A/N: So this chapter has a decision in it that was hard to make as a writer. This was actually not where I was going to go with this story at all. I sat and tried to get in Harry's head and what is written below is effectively my own torn feelings. Music listed at the bottom for those who are curious.

The Next Day

I woke before him. My eyes flashed open and I stared up at the ceiling of Draco Malfoy's bedroom. My forehead was beaded with sweat. I was too familiar with this feeling. A nightmare. I wiped the sweat off my forehead and glanced over at Draco. He was lying on his stomach, an arm tucked under his pillow. He looked more peaceful than I had ever seen him in the waking world. But it was alarming nonetheless. I sat up and put my glasses on. I didn't remember taking them off, but I must have. As I threw my legs over the edge of the bed, I realized I was naked. It wasn't as if I had been ignorant of what had happened last night up until that moment, I had simply been in denial. But seeing my own body bare before me was a reminder of the truth. My clothes were folded neatly into a pile on the floor by my feet. I picked them up and snuck straight out of the bedroom, as quickly and as silently as I could manage. I stepped down the hall of the second floor and noticed a door ajar. I could see tile on the floor just inside this room. I opened the door and found the bathroom. I flicked the light on and slipped in, shutting the door quietly behind me. The light had dazed me a bit, but I still managed to yank on my clothes. I checked my wristwatch after I had tugged on my shirt.

5:37 am.

I pulled my hoodie on and carefully crept down the stairs. I realized I had left my shoes in the living room. When I entered the room a moment later I noticed a number of things. Indeed, my shoes were there. As was a slightly empty decanter of firewhiskey and two discarded tumblers. Drops of the firewhiskey still remained on the coffee table. I shook my head and slipped into my sneakers. I had really done it now. I wanted to go back to Ginny, but I knew I couldn't. I couldn't talk to Draco either, he was half of the problem. I wondered if Hermione or Ron would have any sage advice for what I'd done. Scratch that, I could only tell Hermione. I still had no intentions of letting Ron know that I had ever fucked Malfoy. But there was no way to tell Hermione without telling Ron now that they lived together. They shared everything together, including the latest news.

In that moment I desperately longed for Sirius and Remus. I momentarily wondered if I should look for the Resurrection Stone in the Forbidden Forest. But I knew better. There was certainly no former professor who I felt comfortable confessing these sins to. Once again, I was alone. But perhaps that wasn't such a bad thing. I stood in Draco's living room and spun quickly, apparating away.

My feet touched back down in the Forest of Dean. It was so early that the grass was still freshly covered in dew, and a fog was slowly lifting up through the trees. It was chilly out, partially because it was so early. My hairs stood on end and I wrapped my arms around myself to keep me warm. I walked mindlessly through the woods, listening to the sounds of the leaves crunching beneath my feet. It was refreshing to be away from it all. I wondered if anyone was worried about me right now. I doubted it. It was too early for anyone to have noticed me missing. Although I supposed it was possible for Ginny to have already told Ron and Hermione what had happened between us, but perhaps none of them wanted to try and find me. I was okay with that. I had a feeling that being alone right now was probably a good thing.

The trees began to thin out as I climbed a steep hill. When I came up to the zenith and looked down I let out a soft sigh. It was so quiet and peaceful up here. I shut my eyes and tried to imagine what Remus and Sirius might have to say about this. My memories of them came to mind. I had a feeling Sirius would tell me to go with whatever felt right. Remus would try and be logical, most likely, but he would ultimately assure me he would trust whatever decision I made. Neither were very helpful.

I opened my eyes and looked down at the forest below me. I noticed that most of the trees were turning color. Was it really fall already? I ran a hand through my hair. I tried to weigh the options logically. I remembered Draco asking me the night prior why it was that I wanted him. Why did I? For once it had been me that had pursued him. Could I really blame it on alcohol alone? No, of course not. Then why had I done it? The answer was simple. I wanted to. I had been talking to him and I was comfortable. He had flattered me when he had explained why he had fallen in love with me. It shocked me to know how painful my faked death had been for him. Of course I had known how much it hurt my friends, but I had never thought that Draco would care. And why should he? I had always assumed he had seen me as I had seen him: an enemy who I had had a few flings with. But to think he had actually cared for me all along, and that it was this affection that had not only saved my life at Malfoy Manor, but my friends' lives as well, was almost unbelievable. Perhaps if I chose Malfoy over Ginny … it wouldn't be the worst decision I ever made. I didn't have any hatred remaining for him, that was for sure. He clearly was not the villain I had always understood him to be — not unlike Snape, really.

