Caught screwing who? But I thought the baby was Uchiha's.

If he was Hokage, I bet he'd diddle all the assistants.

I always knew there was something wrong with that team. I wonder if Naruto-sama kept them in check.

Until the first rumor fell from the mouth of someone he didn't know not twenty minutes after he was caught in flagrante delicto, Kakashi hadn't known how badly Hiashi wanted to be Hokage. Just as quickly, the gossip chain had distorted the truth, as usual.

Sakura had not gone back to work, preferring to have a private cry in his tent. It's just stress, she'd hissed and waved him out with a stern face. After informing some random medic that Sakura wasn't feeling well, Kakashi retreated to the memorial. It probably wasn't the duty he should be attending to at the moment, but all he could do was lose himself in the mindless task of inscribing names. When Ko appeared at the edge of the clearing, fidgeting awkwardly, Kakashi rose and stretched the kinks from his back, and then followed the Hyuuga wordlessly.

Before long, Kakashi sat beside Sakura in the high-backed chair once again, facing the Hokage.

Tsunade wasn't looking at either of them, sunken eyes focused off to the side. When the silence stretched as thin as her papery skin, she snapped her gaze back towards them.

"It was too much to ask that you keep your genitals to yourself for a few months, wasn't it." Her voice was dull, brittle like her straw-dry hair.

"It's not his fault, Shishou," Sakura said immediately. "I -"

"I wasn't talking to him," Tsunade said pointedly, then swallowed a cough.

Sakura subsided, face blazing.

"Well, I suppose there's only one thing for it now." Tsunade tapped her fingernails on the table, looking as if she'd like nothing better than to smash it to bits. "You'll have to get married."

Kakashi's jaw grew tight as he looked at Sakura out of the corner of his eye. The last time he brought up marriage, it had not gone over well. This time, she scowled at Tsunade instead.

"Married? You can't order me to get married."

"I can and I will," Tsunade snapped. "You are a chuunin and I am Hokage. Do you question my authority?"

Sakura shrank away, eyes wide, hand seeking Kakashi's but finding his thigh instead, clutching. He rested his palm on her white knuckles.

"Sh-Shishou..." Sakura's lower lip trembled.

Tsunade wouldn't meet Sakura's eyes. "Since apparently, you can't keep your hands off each other, no matter the stakes, you leave me no choice."

"I tried, Shishou," Sakura whispered, voice quivering. "I'm sorry. I -"

"It's too late for that." Tsunade formed her bony fingers into a fist, unforgiving. "In a few years, you can divorce if you like. He would be the first divorced Kage, an unfortunate precedent, but some things can't be helped."

"Now we have to get divorced?"

This was the final straw for Sakura, tears leaking from the corner of her eyes. She wiped them furiously, determined to ignore them.

"That's not what I said," Tsunade said, eyes more livid with anger than they had been since before the war. "You picked a hell of a time to show your selfish side, Sakura. I apprenticed you because you asked for selfless reasons, but I can see now that I was mistaken -"

"That's enough." Kakashi's voice cracked like a whip, making Tsunade blink in surprise.

Sakura buried her head in her hands, sobbing, and it was only then that the pain showed in Tsunade's brown eyes.

"I've got a pile of pending marriage licenses on my desk. Come tomorrow, they will be approved. Yours will be among them. Report to tent 24A before breakfast with a witness. You are dismissed."

Though the light was now low, the sun had started to burn the back of Kakashi's neck. Too much time at the memorial had turned him red, and he should leave, but no one would bother him here unless they had a reason - in fact, they treated him like the grim reaper, as if talking to him would somehow tempt whatever gods they worshipped to strike a loved one dead. And then Kakashi stepped out of the clearing and he was free game to bother with whatever complaint they had, petty or otherwise, as if he could do anything about it.

Kakashi rubbed the nape of his neck, wincing at the soreness, and wished for aloe - and then let out a sudden, barking laugh at the memory it brought to mind. Maybe Sakura was right. He should wear a hat.

"Laughing into the dark is a sign of insanity."

Sasuke was propping himself up on a tree at the edge of the clearing, looking at Kakashi with calculating eyes.

"Good thing it's not dark yet, I suppose," Kakashi said, though he couldn't muster a smile.

Sasuke was here to say 'I told you so,' and what rejoinder could Kakashi possibly make?

"I'm not sure how you want me to fix this," Sasuke said quietly instead, surprising Kakashi. Sasuke avoided meeting his eyes, preferring to stare at a pebble on the ground, and Kakashi wondered what exactly he was referring to until Sasuke added, "I'm not sure how I'm supposed to convince people I'm the father when you're the one she's interested in sleeping with all the time."

