A/N So sorry for the delay with this chapter. The past few weeks have been difficult. This is dedicated to my furry companion of over a decade, therapy dog to the elderly, and bringer of more smiles than could ever be numbered. Your brave fight was an inspiration, little one.
Chapter 14
Rose's mind was awhirl as she attempted to process this latest development. Today's final activity was to be a renewing of vows. Vows. If she and the Doctor were going to successfully complete the final leg of this charade and get aboard the alien ship without incident, then they were going to have to do this. They were going to have to marry.
She wondered over the actual legalities, since they didn't have a license, he didn't have a legal Earth name, and he wasn't even human. But such legalities did not constitute a marriage in the first place. At least not in her mind. It was the vows. A thing like that was solemn; it was binding.
Did the Doctor even grasp that? He must have already known about this when he'd gotten a look at the itinerary while aboard the alien's ship. Yet he'd said nothing to her of the specifics – the highly important specifics. And wasn't that just like him, Rose thought, to think nothing of it? That seemed to have been his attitude throughout. Did he think any of this mattered in the slightest? She understood that the Doctor was doing all this for the greater good and could use that as an excuse to downplay the personal aspects thus far. But this? Surely even he had to acknowledge the significance. Right?
Delighted couples dispersed to prepare, some heading to shops in nearby Bowness to choose spur-of-the-moment formal attire while others were content to keep it casual. Amid the surrounding excitement, Rose felt her emotions surging for an altogether different reason, churning like a tempestuous sea. It was all she could do to keep telling herself this was simply a necessary element in this undercover scheme. She had inwardly quoted that same speech for days. But this time, no matter how hard she tried, it was nearly impossible to diminish their next and most significant act.
It wasn't until she and the Doctor were clear of the main lodge and on their way to where the TARDIS sat tucked away that they were even able to talk about it. Rose was trying to figure out how to even begin when the Doctor beat her to it.
"We're nearly there now, and so far no hitches." He nudged her shoulder with his, attitude upbeat as ever. "That's quite a feat for us! All going as planned."
Rose stopped dead in her tracks, forcing him to take notice and do the same. "Is this all according to plan?"
He nodded. "It's their final test, of sorts. Once they've confirmed which mates are truly committed, I recon the D'Narians will be on their way with the latest acquisitions for their breeding program. And a second honeymoon 'cruise' is the perfect excuse to get everyone aboard their ship. Predictable, really."
Maybe for him, but she still felt blindsided by this latest turn. "And this final 'activity' includes us?" Rose pressed him.
The tightness in her tone seemed to give him pause. "Well…yes. That's always been the plan, right?"
"Has it?"
He scratched his head. "Hasn't it?"
Rose pulled in a breath of fresh, woodsy air, hoping to keep her head clear. "So you knew this was planned as their final step?"
The Doctor shrugged. "Like I said, it's all going as planned. So…yes."
Rose crossed her arms, determined to go no further until this was addressed and dealt with. "And you didn't think to let me in on the details?"
"We already discussed the plan. We play along with all this domestic stuff, get ourselves chosen and then–"
She launched back in, cutting him off. "But you forgot to mention that this 'domestic stuff' included gettin' married."
He did at least pause to tug on his ear. "Well…we just…have to stand up and say a few words. Rather straightforward and painless. Now on Braxaguard it'd be another story. The painless bit, I mean. There it involves a serrated dagger, the co-mingling of blood and–"
"But those few words are sort of important, yeah?" Rose interrupted, barely keeping her frustration over his indifferent attitude in check.
The Doctor glanced down and cleared his throat. "It depends on one's perspective. For the couples here who intend to reconfirm their commitment to each other, then…yes."
"So it all depends on whether or not someone really means it?" she asked, trying hard to understand his feelings on the matter.
"Precisely."
With that, the Doctor turned and began walking again, heading deeper into the woods. After a beat or two, Rose shook her head and followed. Both were silent, but Rose's mind was not. Should she actually do this? Could she actually do this? The Doctor's voice cut through her thoughts as her steps caught up to his.
"I didn't think this would matter to you, Rose."
She turned to look at him. His brow was furrowed, but otherwise his expression was hard to decipher. She stared at him; he stared at her. He didn't think this mattered to her and she didn't think this mattered to him. Rose rubbed her temple. Did either of them really understand the other?
