OK first things first, i can not apologize enough for how long it has taken to update this. I suck i know, I'll say I'll do better but don't we all say the same thing? But i will try. I'm in a new state with a new living situation in a town in the middle of no where (coalinga if you know it) so hopefully less distractions! Shout outs to CharlotteBlackwood and AikoRose for working with me on this chapter, thanks to them i will hopefully no longer have ridiculous spelling errors and will update sooner. Also shout out to ChocolateMilk and hannahhobnob. I was spurred out of my bad updating by your comments so thank you :D. Another shout out to rnl1993 for your comments as well. Please keep up with the comments guys, i really take them into account for future chapters! Loved you next chapter is already written and under Beta vision!

Lily and Bel sat silently at dinner on Sunday night, both stabbing at their dinner. Bel could tell Lily was trying her best to hold it in. With that girl having such a big mouth, it was quite the feat.

It was still relatively early, so students were still trickling in; Bel noticed that Dumbledore and Professor Pulchrum were not yet at the head table. They were usually punctual, except for the rare occasion that something of some importance had happened, bad or good.

Glancing up from her plate Bel scanned the table for James and the others. They hadn't yet arrived.

"Bel, please," Lily finally burst. "Every time I ask you about it these past two days you tell me you don't want to talk about it! Just tell me!"

Bel tossed her fork on the table angrily. "Fine! What do you want to know?"

She paused for a moment, slightly ashamed that she had been bothering Bel. Then she looked up, "Did you really sleep with-"

"No, Lily!" Bel groaned. "He came up to my room in a drunken stupor wanting to talk. I don't even know how he got up the stairs!"

"Well, then, what was up with the whole fiasco in the common room?"

Again Bel groaned and rubbed her face in frustration. "I don't know! He said he was going to help everyone get rid of the idea that we slept together."

"Well, that didn't work," Lily stated.

Bel looked up at Lily and glared. She wanted to slap her. "Really? I hadn't noticed. Honestly Lily! Why would you even think that?"

"You wouldn't tell me anything! I thought you were ashamed or something." Lily paused again and slowly began to serve herself pudding.

Bel grew frustrated knowing Lily still had loads of question. "What else?"

Quickly, Lily put down her pudding and excitedly asked, "You really told Alice to sod off? I heard you even pulled out your wand!"

At this Bel smiled meekly. "Ah, ha, yes, actually, I did."

"Mary told Jenifer Bressels that Alice was sobbing her eyes out in the girls bathroom so loudly that Moaning Myrtle told her to shut it," Lily said, grinning.

"She deserved it!" Bel pouted. "She was insulting me right to my face like, she had the right to!"

Lily laughed, "No one is saying she didn't. Everyone is saying that they didn't think you would be the one to tell her off. Where did that even come from, Bel?!"

Bel paused and slightly frowned. "I have no clue. Anger just boiled up inside me. She thought that she was better than me, and I know that it isn't true, her or any other person who tries to pick on me. But all those times that I never spoke up for myself, all those times that I just let people walk all over me, it let them think they were better than me, superior, beyond my reach, when in fact they are so far below me." She looked at Lily. "Something inside me just…snapped."

Lily smiled. "Good, Bel."

"Yes, very good." Sirius suddenly sat next to Lily. "All thanks to me."

Bel suddenly stood causing Sirius to flinch. "I'm going to slap you, Sirius Black. Everyone thinks we had a fling!"

James patted her on the shoulder, "Slapping him would only make it more scandalous."

After a moment Bel sat, James following suit. She did continue to glare at him causing him to feel uncomfortable. "Stop looking at me like that. It freaks me out."

"You deserve it, you little pounce," she said picking up her fork and stabbing her roast with it. "Do you know what people are saying about me?"

"You?" Sirius snorted. "Of course, everyone thinks you're an absolute bad ass. Me on the other hand, not so much."

"What?"

James nodded. "It's true. Everyone is talking about what a horrible friend he is to take advantage of my little sister. On the other hand it has caused quite a big amount of talk amongst the Slytherins."

Lily leaned forward. "Really? Why?"

Encouraged by Lily's interest he too leaned forward, causing Bel to lean forward as well. "Because," He glanced at Bel. "It's rumored that one of Bel's attackers is in Slytherin. Now they have not only pissed off her ferocious big brother but also her lover."

