Chapter 14 - Theodore

Christian

My office is unrecognizable. I left Ana's studio in a haze of anger and confusion. Ana did drugs. She partied and used drugs and it is all my fault. As I stepped out of her little office my heart was screaming at me to go back and hold her in my arms. Because I had meant everything I told her. I wanted that we, I needed an us…desperately even, but my pride, stubbornness and confusion kept me from doing that. Instead I drove back to Escala, headed straight into my office and threw anything I could get my hands on against the wall.

When Ana told me yesterday about her using drugs I completely lost my shit. At that moment it was for the best to walk away because the only thing I could see was my crack-whore mother lying lifeless on the dirty rug after having overdosed. She felt so fucking cold and I couldn't wake her up. Just like I had not been able to save Ella, I somehow drove Ana to the point to use drugs. If I had married her five years ago, nothing like this would have happened. We would have been living together, happy. I would have taken care of her.

"I need to be alone." I tell Taylor who is already waiting by the elevator.

"Sir…"

"Taylor…I need to do some things...alone. I will be back at GEH by noon." I dismiss him and walk into the elevator.

There is only one person, aside of Ana who can put my ass back into gear and that is Theodore Trevelyan.

"Come one in son…" My grandfather pats me on the back and steps aside to let me in. "To what do I owe the honor of my grandson visiting me this early in the morning?"

"I'm sorry." I say looking at the cuckoo-clock hanging in the massive living room. "I hadn't realized it was this early."

"It is okay son, you know I have always been an early riser. Have you even slept?"

I shake my head. "Not much."

"Nightmares?" He inquires.

"It is Ana…she is back in Seattle…"

"I know, your mother told me. I heard she is doing the photography for the magazine?"

"Yes, she is an amazing photographer. You should see her work."

"You talked to her then?"

"Yes, we talked and I explained everything to her. Everything." I look at my grandfather and he nods knowing exactly what everything means.

"What did she had to say?"

"She was shocked and mad maybe…but again she amazed me with how understanding she was about everything."

"That is amazing considering how you left her and what you made her believe." My grandfather's brown eyes bore into mine.

"She didn't forgave me." I mutter. "She agreed on giving me a second chance. She doesn't trust me Pops and I can't say I fucking blame her." I add.

My grandfather seems to think about what I said for a while. "I don't think that after five year of being apart forgiveness should be what you are looking for son. I think it is acceptation. She accepted your past…" He looks at me trying to figure out if I understand what he is saying. I nod.

"I fucked up again."

"Mr. Trevelyan your breakfast is ready." My grandfather's housekeeper says.

"Come on son, let's have breakfast and explain everything to me." I follow my grandfather to the kitchen where his housekeeper has even set a plate for me.

"Sit and eat" He points with his long, wrinkly finger to the seat and I obey immediately. No point in arguing with my grandfather. I think my mother gets her bossy streak from her father.

We eat in silence for a while until my grandfather decides to break the silence.

"What happened?"

"She told me yesterday that she did drugs. While living in New York a friend of hers died…I guess she lost control." Shoving my plate away from me I sag further in my seat. "I actually left before she had the chance to explain everything."

"What were your first thoughts when she told you that?"

"Ella…but that was immediately replaced by feeling responsible. I know that Ana isn't anything like her…and I know how lost you can get if you don't have people surrounding you to comfort you or guide you in the right direction."

"You feel responsible for what happened to Ana?"

"If I hadn't broken up with her five years ago…"

"Enough Christian…" The sternness in his voice makes me look up. "I am not saying you aren't responsible for your actions. But you were extremely young and so was she. I am only going to say this once, so listen carefully. You are not responsible for what Ana did. She was probably in the wrong place at the wrong time. But walking out on her well that is just plain stupid." Christ, thanks Pops…way to make me feel better.

"So what are you going to do know?" He says.

"A sorry won't cut it…"

My grandfather laughs. "No I don't think a simple sorry would suffice this time."