She opened her mouth to respond but he was already continuing.
"But apparently I was wrong."
Her eyes widened. "Well…yeah," Rose agreed, though without ire. She was relieved that they finally seemed to be on the same page about something.
"Considering your aversion to commitments, I should have realized."
Rose gaped at him. Her aversion to commitments? That was rich!
Oh. Well… Right.
"No bills, no taxes, no commitments. Beats a life of beans on toast any day."
Rose had sidestepped to safer ground when she thought the Doctor had been on the verge of laying down certain and final boundaries, keeping him from having to say it and her from having to hear it. But now her moment of cowardice was coming back to bite her. Well, she had no one to blame but herself for his assumption.
"Doctor, that's…that's not exactly what I meant. Some commitments are okay. Better than okay. But…they're not supposed to be like this."
He bobbed his head a few times, eyes down. "Yes. Of course. This isn't something you want and that's understandable. But obviously this isn't going to be binding," he waved off. "So you have nothing to worry about."
She sighed, weary of talking in circles. But could she come right out and clarify? Rose had never entertained the idea of marrying the Doctor. Well, not realistically. But she wasn't opposed to the prospect. Quite the opposite, actually. The trouble was pretending; doing something like this as if it meant nothing. Rose knew what she wanted to say to him, and it would certainly set the record straight.
Doctor, I want to marry you. I want to commit my life to you, all that I am and all that I have. But I only want that if you want it, too. And just so you know, I would give anything for you to want that.
Yes, that would clear things up quite thoroughly. It would also spell the end of their relationship as they currently knew it, for better or for worse. The "worse" scenario was the scary bit.
"So you don't think this would be binding?" she finally hedged.
"Not for us, considering the circumstances," he replied.
"S'pose that makes all the difference, then," Rose mumbled. It obviously wasn't going to matter to him.
"Indeed." The Doctor stuffed his hands in his pockets and continued walking.
Rose could only wonder what a Time Lord would consider binding. If not spoken vows, then what? She bit her lip in hesitation over her next question. Rose didn't want to touch on a sensitive topic for him, but she really needed to understand him better when it came to his viewpoint on this, considering what they were about to potentially undertake.
"So…umm…what was marriage like for your people? I mean…it didn't involve some sort of pledge or oath? Nothing like that?"
"It…did. Yes." He flicked his gaze to her then back to the earthen path. "But most cultures incorporate that basic principle, to varying degrees," he answered shortly, lacking readable emotion.
"So this ceremony would be similar to a true marriage ritual for you, too?"
She watched his chest expand with the load of a full breath. "Again, it's all about the intent behind the act."
"S'pose so," she murmured. "And we've gotta do this to get aboard that ship without incident, yeah?"
He looked at her. "So you're willing?"
Rose couldn't believe she was saying this, but they'd already come this far. "I guess I am if you are."
The timbre of his tone seemed to deepen. "Oh, I'm willing."
Rose swallowed. "So…we just kinda sorta got engaged," she both quipped and marveled.
"Kinda sorta."
"Yeah," she rasped. "Nothin' we won't do for the greater good, eh?"
"Correctamundo!"
Rose stopped walking altogether as the reality of the whole thing hit her squarely. Considering her life with the Doctor, this was no doubt the closest she would ever come to this sort of thing. It was a far cry from idyllic. A frown creased her forehead. "So instead of a proposal I basically just get 'correctamundo?'"
His own frown formed as the Doctor drew to a stop beside her. "Well, that will hardly do, will it? Especially considering it's a word I'd hoped to never use again. Tell you what…let's do this right!"
"Huh?"
He beamed at her, took her hands in his, whirled around in front of her and dropped to one knee – all before she could take a breath.
"Rose Marion Tyler, will you do me the honor of being my partner, my right-hand man…er…woman, my cohort against wrongdoing as we unravel the plans of a race bent on subjugating humans against their will?" He shrugged, offhandedly adding, "For better or for worse?"
Rose stared down at him and nearly choked on a swelling sob. Mock proposal aside, he had just summed up exactly what she was to him. She was his right-hand man…woman…whatever. She was his sidekick, like the countless others who had come before her. That's all he ever wanted or needed. Never more or less. For the most part she had come to accept that. But this whole situation was like taking any dreams or fanciful notions she may have entertained of more, and throwing them all back in her face.