But I still cared so much for Ginny. She had literally been the last thing I thought of before I died. I had had far more pleasant memories with her than I had with Draco. Our first kiss was far sweeter than the one I had had with Draco. Our first time having sex had even been better, certainly more meaningful. We had shared a lot of pain together, survived so much. Of course, I survived a lot with Draco too. Unlike with Draco, however, Ginny and I did not fight as much. Except for now, of course. She had not been happy when I had broken up with her to go find the Horcruxes. But she had not been outraged. She had fought so bravely in the battle. She was a wonder on the Quidditch pitch. It hadn't been hard to get along with her, it never had. I was so comfortable around her. But I was comfortable around Draco now too. However, it would certainly be easier to be with Ginny. Things would stay as they were. If I chose Draco, everything would change. First and foremost, I would be breaking Ginny's heart and the thought was almost unbearable. Secondly, Ron might kill me. Thirdly, I might have to be introduced to the Malfoy's as their son's boyfriend. I shuddered at the thought.

I wondered how everyone else I loved might react to the news of me being with Draco. I laughed to myself when I imagined McGonagall just being perplexed. Of course she would never disapprove, but she wouldn't get it. Hagrid might disapprove. He never liked Draco after we had to have detention with him our first year, and the animosity only grew when he called Hermione a mudblood a year after that. I wondered what Snape would think if he was still around. It dawned on me suddenly that Snape had known. I had forgotten it. I had actually blocked it out. But he knew, and he never said anything to me about it. He must not have minded, or he just didn't care. It was probably the latter.

I noticed a small violet growing among the grass not far from me. I sat down on the hard earth and plucked the small flower. I sighed softly and twirled it between my fingers. It smelled wonderful. Perhaps the little flower, as a symbol of chance, could tell me what to do. I tried not to think about how silly it was, but I reasoned that it didn't matter because nobody could see me. I plucked a petal off, "I go with him." The petal fell to the grass. "I go with her." Pluck. "I go with him." Pluck. "I go with her." I widened my eyes at the one last petal. I pulled it off and murmured, "I go with him." Despite doing this, I knew it was better to decide on my own. I sighed and laid down in the grass and dead leaves. Within a few moments I could feel the cold set in, but I didn't mind. It was helping me clear my head.

I considered everything. Absolutely every moment I had had with Ginny and every moment I had had with Draco. I tried to consider which of them I felt I could trust the most. It was equal. I groaned out loud, covering my face with my hands to shut the world out. Why did it have to be so goddamn hard? There had to be some definitive way of knowing. I took a deep breath and tried to tune into myself. Logic was obviously useless in this, I needed to listen to my heart. Inhale. Exhale. I could feel my pulse clear as day. I tried to listen to it like it was Morse code. It took five minutes to solve the riddle ofmy dilemma.

I jumped to my feet and apparated home. I didn't bother to wait outside the front door. I simply appeared in the living room. It was already around seven in the morning. Ginny was standing in the kitchen not far from me and had jumped in surprise when I appeared. "Dammit Harry what did you do that for?"

"I need to talk to you," I said urgently.

"I don't want to talk to you."

"Well, can you at least listen and I do the talking?"

She sighed and agreed with a nod.

"I am so sorry for the pain I have caused you. I really do care about you, Ginny. But I am not what you deserve anymore. I did the worst thing I could possibly do to you, and there's nothing that can make up for it."

"Harry it wasn't that bad," She started.

I cut her off, "I slept with him. Last night."

She froze. It was several agonizingly long heartbeats before she spoke again, "Do you love him?"

I swallowed hard, "I — I think I might."

She shook her head and her eyes started to well up with tears. "You said you never would…"

"I know."

