Chapter 14: Normality is an Illusion

Cambria

I had locked myself up in my room for a few days. I just didn't want to face anyone. It was on the last day of the RIA shield that I finally came out of my room and began trudging down the halls. I assumed everyone was packing their things to leave. Tomorrow, everyone could go back outside safely. Rhode Island had been saved. I should be happy that I helped all those people... but then why, as I made my way down the winding halls, did I feel so down?

Over the last few days I had been in solitude, I realized something about myself: I was a coward. Despite everything I had endured, everything I went through, I knew a relationship was impossible. I loved Brian. I really did. I loved him ever since I first saw him in a dream. That dream told me all I needed to know about him. He'd be there... and yet... I was afraid. Every time I tried to overcome my fear alone, I wound up going into shock. I certainly couldn't go up to just anyone with this problem.

As I was making my way, I ran into someone. It turned out to be the very dog that had been on my mind. "Hi, Brian," I said. My voice sounded breathless to my ears. Had I been that panicked?

"Hey, Cambria, where have you been?" he asked.

"Oh, I was just in my room."

"Oh. Well, do you think that it's safe enough to go outside?"

"Safe enough? Yeah, it's safe. I'm just keeping everyone underground until tomorrow because it's still not safe for airline travel."

"It's too low in the sky for planes?"

"Yeah." There was a pause.

"Hey, I'm glad I found you though. I was going to ask you if we could go out to the park and take a walk."

"A walk in the park?"

"Yeah, sure. I thought it'd be nice to get outside."

"I'd like that, thank you."

Brian and I walked the whole way. It took a little longer than I had expected. Along the way, we caught up with a familiar sight. "It's the van!" I said. Sure enough, it was the van that had been our transport while zombie fetching. Surprisingly, the van was still in good shape. "Wow." I was surprised at the craftsmanship of it.

Beyond that, Brian and I went to the park. We walked around, talked, and soon found ourselves tired, so we sat down on a bench. I leaned against his shoulder and he gently wrapped an arm around me. We said nothing for a few moments, just enjoying the sights and the silence. Well, actually it wasn't that quiet. Birds were singing and multiple animals were coming out.

"I have to hand it to you, Cambria, it's looking like everything's going back to normal," said Brian.

I laughed a little. "Normality is an illusion made by man to induce a false sense of comfort. There is no normal in a general state because everyone's definition of normal is different. What might be normal for us would be not so normal for someone else," I said.

"I guess." We were quiet again.

"How are you liking seeing in color?"

"It's great, really, but I'm more appreciating the fact that I'll be able to live longer."

I frowned a little. "Yeah..."

"What?"

"Nothing. I've just been having a rough couple of days... a rough life in general." I sighed sadly.

"Everything will get better soon. You'll see."

"For how long? After this blows over, I have nowhere to go."

"You could stay with us."

"I couldn't burden your family like that."

Another pause. Brian said, "What is your greatest wish?"

"My greatest wish?" I pulled away and saw him nod. I smiled a little. "What's yours?"

"I asked first."

"Okay. I guess my greatest wish in life is that I find someone to help me overcome my greatest fear. Whoever that person is, they need to be patient and gentle and actually care about helping me get better... now, your turn."

"My greatest wish in life is that I find a woman I can spend the rest of my life with. Even though I've had time added on, I'd still like to find her. I mean, I've been searching for a really long time."

"Yeah..." I twiddled my thumbs a little, trying to forget.

"If you don't mind my asking, what is your greatest fear?"

"My greatest fear is having intimacy with someone."

"You mean... sex?"

"I know you're probably the wrong person to tell that to, being a guy and all, but that's what it is."

"Is that what your brothers did to you?"

"And my sisters, and one of my girlfriends. Almost every time I got in bed with someone, it was a nightmare. They'd pin me down and slam into me... and it hurt... and... I found myself having a hard time trusting them. That's why I can't even insert tampons anymore. Any touch down there is a trigger. If I'm pinned and can't get up, that's a trigger. Key phrases that are supposed to be comforting, but were used in the act to taunt me are triggers. 'It'll be all right' or 'It'll be okay' or 'I'm here' or 'Quiet.' Any word of comfort makes me afraid when in that situation."

"I... I'm sorry, I had no idea."

"You couldn't have. I try not to talk about it with anyone."

"What was your last relationship like?"

"My last romantic relationship was a woman named Brandy. I was alpha so that I didn't have to deal with that. She was a good help in keeping me calm, but, as you can tell, I'm still not over my fear." I was shaking now. In nearly all of the situations I didn't like, I was in a cold room or I was cold.

