Epilogue: Bathwater
I've known Seifer pretty much my whole life. We grew up at the orphanage together, clashing every second. Life at Balamb Garden wasn't much different. He and I were opposites, fire and ice. I was left alone and bitter, unable to find love, other than the pitiful love I felt for Squall, while Seifer chased skirts and kissed pleading lips.
You and your museum of lovers
The precious collection you've housed in your covers
I was naïve to what love truly was. I had never even been kissed before. But here I was, always optimistic, always hopeful, always dreaming. I was dreaming when I thought that I could change Seifer by being nice to him. I cut back on all my beliefs, tore down the walls that I had built for years, and I had kissed him on the beach. I shouldn't have. I didn't mean to. I was just thirsty for love, for affection, for something other than the bitterness and anger he always tried to feed me. And then somewhere along the way, I fell in love.
My simpleness threatened by my own admission
And I thought I could handle it. I've seen the movies, read the novels… Love was supposed to be easy if you played your cards right. I understood jealousy, I understood compromise, I understood all the factors that could make or break any relationship. I thought I could handle it. I was wrong.
And the bags are much too heavy
In my insecure condition
He left me. I had needed him all along. He had become a crutch for all the things I could not be. I no longer knew how to be strong on my own. I no longer knew how to be icy and cold towards others. I no longer knew how to bite back the tears. He left me just when I loved him and needed him the most. And I was left to watch Rinoa in Squall's arms. She had done nothing, she hadn't fought for love like I had. So why did she deserve it? She didn't, not like I did.
My pregnant mind is fat full with envy again
Even though he abandoned me when I needed him the most, I couldn't fall out of love with him. Not a day passed where I went without thinking of him, dreaming of him, whispering his name. I always loved him. I always will. But Seth was there for me. I had been so starved for affection that I let Seth in, to replace the man that I truly needed. I tried to make myself hate Seifer for everything: for treating me so horribly, for making me love him, for abandoning me. But nothing could ever make me hate him.
But I still love to wash in your old bathwater
Love to think that you couldn't love another
It was truly his faults that I loved about him. I loved that he was arrogant, that he was cocky, that he rushed forward without thinking first. I loved his spirit, his energy, his fire. I loved that he was so confident when it came to women and war. Even though he had abandoned me, he still seemed perfect for me.
I can't help it… You're my kind of man
I know I'm diving into my destruction
But what I didn't understand was why he loved me. What did he see in me? He could have any woman in the world, and he came back to Garden, came to my room in the night to be with me. I was so different than all the other women he tangled with. I wasn't outgoing, I wasn't confident, I wasn't flashy or sexy. And yet he came to be with me, knowing that I was to be married the next day. He was risking everything to come back to be with me. Why?
I don't fit in so why do you want me?
And I know I can't tame you… but I just keep trying.
And then there I was, at the altar with Seth. A mix-up, a morning shake-up and I was whisked away from Seifer. I didn't know where he was, I felt abandoned again. Why was love so hard? I had always thought that I could handle it. It was so easy, jealousy, compromise… What fell apart? I stood before Seth, my eyes on his, not seeing him, but seeing the man I had truly promised my heart to. But it was too late. Love wasn't easy like in movies. It wasn't easy at all. I was done with love. I hated it. I thought for a minute that I could truly hate Seifer too.
And then everything was gone.
xxx
"Quistis… I love you…"
"Seifer… I love you too..."
'Cause I still love to wash in your old bathwater
Love to think that you couldn't love another
But I still love to wash in your old bathwater
You make me feel like I couldn't love another
I can't help it… You're my kind of man
No I can't help it
I can't help myself
I still love to wash in your old
Bathwater.
A/n: Sequel, maybe? ;)