Chapter 14: The Warriors Three: the Wild Hand
Sakaki smiled in her sleep. In her dreams, she soared through jam-coloured clouds at the side of Princess Petunia, plum-loving pussycat from Petagogoland. She nuzzled her pillow, rolled over, and fell out of bed.
She was on her feet in a flash, literally. "Wha? Cat? Where?" And then she saw her star spangled hands and the state of her bed, and sighed. Then screamed, of course, since it was on fire.
"Ah! No! No no no!" She flailed at the flames with the closest thing at hand, only to scream again when she realized it was her precious Marco the Tomcat doll. Stop stop stop! she thought. A golden light flashed from her hands and smothered the flames. Well. That was easy.
"Nanashi?" came a voice from downstairs. "Nanashi, is everything all right?"
"Ah! Y-yes, yes mother, I'm fine!"
"Are you sure? You sound nervous."
Ah! She's right outside the door! "Yes! Yes! I'm great!"
"I smell smoke?"
"It's, ah, it's, uh, incense?" I've got to get back to normal! She tried desperately to calm down, which, of course, never works.
"Are you on the drugs, dear?"
If only it were that simple! "No, mother!" Heightened by fear, she could already hear the cries for help in her head: traffic accident in Shinjuku, lost child in Ikeburo. Ah, go away, go away! she thought. It's too early in the day for this! Go away!
Another flash. She gasped, for now she was no longer alone in her room. Another figure, a young woman, her skin bright as light and her eyes and hair dark as space, stood before her, seemingly just as surprised as she was. "Who…?" And then she realized she could also see herself standing there in her kitty-kitty pyjamas, hair dishevelled from a night's sleep and completely confused as to what was going on. Is that…me? She waved her hand, and saw herself waving back. What in the world…?
A crash outside the window. Little Ichiro down the street had fallen from his bike and scraped his knee, poor thing. She leapt out the window to help him and —
"No! Wait!" Sakaki leapt for her doppelganger, too late, as it flashed through time and space to slap a Band-aid on the lad's knee at the speed of thought. She tripped over the bed, dizzied from seeing through two sets of eyes at once.
"Sakaki?" The door creaked open.
"Ah! No! Don't!"
The pink-gingham egg known as Mrs. Sakaki poked her head into the room. Myopic eyes floated over tousled sheets, an open window, smoke in the air and her 18-year-old daughter, sprawled on the floor and red as a beet. "You know, dear, I would have been perfectly fine if you'd walked him out the front door instead."
Shock, relief, and a distant thunderclap crashed over Sakaki's face, leaving it something of a train-wreck. "…What?"
"The young man, of course." She hovered over to straighten out the bed. "You don't have to play coy, dear. I'm actually relieved; your father and I thought you'd never settle down with someone. Do tell him to stay for breakfast next time, will you?"
She gaped wordlessly. "Um…okay?"
"No need for embarrassment, Nanashi," she said, finishing with the sheets. She laughed quietly to herself. "Oh, if you knew of the little trysts your father and I had when we were your age, you'd — ah, maybe when you're older." She eased herself down onto the floor next to her. "Really, though, I'm happy for you. I'm sure he's a wonderful man."
"Yes," she said, carefully. "Total hunk." The double vision's gone. Does that mean that the other me…?
Mrs. Sakaki stared at her, askance. She couldn't bring herself to meet her mother's gaze. "I see," she said, with a beatific smile. She rolled slowly to her feet and ambled out the door. "Well, breakfast is ready downstairs, dear, whenever you are."
"Wait."
She did.
"I…I have something to tell you, mother."
Mrs. Sakaki nodded. She sat down on the bed, patting a spot beside her. Sakaki took it, towering over her in the process. "Take your time, dear."
She chewed her lips for a time. "I…where do I even start?"
"Well," breezed her mother, "I imagine it has something to do with your strange and unusual powers, correct?"
She jumped. "How did you…?"
"Sheets don't burn themselves, you know," she replied, amused. "And I doubt any man could raise the ruckus I heard a few minutes ago. Oh, unless it was that Thor fellow. I hear he's quite a dish."
