As per Anon's request, I shall stop asking for reviews.
Run free, fave'nrunners. Run free. \o/

Title: Forbidden Fruit or Sanji Tries to be a Dentist
Theme: Tangerine
Claim: Nami+Sanji+Robin
Words: 1979
Rating: T
Warnings: AU

The tall grass rustled slightly as a mouse ran through, scrounging for seeds. It halted and perked up, ears twitching, before beginning to run off again. The mouse hardly made it past three steps before a hand snatched it up, smothering its head so it wouldn't squeak out.

"Sorry, you're being too noisy." Sanji said in a voice so quiet he could hardly hear himself. Still gripping the mouse, he peered above the grass. An enormous tree stood not far from his position. There was no sign of anyone else around it.

Sanji carefully moved a little further and let the mouse go into a burrow, placing a hand over the hole to make sure it wouldn't come back up. After about a minute, he began to move again.

A grin broke out when he saw the large oranges hanging among the branches of the tall tree. There was still no sign of anyone around, so Sanji stood up and walked towards the tree.

Zzzi!

Sanji froze and nearly fell over when an arrow whizzed past his head, nicking his ear. He stopped in his tracks and clumsily pulled out his own bow, glancing around wildly.

"Look, sister, another one."

"He looks less confident than the others."

"A lot skinnier, too."

"He won't be much of a meal to the dragon, anyways."

"That's too bad."

"Hello!" Sanji shouted, preparing an arrow and pinching the taut string. He tried to pretend he knew what he was doing- in reality, he was hopeless with archery. "Are you the spirits who guard the tree?"

"He's curious, too. Too curious."

"What a corny line."

"Indeed, I- wait, what? Excuse me, Robin?"

"Just saying…"

"You totally ruined it! I thought we had it all planned out and everything!"

"I prefer improvisation."

"Oh my Gods- you know what, forget it."

Sanji stumbled back when two figures dropped down from the tree. He fumbled with his bow and pointed it to them, though the arrow kept shaking and slipping from his fingers. Without warning, his weapons were swatted out from his hands by an unseen force and he was pushed down to the ground from behind. A quick glance confirmed that there wasn't anyone there. Sanji gulped and got up to his knees to see the spirits more clearly.

It was just like the stories said. Beautiful, gorgeous, stunning, breath-taking, angelic, elegant… Sanji eventually ran out of adjectives in his mind.

"Please, allow me to pick one tangerine from the Tree of Mikan!" Sanji bowed deeply.

"Like hell I'd let you!"

"Nami, no need to get so angry…"

"Oh, shut up Robin!"

"Nami, Robin, what lovely names." Sanji said out loud, smiling a little. The taller guardian giggled lightly behind her hand. Her companion snorted and clenched her fists. Their images flickered, as if they were made of mist.

"You know attempting to approach the tree results in death." Nami crossed her arms, glaring at the young man.

"I need one. Please." Sanji insisted.

"And what would cause such urgency that you would to attempt to steal from the tree?" Robin tilted her head. Her expression was unreadable, which made Sanji slightly uneasy.

"I… uh… see…" Sanji struggled to find the words. "Okay, I'm working for this old shitty geezer, and he needs one of these tangerines- not any other tangerine, it has to be from this tree- for… a dish he's cooking. He said it's going to be really good… like, food for the gods…"

Nami stared at him blankly. She suddenly burst out laughing. "That's the worst reason I've heard yet!"

Sanji hung his head and sighed.

"Ah, what the hell. Sure, you can have one. But!" Nami held up a hand before Sanji could throw himself at her feet. "You have to carry out a little errand for my sister and me."

"I'll do anything for you two angels!" Sanji grinned, swaying back and forth.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Robin muttered to Nami.

"He won't be able to do it. Let's just see if he'll dare to try." Nami whispered back. She turned back to Sanji and smiled brightly. "Okay, there's this dragon in the back of our garden, and-"

"You want me to slay it?" Sanji asked eagerly.

"Sadly, no." Nami shook her head. "We haven't been able to clean his teeth in centuries. He's… very excitable."

"Not to mention his constant hunger for meat." Robin muttered. Nami elbowed her, but Sanji didn't seem to hear her.

"So you want me to clean his teeth?" Sanji asked incredulously, a bit skeptical. "And if I do, you'll let me have one of your tangerines, right?"

"Yup. Do you accept?"

"Yeeeesss~!"

"…Okay." Nami nodded. She snapped her fingers and Sanji suddenly found himself in a beautiful garden, bursting with flowers of all colors and sizes. Vines heavy with fruit snaked around the ground and bees lazily drifted from one flower to the next. A low rumble came from behind a short stone wall. Sanji picked his way over the flora and peered over the barrier.

A large red dragon was sleeping in a patch of burnt grass. Its tongue was flopping out of its mouth and its belly twitched each time it snored (loudly). Sanji suddenly reeled back and fell. That smell!

The world began to spin as Sanji registered the awful stench of rotting meat and other unmentionables. His eyes watered, blurring his vision, and tears poured down his face. A burning sensation began to spread through his face. Sanji gasped for air, only to choke and gag. He crawled away from the stone wall.

Eventually Sanji found himself huddled beneath a golden weeping willow. He shuddered and took deep breaths of fresh air- even so, the faint stench of the dragon could still be barely detected. Did the two spirits set him up on purpose? Sanji coughed and leaned back against the tree. He could just tell Nami and Robin that he couldn't handle it and return to Zeff… without a tangerine. Sanji clenched his fists at the thought of what his mentor would say if he failed on his errand.