"I don't know what to do Pops, I don't think she will forgive me for this. She asked me not to hurt her again and that is exactly what I did…I love her and I…"

"I suggest you go over to her and explain everything."

"She knows about…Ella. Ana knows everything."

"Then I am sure she will understand why you reacted the way you did. You have to go out of your way to show her how much you love her and I don't mean by buying her diamonds. True love is about gestures son…"

"I don't know how."

"Sure you do. You just have to figure it out. Now go pull your head together and I am sure you will come up with something. Make me proud Christian."

I am glad he has faith in me because I don't know how I can pull it of…or if I even can.

"Don't be a stranger son and be sure to bring your girl around some time. I would love to see her again."

I drive away and through the rearview mirror I see my grandfather getting smaller and smaller until he fades away in the distance. I don't feel like going to the office yet so I drive around until I reach a secluded wooded area. As I make my way out of the parking lot I walk straight into a small park. I take a seat on one of the wooden benches far away from the children that are playing with their mothers.

My mind goes constantly back to Ana. The determination on her face and yet I could see how vulnerable she felt. And I have no fucking clue whereas I can make her to forgive me this time.

I hear some movement next to me and I see this little, chubby kid taking the seat next to me. Oh fuck…a kid. Where the hell is his mom?

"Hi…" He says and throws me a toothless grin. I have no experience with kids but as I look closely to the little guy next to me I guess he is about eight or maybe nine years old.

"Hey…" What the fuck is he doing here? Is he allowed to talk to strangers?

"I am Theodore, but my mom likes to call me Ted or Teddy…I prefer Theodore…" He shrugs and his cheeks turn red.

"My grandfather's name is also Theodore." I hear myself say. What the fuck Grey?

"Is he smart?" He asks looking up at me.

"He is actually…he is very smart. He is a lawyer." And he saved my ass more times than I can count.

"I am smart too…" He says confident. Well okay then, now get moving.

"Don't you need to go to your mom?" I point towards the playing children and give him my sternest look.

"No…we came here because my little sister was being impossible…" He says casually and not even the slightest bit intimidated by my stare. Fuck I am losing my touch here.

"Sisters can be that way. But don't you need to be at school then?"

He sighs and shakes his head. "No…I am getting an operation tomorrow." He points to his leg and looks back at me. "I have a prosthetic." He finishes matter of fact.

I just nod, because what else can I say?

"You all right?" He asks changing the topic. He clearly doesn't want to talk about himself. Can't say I blame him.

"Not really…I fu…I messed up…" I shrug and lean back against the wooden bench.

"A girl right?" He says wisely.

"Yeah a girl…"

"Is she pretty?"

"Hmm hmm… she is gorgeous."

"What is her name?" Curious little fucker.

"Her name is Anastasia, but she prefers to be called Ana."

"I think I like Anastasia better…" He replies peering into the distance. A little girl waves at him and he waves back smiling.

"Is that your sister?"

"Yeah, she is only two. Sometimes she can be annoying, but she makes me smile."

"I have a little sister too…" And she is also a huge pain in the ass…

"So, what are you going to do with your girl?"

I snort. I wish she was my girl. I think that I blew up every chance I had with her when I let her walk away.

"I don't think there is much I can do…"

His scowls and for a moment he looks mad. "Sure there is…you just need a plan…"

"A plan huh?"

"Sure…"

"So tell me Theodore how do I get her to like me again?" I can't fucking believe I am having a conversation like this with a child. He seems distracted by something behind us and when I turn around I see Taylor approaching. What the fuck doesn't he understand about I need to be alone. Jesus Christ.

"Is he with you?"

"Unfortunately …yes…"

"He looks scary…" He says eying Taylor up and down. "Is he your bodyguard or something?"

"Yup…"

"My dad is a navy seal…" He says now looking back at me. "He is badass…" He giggles. I can't help but smile back.

"I bet he is."

"I always wanted to be a navy seal too. But then I got sick and well I lost my leg…"

"What happened?"

"Meningitis…"

"I'm sorry man…"

He brushes it off with another shrug.

