Disclaimer: I do not own the characters taken from Big Time Rush and placed into this story. I make no money off this.

Author's Notes:

If you've read my other Jagan stories, you will notice that the way they react in certain situations and toward each other is a repeated theme. This is because no matter what their circumstances, I see them as interacting and loving each other the same way because they are essentially the same characters who value the same traits in each other. There are things James loves about Logan, and things Logan loves about James. So as you read this you might be thinking "Here we go again" but hopefully it isn't too boring for that. :)

And for those who keep asking, I promise Kendall and Carlos will make an appearance in the story. They each play a part in helping to shape James' future and they will become involved when the time is right.

I know there was something important I wanted to say here. I can't remember now. Well, if there's any confusion, feel free to ask me.

Also THANK YOU FOR READING THIS. YOU. YES, YOU. I LOVE YOU.

About a year ago I wrote a story for kathrynew30, it was a gift for our one-year friendiversary. The James Diamond in this story is taken directly from that one, though he suffered no amnesia in it. So for that reason, I dedicate this to Kathryn.

I also must dedicate it to joyousbrokenthing, who is entirely to blame for this being written at all. She tweeted me one night about a vision of Logan as a scientist building a robot James. This story is of course not that at all, but it got me thinking about a situation where Logan basically helps put James back together and within fifteen minutes I had this story pretty much written in my head. I wasn't planning to write a Jagan next, but it wouldn't leave me alone so here we are. Thanks a lot, Tammy. XD

Aranelle and jdmazz are helping to shape the direction of this story so much. I knew from the start where it was going, but they're helping me figure out how to get there and their feedback and advice has been invaluable. Seriously could not ask for better betas. I love you both so much.

"It feels weird when you call me that."

"Jacob, you mean?" Logan questioned from his spot next to Jacob in the booth.

"Yeah. I'm used to Joseph."

Nodding, Logan had to agree. "Me, too. But Jacob is your name. We have to get used to it. Still scared?"

"Terrified," Jacob admitted. "Makes me wish I drank, I could use something to calm me down."

"I know. I'm sorry."

Logan's eyes traveled the bar, noting again that it wasn't the one Joseph (Jacob, his mind yelled at him) had drawn. He'd been disappointed, hoping to solve that riddle tonight, but apparently it wouldn't be that easy. "Does this place ring any bells for you? Greg said you came here a lot."

"No. And I feel like it should."

It was more than a bar, really, with a large room nearby that turned into a dance floor in the evenings. Logan had noted staff in there setting up as they walked by, and a vision of Jacob losing himself to the beat flashed through his mind so forcefully that he'd almost had to stop walking. That was a sight he needed to see someday. "Is it just me, or did that guy over there smile at you like he knows you?"

Jacob nodded. "I noticed, too. I've been getting a lot of those smiles since we sat down. They make me nervous."

"Nervous how?"

"I don't know, they're just...like they want something."

As if on cue a stocky gentleman winked at Jacob as he passed the table, and when he looked as if he was about to stop Logan glared at him until he moved on.

"What are you doing?" Jacob asked, amused.

"Nothing."

"I thought you wanted me to talk to people."

"I do, just...you know."

"No, I don't know."

"He looked like he was about to proposition you, okay?" Logan exploded in a low voice. "I'm not allowing that. I get first shot at you."

Grinning and looking more like his old self than he had since Greg appeared, Jacob replied, "Soon, Logan. I have a good feeling tonight's our night."

"It better be. There are way too many guys checking you out in this place. And they all look like they want to eat you up."

"Told you," Jacob said while sliding an arm over Logan's shoulders. "I'm taken. They can suffer. But if you want them all to know, we can kiss."

"Maybe we should."

"Come here," Jacob invited, tilting Logan's chin up, and then of course Greg was there.

"Uh oh, am I interrupting again?" he asked, but he seemed amused rather than offended. "I must have the worst timing."

"It's fine," Logan replied. "Have a seat. Thanks for meeting with us."

"I'm glad I can help. I called Allen, but he's out of town for the night. Said he'd be home in the morning, though. He was really excited to hear you're back in town."

Jacob appeared to search his mind to place the name while Logan questioned, "Who's Allen?"