The leather in Kakashi's gloves squeaked as he clenched his fists. "The Hokage has taken care of it. That's over now."

"Oh." Sasuke's eyes shot up, wide and blinking. Still, the tightness around the corners of his eyes remained. "I didn't... I tried."

The earnestness on Sasuke's face was foreign and gripped Kakashi's heart like talons. "I want to show you something."

Kakashi stepped aside. Sasuke stared blankly for a minute until he finally seemed to realize what Kakashi was waiting for and walked closer to inspect the memorial stone more closely.

When Sasuke spotted it, Kakashi knew. Sasuke's breath caught audibly in his throat.

"Uchiha Itachi. Why?" Sasuke's eyes were wide, locked on the syllables of his brother's name.

"He deserves to be recognized for his sacrifices. Don't you think?"

Sasuke traced the name, his touch soft and careful as if he might erase it. "I do. I just wasn't aware anyone else agreed."

"You're fitting brothers."

Sasuke's fingers paused. "What?"

Kakashi turned to leave, but before he went, he answered. "You have a lot in common with him."

Without waiting for a reply, Kakashi left the clearing.

Though it was still August, their breaths fogged in the morning air - truthfully, night still. The camp was just beginning to stir, but Kakashi, Sakura, and Ino stood in line anyway. Preceded by a surprisingly long line of trios just like them, they waited their turn.

The girls were doing a good job of ignoring the stares and whispers pointed in their direction, so Kakashi chose to focus on them, though he stayed out of their conversation.

Ino was pawing at Sakura's breasts, moaning in jealousy. "It's so not fair. I lost a whole cup size at least, and here you've put on three or five or ten. Where is the justice? You're supposed to be fat so I can laugh at you, but instead you're just boobs that swallowed a beach ball."

"My feet are bigger too," Sakura complained. "I've got permanent blisters now."

"Wah, wah." Ino flipped her hair over her shoulders, then brightened. "Oh! I forgot to tell you that Tenten polished Shino's weapon."

"So?" Sakura's brow furrowed in confusion. "She sharpens weapons all day. It's her job."

"Why is your forehead so big if you're so dumb?" Ino rolled her eyes. "She polished his weapon."

"Oh!" Eyes widening in recognition, Sakura laughed. "Shino? Seriously?"

"Seriously. They were totally loud." Ino's grin was wicked. "I wonder if his bugs went up her -"

"Pig," hissed Sakura, swatting Ino's arm and blushing furiously.

Clearing her throat, Ino straightened, placing her right hand over her heart and raising her left palm level with her head. "I am Haruno Billboard Brow Sakura, and I solemnly swear to be a prude. I will only have sex in the missionary position and I will never admit it, even if I am totally pregnant and everything."

Kakashi chuckled in spite of himself, recalling Sakura from yesterday. I want it all at once. If anyone knew she said that, she'd die of mortification, so opposite was it of the image she tried to project - and yet, of course, that's what made it so appealing.

Eyes narrowed in annoyance, Sakura placed her own hand over her heart. "I am Yamanaka Ino-Pig and I solemnly swear to oink oink oink oink oink!"

"You fat cow!" Ino screeched, reaching for a strand of Sakura's hair to yank, but Sakura dodged. "You fat, pregnant whore."

A passerby wearing a Konoha headband cackled, chuckling well off into the distance.

Sakura's smile faded and then so did Ino's. Sakura looked off to the side.

"You're not fat, Sakura," Ino said quietly. "I was only joking."

Sakura's lips twitched in an attempt to smile. "No one's fat these days. Not even Chouji."

"Yeah," Ino said, though her face was still twisted with concern. "It's totally weird."

It wasn't the "fat" insult that had stuck in Sakura's craw, they all knew.

If there was to be anything good to come from this, perhaps it was that. Married women tended to attract less of that sort of attention. Then again, considering the circumstances, maybe it would make it worse.

The line was moving quickly, now, couples shambling in and out of the tent with their witnesses, one after the other, like an assembly line. As their turn approached, no one said anything, not even Ino. Sakura reached for Kakashi's hand and he let her grasp it with sweaty fingers.

When they were the next in line, standing in front of a closed tent whose flap Ino was glaring at as if it had gravely insulted her, Ino began to speak, then stopped.

"I don't think I can forgive Tsunade-sama for this," she said finally.

"It's for the good of Konoha," Sakura said quietly, clasping his hand tighter.