"So since you can't become a navy seal what is it that you want to do?"

"I don't know for sure, but my parents told me that I can be anything I want to as long as I want it bad enough…"

"They are right you know?"

"My mom says I am a good listener…so maybe I go study psychology." Well, I have a little Doctor Flynn in the making sitting next to me.

"Okay…back to the plan to get your girl back."

"She is not really my girl Theodore…"

"But you want her to be your girl right?"

"More than anything…"

"Good, I am going to tell you something but it has to stay between us." He says now and he looks serious as shit.

"Of course…"

"Well we had a party at school a few weeks ago and there was this girl I was really into…" He stops briefly and a little smile appears on his face.

"What did you do?"

"Well first you need to know that dating is hard work." He says seriously. Yeah, tell me about it.

"Okay…but let's say that she is standing in the same room…what do I do?"

"You start with relaxing, you do some breathing exercises. You breathe deeply through your nose and breathe out through your mouth again. Repeat this a few times." When I don't react he looks at me and raises his eyebrow.

"You got that?"

"Yup, breathing exercises…breathe in, breathe out. Got it…"

"Good. Next you walk up to her and tell her you are sorry and that she is the most beautiful girl in the world."

I frown. I wish it were that easy. "Theodore, we have to think big here. Anastasia is like extremely mad at me, probably disappointed too…I have to do better than sorry. I have to show her how much she means to me."

He nods thoughtfully staring at his little sister and mother in the distance.

"What is her favorite food?" He says after a few minutes.

"Donuts…and M&M's. But if she had to choose between the two of them definitely donuts."

He smiles big and claps his hands. "Then I have the perfect solution for you."

Enthusiastically he starts to explain what I have to do to get my girl back. And I like his idea. I really do. It could blow up in my face, but I don't think I have a lot to lose at this point.

"Be sure to always make her laugh." He says. "My dad says that it is super important to make her laugh."

"Okay, anymore advice?"

"My dad always says that it is okay to be scared, because when you are scared it means that you are going to do something really, really brave…"

"Oh I have to go…" He says pointing at his mom who is frantically waving at him.

"Theodore…here is my business card." Hesitantly he takes the card from me and stares at it. "There is my personal number and not many people have that. So if you need help someday, don't hesitate to call me."

"Thank you…" He says and his voice sounds thick with emotion.

"And Theodore? I am convinced that you are going to become a terrific psychologist." He smiles brightly.

"Can I ask you something else Theodore?" He looks at his mom and then back at me. "Sure but you have to be quick…" He points with his thumb at his mother and rolls his eyes.

"What did you do to get the girl?"

"I walked up to her and I told her that she was the prettiest girl in school and then I gave her my last bubblegum…"

His bright smile is the last thing I see before I turn around to set my plan in motion. I need to win my girl back.

I walk to Taylor. "I am going to a bakery and then back to GEH. As soon as I have finished that meeting I am out to meet with Ms. Steele."

Anastasia

I have no idea how long I sat in my office, staring at the closed door. I knew that Christian wasn't coming back, and I really couldn't blame him. I fucked up royally. Drugs for Christian is a hard limit. I know about his past. I know that he spent four days alone with his mother's body after she took an overdose. I knew about his fears. I somehow have to explain to him why I did what I did, but I also know that he needs time to process everything I told him.

When I returned back to New York everything was different. I have no excuse for the partying and the drugs though…it happened and I learned my lesson the hard way. I have never seen my mother so mad at me and disappointed. I guess that was the hardest part…seeing the disappointment in her eyes.

Home at last. I slip my camera bag from my shoulder and lock the door behind me. I walk in one straight line to the fridge and grab a bottle of water. I slide down to the floor and grab my phone from my back pocket when I hear footsteps.

"Ana is that you?"

"Mom?" Quickly I scramble back to my feet and watch in amazement as my mother is standing in my apartment.

"Hello sweetheart. I hope you don't mind but Mathilda let me in." She points with her hands towards the door and her smile fades from her face.

