"Before you say anything, I just need you to listen to me-"
"Carlisle!" I squealed, cutting him off and rushing over to hug him
He sort of shrunk back at my outburst, the look on his face telling me he thought he was in trouble. "Look, I know you're pissed and you have every right to be-"
"But-"
This time he interrupted me. "I'm either saying this now or I'm jumping out that window again and hiding for the next ten years because that's apparently what I do when I'm scared." He shoved his hands in his pockets, nervous, and I could see he was mad at himself.
I nodded and closed my mouth, suddenly worried about what he might be about to tell me. The thought of divorce crossed my mind and brought tears to my eyes but I squashed it down. He wouldn't really do that, would he? I thought to myself.
He shifted anxiously, taking a step back. "I know you're mad at me and I deserve that. I've been acting like a complete and total asshole even though you're trying to help me and I'm sorry. I need to grow up and act like a normal human being, not a child. I know it isn't exactly easy for the rest of you either and I'm sorry for making it even harder. I'm going to…I'm starting work at the hospital on Monday a-and if you think it's the right thing to do then I'll go see the psychologist as well. And you're right; I can't run away from things any more so that stops now. No more running away…Esme, being married to you is the greatest thing that could ever happen to me. I don't know why I keep screwing it up and I'm sorry for that too. You deserve better…I-I don't deserve it but I-if for some reason you can forgive me…" He couldn't finish, dropping his eyes which had been locked on mine the entire time to the floor.
I bit back the urge to cry, guilty. "I can't forgive you," I told him.
He just nodded, resigned like he was expecting it, before starting to turn away.
I grabbed his hand. "I can't forgive you because you did nothing wrong, Carlisle. I shouldn't have yelled at you, that was wrong of me, but you have to understand I wasn't mad at you. I was never mad at you, love. I'm just worried. I want you help you so badly but nothing I do seems to work. I-" I choked on a sob. "I'm so sorry I hurt you but I didn't mean it. I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want to; that's not fair. I love you-"
Suddenly his arms were around me, hugging me fiercely. He murmured something to me but it was distorted by my sobs. After about five minutes he started to release me.
"No. Don't let go," I begged him desperately. I slid my arms around him, squeezing him as tightly as I could, almost afraid he might disappear.
He kissed the top of my head and I buried my face in his neck.
"I missed you," I whimpered.
"I wasn't gone very long, love," he chuckled, rubbing my back.
"Too long."
"I wouldn't abandon you, Esme. Never," he promised.
"Don't leave again." In the back of my mind I knew it was an unreasonable request but in the moment I didn't care; I just wanted to be with him.
"Okay." He gently pressed his lips against mine but I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him down and deepening the kiss.
"Bed time?" I asked breathlessly, gasping even though I didn't need to breath. I couldn't keep the giddy smile off my face, hoping he would want to do something other than sleep.
He smiled back, his eyes dark but alive, before nodding somewhat desperately.

