A/N: *gasp* What is this that I'm seeing? I didn't take an embarrassingly long time to update? Wow, I'm proud of me.

I guess it does help that I had this chapter written since Sunday.

Do any of you have any idea how much willpower it took to not upload as soon as I finished writing that chapter? Hint: A FUCKING LOT.

ALSO, I ALREADY WROTE MORE THAN HALF OF THE NEXT CHAPTER SO THE NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE UP NEXT WEEKEND YAYYY ME!

(Don't get used to this, we all know I suck at maintaining a schedule for long periods of time xD)

I hope y'all enjoy this chapter and that it's not too disappointing. I'm not really happy with the way it turned out but I also couldn't find a way to make it any better. Enjoy reading over 1k words of Cas' apology (1039 words to be exact. but who's counting? Not me.)

Also, please feel free to point out any and all mistakes, and constructive criticism is appreciated. Feel free to rant about the actions of any and all characters. It's fun to see what you guys think of my story.

Wow, this note is getting longer than the actual story. *sigh*

Happy reading :)

The night passed too slowly for Dean's liking, but at the same time it flew by too fast. He was eager to meet Cas but at the same time, he was apprehensive. What if Cas just wanted to meet to tell him that they couldn't be friends anymore? Was it better to not know and still have some hope, or was it better to know for sure so that he knew where they stood with each other?

God, Dean wished he knew how it was going to go, so that he could stop being so anxious about meeting Cas. Huh. That's one thing Dean never thought he'd say. Who would have known he'd ever be anxious about meeting his best friend?

Dean was close to having a full blown panic attack, trying to anticipate what would happen and trying to get himself to calm down just seemed to aggravate it more. At a loss about what to do, he dialled Charlie, she would know what to do. As he waited for her to answer the call, his eyes fell on his wardrobe and he realized he had no idea what to wear. By then he was panicking completely and he had no idea what he said to Charlie, only that 10 minutes later, she was letting herself in with the spare key she had.

Charlie sat with him as he cried over what happened and panicked over what the future held in store for them. Charlie held him as he tried to calm down, telling him that it wasn't his fault and that it was okay to lose control once in a while and break down. She didn't make fun of him or belittle him for crying just because he was a guy.

"I swear to God, Dean. If it was up to me, I'd tear him a new one, tell him exactly how I feel about him abandoning you like that. What does he think, that is was easy for you to come clean about how you felt about him? Sure, being drunk lowers your inhibitions and whatnot, but after a lifetime of being straight, admitting to your best friend that you're gay is a huge fucking thing, yet, instead of supporting you, being by your side, he just ups and abandons you? Not cool. It would have been fine if he didn't want to get together with you or something, it would have hurt less than leaving you broken hearted and alone to deal with it. He was supposed to be your best friend, he was supposed to be there for you no matter what, and a small crush shouldn't have come between your friendship. What the fuck was he thinking? Sure, you had shitty timings, but that doesn't mean you weren't his best friend anymore. So what if you had shitty timings? He should have fucking been here with you, instead of fucking off to God knows where. Here – try this shirt on, and these jeans make your ass look good and don't even think of complaining about not having room for your balls. Your balls can breathe when you get back home, but first you need to blow away Cas' mind with how good you look. Even if this isn't a date, you are going to look good – I'll make sure of that. Cas should know what he has been missing out on, and what he abandoned. You're a goddamn catch, and that's high praise coming from a flaming lesbian, Cas should realize that. I might be pissed at Cas, Dean, but I've seen how happy he makes you, and I want you two to sort out your problems and get together and have lots of gay sex."

Dean had no idea how Charlie's mind worked. One minute she was ranting about what a shitty friend Cas had been, which he agreed upon but that wasn't the point, and the next minute, she was choosing what clothes he would be wearing when he went to meet Cas. That girl was crazy but she had good intentions and Dean loved the ever loving fuck out of her. He was glad he had her as a friend and really appreciated her being there for him through all the shit that went down with Cas. Not that he'd tell this to her, but that didn't mean the feeling wasn't there.

