You guys really are amazing. Thank you all for your reviews and helping me decide what to do with the baby. It helped me more than you think because I know how to go on with this story now. I decided to write a new chapter because the reviews animated me to write. It might be the last one for like two weeks since I'll start my exams next week. Just to give you the heads up.

Decision

„What are you trying to say?" Derek asked scared of her answer. He felt like he wouldn't want to hear what she was about to answer, but he knew that he had to know anyway. "Mer, you're not saying that you don't want that baby, are you? You're not saying that you…" he couldn't say it. He knew she understood what he wanted to say.

"What?" she nearly yelled as she looked at him in shock. She couldn't understand why Derek would even think something like that, but then she understood that her ramble might have scared him more than she meant to. "No, Derek. Look, let's get someone to watch Zola and we can talk about this, okay?" she offered not wanting to have her baby listening to a conversation like this. Not at her age anyway. Even though she was most likely not to remember she just wanted to protect her little girl from the world. "Let's page Lexie. She seems to love taking care of her niece." Meredith offered and took her phone to page her sister.

It took Lexie five minutes to arrive in the hospital room. She entered after softly knocking because she didn't know if Zola was sleeping or not and she definitely didn't want to disturb her sleep or even worse, wake her up. "Hey." She said when she noticed them all sitting on the couch. "You paged me?"

Meredith looked at Derek and then turned to her sister before she started to speak. "I…" she wasn't sure how to tell Lexie without actually telling Lexie what was going on.

"Meredith and I need to talk and we were wondering if you were able to watch Zola for a little while. We don't want her to get in the middle of anything." Derek covered for his wife.

"Sure, I can take her. I'm on lunch break anyway." Lexie smiled. "Are you guys alright though? Are you having another fight about the trial? Derek, you know Meredith just did that to help and not to ruin anything." She started to babble.

"Yes, we're alright. We just have to have a grown up talk without a child in the middle of it all. I promise you that we won't go back to where we were a couple of days ago, okay?" He offered his sister-in-law. Derek noticed Meredith biting her lower lip and knew she was freaking out on the inside again. He held her tighter without grabbing her too tight in order to sooth her once again.

"Okay, I'll take Zola and go to the cafeteria. I'll also get her something small to eat so you don't have to worry. It's about lunch time for her anyway. So you two take your time to talk and page me when you're done so I know about it. When I'm getting paged into surgery I'll bring her down to the daycare so she won't be handed around too much, alright?" Lexie offered.

"Sure. Thanks, Lex." Meredith said and got up handing the baby over to her sister and giving Zola a little kiss on her cheek. "I love you baby girl. Aunt Lexie will take care of you for a little while okay?" she asked Zola and hugged her one last time before Lexie left the room again. Meredith turned around and looked at Derek. "Let's talk then."

"Okay, so you got me confused. What were you talking about in the first place? I'm freaking out here. This is our child we're talking about and I need to know what you were meaning by 'not being sure if you can lose another one'?" Derek had water in his eyes and tried to hold them back. He felt like he was fighting for his unborn child like he was fighting for Zola a few weeks ago.

"I wasn't talking about abortion, Derek. I will carry this baby to term when it is viable. We will have this child if I won't lose it like I lost the last one." Meredith felt a tuck at her heart when she spoke of Daniel again. "I was saying that I will let them cut my tubes when this doesn't work out for us and I lose this baby, too." Her voice broke to the end of the sentence. She actually didn't want to do it, but she couldn't get pregnant a third time and losing it again. "I know that it sounds hard, but Derek, I can't get pregnant a third time and lose the baby again then. It just hurts too much. It's not just the physical pain when you feel this piercing pain, but also the mental pain it does to me. You know I had to let them evacuate the fetus the last time and the procedure didn't quite hurt as much as the loss itself and I just-" Tears were now clearly running down Meredith's cheeks. "I just can't have faith in anything when this won't work for a second time. I'm definitely not going to go through this a third time. I know you might just not get me, but this is something I have to do for me. So Derek, please don't be mad at me for it." She half begged and half rambled while she was pacing the room up and down.

Derek was both relieved and shocked by the revelation, relieved because for now his child was safe and shocked because he never thought that Meredith would put so much thought to her situation. He knew the loss hurt her, but he never thought that the scars were so deep. "I don't hate you. In fact I understand what you're saying." He said getting up and stopping her pace.

"No, you don't understand. That day… When I lost Daniel all I thought about was how lucky I was that you survived because I thought that we could just make a new baby and that would be it. I don't feel bad for being happy that you survived, but I feel bad for everything else I thought back then." By now Meredith was crying.

"Shhh, Mer it's alright. I know you feel bad about it. I might not get you all the time, but I totally understand what you're trying to say." He hugged her close and ran a hand up and down her spine. Derek felt Meredith relax a little in his embrace and pressed a kiss on her head. "I'm really sorry that you had to go through all of that alone. I wish I would have been with you, but we can't thing like that. We need to think positive and not be scare of it all. I'm scared, too. I wasn't with you the last time and I don't want to miss a minute of this pregnancy no matter what will happen. I'm in this for good with you and I will support whatever decision you will make. I might not always be happy about it, but that's only natural. This will work out and we will have a beautiful little baby that looks like you and me. This is the happily ever after part. We're not losing this baby, but if and only if we do I will support your decision."

"Thank you, Derek." She whispered. "I love you." She said as she looked up to him.

"I love you, too." He replied. He leaned down and kissed her lips softly.

You know what to do. Please read and review. :)