"Excited?" I asked, straitening the collar of his shirt as he fidgeted. "Or nervous?" He would leave for work on about ten minutes.
"A bit of both, I think," he chuckled, sliding his fingers though mine and kissing the back of my hand.
"I'm sure they will all be nice people. You'll have fun."
He nodded, smiling slightly. "I hope so. I don't think they'll bite much."
I rolled my eyes at his choice of words, trying not to laugh. "You'll be fine. I'm proud of you." I kissed him lightly.
He returned it before glancing at the clock over my shoulder. "I have to go."
I nodded but didn't release his hand.
Sliding his arms around my waist, he hugged me gently. "See you later, okay?"
Again I nodded but didn't let go. I couldn't. I couldn't let him go. "Are you sure you're ready to do this? You don't want to wait another few days?" I desperately hoped he would suddenly change his mind.
"I'm sure," he told me steadily, smiling again.
"Okay." I tried to force my arms to unlock.
"You have to let go," he laughed, teasing me.
I tried to smile but my eyes felt hot, stinging with tears. The thought of spending my day without Carlisle seemed unbelievably awful. Pointless. Empty. Even if it was only for a few hours. I needed him. It had been almost a year since we were apart for whole days like this.
Don't be stupid, Esme," I scolded myself. It's not that long.
The happy expression slid from his face and he tightened his grip on me. "It's okay, love. I'll be back at seven."
I just nodded, not being able to speak safely, scared that a plea for him to stay might slid from my lips.
He rubbed circles into my back. "Do you want me to stay here with you? I can call them, if you like."
"N-no," I mumbled, my thoughts screaming at me to say the opposite. "Go. It'll be good for you." My voice shook.
He looked unconvinced but nodded anyway. "I love you."
"…love you too," I squeaked, swallowing hard. I squeezed my eyes shut as he brushed my hair off my face and kissed my forehead, disappearing out the door seconds afterwards. I stood staring at where he had gone.
"Aww, are you missing him already?" somebody teased from behind me.
I spun around to glare at Garrett. Thankfully I hadn't cried.
He smirked back, leaning against the bench.
"Shut up," I snapped at him, feeling vulnerable.
"Don't worry, Esme. I'd be a mess if Kate tried to go anywhere for more than a few minutes." He came over and hugged my shoulders.
I leant against him but it still wasn't the same as hugging Carlisle.
"Besides," he let me go. "Now you actually have to talk to people other than your husband."
"You be quiet, nomad," I laughed. "Were you not the one who spent years walking around by himself without talking to anyone?" I teased him back, feeling a little better.
He raised his chin defiantly, trying not to smile. "That's different."
"How?" I challenged.
He rolled his eyes and pulled me into the longue after him, sitting on the couch and cuddling into Kate while I stood there awkwardly.

I paced the floor, glancing at the clock every few seconds. Every time one of the others walked past with their mate I was hit with a stab of jealousy.
This is completely ridiculous, I scolded myself. Everyone else on the face of the earth dealt with their other half away for a day – not even for a whole day. Away for eight hours. He's going to be away five days a week so you're going to have to get over it, Esme…Great, now I'm talking to myself.
Desperate for something to do, I cleaned every inch of the house. By the time I was done it was still only lunch time.
I sighed and ran my hand through my hair, contemplating what else I could entertain myself with.
"Esme do you want to come to the supermarket? We're going to get food for Renesmee," Kate asked, looking amused as she came up behind me.
I shot Garrett a dirty look, pretty certain he must have said something. "Why are you guys going instead of Bella?" I asked, mostly just buying myself time while I calculated how close it was to the hospital. Maybe I could go and see him- No. No, I won't barge in.
"We're not. I'm going. Garrett is staying here," she said firmly, looking at her husband. "And because I thought I'd give Bella a break."
"I think I'll stay here," I told her slowly. It was too close. Carlisle didn't need me ripping some nurse's head off on his first day just because she got too close to him.
Garrett opened his mouth to say something but she cut him off.
"And you're still staying here," She told him, disappearing back down the stairs.
He went the other way and I went back into our room, flopping onto the bed.

As I lay there staring at the ceiling, there was a quiet knock on the door.
"What?" I asked, not bothering with being polite.
"Okay, look." Alistair closed it behind him, leaning against it.
I watched him curiously, wondering if he was still mad at me.
"I'm sorry I said that to you. I was just anxious about what he might do in that state of mind and-"
"Carlisle is making you apologise, isn't he?" I guessed.
"Yes, but I am actually sorry…"
I couldn't help myself and burst out laughing. "God, I love him." I spoke mostly to myself but Alistair smiled and I knew I was about to be mocked. "Don't even say it."
"I'm not saying anything," he smirked. "But was that Carlisle's car I heard pull up it the driveway just now?" He spoke to me as if I was a little kid but I didn't car.
I jumped up off the bed and made for the door. "If this is a joke, I'm going to kill you," I threatened.
His laughter reminded me to walk, not run as I had been.