Chapter 14:

The Tale of Sir Lancelot

Deep within the swamps of the forbidden land of Morytania, there are two great castles. One, which lies in southern reaches, is the Castle Drakan: a most unholy place inhabited by the vampires who rule over Morytani. To the north was a castle which now lies abandoned and in ruins, inhabited only by a headless ghost gardener, a cursed composite undead, and a mad scientist. Now it is called Castle Fenkenstrain, and it too is a place of evil. But once it was known as Swamp Castle, and was one of the last shelters of humanity in the cursed vampiric lair that had once been called Hallowvale. This is what happened to it:

Within the tallest tower of Swamp Castle was the room of Prince Herbert, son of Rologarth, and it was on that fateful day that Prince Herbert was to be married…

"Look out the window lad!" King Rologarth of Swamp Castle declared, sweeping his arm about grandly, "Some day, all of this will be yours!"

"What? The curtains?" asked Prince Herbert in confusion.

"No, not the curtains! Everything you can see! The Haunted Woods, the swampy wasteland, all of it!"

"Cool, Dad! That's soooo totally evil!"

His father chuckled proudly.

"But, um," the Prince said uncertainly, "I don't really want all that."

"You don't want it!?" the king roared, "Why the bloody hell not!?!?"

"Well, its just that, rather than be King, I'd much rather…,"

"Rather what?"

At that, Prince Herbert grabbed an axe-style guitar decorated with skulls, plugged it into the amps, began to play and answered his father with a shout, "I'd rather ROCK! Whoah! Whoah! Whoah! I'd rather ROCK!"

Then, unfortunately, he began to sing as he played, "Goth Rock! YEAH! GOTH ROCK! LET'S GO! GOTH ROCK! EVIL! EVIL! EVIL! WEARIN' LOTSA BLACK! MY NAME'S HERBERT, BUT I'D RATHER BE CALLED LUCIFER! WHOAH! GOTH ROCK! GOTH ROCK! WHOAH! WHOAH! WHOAH!"

Suddenly the music stopped as suddenly as it had begun, thanks to King Rologarth and his skill with the battle axe. That poor amp system never stood a chance.

"Cut that out, cut that out!!" Rologarth bellowed. You won't be playin' that devil music…err, Zamorak music, no wait, we worship Zamorak….hmm, Ah! You won't be playin' that Zaros music around here, not while I'm King!"

After taking a moment to calm down, the King then said, "Look, lad. I built this place up from nothin'. All the other kings said it was daft to build a castle in a vampire-infested swamp, and only a complete noob would try it. But I did all the same! Just to show 'em!

"It sank into the swamp. So I built a second one. That one sank back into the swamp. So I built a third one. That one laid siege to by vampires and werewolves until we all nearly died of starvation and thirst, burned down, fell over, and then sank into the swamp, BUT the fourth one STAYED UP! And that's just what you're goin' to get lad: The strongest castle in Gielnor!"

"Yeah, but," Herbert whined, "I don't like heeeer."

"Don't like her!?" the King bellowed, "What's wrong with her!? She's beautiful, she's rich, she's got HUGE b-, er, tracks of land!"

"True," Herbert agreed, "Plus she's a vampire, and Lord Drakan's daughter- which is ultra evil and all- but, I don't want Vanescula to marry me, or turn me into a vampire! As awesome and evil as being a vampire is, she's always so abusive to me! I couldn't take that for eternity, even if she is a fellow goth!"

Enraged, the King grabbed his son by his black robes and shook him fiercely. "Look here now Alex…,"

"Herbert," the Prince corrected, "Though I'd rather be called Lucifer."

"Yes, Herbert, sorry. Now shut up. Look here now Herbert, we live on the edge of a bloody swamp filled with bloody vampires…

Herbert giggled at the unintended pun but was roughly shaken again for it.

"…Plus there's that awful blood tithe every month! We need all the land that we can get! Your marryin' Lady Vanescula, so you better get used to the idea!"

With that, the King smacked Herbert and stormed out the door.

Herbert continued to lie on the ground for a moment before picking himself back up. Upon doing so, he picked up his guitar and began to sing a sad song that he had once written about how horrible his life is.

"My life is really sucky, in fact its…"

"AND NO SINGIN'!!" the King bellowed, storming back into the room. Then he turned and left again.

Herbert sat about feeling sorry for himself for several moments before spotting the a possible source of salvation: Hanging upon one of the walls of his room was a bow and a quiver of arrows which his father had once given him as a present, but he had refused to use them until he had gotten a much more evil weapon, like a Dark Bow. Turning towards his desk, the thin, pasty-skinned prince grabbed a sheet of parchment and swiftly scribbled out a message. Before continuing on with his plan though, he turned to sneak a peek to make sure that the guards that his father had posted in his room weren't suspicious of what he was doing.

He needn't have bothered, though. Both were nothing but skeletons, due to the fact that the King of Swamp Castle was a cheap jerk who only paid one fourth of his guards, and only fed every other one.

In what he imagined to be a stealthy manner, the Prince "snuck up" to his bow, "casually" tied his message onto an arrow with a bright red bow, "cautiously" went to the window with his bow and arrow/message, and swiftly fired the arrow in a random direction, turned, hid the bow behind his back and whistled innocently. The guards never suspected a thing.

Elsewhere…

"Buwhahahahahahaha!! Come along, Concord!" Sir Lancelot called back to his servant as he sliced off another vampire's head.

The two lone humans had been wandering lost through Morytania when they had suddenly found themselves in the middle of the Haunted Woods, surrounded by legions of blood-thirsty vampires and leeches. So it had began that Lancelot would prance about like a mad man killing everything that came within sword reach, while Concord would follow in the wake of destruction and bang his coconuts together so that it sounded as if Lancelot was mounted. The point of this was not really known by either one of them, but Lancelot though it seemed cool, so they kept on with it. Until…

Thunk

"Message for you sir," Concord stated as he keeled over backwards with an arrow in his chest.

"Concord!" Lancelot yelled, killing a final vampire before grabbing his servant, cook, and emergency food supply, er, I mean very close friend and fleeing out of the Haunted Woods. Once they were safely out of the cursed forest Lancelot began to examine Concord's body. Upon discovering that there was a scroll wrapped around the arrow, the knight carefully removed the fatal message and began to read.

"'To whoever brave knight finds this: I have been imprisoned by my father, who wishes me to marry a vampire against my will for the gaining of land and to be free of the Drakans' blood tithe. I am currently being held in the tall tower of Swamp Castle. Please, please, please, please come rescue me!' At last! A call, a plea for help! Perhaps this is the heroic errand that shall lead me to the Holy Grail! Brave, sweet Concord! You shall not have died in vain!"

Suddenly, Concord sat up, inexplicably okay despite the fact that there was an arrow sticking directly out of his chest cavity.

"Um, I'm not quite dead, sir," the undamaged servant said.

Lancelot stopped, stared for a moment, and then began to think of something else heroic to say that would better fit the situation.

"Well, you shall not have been mortally wounded in vain."

"In fact, I think I'm getting better!" Concord said, further bursting his master's bubble.

"Oh, I see…,"

"In fact, I think I'm feeling well enough that I can go with you!"

"No, no, sweet Concord!" Lancelot exclaimed dramatically. "Stay here and rest, while I go on a daring and heroic rescue for my own glory and to fulfill my personal…um…,"

"Idiom, sir?" the servant replied.

"Idiom! Yes, thank you."

"Not, it's alright sir, I'm quite fine."

"Farewell, sweet Concord!" Lancelot declared and dashed off.

Then the vampires began to crawl out of the woods.

"Oh, bugger."

To Be Continued…