A civilian couple from Sand pushed open the flap of the tent. They were grinning ear to ear and one stopped to kiss his husband, perhaps a bit too enthusiastically. Their witness rolled his eyes, clearly fed up already with their newlywed bliss.

"Your turn," he said and dragged his friends away.

Kakashi led Sakura in by the hand. Heaving a sigh, Ino followed.

"Names?" the clerk said, face sour. Bleary eyes and a suppressed yawn revealed the reason for his foul mood.

"Hatake Kakashi and Haruno Sakura," Kakashi said, and then cleared his throat.

The clerk had already started flipping through the H section of his files before he totally registered what had been said. His hands stopped mid-movement and he did a double take, pushing cracked glasses farther up his nose.

Kakashi dared him with a smile to say anything, but the clerk recovered quickly, looking back down at his file.

"Ah, yes, here we go. All signed by Hokage-sama and ready to go. Now all we need is your signatures here and here."

The clerk pointed out the respective spots on the handwritten marriage license. First Kakashi scrawled his name and then Sakura signed, neat and tidy.

The man turned to Ino with a generic smile, finger on a new dotted line. "And this one's for you. It just says that you testify that they're both sound of mind and here of their own free will, not coerced and so forth."

Ino picked up the quill and rested it on the paper, but did not continue, frowning.

"Pig," Sakura hissed, kicking the back of Ino's knees so that she almost toppled over.

The clerk cleared his throat but Sakura smiled at him sweetly. Ino scribbled her name, lips clenched tightly shut and a wrinkle between her fair brows.

Chuckling awkwardly, the clerk signed his own name with a flourish. "Congratulations. You are now Mr. and Mrs. Hatake Kakashi."

He eyed them keenly, perhaps hoping to see the couple kiss for curiosity's sake, but they did not oblige. The three of them filed out of the tent.

Kakashi reached into his pocket and pulled out two simple polished wooden bands and handed Sakura one, slipping the other onto his ring finger.

She turned it over in her hands, frowning. "Did this -?"

"I made them," he said quickly. He knew she would never accept a ring off of a corpse.

"Oh, okay. They're pretty." Sakura slipped the ring on and then blinked, shielding her eyes from the newly risen sun. "See you later, I guess. I'll move my stuff from Sasuke's tent after dinner."

"Yeah. Later," Kakashi said blandly.

Sakura walked away, leaving Ino staring after her, the frown apparently a permanent fixture on her face.

"Let's get started then, shall we?"

Ino started at the sound of his voice and nodded. It was just another day and work awaited them.

Old habits die hard. Before dinner, Kakashi had a few moments of free time, and he found himself at the memorial. Just like he had in the before-time, Kakashi sought peace and absolution in the smooth face of the stone. The only thing that hadn't changed at all since before the war was this: nothing could give him absolution.

Today, for the second day in a row, even the peace eluded him. Kakashi hadn't been there long when Hyuuga Hiashi stepped into the clearing.

"You're a predictable sort of man, Hatake."

Kakashi did not turn and face him. "The same could be said of you."

"Don't be petty," Hiashi said, voice passive. "We both know it's better this way. Hokage have always been better unattached, not preoccupied with new families."

Gritting his teeth in an effort not to dwell over whether or not that was a subtle insult to Minato, Kakashi grunted. "Tsunade-sama preferred the people to decide for themselves."

"The people," Hiashi said with a sardonic little huff, "are as sentimental as they are fickle. You'd be capable, of course, but the uproar of scandal after you were named... It would serve only as a distraction. We are on a precipice and that just won't do."

Kakashi said nothing. Hiashi had voiced thoughts so close to his own that speech was unnecessary.

"I've often wondered," Hiashi continued, "if this wasn't your way of conceding anyway."

Hesitating, Kakashi finally spoke. "Some things aren't about that. Most things."

In the back of his throat, Hiashi made a dubious noise. "It's not that you slept with her, you know. Just like the Hyuuga clan, or even wives, Konoha doesn't care what you do with your prick as long as they can live on in blissful ignorance."

"And you know from experience, I assume." Kakashi kept his voice even.

"Of course. Many men do. But you upset the natural order of things. You don't impregnate your sluts. You don't marry them. You don't rub people's faces in your predilections."

For a time, Kakashi said nothing, still with his rigid back to Hiashi.

"Blissful ignorance," Kakashi finally said, bland.

"Blissful ignorance," Hiashi agreed. "Your mistake was not marrying a respectable woman when this whole business came about. Do you think anyone would have doubted? They see what they want to see."

"She is respectable," Kakashi said, unable to keep the anger from lacing his voice now.