"His best buddy. I told him about the memory loss. He thought I was joking at first, it's hard to believe somebody just forgets everything overnight, you know?"

"Yes," Logan agreed, glancing at Jacob before taking the plunge. "We have a lot of questions, but there's one that-"

"Do I have a boyfriend?" Jacob interrupted, eyes burning into Greg. "I need to know that now. Is there someone special in my life?"

Greg shook his head slowly, biting his lip as he glanced between the two. "Not that I know of. Allen would know for sure, but...it's hard. Doing what you do and having a boyfriend. You don't remember any of that either, do you?"

Stomach a ball of nerves, Logan turned to Jacob. He was starting to feel sick and suddenly wished Greg would shut up, would keep whatever he knew of Jacob's life to himself.

Jacob, however, was done hiding from it. "I was a hooker, wasn't I?" he asked softly as all the pieces fell into place.

Hesitating, Greg finally said, "Yes. Sometimes you worked here, but I think you usually took them back to your place. I'm sorry, it's not the kind of life anyone ever dreams of having."

Without looking up, Jacob tightened his arm around Logan's shoulders. "Still with me no matter what?" he asked weakly.

The signs had been there. Logan had overlooked some of them, but Jacob's behavior fell in line with it, had from the start. He hated the idea of anyone touching Jacob, the knowledge that so many others had in so many ways, and almost laughed at the fact that a few simple kisses between Patrick and Jacob had upset him so greatly when in reality they were facing something of this magnitude. At least we know he was safe about it. What the hell did I get myself into?

But even so, Logan wouldn't change it. He'd known there would be discoveries like this, ones that upset him, but he also knew they would upset Jacob—and that was his main concern. He looked up, realizing only then that his silence was being mistaken as hesitation because Jacob's eyes were filling with tears and his body was trembling.

"Yes," he said firmly. "I'm right here. Still right here with you. Just...you'll give it up, right?"

Nodding eagerly and hardly daring to believe that Logan would still want him, Jacob pulled Logan into his arms. "Swear. I don't know why I was doing it, don't know what led me to it, but I don't need it anymore. I've got you, right?"

"Right here," Logan repeated, his heart beating rapidly as he understood that Jacob was his. Officially his. There was no one else. There might have been a thousand other men, but none could lay claim to him the way Logan would. "You're mine," he said with a relieved laugh. "I don't have to let you go!"

"Never." Jacob's lips searched for his, hungry to finally take what he now knew was his. "Told you," he whispered. "Fucking told you there was nobody like you."

For a short time they forgot about Greg, forgot about everything except the fact that they belonged to one another, lips claiming each other in promise of what was to be their first real night together. When they broke apart Greg was gone, Logan panicking until he spotted the man at the bar.

"He's ordering a drink. Okay, we were rude. Sorry, I just..."

"Don't be. I've waited long enough for that. So even though I fucked guys for money, you still love me? Still want the life we talked about?"

"As long as you do. If you decide at any time that you'd rather return to the life you had before-"

"As a prostitute? Fuck no. Why would I want any of that when I could have you?"

That made Logan smile. "Still not remembering anything?"

"No. And that frustrates me. But I know Greg isn't lying, it explains why all these guys look like they want to approach me."

"They need to back off. You're taken."

Jacob grinned hugely, settling Logan's head on his shoulder. "Completely. I'm gonna fuck your brains out tonight."

Logan's entire body shuddered, breath catching just as Greg returned to the table.

"Sorry about that," Jacob apologized. "It's just that we've been holding back, worried I might have a boyfriend or wife or something."

"No, nothing like that, I don't think," Greg replied. With a smirk in Logan's direction, he said, "You're a stronger man than I. I would've cracked and attacked him by now."

"I came close this afternoon," Logan chuckled. "It hasn't been easy. So what else can you tell us? You mentioned a place? Does Joseph have his own place?" When Greg looked confused, Logan sighed. "Sorry. I mean Jacob. We've been calling him Joseph."

"Ah. Yeah, I know you have your own place but I don't know where. You never took me there. Which...that sounds bad. But I just mean nobody really knows where you live except...you know."