Rose glanced away from him. "Doctor, just…get up. Enough, alright?"
The tone of his voice fell. "But you haven't answered."
She sighed. "Yeah, alright. Whatever."
He frowned, standing to his feet. "That's the best I'll get from you, I suppose," he mumbled, releasing her hands and brushing off his knee.
She shot him a look. "That makes two of us."
They regarded each other for a drawn-out moment. The Doctor cleared his throat, nodding toward the TARDIS that was in view just up ahead, nestled amongst the trees.
"So, on with the plan. Right? Right! I obviously can't just tote the TARDIS aboard their ship without attracting a bit of attention. Even if I landed her there while no one was onboard and kept her hidden, it's very likely the ship's scanners would detect her. They might not figure out right away whom the foreign ship belonged to. But they'd certainly have everyone under suspicion, and we'd likely all be held separate from the others upon arrival, defeating the entire purpose of doing it all this way. It's just too risky considering how close we are to getting in without attracting suspicion."
"So you plan for us to go to the D'Narian's homeworld without the TARDIS?" Rose wasn't sure she liked the sound of that. "Then how would we bring everyone back once we freed them? And us, too? I mean…I suppose there's a chance we could get a hold of one of their ships to escape in, but there's no way to know how doable that would be."
"Precisely. We will need the TARDIS as our best bet to get everyone free, ourselves included. So I'm going to program the auto flight sequence for just such an occasion."
"Auto flight sequence? That like Emergency Program One?" She shivered slightly at the recollection.
"In a way, I suppose. But this would utilize a somewhat different principle. The TARDIS is bound to my timeline like a tether, aware of my present position throughout Time and Space. All I have to do is pre-program her to reach my location a short while after she perceives my arrival on New D'Naria, with her systems bio-locked to find me. We arrive, get processed and taken to the human 'colonist' compound. Then presto! The TARDIS shows up at our doorstep. It's all rather foolproof, really!" He scratched the back of his neck, and mumbled, "To a certain degree. Still! It's eighty-nine percent guaranteed to succeed…give or take."
Rose wasn't even going to quibble over the other eleven or so percent chance of failure. They likely faced down worse odds on a regular basis. One factor did grab her attention, though.
"Hold on…if you can program the TARDIS to come to you, how come you didn't do that on Krop Tor?"
"Ah. Welll…it has to be pre-programmed." He shrugged sheepishly. "I don't always plan these little excursions ahead of time."
"Well, that's certainly true."
They reached the blue box and opened the door, worn hinges emitting a familiar creak. As the Doctor went to the console to begin configuring the necessary program, he spoke over his shoulder to Rose.
"Feel free to browse the wardrobe for a frock of some sort that strikes your fancy." She stared at him. "You know…for the ceremony. Or not. Anything will do, really. I expect it will be somewhat casual. Still…women like that sort of thing, right? Adorned in fancy dress for their nuptials?" He grinned charmingly. "Here's your chance."
Rose felt her jaw tighten. "Yeah, 'course. This is just what every woman dreams of."
His attention had already returned to the console, but he absently responded with, "Happy to oblige."
Shaking her head at the growing madness of the entire situation, Rose turned and headed for the corridor, but she stopped short as a thought struck her.
She turned back, chewing her thumbnail before blurting out her question. "Are we gonna need like…a divorce or annulment or something after this?"
At first she didn't think he'd noticed her question. His back was still turned and fingers still punching buttons on the console. But a moment later the Doctor answered, voice uncharacteristically low.
"No."
She wasn't sure what to make of his tone; almost like the concept repulsed him. "Oh, well…okay, then."
He turned back in her direction, meeting her eyes. "Not in the terms you're thinking, at least. Technically this is a renewal of vows, so there will be no marriage license issued, et cetera, since that's supposedly already been done."
"So this won't count if there's no piece of legal paper," Rose concluded, though she still felt like this counted. This mattered.
"Well…yes and no. There are plentiful examples of marriage being binding simply by a public profession of vows, as I'd mentioned. That's the case even among certain Earth cultures. In which case, the undoing of such comes about by the subsequent public renouncement of said vows."