The things people said about Kakashi, he could disregard, but he would never get used to the casual shaming of Sakura, as if that was just the way of things and no one questioned it.

"Not carrying your bastard she's not," Hiashi said, not reacting to Kakashi's emotion.

Kakashi clenched his jaw. "It won't be a bastard now, will it."

"Too late." Hiashi sighed. "It matters not. What's done is done. I hope I can still count on you to do what needs to be done for Konoha."

Swallowing his bitterness, Kakashi wiped a weary hand down his face. "Have I ever not?"

"No," Hiashi chuckled, "I suppose you're right."

A rustling of cloth told Kakashi that Hiashi had left. Staring at the cenotaph, Kakashi tried to recapture his peace. He kept trying until night truly descended, and then finally gave up and left in the same direction Hiashi had.

Kakashi was tired of bonfires. He didn't feel like celebrating, but it seemed people searched for any excuse these days - and with little else to look forward to, he could hardly blame them.

At least this time, Sakura was sitting at his side, massaging her ribs with a perplexed look on her face.

"What is it, Forehead? Do you have gas again?"

Sakura scowled and snatched Ino's hand and placed it on the side of her belly. Immediately, the mischievous grin fell off of Ino's face, replaced with dawning wonder.

"Holy crap, Forehead. You're gonna have a baby!"

With an exaggerated roll of her eyes, Sakura pushed Ino away. "You're an idiot, Pig."

Ino laughed and stood up. "Hey, guys! Little Hatake knows its favorite aunt already!"

"Say it louder, why don't you," Sakura muttered.

"Okay!" Smiling, Ino drew in breath as if to shout, then blew it all out with a gust into her bangs when Sakura's face grew murderous. "Just kidding. But come on, don't keep it all to yourself, you selfish bitch."

Ino yanked a resigned Sakura up by the hand and dragged her - or more specifically, her belly - away to be admired by their myriad of friends.

"She's going to be a powerful ninja, don't you think? A weapons user, of course," Tenten said with a huge grin, rubbing Sakura's belly as if for good luck.

Sakura's head quirked to the side in bemusement. "Shizune's got you calling it 'she' now, too, then?"

"Shizune can't help being right," Tenten said in mock seriousness, but then her hands paused and her eyes widened. "But maybe I'm wrong about her specialty. That's quite a punch she's got there."

"Maybe Lee-kun will be her sensei!" Ino trilled happily.

"I would be honored," Lee said thickly, going red. "I could only hope to be half the teacher Gai-sensei was."

Tenten's smile dropped away for just a second before affixing itself back on her face. "He would hate to have missed seeing Kakashi-sensei's marriage. And this child - he'd have loved it like his own."

Kakashi's stomach clenched. Instinctively, he looked to Lee, who was not stricken as Kakashi expected.

"He saw it," Lee said resolutely, jutting his own jaw out stubbornly, as if the conversation was well worn. "He saw it through us, Tenten. That's the Will of Fire."

"Of course, Lee," Tenten said, beaming, and playfully shoved Shizune towards a slightly sobered Sakura.

Kakashi's eyes were torn away from Shizune's pouting face - the baby had failed to move for her, it seemed - by Suigetsu tugging at his arm.

"Why aren't you drinking with me? It's so lame. I actually got Juugo to come, but even Sasuke's not drinking."

"It's common for husbands to abstain with their wives," Juugo said, hugging his knees and staring around the fire furtively, as if he expected something to pop out at him from the shadows. "In my clan, it was a sign of respect."

Suigetsu rolled his eyes. "Is that why Sasuke's bunging off too? What's he, their little bitch or something? Weird triangle if you ask me, and look, he's totally into that girl with the big tits too -"

In a new light, Kakashi looked at Sasuke and Hinata, who were having a quiet conversation off to the side. With a wry smirk, Sasuke said something that made Hinata throw back her head and laugh, but also made her face turn a terrific shade of red.

"Sasuke and Sakura are not involved in such a way," Sai said coolly, staring at Suigetsu.

"Sasuke said he was not interested in his friend romantically," Juugo said sharply, face stern. "Sasuke does not lie."

Jaw dropping, Suigetsu looked between the two in horror. "Who let you get together? You're like the world's most annoying party poopers. I know already. I was just having a little fun. You ought to try it sometime."

He flipped back to the grass, scowling, but Juugo smiled.

And then a log popped in the fire and Juugo was on his feet, crouched like a frightened animal.

"Hey," Suigetsu said, voice ringing out clearly instead of the nasal whine he usually affected. "Listen to me. It's all right."

Frozen for a second longer, Juugo finally relaxed. "I'm fine. I'm going back to the tent."