"Yeah," Jacob said. "The customers. What about Allen? We're just friends?"

"As far as I know, yes. I'm pretty sure he would've told me if it was more."

"Where did I meet him?"

"I'm pretty sure you met here."

"Is he a..." Logan asked hesitantly.

"Sometimes," Greg replied. To Jacob he said, "He doesn't do it as often as you. He's got an actual job. With you it was like...a lifestyle."

"Right." Cheeks red, Jacob sighed. "I guess it doesn't surprise me. At least I know now why I was so willing to take money from Patrick."

"Joseph..." Logan said softly, kissing his chin. "Don't do that. You can't change the past. Focus on our future."

"You called me Joseph again," Jacob laughed.

"That's going to be really hard to get used to," Logan complained. "But worth it, as long as we know who you are."

"What else can you tell me?" Jacob wanted to know.

Considering Jacob, Greg replied, "I know you bike everywhere, don't drive."

"That much I remembered," Jacob said, shifting so that Logan was more comfortable against him. "Any idea why?"

"Nope."

"Did I ever talk about my family?"

"Not to me. Allen told me once you're really private about your past, that you don't like to talk about your life before San Fran."

Logan suddenly sat up straight, the dread returning. "Where did he come from?"

"I don't know."

"How long have I lived here?" Jacob asked.

"I'd say about two years? As far as I know? I'm sorry, guys, I wish Allen was here. He'll know the answers to these questions."

Thoughts tumbling through Logan's mind, he turned to Jacob. "So there was a life before San Francisco. You're not from here."

"I lived here for a while, though."

"Greg," Logan started, "do you know if Jacob's ever been in a car crash?"

"Not while he lived here, no. He wouldn't even get into a cab. I'm pretty sure his place is near here, because I think he always walked there with his customers. He didn't like to do his business here."

Jacob nodded, absorbing that, while Logan decided they needed to find this place of Jacob's as soon as possible.

"I didn't do drugs, did I?"

"You? Please," Greg laughed. "You don't even drink! We tried to get you drunk a few times, but you wouldn't even try a beer."

So that means whatever horrible thing happened, it happened before you came here. Why don't you remember this stuff, Joseph? "And I suppose he didn't try to kill himself while he lived here, either?"

"Oh. That." Greg shook his head. "We always wondered about that but nobody ever asked. Like I said, he's really private about his past."

"The scars were there when you met him?"

"I assume so. Didn't notice them right away but he never tried anything while he lived here, so..."

"How do I know you?" Jacob suddenly asked. "You weren't a customer and we didn't speak enough for you to know everything about me, so how do you fit into this?"

"I work here," Greg replied. "I watched you do your thing every night."

They were quiet for a few minutes, letting all the new information process, and then Jacob surprised Logan by asking, "Was I any good at it?"

Greg threw his head back and laughed, Logan rolling his eyes. "You were the best I've ever seen," Greg answered. "You'd get out there and dance, all made up with eyeliner and lip gloss and leather pants, and every guy would be drooling over you within five minutes. This place took a hit when you disappeared, because a lot of our customers came here just for you."

Logan stared at Jacob, those visions of a dance floor returning, this time with the addition of leather pants and make-up. "Jesus," he whispered, reaching for his drink and downing half of it.

Satisfied to know he was as hot as he'd imagined himself to be, Jacob moved on to another topic. "When you first saw me, you said something about a trip. Did I plan to go to L.A.?"

"Is that where you went? I never heard where, I just knew you were leaving. You said you'd be back in a few weeks, if things went okay."

"What things?"

"I don't know. You didn't talk about it. Ask Allen."

Jacob groaned, frustrated and wanting answers, but Logan squeezed his thigh. "Hey. Don't rush it, hot stuff. We've already gotten way more than we imagined we would."

"Did you just call me 'hot stuff'?" Jacob grinned, eyes dancing as he looked into Logan's.

"Sounds like you were."

"Except for the kissing thing," Greg supplied.

"What?" Jacob asked, brows furrowed as he turned his attention back to Greg.

"You refused to kiss anyone. That was your rule, and I heard a lot of guys complaining about it but that never stopped them from doing business with you. You would fuck anyone in the world, but you had a strict rule about kissing. To be honest, I was shocked to see you kissing this guy so much. I think that's why I believed you about the memory loss, because the Jacob I know wouldn't be kissing anyone like that."