I can't hide anything from you, thought Sakaki. I'm glad. She exhaled. "Something…strange…has happened to me. I don't know how to describe it. But now," and here she took a deep breath, bracing herself for what came next, "now I have these…powers, I guess. I can…sense…things as they happen. Danger. Fear. And I can stop it. I seem to think it, and it happens. I…I can fly, mother! And, and I glow! I, uh, can't show you right now because I'd incinerate you, but, um…" That...was not appropriate. "You, you don't believe me, do you?"
"Oh, my little baby," she cooed, "come here." There followed a big, loving hug, although most of the "big" was on Sakaki's end. "Of course I believe you, dear."
"You…you do?"
She nodded, and smiled. "I've known for years that this day would come."
Blink blink. "Really? Then you know what's happened to me?"
"Of course. Your grandmother thought it would come to your cousin Kikasa, of course, but I always knew it would be you."
"'Grandmother'?"
"It's also a little different from what was described in the Scrolls of Ku'un-Lun, but I imagine everyone's experience is different."
"'Scrolls of'…mother, what are you talking about?"
"I imagine you've had encounters with strange and terrible beasts in your dreams," she continued, casually, "ravishing incubi and succubae that seek to rob you of your most precious gift. I'm very proud you've held on to it so well, dear."
"W-what?" she stammered. "What 'gift'?!" Wait, THAT? How could she…? Beet red, instantly.
"I don't suppose a long-haired warrioress in a crimson cheongsam has spoken to you about your past? Have you claimed the sword of your soul yet?"
Sakaki, whose train of thought had not only jumped the tracks but also caused a 27-car pileup at the intersection of Huh Avenue and WTF Street, was at a loss for words.
Suddenly, her mother glomped onto her, tiny arms quivering with excitement. "Oh, Nanashi, I'm so proud of you! Your granny Yohko would have loved to have seen this day! To think that the 112th-generation Hunter would be my very own daughter! Your Aunt Azuza will be so jealous! Oh ho ho ho!"
"Mother, wait, please!" she said, shaking her gently. "I have no idea what you're talking about!"
She stopped laughing. "What? Really?" Shake shake. "Not even a little bit?" Shake. "Not even the ravishing?"
"Especially not!"
"Oh." She looked embarrassed. "Sooo…it really was Thor, then?"
In the back of Sakaki's mind, the tiny, thrice-concussed figure known as "Bald-Faced Lying" clawed its way free of the wreckage of her thoughts and seized control of the situation. "Yes. He asked me to become a Valykrie."
Mrs. Sakaki nodded. "I hear it comes with an excellent benefits package.(1) Well," she said, rising, "let us know when you make your decision. And please come down before your breakfast gets cold." She shut the door behind her.
Sakaki sat there for some time, wisps of smoke and madness wafting around her. Wordlessly, she reached for Marco the Tomcat and gave him a big hug. "What have I gotten myself into, Marco?"
Marco, to her relief, didn't say a word.
***
It was a dark morning in the Ayase household, and not just because the power was out. Mister and Missus Ayase were fighting again, in the way old married couples do, and Mister Ayase's thoughts turned once again to the merits of casual murder.(2)
"I don't see what your problem is," sniffed Missus Ayase, in between sips of tea. "All I asked is for you to go down to the basement and trip the breaker."
"I tried, my dear wife," he sighed, "but as I've explained a hundred times —"
"Oh yes, what was your excuse this time?" she asked, dripping with faux-curiosity. "Was your back out? Was the game on? Were you a lazy no-good layabout of a husband?!"
His brow twitched, just one. If I smothered her with this tea cosy, would she shut up? No…she'd come back as a ghost and nag all night. "No, dearest, as I told you earlier, I tried that, but there was some creature down there camped out there in the dark with me, and I didn't think it would be safe."
She snorted. "Hmph! A real man wouldn't have given it a second thought! Honestly, a grown man afraid of a few rats? No wonder Fuuka turned out the way she did."(3)
Mister Ayase took an imagination break to drop a safe on her. "That was no rat, my dear," he replied, patiently. "Rats do not have glowing eyes, or mandibles dripping with hot poisons that drill sizzling holes in the floor."
She sighed, theatrically. "I knew I should have listened to mother," she soliloquized. "Ah, what a lovely, carefree life I would have lived had I married money instead of love. Maybe then poor Ena wouldn't have done that terrible deed."
"There is nothing wrong with her choice of career, dear."
