Bianca
Christmas eve in New York City... AH! This is so wonderful. Nico is the most wonderful little brother in the world.
These past few days he's taken me through town with our other sister, Hazel.
I have very much enjoyed it here in the states. Nico's friends have been very kind to me. And our sister is very interested in me. Our father has taken little interest however.
I wish he'd talk to me, or maybe recognize me. My extreme wish is that we become a family for Christmas.
Well enough of that, it's Christmas eve and Nico has promised to take me and our family to Christmas mass. I haven't been since I got to university. I've been too busy. But I hope he sees how happy it makes me to go.
"Bianca, you coming." He calls from the door to our shared room. They have a guest room for me, but I opted to spend more time with my brother. We have much to talk about anyway.
I stand up and leave the room with him. Hazel has invited her boyfriend to attend mass with us. He stands awkwardly. He is an awkward boy. And the man beside him keeps laughing loudly and nudging his shoulder.
"Is papa coming piccolo principino?" I ask even though I hardly feel the man to be my father.
"Dad has other stuff to do." He shrugs.
"Of course." I say.
"Nico, Bianca. This is my dad." Hazels boyfriend Percy says.
"Ah, Mr. Colonel." I say. The man laughs again.
"Pleased to meet you both. Frank has told me about you both." Oh Frank! Percy is that boy whose house we entered.
"Shall we go?" Hazel asks, all smiles. I nod and we are led into the snow.
Snow is a beautiful state of liquid.
The Church we reach is beautiful. Large in structure and domed. Stained glass as well.
I drop a few dollars into the offering box and reprimand Nico when he forgets to bow before entering the pew. The church is packed with people and before mass begins we are told to greet those around us.
Nico looks cautious but I slip into the motherly role I'd taken up when we were still small. A roll I thought I'd left long ago in the past.
"Vienne omai." I tell him. (Come now)
"Va bene." He sighs. (Okay)
The woman in front of us mutters what sounds like, "Immigrants." Which makes me feel inclined to speak English. I am not an uneducated refugee.
"Happy Christmas." I tell the woman, 'ucciderli con gentilezza' my Mama used to say to me. I believe it means, kill them with kindness.
The woman only holds my hand for a moment and I believe I see an eye roll. This woman thinks she's really a Catholic doesn't she?
Franks father seems to notice and shakes the hand of the woman and I notice part of his hand is stitched to attach his thumb to the rest of his hand.
"Thank you for your service." The woman says to him as he is wearing his honors medallion.
"It's my job," He says, "To ensure the safety of all Americans."
"Your family must be very proud." She says.
"Yeah, they are." He puts his arm around my shoulder, "All of them."
The woman bites her lower lip as she turns around, "Don't let the bastards get you down." He whispers under his breath.
I want to tell him not to swear in church, but he's a very nice man and I can't bring myself to.
The traditional readings are read and I recite my prayers with Nico in our language before taking our seats.
The Priest begins a sermon on love. The love of all people. How we are taught to love all people as Mary and Joseph loved a son who was a gift no one in that time would have wanted. I glance over at Frank's father, he's in tears. I wish I knew how to comfort this man, maybe take his pain away. But that's not possible. He has lost too much with not enough given back.
Frank slaps an arm around him and the two men cry together. The only comfort they can offer, I see.
"Love saved the world and it will again." Is how the Priest ends his sermon. Nico, who has nested in my shoulder and arms squeezes my hand tighter. I kiss the top of his head.
"Il mio dolce piccolo principino."
We are told to stand to sing a hymn. With Frank and his father still crying they stand to greet their sorrows.
I clutch Nico's hand after mass. We navigate through the Christmas eve crowds back to the apartment.
When we step back inside I see Nico, Hazel, and my father standing by the Christmas tree. As if observing it.
He turns to see us standing in the door frame, "Hello Children." He says before nodding to Franks father, "Colonel."
"Hi dad..." Hazel says taking off her coat, "What are you doing home?"
He shrugs and sits on the couch.
"I mean weren't you working?" She restates.
"Yes." He says.
"So..."
"I came home."
"Clearly." Nico says.
"Sit, stay awhile." He gestures to the other seats. We all take chairs to sit around one another.
My father speaks with Franks father. Nico and I converse with Hazel and Frank about nothing. I begin laughing at one particularly funny thing Frank has said.
Which leads to my father turning to look at me.
He stares for a moment before speaking, "That laugh... It makes you sound so much like her." He says to me. The first words my father has spoken to me in many years, "Just like her in so many ways. How is she?"
"Really dad? Dead." Nico answers, "Dead for six years."
"D-dead?" He seems shocked.
"Yeah, dad! Why do you think child services called you to get me here?"
"Nico, calm down it's alright." I tell him.
"No Bianca." He tells me, "Seriously Dad, where have you been?"
"At work." Hazel answers for him.
"Have you even bothered to talk to your oldest daughter since she got here? Do you care at all about us or are we just extra baggage?"
"Nico! Fermarlo!" I scold him.
"No, Bianca, he's our father why shouldn't he be held accountable?" He asks me with a fiery voice.
"Nico, abbastanza." I swipe his head away from his father and force him to look me in the eye, "Tu tacerai. Non più di questo." I tell him to be silent and to drop the topic, but in our language so not to embarrass him further, "Understood?" I demand of him.
He is still angry but sighs in submission. I kiss his cheeks, what will I ever do with him?
The rest of them stare at my scolding of my little brother.
