Disclaimer 1: If only they were mine, alas, they belong to Mr Wolf.

Disclaimer 2: I'm doing my best with the medical stuff, please don't take my interpretation as best or only way to treat NHL. While I'm trying to make it as close as I can, some of it is done for the sake of the story. Also, there may be misinformation but that is intentional and will be revealed throughout the story. I've Googled all medical information and consulted reputatable sites, so, having said all that... here it is...

Dedicated to my beautiful state of Victoria, devastated by the horror of February 7th, the souls lost and the tragic destruction.

R.I.P Nathan xox lost at Callignee, one of those deliberately lit.

Thanks for the supportive emails, PMs and messages.

Monday 1:00 PM (Two weeks later)

Treatment Cycle 1

Elliot sat on the sofa and studied the clock; the hands had barely seemed to move in the last hour. Several times Olivia had come to sit with him but she never lasted more than a few minutes as he became edgier with the impending treatment. Finally, just after the hour, the buzzer sounded and caused them both to startle.

Minutes later there was a quick rap on the door; Olivia opened it to the Home Care nurse.

"Good afternoon, ma'am," the young woman started. "I'm Connie Shapiro; from the Home Care Unit … you spoke to my colleague, Leonie, on the phone last week." Connie held up her identification tag.

"Come on in, Connie," Olivia said, gesturing towards Elliot. "I'm Olivia and this is Elliot."

"Hello, Olivia, Elliot," she said, walking around the sofa and shaking his hand. "How are you feeling today?" she asked brightly, placing her case on the coffee table and sitting at the other end of the sofa.

"Fine … good," he said quickly, his stomach churching. "Okay." Connie grinned widely.

"You'd be surprised how many times I've heard that," she said. "Now, Leonie went through the procedure with you, didn't she?"

"Yes," Elliot nodded; his head was joining his stomach in sympathy.

"So, you understand how this is going to work? What we'll do today and for the week?" she questioned.

Elliot stood and rounded the coffee table; he slowly looked back at Connie. "A couple of tablets to take orally, the IV will be inserted to run it's course … every day this week … and then every three weeks … for six to eight cycles," he recited, using his detached court room voice.

"And how do you feel about it?" she asked, watching as he clenched and unclenched his hands.

"Fine … not my idea of fun but if I've gotta do it I've gotta do it," he said, looking at Olivia and being rewarded by her smile.

"Do you have any questions before we start? Elliot? Olivia?" Connie asked, opening her case as Elliot sat down on the sofa once more.

"The side effects," Olivia began, moving to him. "When will they kick in?"

"Well, for some people it's straight away – especially with the nausea, often hair loss happens a few weeks after it all begins …" she began to explain.

"Don't have that much to lose," he muttered, running his fingers through his strands. Olivia's hand moved to gently caress his head as he leaned back onto her.

"Of course, the degree to which side effects affect individuals differs from person to person," Connie said.

"So, we'll have to wait and see," Olivia sighed.

"Yeah, I guess so," Elliot replied. Olivia leant down and placed a kiss on his head.

Elliot leant back and looked up at her. "Are we ready to do this?" he whispered.

"Yeah, we're good," Olivia replied, moving in to kiss him briefly. "We're ready."

Tuesday 5:45 PM

Olivia sat on the edge of the bed watching Elliot sleep. Two days into the first cycle and so far things were good. His fatigue was due more to staying up late the night before on the pretext of watching the game but she knew there was more playing on his mind than the on field action on the screen.

After his treatment today, Olivia had insisted he get into bed and had promised she wouldn't let him sleep too long, so two hours and fourteen minutes after he argued he wasn't that tired, and two hours exactly since he'd fallen asleep, she was waking him.

"Hey, El," she cooed as she leant down and kissed his head. "Elliot..." There was no response, placing her hand on his shoulder, she gently shook him. "Elliot, honey, time to wake up…"

"Hmph, erf nrgrth ehrisn," he mumbled, rolling over and snuggling deeper under the quilt. Olivia couldn't help but smile.

"Baby," she tried again, pulling back the top of the quilt so she could see his face.

"Mmmm, armmno Liv, fmor mintes," he groaned. She leant in and kissed his forehead.

"Okay, El, a few more minutes," she agreed, over the years she had learnt to understand the plea for a few more minutes sleep being mumbled at her.

Standing to leave, Olivia was surprised when his hand shot out and grabbed hers.

"El?" she startled, turning back to him.

"Don't leave me, Liv," he begged, tugging her backwards.

"Okay, okay," she soothed. "I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere"

"Please, Livia, don't go," he pleaded, gripping her arm painfully hard.

"Elliot… Elliot …" she called, not sure if he was actually awake. "Hey, baby, I'm right here."

Trying to ease his grip, she could help but grimace when his nails broke through her skin.

"Elliot," she shouted, needing him to let her go. Whether it was the volume or the tone, something got through to Elliot and he opened his eyes.

"What?" he croaked, trying to focus on her face.

"My arm, El, please let go of my arm," she asked, trying to sound relaxed about the whole thing.

Elliot looked down at his hand and was stunned to see it clamped onto Olivia's arm, the telltale trickle of blood from where his nails had torn her skin.

"God, Liv, I'm sorry." He bolted upright in bed and dropped her arm, before taking it up once more to inspect the damage. "Shit, I'm so sorry."
"It's okay," Olivia replied, not wanting to make a big deal out of it.

"No, it's not, you're bleeding," he answered grabbing a Kleenex and dabbing the small wounds.

"Barely," she smiled at him.

"What the hell happened?" he asked, pure confusion on his face.

"You didn't want me to go," she explained. "So you grabbed my arm."

"I don't remember," he said, shaking his head.