"She is a disgrace to the Clan Yashida!" she snapped. "Whomever heard of a ninja accountant?"
Ninja bankers, you twit, he thought. "Well, dear, I could say the same about your job as a dinosaur taxidermist."
"It is a time-honoured family tradition dating back hundreds of years," she said, icily.
"So why don't you, sugar muffin, trained as you are in the art of Tyrannosaur wrangling, go confront whatever it is that is sitting in our basement?"
"It would be beyond my station as a woman of quality to perform such man's work," she replied.
"Mm," he said, sipping his coffee. Just be patient, he told himself. Sooner or later, an angel with a fiery sword shall descend from the heavens and give her a right good thrashing. "Well, it's good for both of us that I called that exterminator not half an hour ago. In fact, I think I see her now."
Through the front window, Mister Ayase spied a young blonde-haired woman parading up the sidewalk. She wore some sort of eccentric uniform that incorporated pants short enough to be illegal in all but seven nations on the planet and a jacket two sizes too small for her ample chest. She marched with bombastic, ecstatic confidence, flashing a winning smile and unusually pronounced canines, singing what he presumed was some sort of corporate jingle. ("Exterminaaate! Obliteraaate!" was all he caught.) She also happened to be swinging some species of battleaxe, which he presumed was standard issue equipment nowadays. Not that I need one, he groused, with a sidelong glance at his wife.
"Yo!" said the woman, upon kicking in the door. "Excel — I mean, Kobiyashi — here from Kobiyashi's Extermination Service! How may I do ya for?"
"That door was a priceless antique," muttered Missus Ayase, glowering.
"Whoopsies! Sorry ma'am, didn't recognize the vintage plywood! So! Hear you gots a little infestation in your sub-station? Well, don't worry, Exce — Kobiyashi is here to clear it out! I'll give it a little one-two, and some snicker-snack, and — oh." Her axe had snicker-snacked through a family photo, splitting husband and wife. "Don't worry! I'm a professional. I can fix that."
"Don't bother," muttered Mister Ayase.
"So! What's on the menu today, eh? Ut! Don't tell me," she said, as he was about to, "I prefer surprises. I fear no man nor beast, for nothing can stand before the mighty right hand of Kotono Mi — err, Kobiyashi." She kicked in the basement door and plunged down the stairs. "Roll for initiative, bitch!"
And then all was quiet in the Ayase home. Missus Ayase continued to sip her tea, and Mister Ayase read his paper, his mind far, far away in the distant lands of bachelorhood. I never should have left MI6, he thought.
"I saw what you did there," said Missus Ayase, apropos of nothing.
"And what was it I did, apple of my eye?"
"You were looking at her chest."
Shrew, he thought. "It was difficult to ignore, my love."
"I see. You like them big, I imagine. Your withered husk of a wife no longer enough for you, eh?"
"I assure you, dear, that your beauty still outshines the stars in heaven themselves," he lied.
"So, what do we have here?!" cried a voice from downstairs.
"Liar," she replied. "If it weren't for the children, I'd have divorced you years ago."
"You disowned the children, my dear."
"The insurance money, then."
"Something pointy, something spiky, something big and hard and sharp…ack!"
"If I paid you," sighed Mister Ayase, as something crashed and splintered below him, "would you go away?"
"Pincers! Horrible, horrible pincers! Eyes like flamin' coals! Spit like flamin' moles!"
"Oh no, that wouldn't do," she replied, smiling. "Who would wake you in the morning, then?"
"I can do that just fine without you dumping cold water on my head, dear."
"Phylum arthropoda! Order neuroptera! Three-dee-six-plus-12 hit dice! Kiss my fist, bug boy!" There followed a horrible din. The walls shook, and dust trembled from the rafters. Pincers snapped, women and beast screamed, and an axe whacked repeatedly 'gainst chitinous flesh. "BARUK KHAZÂD!" screeched the woman. "FOR AIUR!"
"Could you pass the butter, please?" asked Missus Ayase, shouting over the din. Mister Ayase did so, with reluctance.
After a few more minutes of epic struggle, something in the basement let loose an inhuman screech of pain. Then came a gurgle, a few good whacks, and a tremendous thump as something huge collapsed to the ground. "HA!" said the woman. Seconds later, she stomped up the stairs and kicked the door off its hinges, triumphant. "Ta-dah!" she said, waving a broken axe. "Problem solved, folks!"