"You do realize that's the one thing that I cannot justify or forgive. Especially when it's your ex," She explained sharply, her breathing becoming ragged.

"I know it. I do not expect you to ever forgive me. I'm not asking that you do."

"Did you do this just to push me away, Harry? Is this your attempt to ruin our relationship?"

"If you're asking if I slept with him out of spite, I didn't. It wasn't random. It wasn't to hurt you, or him for that matter. It was …" I sighed. "I needed to know what it was I felt for him. It proved it was more complicated than just enjoying the sex."

"Why are you telling me this? I don't want to hear it," She insisted angrily, her face flushing red from the exertion of her misery.

"Because you deserve the truth. That's the least I can do for you." I explained.

She laughed sarcastically, "Sometimes your honesty is painful, Harry."

"I know, I'm sorry. It was what started this whole mess. I told you exactly how I felt about you going out to Quidditch. It wasn't what you wanted to hear. It's been happening more and more lately. You just want me to validate your own feelings instead of telling you what I actually think."

She stayed quiet for awhile. She wiped away her tears. I had to quell the impulse to go over and wipe them away for her. It was hurting me as much as it hurt her. As she cried before me, I remembered every little happy memory we had shared. The kiss in the Burrow just before the wedding. Lying by the Great Lake at school and laughing together over nothing important. The first kiss after I came back from the dead. The feeling of seeing her when we arrived for the Battle. The excitement of buying this home together. The thrill of Quidditch victories. I knew this was going to change everything, that there was no coming back from it. But I knew it was the right choice. She would never be happy with me after what I had done.

"How are we going to tell them?" She asked.

"That's up to you. I know Ron might want to kill me one way or another. It might be best if you tell him."

She smirked, "I might make you out to have been extra mean though."

"I still trust you. I know you won't." Despite everything I still felt like I could talk to her, laugh with her. I knew it would be awhile before we could comfortably do so again, but I knew the time would come where we could be friends again.

"I'll tell the family then. You can tell Hermione. She won't be as alarmed. She knows you and Draco have a history anyway." She was trying her best to sound cool and collected but I could tell it was killing her.

"I want you to know I'm not going to try and seek sympathy from anyone. You deserve the support they can give, not me. I don't want anyone to feel like they have to pick sides. I'm deciding right now that they need to pick your side."

A watered, weak smile appeared, "I would say no, but I really don't object. How is it that even now you're trying to protect me?"

"You're always going to be like family to me, Ginny. Even though we have a history, I'm always going to care about your well being."

"Merlin, Harry, why do you have to be such an arse but have a good heart? I can't keep up with it."

"I'm sorry."

"Oh hush." She shook her head and sighed. "What do you want to do with the house?" She gestured to the walls surrounding us.

"Do you want to stay here?"

She took a long while to consider it, her eyes skimming everything in sight. After several minutes she finally shook her head, "It was supposed to be ours. And you broke my heart in it instead. You keep it. It's your money anyway. I'll go home. Mum probably won't let me out of her sight once I tell her anyway." She reasoned.

I nodded, accepting this. I had been prepared for either response.

"I'm going to pack my things now," She murmured.

"Would it be inappropriate to hug you before I go?"

She looked at me and frowned, trying to stop more tears, "Not inappropriate. But I don't know if I could let go again. It'd be more pain than I could bare."

"Alright, I'll respect that. Then I'll just say this," I sighed and caught her eye again, "I'm truly sorry. I hope you can heal and we can be friends again someday."

"So do I," She confessed. "And I mean that. It will be awhile though."

"I understand."

"Goodbye, Harry."

"Goodbye, Ginny." I felt a heavy weight descend on my shoulders as I let the words fall out. I turned on the spot, leaving her alone to collect her things. I would return later, but I had more important business to take care of right now.

A/N: Songs included Fix You by Coldplay, Good Riddance (Time of your Life) by Green Day, and Wake Me Up When September Ends, also by Green Day. And, additionally, Fall Out Boy's Thnks fr th Mmrs (yes thats the actual spelling) is relevant, though I didn't play it while writing.