"Cambria?" He said no more until I looked him in the eye. His eyes were meaningful and I knew he meant what he said when he said, "I swear, I'm going to find a way to help you."

I shook my head. "No, it's foolish to even consider a relationship with me. I mean, how long are you willing to be there for me? This isn't going to be fixed overnight. It may take a lot longer than you're willing to wait for. I just would rather you be in an easy relationship."

Brian laughed somewhat bitterly. "If relationships were easy, I'd have gotten married a long time ago. You see, Cambria, I've come to realize the best and greatest relationships have their trials. If I have to wait my whole life, I will. I think... no, I know you're worth it. There's no other woman who's made me feel the way you do. I've thought about this a lot in the past, even in the midst of my pursuing women for more shallow reasons, that I want a relationship with meaning in it. Now, what meaning does a relationship have if it's not filled with trials? We're not perfect, no, and we've both had some pretty screwed up relationships, but I think if we come together, it will be worth it. Truthfully, Cambria, I love you more than any other woman I have ever encountered." He had his hand wrapped around mine.

I felt tears coming out of my eyes and I turned away. Brian gently brought my face back toward him. With his free hand, he wiped away all the tears. "I need to know, Brian. How much do you love me?"

Brian smiled. "I love you more than life itself. If you weren't here, than I truly would have no other reason for living. You're the only woman who's ever made me feel as full, as complete, as sure as any man should be for a woman. If you were in danger, I'd take the fall. My very life is yours."

I smiled a little. "What would you give me?"

"My very soul would be yours if you asked it of me. I'd give you the whole world if I could."

The waterworks were flowing again. Brian patiently wiped them away and I leaned forward and kissed him. He didn't hesitate to kiss back. No tongues were involved, just kissing on the lips again and again. I almost didn't want to pull away, but I did. We stared into each others eyes, he had a hand on the side of my face, gently cupping it.

Brian whispered, "Cambria, I need to know, how much do you love me?"

I smiled. "I love you so much that I cannot contain it within my physical body nor in my mind or heart. Even if I had more than one vessel, no amount could contain the love I have for you. When I first saw you, I fell in love. My heart began filling and now, it's overflowing with the amount that is still coming in. Every day I find a new reason to love you the more. You're more than anyone I've ever been with. You're better than all of them combined. My only wish with you is that I am able to comfort you as much, if not more, than you do me."

"What would you give me?"

"I'd give you my heart in a gold chest, my greatest tangible possession in a silver chest, and in a container made of diamond, I'd give you my very spirit. If it were possible, I'd hand you the brightest star in our universe and say, 'Brian, this is for you.' " We kissed again then.

As we kissed, I felt Brian wavering a bit, so I pulled away. When I did, I saw tears coming out of his eyes. "I'm sorry. I've never heard anyone say anything so good to me before. I now know what it feels like to have your heart overflowing. It's painful, yet euphoric. I have the whole world so long as I'm with you."

"I feel the same way, Brian. I love you."

"I love you, Cambria." We began kissing again.

Between kisses, I said, "I love you more."

"No, I love you more." We both smiled and kept kissing.

It was sunset by the time we finished kissing. We pulled away, our lips and jaws sore from the exertion. We were both panting with contented smiles on our faces. I knew then what it was like to have someone who completed me. Brian took my hand in his and we walked back to the underground. We never once let go of each others hands, at least, not until we reached my room. I had my arms wrapped around his neck and he had his arms wrapped around my waist. We looked in each other's eyes in the way people look at each other when they're deeply in love and they never want to part, which, in this case, was very true.

"Well... I guess I'll see you tomorrow?" I asked.

"Most assuredly, Cambi," he replied. (The nickname was pronounced like 'Bambi.')

I giggled like a little schoolgirl... and I wasn't ashamed of it. "I guess that'll be okay. I love you, Boo-Boo."

"Boo-Boo?"

"Yeah, you're like an adorable teddy bear," I replied, taking one of my hands and playing with one of his ears. "I was also thinking of calling you Honey-Bear." I scratched behind the same ear. Brian tilted his head into my touch, obviously liking the treatment.

"So long as you stay with me, I don't care what you call me." I stopped scratching and looked in his eyes again.

He began to pull away, but I kept my grip. "I don't want to go to bed. I want to stay with you."

"What do you want to do?"

"I don't know. I was thinking we might... go dancing?" Brian smiled. He obviously remembered that date too. I smiled with him. I began moving my feet in a slow dance and he joined me. We danced outside my room door, never looking away from each others eyes.

Aw :D So cute and romantic! What shall happen next I wonder? Hmm... only I know ;) Please keep reading and reviewing, thanks, guys :)