"Honey do you want me to leave?"

"No…no I really want you to stay…mom I missed you so much." I take the few steps to where my mom is standing and wrap her in a hug. When I bury my face in her neck and smell her scent I start to cry. Everything that happened the last few weeks has been too much. I just need to hear from her that everything is going to be all right, even if that isn't true. I simply need my mom.

"Anastasia, will you please tell me what is wrong? Why are you crying?"

The comforting sound of her voice and her hand stroking my head makes the crying only worse. I shake my head and wrap my arms tighter around my mother. I missed her so much.

"Why didn't you call me? I could have picked you up from the airport." I ask when I am finally ready to release the hold on my mother.

"I called you Ana, but you didn't pick up the phone. I gathered that you would be working so I got a cab."

"Where is Bob?"

"Bob is at home." She smiles at me, taking me in. She then cradles my face in her hands and kisses my cheek.

"He didn't want to come? You are not fighting are you?"

"No we are not fighting." She shrugs and guides me towards the living room where we both sit down at the couch. "Do I need a reason to visit my only daughter?" She smiles again and places a few tendrils of hair that have escaped my ponytail behind my ear.

"No of course not…"

"I missed you Ana…"

"Yeah I missed you too mom."

She nods knowingly. "Are you going to tell me why you look so skinny and why where you hiding behind the kitchen counter?"

At that same moment my stomach decides to betray me by making this horrible sound. I squirm in my seat when I see my mother's raised eyebrow. Granted, my mother isn't much of a cook, but she tries, she really does.

"Why don't I cook something for us?" She says chipper. I am able to suppress a groan when I see her walking towards my fridge. I know that she is looking at the contents of my fridge and I know she isn't going to be happy… 3…2…1…

"Anastasia Rose Steele!"

"Mom…"

"No, really…wine? You only have wine? No wonder you're so skinny." But she doesn't stop there. Nope. She searches in all my cabinets and even the little pantry. I could save her the disappointment and the trouble by telling her that she won't find anything edible…well besides M&M's that is, but I really want to postpone the little rant she is going to throw at me for just a little while longer.

I close my eyes as I hear the cabinets closing, a little too forcefully and then the clicking of her shoes making her way back to me. Okay, here it goes.

"Anastasia, that is totally unacceptable…" I just know without looking at my mother that she has her hands on her hips, her head cocked to one side and her face has morphed into the I-am-not-a-happy-mother-look. Ugh, I hate that look.

"I know mom…" I sigh.

"Don't you I-know-mom me…we are going to rectify this little situation." I hear her moving and then some shuffling.

"I am waiting young lady…"

"Mom, I am really not in the mood to go grocery shopping right now…" I look down at my watch and wince. Shit it is already 7 pm. "We can go grocery shopping tomorrow…please mom…" God, this is just pathetic. Here I am, a twenty five year old woman negotiating with her mother.

"Mom please…we can order out…whatever you like. Besides you have to be incredibly tired from the flight and the last thing you should be doing right now is cooking for me…"

We decided to order pizza. While we wait for the pizza's to be delivered and my mom is taking a shower I let myself fall back against the soft fabric of the couch and close my eyes.

I open them again as Christian's disappointed and angry face pops up. Shit, I should make it clear to him that I was not addicted or anything. It was something that happened three times and the third and last time thankfully had a profound effect. I've learned my lesson and will never do it again. Never. He was right though. It was a stupid thing to do. Well more like irresponsible, thoughtless and idiotic.

"So, you still haven't told me while you were hiding behind the kitchen counter." My mother says casually. Better fess up Steele, she won't let it go.

To postpone my answer a little longer and frankly to put my thoughts in order, I take an extra-large bite of my pizza slice. I chew slowly but I could as well be eating a piece of cardboard.

"Christian came by this afternoon at my studio and things didn't go very well. He got mad and walked away…"

"But I don't understand Ana. You told me that you had talked and…"

"Yes" I say cutting her off. "We talked, he explained and I tried to understand. A few days later he took me away on a date and it was perfect. We talked some more and I agreed on trying again…you know give him a second chance…" I still don't know exactly what that entails exactly, but I guess that is something I don't need to worry about anymore.