Taking a deep breath, Sanji stood up and marched to the stone wall. The dragon was still snoring loudly, one claw unconsciously scratching its exposed belly. Cautiously, Sanji hopped over the short wall. His eyes began to burn again and his stomach churned. What were those spirits feeding the dragon?

"Nggyaaah." The dragon yawned and smacked its lips. Sanji froze and clamped a hand against his nose and mouth, trying to protect himself against the terrible odor. As he gagged and squeezed his burning eyes shut, the dragon turned to look at the young man.

"Eh? Person!" the dragon said happily. It trotted over to Sanji on all four stubby legs, grinning widely to show off its food (along with other crap) encrusted teeth. "Hiya! I'm Monkey D. Luffy. I dunno why I'm called Monkey, since I'm a dragon, so you can call me Luffy!"

"Shitty dragon!" Sanji coughed violently. The beast smelled even worse up close. He glanced to the side and saw a bucket beside a small well and two large wooden-handled brushes. "Alright, I'm going to clean your mouth."

"Oh, you're one of those people." The dragon frowned. "Guess I'll just eat you then."

"DON'T BE SO CASUAL ABOUT IT, BASTARD!" Sanji kicked the dragon. Luffy recoiled and rubbed the bump on his snout.

"Ow! That hurt!" Luffy whined. "It's not my fault I don't like baths!"

"Can't you smell your own stench of shit?" Sanji yelled, only causing him to fall in another fit of coughing and gagging.

"No, not really." The dragon cocked his head, looking at Sanji strangely. "You're weird."

Sanji glared at Luffy. He picked up one of the brushes and dipped it in the bucket of water. The dragon watched his movements warily. "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to get that tangerine for the shitty geezer." Sanji approached the dragon, fighting against the overwhelming stink. For every step he took, Luffy took three steps back.

"No!"

"Stop running away, shitty dragon!"

"I don't wanna!"

"Just let me clean your teeth!"

"Then I'll bite your head off!"

"YOU TRYING TO THREATEN ME, EH?" Sanji kicked Luffy again. While the dragon was dazed, Sanji wrenched his jaws open, only to fall over from the hot, reeking breath. Luffy chortled in triumph and attempted to run off, but Sanji quickly recomposed himself and leapt after him. With movements faster than Luffy could follow, the young man grabbed onto his long neck and tried to force the dripping brush into his mouth. However, it only ended up stuck up one of the dragon's nostrils.

"Ow! Dat hurts!" Luffy bucked wildly, trying to sneeze the brush out. Sanji wrenched it away and grimaced at the layer of slime now coating the bristles. He tossed it aside and rolled off the dragon's back.

"All this for a tangerine." Sanji muttered, still dizzy from the awful smell.

"That was really mean, bastard!" Luffy shouted. "Now my nose hurts!"

"Come on. I really need one of those fruits." Sanji held up his hands, trying to show the dragon that he wasn't going to do anything else. "If the spirits who guard the tree want your mouth clean, then I'll clean it!"

"Too bad. Nami and Robin don't feed me enough, so I won't let you." Luffy huffed, sitting down heavily. Inspiration struck out of nowhere. It was a stupid idea, but Sanji had a feeling it would work.

"Hey… if I promise you all the food you can eat, will you let me clean your teeth?" Sanji knew Zeff would skin him alive for making such a foolish promise, but he had already made a deal with Nami and Robin.

"Like a buffet?" Luffy's ears perked up.

"Yeah. Like a buffet. No humans!" Sanji hastily added.

"Hmmm. Okay." Luffy opened his mouth wide, exposing his filthy teeth. There were bits of mystery meat stuck in between and the air around Luffy was practically shimmering from the intensity of the odor. Sanji took deep breath behind his hand, grabbed the second brush, and leaned into the dragon's maw.

-X-

"I- hah- I did it!" Sanji gasped, falling at the two spirits' feet. Nami and Robin exchanged a glance. The young man's hair was a complete mess, his curly eyebrow had been burned off, and his shirt was covered in unidentifiable stains, but the dragon behind him no longer smelled like century-old meat. Luffy grinned, showing off clean white teeth and pink gums.

"You really did do it." Nami said in surprise. "No one else ever dared to go near Luffy."

"What an incredible feat." Robin closed her eyes and smiled.

"Do I get a tangerine from your tree, then?" Sanji smiled hopefully.

"Well-"

"Keep your promise, sister." Robin said meaningfully.

"Fine." Nami crossed her arms. A hand sprouted from a branch on the tree and plucked a tangerine, but Sanji was too exhausted to be startled. It threw the fruit down and Robin caught it.

"There you go." Robin handed the tangerine to Sanji. He stared down at it in awe. It looked no different from any other orange he had seen, but it was… different.

"Food! Now you have to feed me! Food food food!" the dragon yelled, stomping his feet.

"Are you stupid?" Nami said sharply. "You promised to feed Luffy? You must be out of your mind!"

"Oh dear…" Robin bit her lip.

"Why? Does he eat a lot?" Sanji asked, carefully pocketing the precious tangerine.

"You have no idea." Robin muttered. Luffy stomped around them in circles, bellowing happily.

"It'll be like your efforts had gone to waste." Nami sadly shook her head.

"FOOOOOD!"

Sanji had a feeling Zeff wouldn't be so happy about him bringing a bottomless dragon back to the village.

Thought of the day: Why do people hate Akainu only because he killed Ace? Doesn't anyone remember how he blew up the evacuation ship during the Ohara Incident?