Again, Logan's brain went into overdrive. Jacob hated kissing Patrick, or so he'd said. Logan had no reason to doubt that, especially now. Yet with Logan, he'd begged for kissing from the start. What the hell did that mean?

"Guess you're pretty special," Jacob said softly in a voice carrying the love and devotion that had grown over the weeks. "Told you, didn't I?"

Emotions threatening to spill over, Logan could only nod. "You do love me."

"Did you doubt it?"

"No. I'm able to read you well enough that I know when you're lying, remember?"

Smiling, Jacob replied, "That's one of the few things I can remember."

Temped to kiss Jacob now, Logan simply returned his head to Jacob's shoulder. There would be time enough for that later.

Not much more was discovered from Greg, and though Logan brought up the idea of talking to some of the bar's regulars, Greg felt they wouldn't be able to add anything worthwhile since Jacob was so closed-off even to those he'd bonded with in the time he'd lived there.

"But they could tell us where he lived," Logan pointed out. "We need to find that."

"True," Greg considered, watching Jacob. "You want to talk to someone?"

"Anyone here that would know?"

Greg stood up and looked around the bar. "I'm not too sure. A lot of these guys are regulars but I don't know if you've ever taken any of them home. Give it about an hour, there are a few guys who come in for the dancing that I know were regulars of yours."

Logan nodded, really not wanting to witness any of those men near Jacob but understanding it was necessary. "Are you working tonight?" he asked Greg.

"Not for a few hours. I actually need to get home and take care of some things before work. You guys cool now?"

"Yeah," Jacob replied. "Thanks, buddy. For everything. I'm sorry I don't remember you, you seem like a cool guy."

"We always got along well," Greg smiled. "Not like that, but...you know. If you do decide to leave San Fran after all this, make sure you say goodbye."

"I will. Thanks." They shook hands and Greg headed to the bar to speak to someone before leaving the place.

"Wow," Jacob finally said.

"Indeed," Logan nodded. "Eyeliner and lip gloss, huh?"

Surprised, Jacob glanced at Logan. "That's what you focus on? After everything he just told us, you're thinking about the fact that I wore make-up?"

Logan shrugged, watching his finger play in a drop of water on the table. "Just picturing it. Leather pants, too, apparently."

A slow smile spread over Jacob's face and he nuzzled Logan's ear. "If we find my place I'll dress up for you. Your own private show."

Breathless, Logan scooted away and stood. "I need the restroom. Don't go anywhere?"

"Where would I go?" Jacob smirked, enjoying the effect he was having on Logan. "I'll be here."

In the restroom Logan closed himself into a stall and processed everything, let all the new information work itself into place. He wished they'd been smart enough to bring the notebook, but he hadn't thought they would need it. Stupid. Always bring the notebook, you should know that. What he needed most was to make a list of everything, to study it and put it into an order that made sense.

Jacob was a prostitute. He'd lived in San Francisco for about two years and spent his time at the beach, in a gym, and in this place where he picked up men and took them to what was most likely his home to conduct his business. Then what? Would he return here for the next customer? Dance the night away until he was approached again? There were still so many unanswered questions.

Jacob Daniel. At least we have a name. We'll get that to Detective Monroe, or maybe go to the police here.

And yet...Jacob was a prostitute. Prostitution was illegal in the state of California.

Damn. We may be on our own at this point. No media, either. I'm not losing him, not now. We need to find his home.

Who was this Allen guy? Obviously the person closest to Jacob in the world. If anyone knew something worthwhile, he would be the one, and Logan wished they'd been smart enough to get his phone number. Remembering that he had Greg's, though, he pulled out his phone and sent a quick text asking for Allen's number. By the time he'd left the restroom, he had a reply. Maybe they should just call Allen and ask for directions.

Logan's steps slowed as he approached their table to find Jacob laughing with a man who had taken his seat. The man had an arm slung over Jacob's shoulders and was sitting much too close for Logan's liking. Logan stemmed an urge to tear the man to pieces, adrenaline rushing through him as he stood a few tables away and watched. If the man tried to kiss Jacob, it was on.