"Meaning you are back together again?" She says carefully.

I snort. "Hardly… mom. It is complicated. Where do you pick up after five years? We don't even know what it is that we are doing." I shrug and fumble with the paper napkin in my hands. "Besides, after what he found out this afternoon I don't think there will ever be anything between us…" Saying it out loud hurts.

"Ana, can you please try to explain…"

I release a breath and look at my mom. "He got extremely angry when I told him what happened in New York."

My mother blinks a few times, confusion written all over her face. "He is mad at you because of that accident?"

"No…he got mad because of what happened at that party…"

The silence in the room is deafening. The only sound is that of the traffic outside. I know how my mom thinks about this. She was angry, I don't think I have ever seen my mother that angry.

I know that is also bothers her that I made her promise back then that not to tell Ray about my stupid stunt. I think he would have marched to New York, spanked the ever loving shit out of me and then put me on the first plane back home where he could keep an eye on me.

My mother clears her throat and then looks at me. There is something in her eyes.

"He walked away from you?" I am too stunned to react at first. I really thought that my mom was going to rehash everything again. About how irresponsible it was and … stupid.

I nod.

"So he didn't let you explain and he walked out on you?" Oh shit momma bear is coming out.

"He has every right to be mad at me mom and disappointed. I told you before that Christian's formative years were extremely harsh, his mother was a drug addict who provided in her addiction by whoring herself to other men. His mother took an overdose when Christian was just four years old. He was with her body for four days before someone found out. That is when he came to live with the Grey's…"

"Ana you never told me that…" She whispers.

"And you have to promise me never to tell another soul mom."

"I promise." She says quickly. "So those scars on his chest and his back aren't from the chicken pocks."

"No those scars are definitely not from the chicken pocks. Those are cigarette burns…his mother's pimp did that to him."

"Oh God, that poor, poor boy…"

"You need to talk to him. You need to explain Ana." My mother says after I have told her everything that transpired that last couple of days. I never told her about Christian's escort job though, because I don't think that would go down very well with her. Besides I promised Christian I wouldn't tell anyone and that includes my mother.

"I think that what he needs is space…"

"Tomorrow…after we have gone grocery shopping, you are going to dress up pretty and you are going down to his apartment and talk to him."

"I don't know if that is such a good idea…" I try to reason. "Christian has a deep rooted hate for everything related to drugs…he probably doesn't want to do anything with me anymore."

"Basically what you are saying is that you have to be open minded and forgive him but we can't expect the same from him?" She inhales sharply and shakes her head. "If that is the case, he is just like the egocentrically man I always thought he was…and not to mention a hypocrite."

"It is not like that." I try.

"Then tell me what it is Anastasia." My mother says cutting me off. "Because from what you told me he didn't let go until he finally spoke with you. So you are going to do the same." She brushes her hands over her black pants and looks at me really long.

"Don't think I am siding with him, because you are my daughter and you will always be my number one priority Anastasia…"

"I know."

Very pleased with herself my mother closes the now full fridge. "That should get you going for at least a couple of days…"

I am only hearing half of what she is saying. My eyes are glued to my phone. "Did he answer you yet?"

"No…" And I don't think he will.

"What did you text him?"

"I wrote: I really need to see you. When can we meet? Ana X

I was able to convince my mother that it wasn't a very good idea to barge into Christian's apartment or office for that matter. She agreed, albeit reluctantly and now she is constantly badgering me about the text.

"Call him…"

"Mom, I already tried to call him this morning and he didn't pick up. His call went directly to voicemail." She looks at me funny and leans against the counter.

"Do you love him Ana? Do you want to explain to him why things turned out the way they did?"

"Of course I still care about Christian, but you have seen mom that he doesn't want to take my calls or reply my texts." She seems taken aback by my tone of voice, but really she is getting on my nerves.

