Adventures in the Bar of Killed Off Characters

By:

LiL Pippin Padfoot

Disclaimer: Yea-ness! Plenty of reviews! Makes us very happy, yes, it does!

Ah yes, new character enters here. This quote should describe it nicely. from a spoof X-men comic

Salesman: I'm looking for a Jean Grey.

Colossus: She died. Come back next week.

Chapter 15

Can it, bub

So, Haldir was back, and to Boromir and Sirius, it meant the world to them that their friend was back. To the rest of the bar… well, Haldir was as much of a freak as he had always been, and they really didn't care.

Haldir had attempted to explain what had happen, but Boromir didn't really want to hear.

"Lothlorien," he snorted. "Nothing but bad memories and good food." Haldir just rolled his eyes at this stubborn man of Gondor. "Fine, don't let me finish. If you don't want to hear about it, I don't want to tell."

Sirius however, wanted to know. "You, Boromir, shut up."

"Thank you!" said Haldir, applauding. "Finally someone, thank you!"

Boromir just scowled. "Fine, go ahead; tell us what happened in Lothlorien the great."

"Nothing really, I saw the Lady Galadriel-,"

"Witch." Boromir whispered.

"If I still had my bow-,"

"But you don't. Keep going." Sirius said, stopping a fight before it started. He found himself realizing what it must have been like for Remus- always being the mediator between whichever of the friends was fighting. Even though him and James rarely fought, when they did they did not talk for long periods of time.

"So, I went there, and I wanted to stay. I much prefer the songbirds of Lothlorien to the drunken mumblings of you, dear Boromir."

"So why didn't you?" Boromir asked. He did not like to admit it, but he had always wanted to take Faramir to Lothlorien, Boromir knew he as a 'stupid soldier' couldn't appreciate Lothlorien for what it was, but Faramir, Faramir would have reveled at what a beautiful place it was .Even a stupid soldier could tell Lothlorien was sacred. Even if a witch did live there.

"Because." Haldir said.

"Because…?" Sirius said, encouraging Haldir to finish.

"That's it. Because." Haldir shrugged then smiled. "I came back because I am such a wonderful, nice, sensitive-,"

"Can it, bub." Boromir said. He had picked up that phrase a while ago, and he had been waiting forever to use it. "So, are you planning on leaving again anytime soon?"

Haldir opened his mouth to answer but the door was swinging open, and everyone stopped to look. Now, normally after a moment everyone went back to the normal brouhaha that came with living in a bar. But not this time. Why, you ask? This time, it was a woman who walked in the bar. And not just any woman. This was Jean Grey, Marvel Girl; the Phoenix.

"I'll be right back." Haldir said, walking away from Boromir and Sirius, and walking up to Jean."Hello! I'm Haldir, welcome to the Bar of Killed off Characters. You are?"

Jean looked him over. "I'm Jean- Jean Grey. You said this place is a bar? For killed off characters? What does that mean?"

"It means, my dear, you are dead." Haldir. "Or at least to everyone you knew thinks you are dead now."

Jean sunk into a nearby chair. "Oh, Scott… what have I done?"

"Excuse me? The name's Haldir." Haldir said, feeling a bit put off. How do you mix up Scott and Haldir?

"Oh!" Jean said, a slight smile flitting across her face. "No, I know you are, what did you say? Haldir. My husband's name is Scott." Haldir sat down next to her. It wasn't rare that's someone came into the bar and was hung up on someone they'd left behind.

"Oh, well, don't worry. You'll get to leave here soon enough, I'm sure."

"Leave?" Jean said. "I can go back?"

"Um, no." Haldir said. "Why don't you come over here, we can explain it." He could tell Jean was feeling bad, as I'm sure most people do after they die. "If you are feeling bad, Jean, just talk to Boromir. His life's so horrible it makes anyone feel better."

"I heard that!" Boromir roared. Haldir just shook his head. "See what I mean? Do you want anything to drink?" Jean shook her head, and Haldir led her over to where Sirius and Boromir were sitting.

"These are my friends-," here, Boromir snorted. "This is Sirius, and this is my best friend in the whole world, The great Captain Boromir."

"Captain?"

"Former captain." Boromir said. "I died, remember?"

"Believe me," Haldir said. "You tell us enough, we don't forget." And with that little remark, Boromir and Haldir launched into another fight.

"Don't worry," Sirius said, talking to Jean. "They always do that. They'll stop soon enough." He turned back towards Boromir and Haldir "Oy! Let up, will you?" He shrugged when they didn't. "So, where do you come from?"

Jean laughed bitterly "The not too distant future. I'm and X-men a mutant."

Sirius looked at her. "A mutant?" He laughed. "And in the 'not too distant future' does that mean beautiful?" Sirius had always been a ladies man, and so far, he hadn't had any ladies to charm. Things had begun to look up for him, he thought.

"You are not the first man to say that to me, and I'm sure not the last." Jean Grey said with a slight smile.

Pidgie Took – Glad to know there's another Dustfigner fan!

Agent 047 – alls I can think of is the Grey's Anatomy when they keep calling George 007, license to kill. LOL (about the 047 in your name)

Erasuithiel - AitBoKOC I saw that and I was like, what? Then it reached my thick head that it is the title of the story! (as you can tell, it's been awhile)

MornieGalad – I liked the comparison myself.

FireSaber – thank you!

Sarmoti – Again, thank you!

Joou Himeko Dah – Gracias! (another way of saying thank you!)

Eibhlin – I have to say, that was one of my favorite quotes as well. J

Ghostymangarocker – yeah, I know, it's been awhile. I have little internet time anymore.

Laer4572 – I understand what you mean, I know the last couple have been… we'll say below par. But I really liked this chapter!

Elwing-Evenstar – will do!

Nota Lone – I don't know, personally, I'd pick yellow for Haldir. ;)