Lily gasped. "Bel! From Slytherin? Why didn't you say something?"

Bel stomped on James foot. "They attacked me from behind Lily I couldn't see them."

"Either way," Sirius interrupted joining in with leaning forward. "With Bel's new reputation as a no-shite-taking witch and having body guards of pure good looking muscularity, no one is going to want to mess with her."

Bel took the opportunity to smack the dark haired boys forehead, "Why didn't you tell me that!?"

"Ow, Bel!" He said rubbing his forehead while pouting. "Because you are a shite actress. If I would have told you, you wouldn't have had such a believable reaction."

"Wait," Lily said taking up her spoon and pointing it at James. "Were you involved in this?"

James snorted. "Of course not. I would never spread a rumor about Sirius and Bel having…. Anyways, he still hasn't told me why he went to her room." He said this pointedly to his best friend.

"Don't be such a princess Prongs," Sirius laughed. "We were just having a slumber party. Girl talk and what not. Don't throw a fit because you weren't invited."

"How did you even get up there?" Bel had continued eating her dinner.

Sirius winked. "That's a secret that Annie Guntson showed me in 3rd year."

"Yeah right, Sirius. Annie was a 7th year back then," Lily laughed. "What would she want to do with you?"

Sirius feigned offense, "Lily, even back then, every woman wanted a piece of Sirius Black. A rather large piece I might add."

James laughed.

"Wait," Lily said again. "What was the point of mentioning Remus?"

No one answered but only sat in silence. Bel didn't want to talk about that part at all. She was hoping everyone would just forget about it in consideration that everything else was on a much bigger scale. Kind of like lighting Hogwarts on fire and burning it to the ground, no one would remember what color underwear Dumbledore was wearing.

James took a large bite of a roll. "That's a lovely question. Sirius?"

He snickered. "To shed some light."

Bel bit her lip and looked up. "Where is Remus?"

"Don't worry he isn't coming." James said after swallowing. "He is helping Peter with Defense homework."

"Hopeless, that job is," Sirius added.

Lily looked over at Bel and she could see that Lily was reading her like an open book and for some reason for the first time she found it annoying. Lily knew Bel wanted to ask about Remus' reaction. "What did he say about it?"

James sighed deeply. "He hasn't said anything, to be honest. He's been keeping to himself lately. But it's probably his time of the month."

Sirius laughed loudly. "He is having menstrual issues."

Bel and Lily just gave Sirius a confused look.

After dinner everyone headed back to the common room and the whole time Bel was hoping to see Remus, accidently run into him. She just wanted to see what his reaction was to her. Repulsion? Anger? Would he ignore her? Or would he reciprocate…?

Bel wanted to say she was silly for hoping that, but it was possible. He had looked at her with desire filled eyes that night. He had pressed up against her. He had kissed her. It wasn't too far-fetched that he could possibly fancy her as well. It was totally possible. Though she did have to remind herself that it wasn't anything romantic, he had attacked her. Yet Bel was still infatuated with him. It made no sense.

It was hard to describe. Bel felt like it was something about him that just pulled on her heart strings. As if Remus had his own gravitational pull that focused only on Bel. When he spoke she felt as if he was speaking only to her, which was for her ears only. And when he did actually speak to her she wanted to soak up every word. Besides it made her feel important, like he had manufactured the whole entire situation just to speak to her. She felt as though something, if not Remus, had set it up so that they could speak, even if it was only for a few seconds. She felt special around Remus.

Plus he was beautiful. And so amazingly nice and smart. He was perfect and Bel loved everything about him. He was just…perfect.

Much to Bel's discontent, she didn't see much of Remus for the next 3 months. He was avoiding her and it made her feel miserable. Maybe the idea of him reciprocating was far-fetched.

Unfortunately for everyone else this made Bel moody. Thanks to her new found voice she didn't have a problem with snapping at people, like a normal witch should. She found she was extra temperamental around Alice. When Lily questioned her about it after a particularly nasty retort, Bel simply responded, "Everything that comes out of her mouth is just asking for it."

She also found that Sirius wanted to be around her when Remus was busy. For some reason Bel's new attitude fascinated him, far more than it did James. In fact James didn't seem to like it very much, he hardly spoke to her. The only reason she even saw him was due to Sirius following her around, but even then, shockingly enough he talked to Lily the whole time. Even more of a shock was that Lily seemed to be enjoying herself.

