Chapter 13.
The days before graduation flew by without any thought for those who had to spend them. Especially me. At the moment I didn't feel like I was at the beginning of my life as an adult…I felt like it was about time to die. Oh, I didn't walk around melodramatically depressed. But there was some part of me that felt hollow. The little things bugged me the most.
I couldn't help but be a little bitter as I saw Shyla happily pregnant…when my son had died in my arms. I couldn't help but be a little sad when I saw Magenta and Zach slowly ironing out their differences…when I knew that Warren and I would never have the chance to speak about ours. I felt incredibly self-centered and took to avoiding as much conversation as possible. Most of my friends and family took the cue. Layla didn't try to push me for answers anymore. Knight still gave me pathetically pleading looks, but he didn't chastise me.
I'd come to some sort of stalemate. After all, if Warren couldn't be the father of my child, did I want to have children? Maybe it was pathetic. But still, I couldn't imagine a happier life than the one I'd made up in my head. So while I considered the pros and cons of going into a vegetative state and shutting the world out- graduation loomed, bringing the world's concerns with it.
One of those concerns was brought to my attention on my very last day of school. I was called to the Principal's office for a special meeting. As I walked through the empty hallway, I just hoped this wasn't going to turn into one of those interventions I'd seen on television. I slouched into the room and took a seat. There was no one but Principal Powers and I in the room. I took that as a good sign and rubbed the chair arm absentmindedly.
"Hello Lydia," she greeted me with a smile and folded her arms on the desk.
"Hi," I offered in return, not looking up.
"I called you in about a special request- an opportunity for the coming year that you may choose to take. I recalled that some time ago you made your interest in teaching clear to your advisor."
"At the beginning of the year," I answered, "But I was told the schedule is too strict."
She nodded slightly, "Yes that is true. For a superhero the job of a normal teacher is too rigid. However, you may have noticed that the atmosphere at Sky High is a bit more lenient."
I pushed my shaggy hair out of my eyes and tried to process what she was saying. "I don't think I understand."
"It comes to this. Mr. Medulla needs an assistant for the next school year. He has expressed his wish for you to be considered for the position. After looking over your records, I have concluded that this would be a good choice and a great opportunity for you."
I stared at her blankly.
She lowered her voice with a painfully understanding look in her eyes. "I know that you are going through a difficult time at present…but I want you to think about this. This would give you the opportunity to continue your education, you are quite gifted in science and I think it would be the perfect fit. Just consider it and get back to me." She stood, signaling the end of the meeting.
I didn't know that I had stood in response, but found myself staring blankly at my feet. "Thank you," I mumbled, hoping that was the correct response and left the room.
The fogginess in my head was clearing slowly as I tried to mull over what she had said. It would be a good opportunity…and you've always wanted to teach, I thought.
The dead part of me wanted to ignore the brief musing. What had happened to permanent stasis and all that? Maybe Knight did have a reason to call me a drama queen. I'd lost them and that hurt but…I paused and leaned up against a locker in the abandoned hallway. The rest stretched before me in a seemingly endless row. My chest hurt- not with emptiness, that would be a comfort, but with deep wounds. I'd lost them and what? But you need to keep living. My heart rebelled at the idea but my mind couldn't. I did need to live. I wouldn't be able to move on for a while, but I couldn't let that prevent me from trying to do something.
I was supposed to be a hero. Heroes weren't supposed to be crushed by one blow, they were supposed to fight back.
Besides- you don't always need your heart to fight. I thought, determining that it might be possible to lock up that raw organ without locking down my entire self.
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I looked at myself in the mirror before we left for the brief service. The black sweater and skirt made my skin look even paler. My face looked unhealthily so and there were dark circles under my darker eyes. The white of the sling I still had to wear contrasted sharply with the mourning clothes. I sighed and turned away from the reflection- wishing again that I could try and use my new powers to fast forward through this next ordeal. I might have ignored my father's instructions on experimenting with my powers, but I couldn't get rid of the nagging thought that Fintan would most definitely disapprove.