At the turn of a heel, Juugo was gone. Suigetsu sighed.

"Why bring him if it makes him so uncomfortable?" Yamato asked, curious.

"Because," snapped Suigetsu, "he has no reason to be terrified of gatherings anymore. He's not going to turn and kill us all. This camp is so crowded it makes him jumpy, but he can't hide forever. He's been working so hard to control himself. But he'll never really believe it unless he tries, will he?"

Suigetsu pushed to his feet, scowl etched into his face, serious for once. "So why don't you just stay out of it. Before you ask, I'm going to go after him to keep him company because now he'll be up all night, afraid to fall asleep. Like anyone else really gives a rat's ass."

Yamato frowned. "I was just wondering."

"Suigetsu."

Even though it was from a ways away, Sasuke's voice carried.

"I've got it covered," Suigetsu said and followed after Juugo.

Raucous laughter burst out from another portion of the group, the part gathered around Sakura. She shot out of the circle like a rocket, beelining to Kakashi.

"Spoilsport!" Ino called, still laughing. "At least send Sai over here. He's missing out."

Sakura ignored it, cheeks red, and took her place beside Kakashi after waving Sai and Yamato towards the other group. Sai floated on the outside, looking awkward.

"Is everything all right?" Sakura said to Kakashi.

"I think so."

"So Juugo -?"

"He'll be okay."

She nodded, then turned her eyes back to the group, who were smiling and chatting amongst themselves. "Everyone's being so - ugh. Like it's really something to celebrate that I'm the first one to get married."

Kakashi shrugged. "Don't you all usually celebrate firsts, though? Like your promotions and such. I haven't paid much attention, to be honest."

Sakura pulled a face. "I guess. Shikamaru was first to chuunin, Kiba was the first to get a girlfriend - that lasted about two weeks - Neji was the first to jounin, and so forth. But isn't this different? It's like -"

Suddenly, she stopped, looking stricken.

"What is it?" Kakashi spread his legs more so his calf brushed hers.

"Neji was the first to die," she whispered.

"Oh."

Kakashi wasn't sure what to say to that, or how to relate. He'd only had a few friends growing up, and for the most part, they were frought with competition like Gai, cut short by death like Obito, or both.

Shaking her head to clear the glumness from her face, Sakura looked back at her friends and giggled.

"Tenten and Shino are about a hair away from making out back there."

Kakashi looked and saw Sakura was right. The pair was too close, Tenten's hips pressed into Shino's and her face lingering near his as she pushed his sunglasses up with the tip of one finger. She laughed when he pulled them back down in annoyance, resettling them on the bridge of his nose.

But Sakura had already moved on, staring at Sasuke and Hinata with sudden interest. "Ooh, and what's this?"

"What, jealous?" Kakashi's voice was dry, biting more than he would have liked.

Sakura froze, staring at him with wide eyes. "Oh."

Kakashi said nothing, only sat back, draping one long arm over his knee. With one finger, he rubbed the smooth wood of his wedding band, turning it.

"I'm not jealous," she said finally, voice firm but worry in her eyes.

"I followed you, after what you said about the bath. You had eyes on you. Not just mine. You don't have to explain."

Kakashi's voice was terse and she winced.

"I'm sorry you had to see that," Sakura said quietly.

Truthfully, Kakashi didn't know if he'd ever stop seeing it, in a twisted sort of way - Sakura on all fours, mud on her forearms and splashing up to fleck her swinging breasts, full as they were with the weight of pregnancy. Sasuke had been there too, of course, but it was only Sakura that remained in Kakashi's memory, as if seared there. But Kakashi remembered her face, too, full of unpleasant surprise and regret as the lust faded, nothing like the warmth and eagerness she showed Kakashi only yesterday.

"I didn't know before." Sakura smoothed her hands over her belly, expression thoughtful. "I didn't know sex could be like that."

With some effort, Kakashi unclenched his jaw. "Like what?"

"So empty." Sakura's eyes turned back to the fire as she toyed with her own wedding band.

Seeing the tightness in the corners of her mouth and the tension in her fidgeting fingers, Kakashi forcefully relaxed. Sex was insignificant, despite the meaning people insisted on ascribing to it, even Sakura. What mattered was what came afterwards.

"You're my wife now."

"Yes," she said, sagging with relief. "I am."

Kakashi stared into the flames, watching the last light of his first day as a married man dwindle away.

Author's Note: So many wanted them married, and yet now we fear rotten tomatoes. I have my shield at the ready! Thank you, as always, for reading and especially those of you who review and let us know what you think.