Franks father speaks up, "My wife died this year as well. I'm wondering what it'll be like for my kid without his mother."
Frank looks down at his hands, which Hazel fills with her own.
"Yes." My father responds.
"That's why I requested to come home. My boy needs his father. Every kid needs at least one parent." He looks at me.
"I agree."
"So what about your beautiful first born over there? Why did she get cheated a father?"
He's asking me I'm assuming, "When our Mama died I was too old to be under child services. But too young to take care of Nico on my own." Nico holds me tighter, "Even though at that point I'd already raised him. When our Mama got sick, he became my boy instead of hers." I start brushing his too long hair from his eyes.
"Child services contacted him to take me in. And poof I lost my big sister." Nico says bitterly.
Franks father nods, "Did you look for your family?"
"I couldn't. I had nothing." I say, "It wasn't until the end of that year, when I got a full scholarship to a local boarding school, that I was even able to look for him. At that point I had to get a job and I only had the time to find the foster home he'd first been taken to. They told me he had moved to the states and I gave up any hope of finding him."
"How did you find each other then?"
Nico smiles up at me. A rare thing, his smiles are, "I found her last year. On the internet. I flew her down here from her University just to spend the holidays with us."
"He paid for my ticket with his own money." I say proudly.
Frank's father looks at my father, "Did you know that much?"
"No... I can't say I did."
"It's amazing, the power words have." I say to him.
He nods slightly.
"And you two kids did it all on your own?" Franks father says.
"There is no boundary for the love families share." I say. Franks father nods.
"Bianca, are you really moving to the states when you graduate?" Frank prompts.
"Yes. In the summer. I've already been offered a job."
"That's wonderful." Franks dad says. He stands up and pats my shoulder, "You're a good kid. Smart too from the sounds of it." I feel a surge of power, "Wouldn't you say so?" He asks my father. He nods. Must be a man of few words.
"I can't wait Bianca." Hazel smiles sincerely.
"Me either. Then I can properly discipline you again piccolo principino." I tell him.
"What does that mean? I've heard you say it often but what does it translate to?" Hazel asks.
"Little prince." I say. "It was his favorite story as a child. Mama and I would joke he was the prince of our home. So it stuck."
Franks father moves Frank and Hazel, "You two, have met two extraordinary siblings. Strive to be like them." I think I blush a bit.
"I'm hungry, anyone else?" Frank asks.
"It's not midnight." I say every so casually.
"Midnight?" Hazel asks.
"In Italy we have this tradition where we fast for the entire day of Christmas eve. And at midnight after mass, we eat our Christmas meal and open the presents." I explain.
"Do you remember Nonna Di had the Urn out and Cassie almost picked a gift out of Grande Nonno's Urn?" Nico asks which makes me laugh.
"I do." I remember.
"Well, shall we wait for midnight?" Franks father asks.
"An hour isn't too long to wait." I tell him.
"In the meantime tell us why you were taking ashes out of an urn." Frank suggests.
"It's not really like that." I laugh.
"No, in Italy we have this tradition called the Urn of Fate. Where our whole family would gather at our Nonni's home. They'd have a huge urn, where a portion of wrapped presents are put, unsigned. And every family member takes turns picking a present until all of them are picked. Then we're allowed to open them."
"I feel cultured." Hazel says leaning on Frank.
For a while we talk like this until midnight rolls around. Hazel had been cooking all day. She told us the meal could wait and now the table is fully set with mountains of food.
It's the most amazing meal, spending time with such wonderful people. When our meal is finished I look expectantly at Frank's father as well as Hazel, Nico, and my father.
"What?" Frank's father asks.
"Oh, is that not tradition here?" I ask Nico.
He laughs, "In Italy, kids don't write letters to Santa. Rather they write letters to their parents telling them how much they love them."
"I like that tradition. That sounds very nice." Franks father says.
"I did." My father says.
"Excuse me?" I ask having not heard him correctly.
"Check under your plate." He tells me. I stare at him for a moment. Before checking under my clean plate. A letter with my name on it sits there, slightly warped from the warm food that had been sitting above it.
"Your mother used to do this for her father. I thought it would remind you of home." He says. I pull it out carefully. "Go on. Open it."
I do so carefully. When I pull out the letter I feel myself shaking.
It reads;
I love you, I just don't know how to say it.
Buon Natale, la mia figlia dolce. Uccello canoro.
He called me his sweet daughter. Acknowledged me as his own in writing. He's given me this gift of acceptance.
Not only has he granted me this, but he has brought up another thing lost in my memory.
I remember as I read those words. In my youngest days, he had been around. He had been their for my first five years of life, he'd been with my Mama and I. I remember him calling me that. Uccello canoro. Which means Songbird. He'd never forgotten something so small about a small child he'd left years ago.
That meant more than the world to me.
I stand up with tears stuck in my eyes and hug him.
"Papa." I whisper.
"Uccello canoro. Benvenuti a casa." He hugs me back and smoothes my hair down. He kisses my cheeks as I have kissed his. "Sono orgoglioso di voi, mia figlia." I am proud of you, my daughter. My father, proud of me, his first born child.
I have a father, a real family. My baby brother and a new baby sister. Frank and his father. It's a family enough for me.
How could I have imagined this? How could anyone have foreseen such a beautiful Christmas? I believe whole heartedly this holiday season has been the art work of the fates. Nico, bless him, brought me here to witness such beauty in our family. A real whole family.
Now I truly understand that love saved the world and it will again. Because it just has.