Bel wasn't sure how she felt about this. It irritated her that James was ignoring her, plus all Lily usually did was complain about James yet here she was almost flirting with him. Even more, for the past two weeks she would talk about James when he wasn't around, and not her usual complaining. It was like she was amazed and wanted to let everyone know that James was actually a decent human being. On the other hand, two of the most elemental people in her life were finally getting along.

Bel also noticed that every now and then she was being watched. Bel had gone down to the common room one night when she couldn't sleep and found Peter and Sirius sitting down there. Sirius had coolly said that they were just down there so they didn't wake up James and Remus. But Peter had looked around the way he always did when he was lying when he had agreed with Sirius. Another time Bel had pretended not see James following her down the corridor once after dinner when she was walking alone. This would continue for about a week and then stop. Then after three or four weeks it would happen again.

Sometimes Bel felt like an outsider among the Marauders and Lily. Especially the past week. Lily had started to hang out with them regardless of Bel's presence. And whenever she walked up to them they would stop conversation and Lily would have an exasperated look on her face.

"Alright, class is dismissed. Have a lovely holiday and remember I'll see you in September. Make sure to watch the stars because I want a foot long write up on what you see." With a wave of Sinistra's wand the windows and everyone's books closed. The tower hatch popped open and students began to line up to descend.

The end of the year had been earlier and Dumbledore had announced that Ravenclaw had won the House Cup. Much to the Astronomy students' dismay, the last day had landed on a Tuesday and Sinistra had been adamant about having their last class. This meant that Bel had to pack her things during lunch so that she didn't have to wake up early tomorrow, before everyone left.

Casting a glance over at Remus, Bel hurriedly tried to pack her things so she could walk out behind or in front of Remus, possibly talk to him. She slowed down when she saw he was talking to Nelson Geeson, even dropping a book. She had to make it look natural; she was waiting for him, but didn't want it to look that way.

When she picked up her book and saw them still talking she dropped her quill. Then her bag. And her book again. As she was picking up her quill for the second time and was placing it in her bag someone yelled "Potter!" causing her to drop her bag from surprise. She looked over and saw McGonagall's head poking out from the hatch.

"Yes, Professor?" She asked, blushing when everyone turned to look at her.

"Stop dropping your things and hurry up. I don't have all night," she snapped impatiently.

Students snickered causing Bel to duck her head as she hurriedly grabbed her things and walked to the front of the line and followed McGonagall back down the ladder.

The woman had been like this every night she had astronomy class, watching her like a hawk and making her walk directly next to her on the way back from class. Bel almost expected her to hold her hand. And it wasn't just like this after Astronomy. Along with James and the boys, she often found McGonagall watching her in between classes.

How embarrassing.

Bel attempted to casually look back and see if Remus was close to her. Maybe she could wave at him? When she looked back she saw him at the end of the group, the furthest person away from her and he was looking down.

She sighed dismally. It felt as though the world was working against her. Right after Sirius had opened his big mouth Alice Gerber had made a sudden recovery and took back her place as Remus' partner. So now she had no excuse to talk to him and he seemed to be everywhere else except where she was.

"Does everyone just hate me now?" Bel mumbled to herself as she raised herself on her tippy toes to try and see if she could find any of her friends or her brother. When she woke up this morning Lily was already gone and when she went into the common room Dennis had told her James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter had already left. She had assumed that someone would at least wait for her by the carriages. No such luck. So now she was trying to find them on the platform which she knew was pointless, she was too short.

With a sigh she dragged her things along to the train.

Once she boarded she paused and for a moment debated on whether or not to look for them further or just pick a spot for herself. Squinting she peered down the corridor that was filled with students. She would have to push her way through all of them with her trunk. Or she could just sit in the empty cabin to her right.

"Oh they can bugger off," she mumbled. With that she pushed open the door and dragged in her trunk. With a grunt she heaved it up into her arms and tried lift in the shelves above. She could feel everything slide to the back of her trunk as she did so, making her take a step back.

Oh!

Just as she thought her things were going to crush her she felt someone behind her catch it and then push forward letting the luggage slide home.

"Hello there. It's been a while."

The rough husky voice instantly made her heart stop and shrivel. Malfoy was back for another round. This time to finish it? Merlin, he probably wasn't alone either. He was probably angry at James lack of response.