It is minutes later that my phone buzzes against the counter top.

Anastasia, I will have to call you later. C.

Well, that is another way for telling me to fuck off and not to bother him anymore.

"What does he say?"

Biting back the tears I show my mother Christian's text. Unable to look at my mom I hand her my phone and jump off the barstool. "I think I am going to work for a while. Do you think you will be all right?" My mom's expression is filled with sadness and compassion.

"Why don't I go with you?" She says. And even though she means well, I need to be alone for a while.

"I just need to be alone mom…I will be back before dinner okay?" The smile she gives me doesn't reach her eyes, but she nods nonetheless.

Numb. I feel absolutely numb as the cold air hits my face. God it is cold. I pull my beanie further over my head until my ears are completely covered. I should have put on my scarf like my mom told me, but I just needed to get away. Maybe my mom is right and I should barge in there and make him listen to me. But I know how unreasonable Christian can be. I know that if I force him to listen to me things can turn out pretty bad pretty fast. With every step I take the numbness disappears and is replaced by anger. This is typically Christian. If things do not go as he wants, he retreats in himself and pushes everyone away.

But then again, he forced me to listen to him too. He kept stalking me. Calling me, texting me. Screw you Christian and screw your fucking schedule.

When I enter the sophisticated lobby of Grey Enterprise Holdings I realize that Christian might not even be in at the moment. Or maybe he really is in some kind of meeting or whatever he does.

Before I know it I am standing for the second time in two weeks in front of the pristine looking desk. The blonde girl eyes me warily and a fake smiles appears on her face. "Anastasia Steele to see Christian Grey." I start before she has the time to speak.

"Welcome to Grey Enterprises Holdings Ms. Steele. I will notify Mr. Grey immediately." She smiles again, this time it looks more sincere.

I'm nervous. It is that kind of nervous that has your hands shaking and your stomach doing those funny summersaults. Awful.

A devious smile appears on the blonde-bitch her face when she ends the call. "Mr. Grey can't see you right now Ms. Steele."

"But he is in the building right?" I glance towards the elevator and then back at the blonde.

"I am afraid that I can't give you that information Ms. Steele. His assistant said to make an appointment." From the corner of my eye I see the elevator doors open and a bunch of guys dressed in suits step out. "Hold the elevator!" I scream and run towards the stunned people. Guess yelling isn't part of the house rules.

"Ms. Steele! Ms. Steele! You can't go up there!" The receptionists calls after me. Whatever bitch.

"Thank you…" I smile to the guy holding open the elevator and punch the button for the elevator to close. I give the receptionist a small wave and a smirk. When the doors close I give her the finger and then lean back against the mirrored walls.

The doors open on Christian floor and like I already anticipated a security guard is standing in the lobby just waiting for me. How lovely. His arms are crossed in front of his chest and his face shows no emotion at all. He is actually very handsome. Dark hair, blue eyes.

"Hi…look I am sorry but I really need to talk to Christian…" I take a deep breath and see that his face hasn't changed. "Look I just really need five minutes of his time."

"I am sorry Ms. Steele." He shifts his bodyweight making him somehow look taller and scarier.

"Please. I promise I only need five minutes of his time. He surely has five minutes?" I continue.

"Ms. Steele?" Swiveling on my feet is watch Taylor rounding the corner. Oh thank god.

"Mr. Taylor…hi…uhm…I really need to talk to Christian. I was talking to muscle man over here, but he says I need to leave, but I refuse to leave until Christian has listened to what I want to say…"

It is just the smallest of smiles, but it is there on his lips.

"You can enter Ms. Steele…" Oh okay…well that was easier than I thought.

The distance from where I am standing to Christian's door is not very far, but it seems to take forever. Before I know it I am pushing against the heavy door and entering Christian's office.

Christian is standing bend over his desk, peering at his laptop screen. I just stand there frozen. I can't move. Oh god, what if this is a bad idea? Maybe he will kick me out. He stands up, picks his coat and then he takes a light blue box from his desk. It is then that he actually sees me. At first his expressing is bemused. However it is really quick. The bemused expression is quickly replaced by his … scowl.