"Eyaargh!" said Mister and Missus Ayase, pointing at her.
"What?" asked the woman.
"Eyaargh!" they repeated, mad with terror.
"What, these? Eh, these third-degree acid burns will come out in the wash. Oh, and I can mop up my blood from the floor, no big. Ah, it's the ankheg tooth in my shoulder, ain't it?(4) Here lemme pull it out…(GLITCH!)…aw yeah, that's better. Geeze, look at you all still gibberin' away. It ain't that bad, honest! And your bug problem's fixed, too! Unless those eggs hatch. You'll can still write a cheque, right?" She waved a hand before their terrified faces. "Um, hello? Anyone home?"
"They cannot hear you," said a voice from the shadows.
Kobiyashi jumped a foot. "Jeez Louise, yah scared me, Yuumura!"
"Mm," said the cloaked woman, as she melded out of the shadows of the basement.
"So, uh, what'djah do to 'em?"
Yuumura stared hrough her with cold red eyes. "I have shown them the shadows in their hearts so they may judge the state of their souls."
"Oh…so they can still pay me, right?"
"Not until they forgive themselves for their own crimes."
"Damn. In that case, it's time for some serious lootin' and pillagin'!" She immediately began dumping cutlery into her swag-sack.
"There is no time for that," said Yuumura. "The Lady requires your presence, Wild Hand Kobiyashi."
"Lady Altena?!" she squeaked. "I am SO there! Excel — Kobiyashi shall dive through fire and water to be by her side for even one moment!"
"Then report to her in two days time," said Yuumura. She stepped back into the shadows, fading as she did so. "Do not be late."
"Uh, in that case, could you gimmie a lift?" asked Kobiyashi. "I'm outta Air-Miles."
Yuumura paused. "No," she said.
"Aw, c'mon, please!?"
"No," she said, resolute. "You…disturb me." She disappeared.
"Yeah!?" she raged. "Well, same to you, you emo-goth freak!" Kobiyashi huffed, flicked an eyeball out of her hair, and resumed looting.
Minutes later, Mister Ayase crawled forth from catatonia with a shudder. "D-dear? Are, are you all right?"
"No," she said, lips quivering. "No I'm not. Oh, I've been a terrible, terrible wife!"
"And I've been a horrible husband!" he cried.
"Can you ever forgive me?"
"Only if you forgive me!"
"Oh, Tetsuo!"
"Oh, Kaneda!"(5)
They embraced.
At that very moment there came a knock at the door. An angel bearing a flaming sword coughed politely. "Er, did I come at a bad time?"
***
"Ten seconds! Sweet!" Kagura clicked some buttons on her stopwatch, jogging on the spot. She'd just finished her traditional Saturday morning "run like hell out the door before Dad sees what you're wearing" dash and was now well out of his shouting range. Cripes, she thought, nothin' wrong with jeans and a tank in this weather. What's his problem?
Ha! This was the perfect way to start her day: the road beneath her feet, the sun overhead, wind in her face and sweat on her brow. And if her timing was right, then a certain raven-haired rival should be rounding the corner right about — "Oi! Sakaki!" Like clockwork, she thought. "Mornin'! What up?"
"Mm," said Sakaki.
"That a good 'mm' or a bad 'mm'?" No response. "Oh. Uh, hey, this isn't about that thing I said yesterday, is it? 'Cause that was a stupid thing for me to say, and I'm really, totally sorry about it, and —"
"Mm? Oh, no, that was nothing, forget it."
"Heck no I won't forget it," she huffed. "I dissed you, and there weren't no call for that, 'specially with what you're goin' through. And after you fixed my bike and everything."
"Really, it's okay," she insisted.
"You sure? You don't wanna take a free shot at me? C'mon, slap in the face, you'll feel great."
"Um, no, no thanks."
"Serious? Man, you are nice. I'd totally go for it if it were me. Uh, not against you, though, 'cause you're like a lightning ninja, and you'd totally kick my ass and, uh…"
Kagura, it may be gathered, had one of those strange love-hate relationships with Sakaki, viewing the girl with pride and envy every since that day three years ago when she'd blown her doors off in the 500-metre dash. On the one hand, she was overjoyed that she'd finally found someone whom could challenge her. "Look out for number one," her uncle had always told her, "and when you find him, kick his ass." Here was the opponent of a lifetime, someone who would force her to bring out the very best in herself.