What Logan noticed next, though, was that Jacob didn't seem scared or uncomfortable. He was openly flirting right back with the man, and though Logan couldn't hear what they were saying, that much was obvious in his body language. What the fuck are you doing? You belong to me.

When Jacob laughed once again, Logan could stand it no more. He slid into the booth across from them, affecting a friendly smile that belied the rage swirling inside him. "Hi, guys. Mind if I join you?"

The man's smile died, his eyes growing hard as he met Logan's gaze. "Wait your turn, asshole. This is my time."

"Actually, it's mine. I've been waiting a month and I'm not going anywhere."

"I've been waiting just as long, so back off."

"Logan," Jacob interrupted, "it's okay-"

"It's not okay," Logan argued, lips twisting into a forced smile. "You're going home with me tonight."

"Dude, back the fuck off," the guy sighed. "He can do business with whoever he wants. Obviously it's me he wants first. Get over it."

"Actually..." Jacob shifted away, out of the man's embrace. "I was hoping you could help me. I need-"

"Nothing." Not caring how rude he sounded, Logan continued, "You don't need anything from him."

"But he could tell us-"

"Nothing. I've got it handled. All you need is me."

The man rolled his eyes. "Look, Jacob, are we doing this or not? It's been a long time and you're worth the wait, but if it's not happening tell me now."

"I'll tell you," Logan volunteered. "It's not happening. Get the fuck away from my man."

Jacob remained silent, staring intently at Logan.

"I don't need this shit." Standing, the man added, "I'll catch you another night, Jacob. Glad you're back."

Though Logan glared at the guy until he was a good distance from the table, Jacob didn't even seem to notice the movement, gaze trained on Logan because now he was the one breathless. "We need to go back to the hotel now."

Slowly Logan's attention returned to Jacob. "I was thinking about calling Allen. I got his number, we can-"

"No, Logan. Hotel. Now."

And then it penetrated, the intensity of the lust radiating from every fiber of Jacob's being. "Oh," he managed softly. So this was it.

Literally dragging him out of the booth, Jacob made a beeline for the door, grip hard on Logan's wrist but Logan didn't care, welcomed the ownership and need it symbolized. He looked around when they were outside, getting his bearings to figure out which direction the hotel was, but Jacob seemed to already know.

Less than a block away Jacob tugged him inside a building, Logan discovering it was the hotel and surprised because he hadn't realized they were so close to it. Once alone in the elevator Logan launched himself at Jacob, but Jacob held him off with a hand to his chest. "Not yet," he breathed. "Not yet."

Jacob was stretched like a taut wire, Logan sensing that it was taking everything in him to keep himself contained. "Are you okay?"

Shaking his head, Jacob watched the numbers shifting on the panel as the elevator rose. "Got your key handy?"

"Right here." Logan slid his fingers into a pocket, Jacob ripping the card away the second it appeared, and then finally they were free from the elevator.

He was dragged down the hall, wrist still in a vise as Jacob slid the card neatly into the slot and extracted it. The door opened, they were in, and then the storm was unleashed.

It was almost violent the way Jacob attacked him, Logan not putting up a fight or even wanting to because he was just as desperately ripping Jacob's clothing away. Their mouths stayed busy as they worked, mostly on each others' but occasionally sliding down to suck and bite at bare skin that was revealed. They hadn't even bothered to turn on lights but stumbled their way to the nearest bed, and it was only when they were both naked and they'd gone as far as they dared with hands that Logan pushed Jacob away and reached out for the lamp he knew was there.

"No way, not stopping, don't even think about it this time, Logan," Jacob growled, immediately coming after him.

"Hang on," Logan panted. "I have...suitcase...always prepared."

The light was flipped on and Logan slid off the bed to lift his suitcase up onto the other bed, where he dug for what he'd bought at a drugstore the morning before in hopes they'd get to this point. "I didn't bother with condoms, figured we didn't need them but-"

"Jesus fucking...I love you, Logan. Fucking love you so much." Ripping the lube out of Logan's hand, Jacob put it to use on himself immediately. "Get back here. Now."