The voice was a quiet whisper in her ear, gentle and even, but it tore through her eardrum like a vicious beast, gnawing its way down to her stomach. "We need to talk I think."

Hands rubbed her arms sensually causing her breath to stop and her heart to pound faster. Bel's eyes were the size of saucers, as they started to well up.

No. You aren't a victim. She told herself but the words meant nothing. Her body was frozen in fear. NO! He can't do this again!

As his hands made their way to her shoulders the image of Lucius calm face appeared and her oxygen was cut off. He had enjoyed himself hurting her. She couldn't go through it again.

Please, no!

She screamed in terror. Instantly the hands were gone and she collapsed, huddling into a ball.

"Merlin! Bel!"

Keeping her eyes closed tight she felt the tears fall down her cheeks, her body shivering. That's when she realized she couldn't breathe. Her breath was leaving her but she couldn't inhale. Her chest felt like it was going to burst. Images of Lucius holding her down and his hands swinging at her made every muscle in her body tighten.

"Please, no!" She screamed.

They had been leaving her alone. Why now? She had been able to hide under the cover of her brother and Sirius these past months. She now realized that Malfoy probably took the opportunity when he saw her alone.

Bitterness welled up inside her. Everyone had left her this morning. James, Sirius, Peter, Lily. All of them. No one was here to help her. They were too busy enjoying their own company.

"Bel! It's me! Tommy!" Hands touched her again. Her muscles sprang sending her into the corner of the compartment, her knees in her chest. When her fear-filled eyes opened to look at the boy, it was indeed Tommy. He looked half as scared as her. "Bel, what's wrong?"

He reached out to touch her and she flinched. "Don't touch me!"

His hands flew back to his sides. "What's wrong? What did I do?"

"Get out!" Bel didn't realize that she had yelled it till it was out. She didn't mean it, the last thing she wanted was to be alone but the thought of McKenzie touching her again was terrifying. It only reminded her of Lucius's cold, pain-giving hands.

He kneeled down to her level. "Let me help you."

Again he reached out. Bel covered her ears and closed her eyes. "I said get out!"

"Ok!" He quickly rose and backed out of the compartment.

She heard the gentle click of the door sliding shut but she waited a few moments longer before opening her eyes. When she did, she saw the compartment was empty with the blinds shut, which she was glad for, she was sure people were just outside wondering what had just happened.

What had just happened?

Overwhelming pain enveloped her as she rolled onto her side and sobbed. She had been fine till now. She thought she was fine. All those checkups with Madam Pomfrey and the worried look she constantly received from her when Bel said she was fine, even after she was mended up, she didn't understand why till now. The woman was waiting for when this happened. When she would snap and relive it all.

Bel's head began to spin and ache and she kept hearing Lucius's voice.

Impossible... If your brother doesn't notice this he's stupider then I thought.

You want this.

His voice drifted away and Bel fell into to darkness hearing voices all around her in hushed whispers but each one held a certain amount of pain that struck her heart.

"Talk with him, please. It's almost like every day we are losing him..."

"…staying with us. A request from his father."

"You left me! I needed you and you…"

"…he looks just like them…"

"Why wasn't I there?"

The sound of the trains whistle woke Bel with a start. They had arrived at the station, had she really slept through the whole journey?

She rubbed her eyes that were dry from all her crying and when she stood up her body moaned in protest, sore, particularly her throat. Rising slowly she looked out the window and automatically searched for James messy hair. There was no sign of him or any of the others.

Another round of bitterness welled up inside of her. The whole entire ride she had been asleep on the floor and no one had come looking for her? Not her closest friends. Not even her brother. What if it had actually been Lucius?

Reaching up she yanked hard on the handle as the realization struck that she would have been an even easier target.

Once having removed her belongings and pushing her way through the train and off of it, she began to walk around looking for her brother, but again found no one. In a moment of frustration she set down her trunk and sat on it, not particularly caring that she was in the way of comers and goers. With her head in her hands she couldn't help but think about Lucius. It had been months and yet the ghost of his assault felt fresh as if it had happened only minutes ago. Merlin, and the way she had acted towards McKenzie. She hadn't spoken to the boy in even longer and then the next time he sees her she has a mental break down.