On the other hand, the way she did everything drove her completely up the wall. Whereas Kagura had spent her whole life training and fighting hard for each and every race she ran, Sakaki seemed to cruise over the finish line without breaking a sweat. Sports, academics, good looks…she had them all without lifting a finger, and yet refused to acknowledge them, shunning praise and turning cheek whenever it was offered. The fact that such humility made her even more awesome was all the more aggravating.
Thus, every day, Kagura took every chance she could get to challenge her bitter rival to mortal combat, vowing to prove once and for all that hard work would win over natural gifts, and that life should be lived loud and large, not quiet and small.
The fact that she was ever so slightly jealous of her had nothing to do with it.
"So," asked Sakaki, "is the bike okay?"
"What? Oh, yeah, super! Great! Awesome! Although I think it was a 21-speed before. But this is better!" she added, seeing her friend's expression. "Twenty-four gears? Wow! It's like one of those Lance-Armstrong deals. Thanks!" Sakaki waved it off. "So, uh, it was a good 'mm' then?" Nothing. Ah heck, she'll talk when she's ready, she realized. And so they walked along in silence, and she waited…for about 10 seconds.
"Can you believe the hassle the old man gave me this mornin'?" she said. "Tried to block the door to keep me from goin' out in this, like every weekend. I mean, I'm 18, I can wear what I like, right? And what's wrong with it? Light, breathable, keeps my arms free, perfect for this weather. But no, he's all throwin' a fit about bein' 'ladylike' and 'more modest.'" She huffed. "Like this isn't."
Sakaki considered the outfit. "Well…"
"'Well' what? You're not agreein' with him, are you?" she asked, suspicious.
She shook her head. "No. But…that shirt. It is a bit…well…transparent."
Kagura blinked. "Huh? Seriously?" She looked down and blushed. "Aw, geez, you're right! How the heck did I miss that? It's, like, see-through. Ugh! There, there aren't any guys around, are there?" she asked, hugging herself.
"It's a trick of the light," Sakaki said. "Just the angle."
"I hope you're right," she grumbled. "I don't know nothin' about fashion and stuff. Should'a worn the tracksuit…still, can't believe he gave me more of a hassle over this than the whole Breadicron thing."
"Breadi…you mean, you told them?"
"Yeah. Had to explain why I was late for dinner, y'know? He gave me the whole 'you tryin' to kill yourself' spiel, of course," she scoffed. "Hmph. No worse than what old maid Kagura does, and at least it's legal."
Sakaki raised an eyebrow. "'Old Maid'?"
"My mom, I mean."
Sakaki raised the other eyebrow. "Your…mother's name is Kagura?"
"Huh? Well, yeah. I'm named after her, y'know."
"I thought Kagura was your last name?"
She nodded. "It is."
"So…your full name is…?"
"Kagura Kagura. Same as my dad, kid brothers and the fish." She paused. "You're, uh, givin' me a weird look there, Sakaki."
It was a look somewhere between horrified fascination and utter disbelief. "Doesn't that get confusing?"
She thought this over. "No, not really. They're all spelled with different kanji, y'see?" Sensing her friend's befuddlement, she added, "What?"
"You…have an interesting home, Kagura," she said, diplomatically.
Kagura shrugged. "Meh, nothin' special. Dad's an accountant, Mom's an international jewel thief, never home much, so it's up to me to make sure the boys grow up right. Ain't gonna be him, the frilly loser. Y'know, I should introduce you to them sometime, Sakaki. I think you'd really inspire them."
"How old are they?"
"Uh, about 16, why?"
"That…might not be a good idea."
"Huh? Oh, okay, forget it, then." Kagura once again had the distinct impression that she had missed something fundamental about the nature of the universe. "How'd it go with your folks?"
"Well…" And Sakaki told her of this morning's events, of her mother's misunderstanding, her other self, and of her dreamtime encounter with the strange doctor.
Kagura whistled. "Wow. Awkward breakfast, huh?" So that's why you look so pale this mornin', she thought. "So…seriously? Anything you think, happens?" Sakaki nodded. "Wow. I, uh…don't know what to say, Sakaki. This is…kinda heavy."
