Story: Just ask Voldie!
Chapter: 14
Word count: 465
Author: Khorale
Review count: 24
Parings: none
Disclaimer: I don't own anything Harry Potter except my fanfics
Summary: Various people mail Voldemort for advise. Very interesting results shown. Plain humorous and funny. Slight Voldemort OOC.
Dearest Voldie,
Well, crap fried on a stick! I was wondering why people kept on telling me I weren't supposed to call you Vord Loldemort. Now I know.
Have you ever flown across the pond to visit the colonies? It would be best to visit me for a kedavra in the summer time. It's awful cold up north. But not as cold as Canada. Which just goes to show how awesome it is to live in my nation ... as a Muggle, no less. Oh, you didn't know Muggles had joined the fight? I wouldn't miss it, unless it's during "As the World Turns." Do you even know what a Telly is? Poor, sheltered dark wizard. I have such a soft spot for your type in my heart. No, seriously, it is a soft, squishy spot from all the hexes, jinks and curses sent by wizards who just want me to leave them alone, "for Merlin's sake."
Oh, Voldie, did you really mean it when you said you'd come and kill me? If we are careful, we can arrange our little tryst while my husband is at work. Oh, that would be delightful! And I'll finally be able to see a dark wizard's wand. Can I touch it? Now don't be shy. You probably have the longest wand in the west. Oh my.
Awaiting your warm curses,
DZMom
P.S. You still won't tell the Death Eaters about me writing to you, will you? The shame if they make fun of my DVD error!
P.P.S. Tell your familiar that my email is all screwy now, too, and I'll need to find an owl to get notifications of the latest missives from the desk of The Lark Dord
.Dear DZMom
THAT'A IT! I'M SENDING NAGINI HERE TO EAT YOU!
P.S Crucio! Crucio! Crucio! Crucio! Crucio! Crucio! Crucio! Crucio! Crucio! Crucio! Crucio! Crucio! Crucio! Crucio! Crucio! Crucio! Crucio! Crucio! Crucio! Crucio! Crucio! Crucio! Crucio!
P.P.S For the grand final... AVADA KEDAVERA!
P.P.P.S Mua haa haa haa haa!