"So…basically what we're about to do is considered binding, but can be undone if we…take back the words?"
"Only if the words were genuine to begin with. It would depend on whether they were spoken with true intent in the first place." His gaze drifted off as he shrugged. "Since ours won't be, then…you'll have nothing to worry about."
"Yeah, okay. Got it." Rose turned away, uncertain whether she should feel dejection or relief.
The Doctor clearly saw this as nothing more than a means to an end in stopping a corrupt plot. In other words, it wouldn't really count for the two of them as an actual marriage. Realistically, Rose had no expectations that he would be willing to do this if he considered it legitimate and binding. And it wouldn't really be fair to expect him to see it as such anyway, since he didn't have feelings for her in that regard. Still, Rose couldn't help that a part of her wanted it to mean something more to him; wanted her to mean something more to him. But that was always the crux of the issue. Something more was not something a man like the Doctor would or could give.
In resignation, Rose made her way to the sprawling wardrobe room of the TARDIS, thinking maybe she should select some sort of dress for the occasion – genuine ceremony or not. She could at least look the part.
She turned off the main corridor and entered the expansive wardrobe, expecting to climb a few flights up the spiraling staircase to reach the uppermost level where the gowns of various design typically resided. But to her shock, she was met by rack after rack of voluptuous wedding gowns upon entry to the room. Once Rose had recovered her breath from the unexpected onslaught of white silk and lace, sharp annoyance spiked within her. It seemed the Doctor and his ship were even more alike than she'd realized.
"Can't either of you take this seriously?" Rose directed her agitated question toward the domed ceiling. "It's enough that I have to go through with it like this without it being made into a…a joke."
Rose sagged against a curving coral strut, shoulders slumped. It was then she felt an unexpected yet soothing hum within her mind, caressing the very edge of her consciousness. It was almost like an arm draping around her shoulder in reassurance. Ever since uniting with the Heart of the TARDIS, there were brief moments when Rose could still feel the presence of the ship, deep down in the center of her being. Now was one of those times, and she had the distinct impression the sentient ship was attempting to encourage, not mock her.
Rose absently patted the coral supporting her. "I appreciate your…enthusiasm about this. But he doesn't feel that way about it. 'S not important to him." The presence of the TARDIS grew stronger in her mind, but this time it resonated as a stern thrum. It seemed the ship disagreed.
Rose moved forward and fingered the delicate white lace of one of the gowns. "I wish you were right. But you know what he's like."
She glanced to her right only to find that even more gowns had amassed. Apparently someone had their own stubborn opinion. Who knew a time machine could be such a romantic?
Rose regarded the wedding gowns wistfully, wondering how she was supposed to go along with this and pretend it meant nothing. As the Doctor himself said, its significance or lack thereof depended upon true intent and whether or not the words held meaning.
Rose had encountered her share of marriage rituals throughout the galaxy. She also had a basic knowledge of various Earth customs, old and new. Despite assorted differences, most shared the basic concept of a binding pledge, be it spoken, written or symbolized, which served as a unifying element between two people. If you vowed it and meant it, such a vow mattered; it counted.
She could go along with this and try to pretend it meant nothing. But in reality she knew there was no possible way for her to pledge herself and her love to the Doctor without professing it from the depths of her being. Which meant it would count. In the most fundamental way, this would be a binding pledge on her part.
The knowledge was slightly overwhelming. But Rose realized she wanted that. She wanted this to count. It wasn't like she was holding herself available for any other man. Her forever belonged to the Doctor, regardless of the capacity in which it would be spent. And if this was the closest she could ever get to forming an unbreakable commitment with him, she would embrace this one opportunity.
Rose took a last look at the proffered dresses, but decided against choosing any sort of glitzy gown. Somehow it seemed appropriate to do this just as she was, in her current jeans and fuchsia jumper. This was who she was, just Rose, and that's what she intended to give the Doctor in eternal pledge this very day. Even though the heedless alien failed to comprehend that and would likely turn and run if he did.
Be that as it may, there was one sure bonus waiting at the end of this ceremony. A surge of heat swept through her veins at the very thought. Rose Tyler was finally going to get to snog the Doctor for all she was worth.