For someone who seems to know about the Bible, you sure do cuss a lot. Maybe it's knowledge from when you were a kid. Though once they'd arrived in San Francisco, Logan had noticed a slight hardening in Jacob, as if the street-smart side of him was emerging the longer they stayed here. Perhaps this was the part of his personality Logan had been warned about, the slut who would fuck anything at any time without giving it a second thought.

Then again, the way Jacob was manhandling him now was certainly not unwelcome. It woke up a more aggressive side of Logan that he hadn't had much experience with, but he let it out now, willingly gave himself up to Jacob's demands and rough touches, and then finally they were where they'd wanted to be from almost the first moment of meeting.

Jacob had it in him to be gentle, Logan sensed that much, and if he'd asked he knew Jacob would be so for him. He didn't, though, and so it was over much more quickly than either of them wanted it to be due to the frenzy they'd worked each other into. The room was kept at a comfortable temperature but they laid together after sweating anyway, attempting to slow their racing hearts. It was the easily the best sex Logan had ever had, though admittedly he hadn't had nearly as much as most men his age probably had—or maybe it was just that Jacob was that amazing.

He's had enough practice, it shouldn't surprise you.

Logan halted that thought process before it could go any further, keeping in mind that Jacob felt horrible enough about that part of his past and they needed to move on from it, not dwell.

He's with me now. Mine. No one else's, not ever again.

"I can honestly say that was worth the wait," Jacob finally said, breaking the silence between them.

"Definitely," Logan agreed, lifting his face up to meet the kiss he knew was waiting for him, and then shifting until he'd moved to lay over Jacob, deepening the kiss while their hands linked together above Jacob's head.

"Can't stop kissing you," Jacob whispered. "Waited forever for this."

"I know."

More time was devoted to simply that, tasting each other, until Jacob sighed in contentment. "Didn't I tell you, Logan? Didn't I tell you?"

"Yes," Logan smiled. "So you sensed it?"

"I did. I was afraid to put any faith in it, but I sensed that there was no one else, that you were the one for me."

"Well, it sounds like there were quite a few men who enjoyed your company."

Jacob nodded slowly. "I'm sorry about that. I don't remember any of it but-"

"Don't be sorry. There was a reason for it. I'm sure it wasn't what you dreamed of doing with your life when you were a kid."

"I wish I knew. But you still love me? You're not disgusted?"

"No, not disgusted. I admit it doesn't thrill me, and if you step foot in that bar again and someone approaches you they'll lose their head, but I'm not going to judge you."

"You're amazing," Jacob smiled, hugging Logan tight. "I've treated you like shit and you still-"

"How have you treated me like shit?"

"You know. Patrick. And now this? I wouldn't blame you if you ran off screaming."

Shaking his head, Logan gently kissed Jacob. "I'm yours if you want me."

"The more we find out, though...I'm scared. You heard what Greg said. I didn't talk about my past. There's more we have to figure out."

"I'm aware of that. Still right here."

"I love you," Jacob whispered, the words reflected in his eyes. "I hope you know that, how much you mean to me."

"I do, because I feel the same way."

Sighing again, Jacob looked for the first time as if he was at peace. "I know we need to call this Allen guy and find my house but can we just-"

"Yes." Anticipating Jacob's question, Logan nodded. It wasn't the smart thing to do, but he needed the same thing Jacob did. "We have tomorrow. For tonight, let's just enjoy this. Each other and finally being able to give in to it."

"All night, Logan. All night I'm rocking your world."

Logan grinned, loving the sound of that. "I'm rocking yours, too."

"Mmm, please." Lifting his legs to wrap around Logan, Jacob smiled. "Anything you want. But..."

Uh oh. Logan didn't like "buts." "What?"

"Can we get some food? We haven't eaten since breakfast and I'm starving."

"Is that all?" Chuckling, Logan kissed him in relief. "We can definitely eat. Room service okay? I bet they have ice cream."

Jacob's face lighting up was the answer Logan had hoped for, but then he frowned. "Wait, you're a doctor. Shouldn't you be telling me not to eat so many sweets?"

"It's a special night. We're celebrating."

"Yes," Jacob agreed, seeming to melt. "We certainly are."