Chapter 14:

They needed time while the Reaper IFF was being installed. In fact, she already found something to pass the time thanks to Legion. For some strange reason, everyone she met seemed to have something for her to do. Legion didn't disappoint her. The geth not only wanted to join her, but it came with its own personal quest against the heretic geth.

Apparently, all this time she'd been killing heretics that separated from the geth to follow the Reapers. Sometimes she thought her life would make a good soap opera. At least she could understand why it was so easy to call her crazy. Either way, she was willing to help the geth destroy the heretics while the Reaper IFF was being installed.

Shepard rested against the wall of the elevator and sighed tiredly. She just hoped Garrus was still waiting for her.

It seemed everyone and their mother had something to tell her about Legion and her decision to activate it. Miranda and Jacob were very vocal about their displeasure. Mordin seemed puzzled, but fascinated about the prospect of studying a functional geth. Kelly voiced her concern over the way she 'made closure with her past'.

Shepard feared she didn't alleviate the Yeoman's concern with her assurance that there was nothing to worry about because she still hated batarians. Sometimes Shepard wondered if Garrus and Joker were the only ones that got her jokes.

Tali wasn't speaking to her. Shepard knew she was entitled to do that, given the history of the quarians with the geth. It still hurt. She vowed to speak with her friend before entering the Omega-4 Relay.

The doors to the elevator opened and Shepard stepped out and into her cabin. Her stomach growled loudly. Exhaustion began to creep in now that she was done with everything and she had to stifle a yawn. She paused to look at her fish. None were floating. Good. Feeling her mouth watering at the smell of food, and satisfied with her job at handling her pets, she turned around to join Garrus.

"Sorry about making you wait…" she began but stopped at the sight of her friend.

Garrus was slumped on her sofa. Eyes closed and deep in sleep. She found herself smiling as a soft rumbling sound reached her. Garrus snored, or she thought he did. With turians, who really knew? Either way, it was sort of cute.

His food was already eaten and she joined him on the far side of the couch. Garrus must've been exhausted because he didn't even twitch and Shepard knew he was usually a light sleeper.

Despite her body's urging, she ate slowly to keep her stomach from protesting. She'd gone too long without food today. Hopefully, Chakwas would never know and she'd be spared the lecture. While she ate, she studied her sleeping friend.

Kelly advised her to not force herself to name her feelings and just let them grow. Shepard thought the advice was lacking. It made sense, if one was like Kelly, but she needed to know what exactly she was allowing to grow. She couldn't handle unknowns. If she knew what she was dealing with, she could form a plan of attack. And Shepard knew she was good at attacking.

Friendship? No. He was already her best friend.

Trust? No. She trusted him with her life and viceversa.

Loyalty? No. She went against her morals to help him get revenge on his team and he joined her without a second thought despite her alliance with Cerberus and her mysterious return from the dead.

She felt something more. She wanted more. She wanted…

She wanted him to look at her like he did back on the Citadel and not feel afraid. She wanted him to keep using medigel because he couldn't see her bleeding, even thought she knew it was a waste of resources. She wanted to always find him near whenever she needed someone. And she wanted…

She wanted him to need her as much as she grew to need him.

She wanted him to want her.

Was it love? Hell if she knew! But it sounded a lot like love. And if it wasn't; could it become love? Probably. And if she dared… could they even be together like that? Did she even want to? Did he?

She knew there were some turian/human relationships around, but she never wondered about the mechanics of it. Surprisingly, she wanted to know. Could she blame the pregnancy hormones for that? Maybe. All she knew was that, if she wanted, she could be with anyone on this ship right now and all she wanted was to spend time with Garrus.

She smiled, at least she was clearer on what kind of relationship she wanted with Garrus. She didn't want to rush her feelings, but she also didn't want to go fight the Collectors without, at least, speaking to Garrus about it.

Her meal finished, Shepard decided to think some more later. She grabbed her favorite bathrobe and took a short shower. Despite the short amount of time under the spray of water, she felt more relaxed than ever. Sleep was tugging at her, but when she stepped out of the bathroom Garrus was awake. He was sitting on her sofa, mandibles twitching in embarrassment. Shepard felt her exhaustion leaving her and she was suddenly wide awake.

"Ah… Shepard, I'm sorry. I just…" he rose to leave and she quickly motioned him to stay sitting.

"It's okay, Garrus. It was my fault. I shouldn't have let you wait so long. Waking Legion right after we arrived was a mistake on my part."

"Legion?" he said, giving her a questioning look that slowly changed as comprehension settled in, "Let me guess, you woke the geth?"

Exhaustion returned to her as she settled beside him on the couch, "Don't. Please. I heard enough of it from Miranda, Jacob and Tali."

"Not nearly enough. What were you thinking?"

"That we're outnumbered and it wants to join us on our little field trip. We need all the firepower we can get, Garrus."

His mandibles flared and Shepard noticed that one had more mobility than the other. Sutpid mercs and their gunships.

"The more the merrier, right?" he intoned with a resigned look and she laughed.

"More along the lines of 'the enemy of my enemy is my friend',"

"Humans," he said with a snort.

She laughed again, her head falling on his shoulder like she'd grown used to. A contented sigh left her as Garrus' talons weaved through her hair.

"I wanted to thank you for helping me with Sidonis," he began talking and Shepard wondered if that was what he wanted to tell her.