"I can still hear them, you know," she said, quietly. "The voices, crying for help. And now I know that I can help them. I…I don't even have to be there to do it."
Kagura could see from the strain in her friend's stance that she was on dangerous ground. She forged on, regardless. "And that's a bad thing?"
"Yes!" she exploded. "I could change the entire world with a thought before I even realized it!"
"Hey, whoa, take it easy!"
"But if Doctor Strange is right," she continued, "then whenever I let loose…this …there's no telling what could happen. It might not be a bed next time. It could be a house, a street, my mother and father," and here her voice choked into a whisper, "maybe you."
"Hey, cut that out," she chided, gently. "Angst don't look good on you. 'Sides, like hell that's gonna happen. You wouldn't hurt a fly, Sakaki. And, uh, I guess you could fix it up now if you ever did."
"I can't take that chance," she replied, quietly. "I, I need to find a way to get rid of these powers. Be…normal, again."
Kagura was stunned. "'Normal'?" Nod. In the back of her mind Kagura the Jealous Rival ground her teeth to dust 'gainst one another. You mean a super-fast, super-smart track star that all the guys and a lot of the girls drool over every night? The kind of person I've trained and fought to be all my life, while you just had it dropped on you? She fumed, despite herself. And now you've got super powers on top of all that, and you want to give it all away? "I don't get you, sometimes," she muttered.
She stopped. "What?"
Oh crap! I actually said it! "Uh, er, I mean, ah…" She sputtered, tripped over her tongue in search of a way out of this mess. But then a memory reached out its hand and grabbed her: a strong man, impossibly strong, face and hair like chiselled granite, standing over her, telling her to stand on her own feet. And she realized that she could not turn back. "I guess I mean, why give up what life's given you?"
"Because…because it's dangerous, that's why."
"Sakaki, we live in Tokyo, remember? Land of a Thousand Kaiju? There are fights, explosions, and super-powered mega-beasts rampaging every day. One of Tony Stark's giant drunk robots could fall out of the sky on us right now. Heck, at least now you've got a chance to get outta the way, or, I dunno, catch it."
"But this isn't right!" she said. "I didn't…I don't want any of this!"
"But you got it," she countered. "You've got the power to change things, make a difference; save lives, the whole world, even. I…a lot of folks would jump at a chance like that, and I don't get why you're frettin' on the bench like this. It's like my Uncle Sanshiro always said: with great power comes great opportunity. Why not take it?"
Sakaki looked as if she'd been slapped in the face.
Aw hell, she thought, me and my big mouth. "Geeze, I'm sorry Sakaki. Here you are looking for a friendly ear and I monologue your face off. Look, forget everything I just said, okay? And you can still slug me if you wanna."
"No, no, that's okay." She took a deep breath. "It's just, I never thought of it that way before."
"And you don't have to," she added, quickly. "I mean, I'm me and you're you; what do I know, right?" Although it is exactly what Unc would say, she thought. 'Course, then he'd punch someone's kidneys out through their eyes, so maybe he ain't the right role model for this situation. "But I do think that if anyone can handle this kind of thing, it's you."
She looked surprised. "You…you really think that?"
Damn it, mouth, shut up! "Er…yeah, yeah I do," she said. "I mean, you wouldn't make for a great rival if I didn't think you could, right?"
She chewed her lip. "And…if I can't? If I do something really bad?"
Kagura flashed an impish grin. "Then I'll kick your butt, duh."
"Promise?"
"Heh, yeah. Say, race you to Chiyo's?"
She smiled. "You…really have a one-track mind, Kagura."
"Yep! And it leads right to the winner's circle! …Wait, was that an insult?"
(Footnotes)
1. He does this a lot in the girls' universe. He's a bit of a player.
2. Any resemblance between fictional and other fictional characters in this chapter is purely coincidental. Honest. I have no idea how the Ayases became a clan of bitter psychopathic killers. Then again, you don't see inside Mr. Ayase's head much, so this interpretation could be canonical. Adds a whole level of terror to Yotsubato, no?
3. Coincidence! Honest!
4. A monstrous acid-spitting arthropod magical beast from Dungeons and Dragons about 10 feet long and weighing about 800 pounds, likely left over from Mister Ayase's LARPing days.
5. See? Coincidence!