He took in hand the shirt Charlie had chosen. It was a red plaid button – up, which made his eyes pop up, he had been told – and a black t-shirt to wear under it. He took the clothes and changed into them, while Charlie rummaged through his stuff, looking for God knows what.

The shirt was a bit tight around the shoulders and the jeans was uncomfortable at the crotch, but Dean knew that complaining would get him nowhere – Charlie would personally ensure that he didn't change clothes before he went to meet Cas. Charlie heard him enter the room and turned to look at him. After giving him an appraising look, she smiled and wolf whistled at him, making him blush at the compliment.

"Damn, Dean. If I wasn't strictly into girls, I'd ride you like a cowboy."

Seemingly out of nowhere, she acquired a bottle of cologne and sprayed it at him before turning him around and pushing him out of the door, with a swat at his butt. Unable to resist a jab of his own, he said to her,

"Are you sure you're gay, Charlie? Because the way you've been behaving today is making me doubt your gayness."

"Well, shit, Dean. You weren't supposed to find out that my gayness was just a front to see you naked. Dammit now you ruined my plan. Now go. Go and win back your man. You deserve some happiness in life. And please make sure to make him beg to take you back. That's the least he can do." She replied with a cheeky wink.

Dean laughed and shook his head at Charlie's antics. He didn't know about making Cas beg though, it's not as if dean could refuse the guy anything.

Feeling a bit better, Dean slid into the driver's seat of the Impala and turned it on. Damn, it felt good to hear her rumble after so long. Ever since The Incident, he hadn't really been in the right headspace and never could bring himself to drive the car. Smiling to himself, he turned up the volume as Kashmir began to play. All hail Led Zeppelin.

Dean reached the restaurant almost an hour early and sat in his car for a while, tapping along to his music, until it was an acceptable time to show up. He went in and took a seat, waiting anxiously for Cas to show up. The restaurant that Cas had chosen was a bit fancier than the ones Dean was used to visiting and that just seemed to add to his anxiety. Even though there was still time for Cas to show up, Dean began to fear that he wouldn't come. What if he changed his mind? Dean shook himself out of those thoughts as he saw Cas enter and look around for him. He stood up and waved to Cas, catching his attention. Cas smiled and came closer and Goddamn, if he didn't look like sex on legs. He was wearing a plain blue t-shirt which was tight on him at all the right places, and those jeans were absolutely sinful. They made his ass look amazing and it took Dean all his willpower to not kiss him senseless right there and beg him to come back.

Dean realized he was still staring and he laughed awkwardly.

"Looking good, Cas." He said.

"You too, Dean." Cas replied with a smile.

Unsure of what to do next, Dean pulled Cas in for a hug which was one of the most awkward thing either of them had ever experienced.

As they took their seats, the waitress came to take their orders. Dean ordered a beer, and a double bacon cheeseburger with a side of fries while Cas ordered a cheeseburger with a side of salad and coke. They sat in an awkward silence until they both began to break it at the same time.

"So, Cas –"

"Listen, Dean –"

"You first, Cas." Cas nodded.