"Whatever happens with the Collectors or the Reapers or whoever else comes after us, I know you'll get the job done no matter the circumstances," he continued.

"You actually think we'll find something worse than the Collectors or the Reapers?" she asked, slightly amused.

"I like to expect the worst. There's a small chance I'll be pleasantly surprised," he replied jokingly, and though she chuckled, she wondered when the idealistic C-Sec officer became so pessimistic.

Then she had to remind herself that she'd been dead for two years. People changed in less time than that. Didn't he know how important he was to her?

"I couldn't do this without you, Garrus."

"Sure you could. Not as stylishly, of course," he said and she wondered if he believed her. She was almost sure he didn't. She didn't have time to ask him as he changed the topic.

"You know, it's strange going into a suicide mission on a human ship. Your people don't prepare for high risk operations the way turians do."

Garrus' hand on her hair was making her fall asleep. She stopped him by grabbing it and keeping it in her grasp.

"I could remind you of our little search for Saren, but I won't. Instead, I'll bite. How do turian crews get ready for high-risk missions?"

He glanced at their joined hands before answering. Shepard swore his voice the flanging was more pronounced.

"With violence, usually. Turian ships have more operational discipline than your Alliance, but fewer personal restrictions. Our commanders run us tight, and they know we need to blow off steam. Turian ships have training rooms for exercise, combat sims, even full-contact sparring. Whatever lets people work off stress."

"You mean crewmen fight each other before a mission?" Shepard interrupted him, and if her voice didn't fully convey her disbelief, the look she gave him did.

Perhaps he'd been trying to make her see everything was safe and didn't endanger the mission. But Garrus began to tell his experience with a recon scout. It involved nine rounds of fighting ending in a tie and a 'tiebreaker' on their quarters to show off his reach and her flexibility. Shepard had never been jealous before, but she was sure the swirling emotion she felt at the end of it was that.

"It sounds like you're carrying some tension," she began without thinking, raising her head to take a good look at him, "Maybe I could help you get rid of that."

She could feel him tense beside her and she cursed her impulsive comment. That's what she gets for letting her emotions get the better of her. She wondered if this was what Kelly meant about doing something and then regretting it. She hoped not. Garrus was the most important person in her life.

"I, ah, didn't think you'd feel like sparring, Commander. I don't think it would be safe in your condition," he told her.

Shepard could back down now. She could say something else and keep everything as it is. Life was short. She knew that better than most. And she'd just been thinking if she should tell Garrus she wanted more from their relationship. Better to seize the moment than die at the Collectors base with regrets. If her life was to flash before her eyes, she wanted some good memories. And if he didn't want her, then what was one more regret to her list… She was already beside him. All she had to do was move a little and she'd be sitting on his lap.

She gave him a smile, hoping it didn't show how nervous she felt inside and moved. He was as still as a statue, but Shepard wouldn't back down now. Not without having tried something.

"If you want, we could skip the sparring and go right to the tiebreaker. We could test your reach…" she said, her hand settling on his chest and marveling at the alien hardness of it, "and what's left of my flexibility."

She didn't think turian eyes could grow wide, but Garrus' did.

"Oh! I didn't… Huh. Never knew you had a weakness for men with scars."

Humor. It was his shield. But she could feel him trembling under her palm. Was he repulsed? She'd been so stupid. Shepard felt the sting of tears, but she was too proud to allow them to fall in front of him. She shifted to move away from him when his hand covered the one she had on his chest. She could feel it shake even as it held her in place.

"Shepard, there's nobody in this galaxy I respect more than you," he spoke, for once serious. Shepard felt a chill run down her spine at his words.

"Only respect?"

He closed his eyes for a second, before staring into her eyes. God, she loved that shade of blue.

"I'm not…" he allowed her to move away from him and he stood. Shepard feared he would run away from her, but instead, the turian began to pace, "Look, Shepard, I know you can find something a little closer to home."

"True, but I don't want something closer to home," she said, standing up and stopping his pacing, "I want you. I want someone I can trust. And well, if you're not comfortable with this, you don't have to worry. I'm not trying to pressure you and, if you want, we can forget about this conversation."

She moved away from him, unable to stare at him. The emotions she thought she'd started to control were becoming too much again. She'd done it. She just fucked up the one friendship that meant everything to her. She missed the surprise in his eyes at her words.

"Shepard, you're about the only friend I've got left in this screwed-up galaxy. You don't have to worry about making me uncomfortable. Nervous, yes… but never uncomfortable," he said before he turned her around. Shepard watched him hesitate before he rested his forehead with hers and spoke.

" I'm not going to pretend I've got a fetish for humans and part of me thinks we're crazy for even considering… But I want to try it with you."

He withdrew from her and she felt like she missed something. Some hidden meaning behind that forehead touching, but she didn't care right now. Right now she was happy. She let him pull her against him as he settled back on the couch.

"Can we save the tiebreaker for later, Commander. There's… ah… research to do and your… huh… condition to take into consideration."

Shepard rolled her eyes, though she knew he was right. She could take things slow now that she knew Garrus was interested in her.

"Alright. Just, promise me you won't leave me. Even if this doesn't work. Promise me I won't lose you."

He placed his hand on her belly. The first time he'd done that on his own.

"I'll always be here if you need me, Shepard. You don't have to worry about that."

A/N: familiar dialogue is not mine, but Bioware's