had no doubt spent sleepless nights alone. It was this Kurt who'd fought to push the dark thoughts away in the overpowering silence.
Looking at the way his hair was falling out of style a little, how his eyes were still so sparkly with unresolved emotion and how his hands, the ones Blaine could still feel on his skin, were clasped together.
Switching off the light, Blaine knew they just had to keep going. The night was impulsive and filled with so much that neither could fathom what the next best move was. Kurt sighed in relief as he made his way towards Blaine's bed.
He felt the dip of movement as Blaine shuffled towards the wall, the duvet looped back on itself. "You ok?"
"Yes." Kurt slid in, his feet instantly warm and legs finding Blaine's. He flinched at the contact somewhat but as Blaine tossed the duvet over him and settled down until his head landed comfortably on the pillow, Kurt knew he didn't need to worry.
"We can just sleep, you know?" Blaine whispered as Kurt shifted to face him, "we don't need to talk about anything or do anything."
Kurt let out his held breath. Blaine's honesty had always been refreshing but now it felt vital. "Sleep sounds good," Kurt said simply, hoping no offence would be taken and Blaine wouldn't read too far into it. The comfort was enough. Having Blaine right next to him and someone to drift off to sleep with, knowing they'd be there in the morning – that was what mattered, first and foremost. The rest was just too enormous to contemplate.
Blaine could feel his own heartbeat once more. He watched as Kurt's lips quirked slightly and fixed in a lazy smile as his eyes fell closed. He looked so still and yet so far away. He was still doing it, still refusing to let himself believe that he could have anything, do anything and say anything and Blaine wouldn't run a mile. The fact he was so unused to physical or even emotional contact, was glaringly obvious. Blaine knew he was too but he also knew he'd grab at it if it was offered. Kurt knew Blaine was there in front of him, wanting to be closer and he simply and calmly lay motionless. It was as if he was content with exactly what was being offered.
"Kurt?"
As Kurt opened his eyes, Blaine's face swam into vision and blurred as lips touched his own and teased gently. Fingertips traced the outline of his pyjama top lightly, only grasping hold as the kiss deepened.
Kurt sighed into it, hoping Blaine would feel everything he was trying to convey.
As if it were a goodnight kiss, Blaine leaned back, gazing into Kurt's eyes for a moment and then rested forward, his head laying down against Kurt's shoulder.
The warmth was incredible. Kurt stiffened at first, unused to being the one to do the hugging, but as Blaine's hand mirrored how his own had been while lying on the couch – pressed over his heart – Kurt let their bodies fit together and allowed his hand to dare to lie against Blaine's lower back.
Like a cat, Blaine twisted against it, snuggling closer with the smallest noise of contentment. Kurt knew tears were going to pool along his eyelashes again out of a mixture of shock and overpowering emotion.
"Night, Kurt," Blaine murmured, his voice suggesting he was already seconds away from sleep.
"Night."
The duvet cradled him whole, wrapping itself around both of them as if to keep them together. Kurt wanted to laugh and cry and a hundred other things but he knew, as Blaine's breathing evened out, that he'd never take for granted how he'd learned so quickly to really... feel.
~tbc
PLEASE NOTE: This is another 10,000 words. That's 20,000 in two days. Eek! There will be a delay of around 5 days. I have so much to do in RL and it's all really very important so as much as I'd adore to just sit in the sun and write this while I have the house to myself, I can't. To keep the Chapters as long and in the same quality, I need a little time. I hope you all understand :)
Thank you once more - I was going to stop it immediately after the kiss and tease the night time but I couldn't do that to you... you'll have to wait for the little pancake scene till next time ;) For those who keep asking if Kurt will transfer/Blaine will transfer - in this world... there's absolutely no need. There'll be issues but no, no transfering is happening. If they could go months without seeing each other face-to-face then they'll be fine as much as it will obviously suck now they know how it feels to have each other ;)
There will be a Chapter 11, 12 and a 2 part Epilogue - for those who were asking that too :)
Over and out *cuddles*