Forbidden Fruit or the Serpent?

"Hey you"

"Hey babe" Jax's heart filled with warmth by Tara's greeting.

"How's it going back at home?"

"Could be better. I miss you"

"I miss you too Jackson" Tara's voice dropped into a whisper

"I was hoping to hear from you a lot earlier this week"

"I know. I-I just didn't know what to say"

"And now? Do you know what to say now?" Jax was hopeful that he hadn't completely mess things up.

"No I don't. Gemma made me realize that I needed to speak to you"

"Gemma? My mother made you realize you needed to speak to me. You didn't think of that at all on your own?" Jax's tone of voice was a bit more spiteful than he intended. But he felt disrespected.

"Jax come on-"

"No Tara. Seriously? Like really? My mother made you realize you needed to speak to me but not yourself?"

"It's not like you gave me much of a choice! I didn't know when the right time to call you was. To speak to you after the things you said.."

"Tara, I'm so sorry. You have no idea how fucking terrible I feel about that. I didn't mean to talk to you like that. And..and what I did to you.."

"What are you talking about?"

"In my room. I practically forced myself on you and you kept telling me to stop. Fuck. Tara, I'm so sorry. I would never disrespect you like that. I just wanted something to escape and that isn't an excuse. Nothing I say is an excuse I just want you to know I wasn't in the right state of mind frame. I'm so sorry babe."

"I know you are. That's the thing Jax. I know you're sorry. I know what kind of heart you have. And it's big and warm and full of love to give."

Jax let out a light chuckle. Only Tara could see him for who he truly is. She understood him. Every ounce of him can be identified by her.

"But you're also selfish. You always look for the warmth between someone's thighs to wash away your pain."

"Tara.."

"No. Let me finish." Tara took in a deep breath. "How can I trust you? If something goes wrong between us, how will I know you can contain yourself? That you won't run to the clubhouse to find a croweater to give you what I won't. At least until I'm ready?" Tara's voice was cracking.

"I know that you're worried about all of those things. But I wouldn't do that to you Tara. You're different."

"What makes me so different from the others?"

"Everything. You're everything Tara. I've known you all my life. You know me better than anyone. You aren't afraid to give me shit like most people are. You give things to me straight."

"So let me give you this straight Jax. I was afraid that us crossing that line with each other will ruin us and already it has. I can't lose you. Not as my best friend. I don't know what it is that I feel for you. It's strong and it cripples me in ways I never knew could turn my stomach."

"Babe. Don't d-"

"Jackson please." Tara's was now sniffling her running nose from crying. "We need to find a common ground where we can't cross that line anymore. I have to learn to deal with you being with other people. I'm not in the same place as you are. And I don't know how long it'll be until I will be where you are."

"Then I'll wait." Jax's voice was clear and stern. He couldn't give up on the one person his heart skips a beat for. Not when they finally got to their own special place.

"I can't ask that of you."

"You aren't. I'm telling you. I'll wait babe. I can do this."

"I'm sorry Jackson. I just don't want to go there with you." Tara was barely making out each word clearly.

Jax's heart fell so low. Lower than it has ever fallen. Jax took a seat on his bed in defeat. What more was there to say?

"W-what would we be doing now if I never lashed out last Saturday?"

"What do you mean?"

"We are in this place because of me. Because I yelled at you in front of everyone. If I hadn't. Where would we be right now?"

It was something Jax had to know. He just couldn't understand that if they could be happy as they were before he destroyed his and her happiness, why couldn't they go back?

"I don't know Jax. I don't want to think about 'the what if's.'"

Rage was starting to build inside him. She always does this. She kisses him and tells him they can't go there. It happened the day of the river, the next day for Thanksgiving and it happened the day at school where she punched the shit out of Ashley and told him she wanted him. That he is hers. What kind of game was she playing? He played every one of his moves by her command.

Now it was his turn to give it to her straight.

"I can't believe this shit Tara."

"Jax.."

"No. Now it's my turn to speak." Jax spat out and there was no question about the rage that came out of each word after that. "Why do you continue to do this? Do you enjoy toying with me? I'm not a dog Tara. I'm not going to fetch the bone you throw every time and come back. You were the one who pulled Ashley off of me and yelled at me that I am yours and believe me baby I cannot agree more. You are mine and only mine. But I will not play this game with you. You're either in or you're out. There is no in between. So why don't you call me when you figure that out"

There was nothing but silence on her end. He was right and she knew it. Which is why she was so scared to make this phone call. She is always the one to go back forth with him. But she just didn't have any more self-control when it came to Jax. He was like the forbidden fruit and she was Eve. So eager to take a bite out of it. But then a thought occurred to her, is Jax the forbidden fruit or the serpent?

"Jax I'm telling you we can't. I don't want to ruin fifteen years almost sixteen years of our friendship. That means more to me"

Jax hitched his breath. The pain he feels in his heart if more than a teenage boy can bear. "Yeah aight. Talk to you later Knowles." And before she could say anything back Jax hung up on her.

Jax pulled on his light blue jeans, a white t-shirt and tied his Nike air force sneakers and headed to the clubhouse. He figured since Tara told him no for good then he didn't have to hold himself back from drowning his dick into a croweater.