She groaned, remembering the way she had screamed at him. Guilt filled her up. The last time they had seen each other it had been different, new, even exciting. It hadn't been bad at all, even though at the time she felt it was. But now she had just fallen apart at the seams and screamed at him. She couldn't even bear his touch.

Was it going to be like that with every man that tried to touch her? She had laid in the same bed as Sirius and everything had been fine, but when she hadn't known it was him she had begun to lose it, like she did in the train.

Feeling overwhelmed by it all, she let her head fall into her hands.

Merlin, where was James?

"Isabel?"

She looked up hearing the familiar voice of her mother, her heart fluttered, seeming to drop all the heavy thoughts weighing it down. Pushing past people, with their faces worried, were her parents. Once they made across the on slot of Hogwarts students and parents Bel stood up and hugged her mother who cradled her head.

"Oh love," she cooed. "Why do you look so sad?"

Bel closed her eyes. "I just missed you, mum."

"We missed you too," Charlus beamed down on her, his hand rubbing her back. She noted that she did not feel unnerved by her father's touch, and such a little thing made her feel better. "We've been worried sick about you, Bel."

Dorea laughed, and Bel could hear she was trying to hold back tears. "He wanted to send you an owl every ten minutes, just to make sure you were okay."

Her mother finally let go of her and kissed her on the cheek before handing her over to her father who held her even tighter. "If it had been up to me you would never go back to Hogwarts."

"Daddy, don't be silly," Bel laughed, though she too felt the overwhelming sensation to start crying. "I have to learn to be amazing at magic, just like you."

"Oh hush, girl," he sniffed. "You are going to make me cry."

He released her and looked around, his brows knitting together. "Where is that ridiculous brother of yours, Isabel? I can't believe he left you alone after everything that's happened." He looked to his wife who shared the look. "We're going to have to have a talk with James."

Bel quickly shook her head. "No, no, I wandered away from him at school. It isn't his fault. I promise."

They peered at her with a unconvinced look.

Even though she was upset with him, it was a reflex to defend him. She didn't want him to be in trouble.

"Well," her father finally gave. "Maybe you and your mother should Floo home." He looked to his wife with a lopsided smile that Isabel usually saw on James. "I'm sure you want to look over the last of the arrangements."

"Oh!" A smile instantly spread on her mother's face. "Oh goodness, I hadn't thought about that."

Charlus looked over at Bel with a sarcastic look. "All the woman talks about all winter is her summer shindig and now she's forgotten, as if the event isn't today."

"Today," Bel repeated with put on excitement. On the inside she wanted to cry, at this point all she wanted to do was go home and sleep, maybe have some pumpkin juice. A party was not on her list of things she wanted to do. Her mother's annual summer party was her parents excuse to schmooze with all of their coworkers, friends, and family. Most of the party consisted of Bel's father drinking and complaining about all the people he didn't like eating his food; her mother running around trying to make sure everything was as it should be. James, on the other hand loved the parties; it gave him another chance to talk about himself. Bel usually spent her time hiding from the onslaught of fingers reaching out to pinch her cheeks.

Dorea swatted her husband playfully on the shoulder. "My goodness, Charlus, don't be so rude." She looked at Bel. "But he is right, we should get going. I'm sure James, Sirius, and Remus will be along soon."

"What?" Bel's mouth went dry. "Why is Remus coming?"

Mr. Potter raised an eye brow and responded, "He'll be staying with us. A request from his father."

She gave them a blank stare. All this time she had wanted to see Remus and now when she could have a whole holiday to see him she felt sick at the thought.

Dorea gave her a stern look. "He will be our guest, Isabel. His father is very busy with work. He asked if we would watch over him periodically throughout the summer holiday. You will be accommodating."

"But-"

"No 'buts,' Isabel. Now, let's be off." Her mother pulled out her wand and pointed it at Bel's luggage. Without another word she walked away, the luggage following her.

Bel frowned before following after her mother, her head down. "Yes, mother."

"I'll see you soon Izzy, darling," her father called.

She wanted to wince at her childhood nickname, but when she turned and saw her father's smile she couldn't help but reciprocate. He knew how much she hated the parties, Bel sometimes believed he hated them more than she. With a sigh she waved, the smile taking over.

"Oh Isabel you are going to love the lovely dress I picked out for you." Dorea gushed as Bel's father disappeared amongst the crowd.

This time Bel did cringe, knowing her mother couldn't see. "Oh, you bought me a dress?"