"I think you were still asleep," Olivia offered. "It's okay, no real harm done."

Gently Elliot kissed her arm. "I'm so sorry, Livia," he whispered as he kissed it again.

"It's okay, babe," she replied, kissing his forehead. "Anyway, how are you doing?"

"Okay, I think," he said as she nestled in beside him.

"Just okay," she queried, drawing his face around to hers. He nodded, not knowing what to say. "Well, okay's a good place to be, yeah?" she smiled.

"Yeah," he nodded, relieved and grateful she wasn't going to push the matter. "How are you?" he asked, running his fingers over her sore arm.

"I'm okay too," she replied, brushing her lips across his cheek. "What do you feel like for dinner?"

"Nothing really," he answered. "Don't feel hungry."

"I know," she nodded. "But you didn't eat lunch and you have to have something."

"Yeah, I know," he conceded.

They had already had this conversation before … he needed to eat to keep up his strength and his resistance, and therefore, whether he felt like it or not, he had to eat at regular intervals. Olivia didn't force the issue at lunch time as it was just before Connie arrived, so he knew he had to eat something now. He'd also begun to realise that she only ate when he did, since he didn't eat lunch today, neither had she. He hadn't eaten breakfast yesterday and neither had she. "What do you feel like?" he asked, he'd eat for her sake.

Friday 1:55 PM

"So," said Connie, putting her pen down on Elliot's chart. "Tell me how you are really doing." She looked towards the closed door to the study where Olivia was taking a call from Cragen.

"I'm doing okay," Elliot said, looking at the IV as it dripped into his arm.

"Explain okay for me," Connie continued, gaining eye contact with him.

"Okay is okay," Elliot replied, not wanting to explain anything.

"Elliot, I know it's difficult for you and you are trying to be strong but I need you to tell me the truth about how you are feeling," she said quietly. "I promise I won't tell Olivia…"

Elliot smiled. "I've been feeling alright mostly," he admitted. "A bit more tired than usual, stomach's a bit sensitive and not really hungry but …"

"But okay," she filled in and he smiled again.

"Yeah, okay," he nodded.

After completing some notes she looked back at Elliot to find him staring intently at the study door.

"How's Olivia doing?" she asked, slipping the clipboard and pen back into her case.

"She's tired and not really eating," he answered. "But she says she's okay."

"Okay must be a key word for you two," Connie remarked and Elliot nodded.

"Yeah it is … says everything when you can't find the right words," he replied, thinking back to the times they'd used it in their partnership.

"Olivia needs to stay well too if she is to help you out. She needs to sleep and eat properly, you both do. Would you like me to talk to her?" Connie offered.

Elliot was shaking his head as the door opened and Olivia emerged pocketing her cell.

"Everything alright, Liv?" he asked, she'd been in there a while.

"Yeah, Cragen just needed some details from the files," she replied stifling a yawn.

"I thought you'd be done with those files by now," he remarked as the last of the liquid seeped into his body.

"Me too," she smiled. "I see you're done." She pointed to the now empty IV bag.

"Yep, no more for three weeks. Right, Connie?" he checked, even though they'd already been through it.

"That's right," she replied, disconnecting the tube. "Now, if you have any problems or questions don't hesitate to call me. If you're not feeling well or the side effects kick in, call me. Understand?" she said pointedly, looking at Elliot.

"Yes, ma'am," he grinned, grateful to have her in his corner as he faced his battle.

"Now, don't sit at home the next three weeks waiting," Connie continued. "Do something fun and make sure you eat well and get plenty of sleep – both of you."

"Not sure about it being 'fun'," began Olivia, "but I'll be going to work."

"What? When?" interrupted Elliot, this was news to him.

Olivia moved to sit down on the arm of the sofa beside him.

"Since Don told me about ten minutes ago, I'll go back in Wednesday…" she began to explain.

"What about the next treatment?" he asked, taking her hand, he didn't want to have to go to the hospital or Bainbridge's office; he wanted to stay here, with her.

"Don thinks he should be able to have my replacement in by then," she answered, raking her fingers through his hair, cringing when a couple of strands came away.

"Your replacement?" Elliot questioned. "Who's been replacing you for the month we've been off?"

"Um…no one," she answered, "Don couldn't get two in, so Emerson's in replacing you as you are the one who needed the leave. So, technically I'm not on leave"

"But you haven't been going in, have you?" he asked, shaking his head.

"No, I've been doing the paperwork," she admitted, nodding towards the study.

"I thought that was finishing up our paperwork," he said, confused.

"No, everyone's," Olivia sighed. "It was the only compromise Don could come up with; I could stay here with you and work from home on that mountain of paperwork.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he questioned, not caring they were having this discussion in front of Connie.

"I didn't want to worry you," she answered, dropping her voice.

"Why would it have worried me?" he questioned, standing up from the sofa.

"Well, not worried, but…" she began.

"When have you been doing all that work?" he interrupted, heading to the study.

"When you're asleep," she replied. "Sometimes during the daytime when you're napping, sometimes in the middle of the night."

"God, no wonder you're so tired," he said, turning back to her. "Why didn't you tell me?" he asked again. "I could have helped you. We're both away from the precinct; it's not fair you have to do all the paperwork… I could help…"

"El, you usually get me to do all the paperwork when we're at the precinct… besides…" she smiled, "...sometimes you're not all that helpful."

"Gee, thanks," he replied as she rubbed her hands up and down his arms.

"Listen, El, it was the trade off for being able to be here with you over the last few weeks. I have no problem with it… I would have done anything just to have had the chance to be here for you and with you," she whispered as his head rested on hers.

"Thank you, baby," he whispered. "Thank you."

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