"Okay, Dean. I wanted to apologize for how I reacted. I – I've had a crush on you since a long fucking time and I was happy believing that it wasn't ever going to be reciprocated. Sure, it hurt, but there was nothing I could do about it. Then I met Balthazar and I thought that I could finally get over you. Fucked up as that it, the idea of getting over you scared me a bit. For so many years, everything had been changing, the only constant in my life was my crush on you. Taking that away from me scared the living hell out of me. But at the same time I was glad, you know? Having an unrequited crush on my very straight best friend was torture and I was glad that I would finally get over it. I could see myself falling for Balthazar, I could see myself happy. But then my birthday happened. I literally walked in on my boyfriend cheating on me. I was so pissed, Dean. Not at him, but at myself. I hated myself so much for giving myself false hopes. At least with you, I knew that there was no future. But with Balthazar, I had hopes that it would lead somewhere, that it would be a long term thing. And I knew you hated him, but I was hoping that for me, you'd put aside your differences and at least pretend to like him. But obviously I was too blind to see that you were right to hate him. But even after all that, I couldn't bring myself to hate him. He was the one in a dead end relationship with someone who was in love with his best friend. I mean, could you really even blame him? I know I couldn't. That night when you came to me to tell me how you felt, I was at my last bit of patience. I couldn't believe it that I had been so stupid as to think that I actually had a future with Balthazar and then you came and told me that my unrequited crush hadn't been unrequited and I realized that I had made a fool of myself for nothing. I felt so foolish at that moment. I didn't know what to do but I knew that if I spent even a second more in your presence I would do something stupid like kiss you, consequences be damned. But I didn't want our first kiss to be like that. I wanted our first kiss to actually mean something, I wanted it to be more than just a drunken thing that happened right after I found my boyfriend cheating on me. So I ran. I ran because I didn't know what else to do. That probably wasn't a good move on my behalf because the last thing I remember thinking before the car hit me was that I never told you I loved you. I was so sure I was going to die, and I regretted never kissing you and telling you that you are loved. But at the same time I was so pissed. At myself, for all the false hopes I had; at you for confessing your feelings when I was feeling shitty. You couldn't have known how I was feeling right then, because I never said anything, but that didn't stop me from being pissed at you too. I – when you came to visit me at the hospital, I let my anger come in the way of our friendship. It hurt me so much to see you turn around and leave; it was only my anger that held me back from calling out to you. I knew I should have explained to you what I was feeling, instead of letting you think it was your fault, but how could I explain to you how I was feeling when I myself didn't know what I was feeling? All I knew was that I was upset and you somehow came into it, so I lashed out on you. The weeks after the accident I was recovering not just physically, but also mentally. There were times I wished I was dead, because I had been such a shitty friend to you, and because of all the emotions that I had been feeling but couldn't out a name on. Gabe – he found me one day, bleeding out in the bathroom, because it was getting too much. He had me admitted and forced me to get treatment. It helped a bit. I was starting to figure out what I had been feeling, and my therapist really helped me get through that shit storm. Gabe and Sam would tell me when you called, wanting to talk to me. I wanted to talk to you, to explain to you what happened and why I did what I did. But I didn't want to talk to you before I was sure about my feelings – about why I reacted that way. I know that is no excuse, I had no right to treat you that way, I should have been a better friend to you. I know how scary coming out of the closet is, but when you did that, I slapped it in your face and told you to leave me alone without explaining why. There is nothing I can do that would make it better and I would take it all back if I could. I wanted to talk to you earlier, but by the time I figured myself out, it had been too long for an apology, and I didn't know what to do. I spent the entirety of your birthday drunk, wishing I could celebrate it with you, but it was my own fault that I wasn't there with you, for you. I'm pretty sure I passed out a few times because of drinking too much, and by the time I came to, it was almost over. All I could do was text you and hope you could forgive me. I know just saying this means nothing, Dean, but I sincerely am sorry. I love you, and I hope that one day, you can give me another chance to be your friend."

By the time Cas was done speaking, their food was almost finished and Dean was in tears, thinking about what all his friend had gone through over the past two months. Damn, and here he thought he had it rough. Cas was openly crying too and it made Dean's heart clench to think that Cas thought that there was any way Dean wouldn't forgive him. No matter what Cas would have had said, Dean would have forgiven him. No questions asked, unconditionally.

Cas gave Dean one last glance and got up to leave but Dean held his wrist and stopped him. Dean got up and pretty much crowded Cas' personal space.

"Cas, wait. I –"

"OH GODDAMMIT DEAN WINCHESTER SHUT UP AND KISS HIM ALREADY! THIS WAS THE MOST HEART WRENCHING LOVE CONFESSION EVER!"

Dean turned around to see Charlie sitting right behind him wearing a hideous blonde wig, apparently stalking him. He'd talk to her about that later, first, he had to kiss Cas.

Dean turned around and kissed Cas full on the lips, audience be damned. He heard Charlie hooting and cheering for them but paid her no mind. His arms were full of Cas who was kissing him back and there was nothing else he's rather do at the time. Their kiss turned indecent for public settings very quickly.

"Take me home, Dean." Cas said in that gravelly voice of his, and damn if Dean was going to refuse that offer. Talking could wait, he was going to finally have sex with Cas.