"Ana…" His voice is soft and warning. I hold my hand in the air and his eyebrows raise surprised.

"I need to talk to you and you are avoiding me. I only need five minutes so I suggest you sit your ass down on that chair and you listen to me…"

"Ana…" Again there is that warning edge to his voice.

"No! It is my time to talk now. So shut up for just five freaking minutes Grey! You know, you might have grown up but you are still that stubborn mule you always where!" From my right I hear a sharp intake of breath and then a raspy laugh. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Slowly I turn my head in the direction of where the sound came from and I am met with three people seated around a large table. One of them is a red haired woman who has the biggest smile on her face.

"Ross…everyone out."

"Five minutes…" I mutter looking at the three people.

"Oh, by all means don't mind us…please continue." The red-haired woman says and smiles big. While she remains seated the other two men hurry out of the room.

"Ross, get the fuck out of my office. The meeting will be suspended for three minutes." Christian enunciates the three minutes and looks back at me.

"Five minutes…I said I need five minutes." I reply stubbornly.

"You must be Ana." The red-haired woman whose name is Ross walks to me with her hand extended. "I am Ross Bailey. It is a pleasure to meet you Ana."

"Likewise…" I mutter. He told her about me?

She crosses her arms in front of her chest and looks at me up and down. "I hope you came here to pull his head out of his ass…" She rolls her eyes dramatically. "He has been unbearable…"

"Ross…" Christian warns again. Ross doesn't seem to give a shit and looks at Christian and then back at me.

"Really, he has spent the entire day yelling and moping like a little kid…"

"He tends to do that…" I blurt out and my eyes move to Christian.

Throwing her head back she laughs. "I like her boss…she is feisty…" She winks at me and starts slowly walking to the door.

By the door she turns around to look at Christian again. "She is gorgeous too…"

"Ross Bailey get the fuck out of my office now!" Christian roars.

"Take your time Ana." Ross winks another time and closes the door behind her.

I watch the door close behind her and her the soft click. My heart is beating against my rib cage and it seem like all the courage and adrenaline has left my body. I turn around and somehow Christian has left his spot behind his desk and is now leaning casually against his desk. Arms crossed in front of his chest. The box he was carrying is now on his desk. What is in the box?

"Can I?" I raise my eyebrow and challenge him. My gesture of confidence falls completely flat as I start fidgeting with my hands.

"By all means…" He replies casually.

Uncertainly I take a step closer to Christian but I stop in my tracks when I see his posture stiffening.

"I came here to explain..." I clear my throat. "I came here to tell you that I understand your reaction to what I told you yesterday. But it is not as you think it is."

He tries to speak but I hold up my hand again and surprisingly he keeps quiet.

"It only happened three times…I promise you that I am not an addict Christian." His eyes flash with annoyance and anger but he doesn't say anything.

"It was a mistake…" He raises and eyebrow and I continue quickly. "A horrible, stupid mistake that is…I wasn't thinking and believe me when I tell you that I learned my lesson." I am again met with silence. He really doesn't want to see me. Suddenly I feel vulnerable and unsure of myself. I made a complete fool of myself by barging in here and demanding his attention. I know that Christian only works on his own terms.

I hold on to the leather straps of my bag as if they were my lifeline.

"Was that all?" He says cocking his head to one side. Geez, doesn't this affect him at all?

"No…it wasn't…" My voice falters and I swallow.

"I am not your birth mother Christian. You promised me that you wouldn't run away again and what happened when the going gets tough? Exactly! You fucking run!" I look at my shoes and then back at him. "You run…leaving me questioning myself whether I made the right decision in letting you back into my life. Because I accepted all of you…and trust me it wasn't easy to hear that you worked as an escort…I regret what happened more than you can imagine, but I am human and I am entitled in making mistakes. I know it isn't an excuse but I was so lonely…and I got carried away. They said that it will make me forget that it would make me feel good, so I tried." Angrily I wipe the tears from my face and take a step back.