The rain poured down on our heads that evening as we watched an empty casket being lowered into the ground. The drops ran down across the wood, racing each other to the exposed earth below. It was strange to feel a smirk forming on my face. I could only think about the trouble the Agency would have coming up with something to put on the tombstone. I was obviously already working hard on the sanctioning of my heart. I had persuaded myself that it would help in the long run and soon it would come more naturally.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Knight stealing a glance at my face. My dad had already done the same thing several times. I counted the seconds to distract myself from their concern. Soon the dirt was being scooped in and I could breathe. It would only be a few minutes more and then I could turn and walk away. In my mind I'd be walking away forever.
A hand touched my shoulder as the mound was completed.
I turned my face upwards, expecting to have to smile comfortingly at my father. But it wasn't him.
Onyx eyes stared back.
"Oh," I managed to mumble as Fintan's lip quirked in amusement. There was no sign of graying in his hair or lines on his face. I've finally cracked, I thought sadly.
"So," he said as rain soaked his black suit, "Did I die well?"
"Of course," I croaked, "Dramatic expressions and all that." The newly made barrier around my heart began cracking and tumbled down as silently as it had been erected.
"Good."
My family moved back towards the car, casting conversely amused and sad expressions at us. They had known? All along? I closed my eyes and wondered if I could plead insanity when I killed them.
"Why didn't anyone tell me?" I asked, feeling warm drops on my cheeks, as opposed to the cold rain.
"I'd imagine they didn't know for sure. It'd be more cruel to tell you I was coming back and then have nothing happen."
"I suppose," I relented- still staring at his features. Why argue when he was standing right there. "And I'm not dreaming?"
"If you are," he answered slyly, "Then I am too." He took my arm gently and started walking me back towards the car.
"So," I began as we walked, the wheels in my head slowly turning, "That's why you were all gray…and why no one was very upset."
"I was all gray?" he asked curiously, "Well I suppose that's good to know. But yes, that's why no one was extremely upset. They knew I'd still hold my place in time, even if I didn't come back to visit again. But the Ministry had to think I was dead- I can't have them looking for me. I had thought it might be too traumatic to you…but grandp- I mean, your father, told me that it would be traumatic if I didn't, what with you moping about like a zombie."
"I wasn't moping," I answered firmly- amazed that I wasn't having an emotional breakdown.
He raised an eyebrow and opened the door of the limo that the Agency had provided for us for the funeral.
"Whatever you call that then," he said finally as we slid in.
My father looked up at me with a guilty smile. Knight just hid his grin by starting a conversation up with Taylor.
"Warren's going to jail. The sentencing was yesterday…" I trailed off, wringing my hair out. I hadn't asked for the number of years knowing that it would hurt too much.
"I know," Fintan answered, "I was there."
He wouldn't respond to any probing on that issue so the rest of the ride was spent in near silence. I was surprised that the frantic beating of my heart couldn't be heard by all in the car. It seemed so strange that I was sitting next to the person that the funeral had been held for. Would this be my life from now on? Dealing with these strange anomalies in time- never knowing if someone was really dead?
"What happened to Anna?" I leaned over and whispered to Fintan as we pulled up to the curb near our house.
"She lost her memory," he replied with a hint of sadness, "That time-jumping technology isn't without its kinks. But she was confirmed to be the daughter of Shanna's raped sister and Warren's uncle. At first I thought she might be working for revenge- but it seems daddy took good care of her- she was one of the only members of the Ministry that I'd never met. Her telepathic skills came in handy when she had to pose as your daughter."
I shook my head- mad at myself again for being so easily duped.
"I'm sorry Fintan," I said as we got out of the car and were immediately soaked once again.
I felt his hand squeeze my shoulder as we jogged to the door. Everyone stood wet and panting under the awning as my father dug around for his key.
I knew later that night I'd probably remember Warren's predicament and cry myself to sleep in theatrical fashion- there was no point in staging numbness now. But at the moment, with my family gathered together in the house and my son standing by my side, I couldn't be absolutely depressed. The future wasn't looking so bleak and with that hope came the realization that I'd been wrong. Heroes couldn't fight without their hearts.
Fintan's funeral turned into a wake as we talked the hours away.
And when I finally did go to bed, I worried myself to sleep. Surprisingly, it had nothing to do with Warren and much more to do with the fact that I'd have to wear that stupid cap and gown over my superhero suit tomorrow.
Graduation had come…without my permission.
AN: Yup there it is ;)
I can't believe that anyone thought Fintan was honestly gone...right? ;)
Thanks for all the reviews! I hope you all enjoyed the chapter and enjoy the one to come :D