"I am not an addict Christian." I whisper while looking at him. He blanches and then his face turns softer.

"I still want to know one thing." I take a step back and look around his expensive and huge office.

"When you told me yesterday that you wanted a we…an us…was that all a lie? All the things you promised me…You don't want that anymore?" My voice breaks at the end and I keep quiet before I lose it in front of him. I won't give him that satisfaction.

He looks at his watch and pushes himself of his desk and takes a few steps in my direction.

"God, you are an asshole Christian. Are my five minutes up? Is that why you are checking your watch?"

"No Anastasia, I was merely listening to you. You came in here asking me, no telling me to shut up for five minutes and that is what I have done. Now if you are done, I would like to have my say now."

"Okay…I guess…but make it quick."

"Shut up Ana…" He says and takes another step towards me. He is standing pretty close now and I can smell his cologne.

"You are absolutely right…it was wrong of me to walk away from you like that, but it was for the best. I was afraid I might say things that would make matters worse and I really don't want that."

I open my mouth to reply but he hushes me by simply shaking his head.

"I am sorry if I made you feel vulnerable and question yourself. That wasn't my intention. And you are again right, that you are simply human and you can make mistakes. It just hit a little too close to home Anastasia and I might have overreacted but there wasn't any other way I could cope with it."

He walks back to his desk and picks the box from his desk. Turning around he offers it to me.

"This is for you…this is the answer to your last question." He suddenly looks nervous.

"What is it?"

"Open it…but please don't freak out on me and don't walk away mad. If this isn't what you want, then let us talk about it." Okay, now I am nervous too. My hands are trembling, but in the end I finally manage to open the box. Donuts. My favorite. It is difficult to see through the blur of my tears but there are six donuts laying in the box. On each donut there is a word written. WILL YOU BE MY GIRLFRIEND?

Christian

Tears. I don't know if these are happy tears or angry-tears. I am twenty-six years old, I have a sister who has cried a lot, but I still can't figure out what the meaning behind those tears is. Frankly it pisses me off.

"Will you please say something Ana?" I look down at her tear stained face and lock my eyes with her.

"I am falling in love with you all over again Ana." I shake my head exasperated. Way, to fuck this up Grey. "I mean I am in love with you. When I look at you, think about you, I can't decide if I want to fuck you, spank you or hold you in my arms." A small giggle escapes her lips and I relax marginally.

"Usually I want to do all three. So I guess that is love."

"This is all happening so fast…" She whispers. Her eyes go back to the donuts.

"I know it is fast, but this is us Ana. And we are real." I motion with my finger between the both of us. "This is fucking real Ana."

"But it is so fast." Her words are just a soft whisper. And I don't know if she is trying to convince herself of both of us. And I understand where she is coming from.

"We can do this at your pace…I am a patient man…" Her head snaps up and with a smile on her lips she cocks her eyebrow.

"Okay, you got me there I am not patient, but I am willing to be patient for you Ana." Carefully I take the box from her hands and cradle her face in my hands.

"Anastasia…you are killing me here." I take a deep breath. "Do you want to be my girlfriend?"

I see different emotions passing through her eyes and my chest clenches with a mix of excitement and trepidation. Because there is something I want so much, but it is like I can't reach it because the shadows of the past are holding us back. For a brief moment I wonder if I am going to be left with that feeling of how great it could have been had I not fucked up. But then…she nods her head slightly. But that is not enough, I need to hear her say it.

"Say it…"

"Yes…" She sniffs. "I really would like to be your girlfriend Christian Grey."

I need to kiss her. I need to feel her. I close the miniscule distance between us and press my lips against hers. She sinks into me with a sigh and whispers my name. Her mouth molds perfectly into mine. Still cupping her jaw I brush my lips against her and then she opens her mouth for my tongue to slide against hers. For a moment it feels unreal but then it feels awesome, earthshattering and fucking perfect.

"I am not going to let us fall this time Ana…" I whisper.