As a note, I must inform you all that I do not have any idea of how law in Star Trek works, so this is all made up. Unless I actually guessed right, and then… cool. It's mostly based off of what I know of military trials in the present day (basically, what I've learned from various TV shows).

Disclaimer: not mine

Jim hesitated for a brief moment, before steeling himself and knocking firmly. After hearing a faint "Come in", he took a breath and pushed open the door.

Chris Pike looked up and offered up a warming smile as his favorite captain grimaced in reply, quickly shutting the door and taking a seat.

Pike quickly signed his name at the bottom of the form he had been reviewing, before setting it aside and giving the captain his full attention. "Thanks for coming, Jim." The younger man gave a jerky nod in reply, his jaw clenching slightly as he stared at a spot just behind Chris' left ear. The admiral sighed internally as he noted each and every stressful tell the captain in front of him was exuding. The signs weren't visible to everyone, but then he knew this man better than most.

The silence stretched on as Chris studied the younger man, while Jim studiously ignored the scrutiny.

It was several minutes before the admiral spoke again. "The trial's set to begin the day after tomorrow. The Starfleet JAG lawyers would like to speak with you, Doctor Leighton, and Cadet Riley this afternoon, to go over any testimony you will be asked to give. I don't think it will be much, they have enough evidence to convict, as soon as they know for certain they have the right man."

Jim nodded his head shakily, still unable to meet Pike's worried gaze. "Will I need to talk about what happened?" he asked quietly, lowering his eyes to focus on his lap.

Chris leaned forward, wanting nothing more than to gather the younger man up in a hug and protect him from the world.

But Jim Kirk wasn't a child, and he couldn't make everything better with a hug and a pat on the back. Even more than that, Jim would never fall for it. Life had never been that kind to him. And no matter how much he may wish otherwise, Jim Kirk was not his child. He had only had seven years to try and prove to the kid that there were actually people out there who cared about him. He liked to think that he was making progress, but even in the best-case scenario, and Jim learned to trust him implicitly, he wasn't the kid's father. He would never be, no matter how much he might secretly wish it. He knew he could never replace George Kirk, but he hoped that at the very least, Jim saw him as a friend; at best, perhaps a sort of father-like figure.

Chris shook his head, pulling himself out of the tangent his thoughts had taken him. "You shouldn't have to," he assured the captain. "All they need to know is whether or not it really is Kodos." He noted the slight wince Jim tried to hide at the name of the former governor, but didn't comment.

Jim smirked, though it was but a shadow of the same expression that had garnered the captain such fame throughout his academy years. "That wasn't a strict no, Admiral," he retorted. "Should have, would have, could have. In my experience, that doesn't mean much to a lawyer. Or a criminal."

Pike winced internally as he understood part of what was making Jim so reluctant to do this. Kodos had taken whatever had remained of his innocence back on Tarsus. Jim didn't want to be in the same room as the nightmare that had haunted him for almost fifteen years. Observing the captain now, he thought it might be more than just not wanting to be there; he strongly suspected Jim was afraid of being there. Of being face to face with the man who had destroyed everything.

"I won't leave your side, if you don't want me to." Jim snorted, but Pike had a point to make, so he kept going. "I mean it, Jim. I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere. You're not alone anymore, and I refuse to let you push everyone away. I refuse to let you push me away."

Pike lapsed into silence, and watched the emotions flash across Jim's face, before he managed to tuck it all behind that damn mask the kid always insisted on wearing.

After a few minutes, Jim looked up, meeting Chris' eyes for the first time since he had entered the office. "Thanks," he said simply, quietly, sincerely. "I'll see you this afternoon."

And there it was. No explicit acknowledgement, but Jim was accepting the admiral's offer. He levered himself out of the chair, and made his way towards the door.

"Jim."

The captain turned around, and watched warily as Chris closed the distance between the two of them. He tentatively reached out to rest his hand on Jim's shoulder, noting the lack of flinch even as he catalogued the tenseness and stress written into every line on the younger man's body. Without saying anything, the admiral drew Jim into a tight hug, just as he had been wanting to do ever since that thrice cursed file had come to his attention.

It barely took a second before Jim was hugging back just as forcefully, his face burrowing in the crook of Chris' arm. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to stop any tears from falling.

Chris gently rubbed Jim's back, tightening his own arms as he made a silent vow to never let the kid – he would have time later to think about the fact that in this moment, he was thinking of Jim as his kid – down. Jim had had too many people fail him in his lifetime, and Chris adamantly refused to let himself become one of those.

It was probably only minutes, but it felt like hours later, when the two men separated. Pike took one step back, just a small one, but it gave Jim the space the admiral knew he needed at that moment.

Jim took a few extra moments to make sure he was under control before he looked up and met the admiral's stern but caring gaze.

Pike hid his surprise that he could see no defiance or embarrassment in the younger man's eyes. Just a quiet acceptance, and what he was quite certain was relief. He allowed himself a moment of joy that the man he thought of as a son seemed to trust him enough, or maybe respect him enough, to not try and hide in his presence. It made Pike so happy that the last seven years he had spent fighting his way into the kid's life – and then fighting again to stay there – had been worth it. Even if it was just a look in the captain's eyes, he could tell that Jim trusted him. That thought alone was enough to fill him with warmth.

After another moment of silence, Jim turned around and left the office, closing the door firmly behind him. He swallowed harshly, schooling his features to some semblance of his former mask, and made his way quickly outside, and around to the side, where a small alley formed in between two buildings. He propped himself up against the wall, sliding down to the ground and resting his elbows on his knees and burying his hands in his hair as he lost the battle and the tears started flowing.

XXX

Chris stayed where he was for several minutes after the door closed, feeling his heart crack just a little bit more. When would the kid get a break? Why did life have to be so cruel to him?

Finally, he sank back down into his desk chair, feeling grateful for the heavy cushioning that he had added to help alleviate any pain from his injuries. He rested his elbows on his desk and wearily rubbed his face with one hand while the other began a quest through the mess that was scattered across the surface in front of him for a specific report. It took him a minute before he managed to find the Tarsus report. Grasping the PADD tightly, he took a deep breath before he began looking through the file again. He knew those pictures would haunt him for years to come, especially when he put it together with his own memories.

Chris had not been one of the first responders to the planet; he had been a Commander on the USS Yorktown when the Starship had arrived in the second wave, carrying supplies for the survivors as well as the Starfleet officers who had arrived before them. The Yorktown had carried some of the survivors away from the Hell they had once called a home; Pike had spent minimal time on the planet, just enough to accompany his captain to a mini conference with those captains already in residence on the planet, but that short time had been enough to disturb his dreams for months. He remembered the haunted gazes of the survivors, their sunken cheeks and accusing eyes.

Looking back now, he couldn't help but wonder if he had seen Jim on that planet. He quickly derailed that train of thought; Jim had been one of the Tarsus Nine. He had been badly injured during his tenure in Kodos' clutches. He would not have been kept with the rest of the survivors. He wondered if it would be too presumptuous of him to ask Jim what he remembered of that time. He wondered if Jim would tell him anything about what had happened afterwards. Suddenly, finding the younger man wasting away in a bar in the middle of nowhere, Iowa made much more sense. He wondered if Jim was ever able to leave that planet behind. Somehow, he doubted it.

Jim didn't know how long he had been sitting there, but he did know when he was no longer alone. And he didn't need to look to know just who it was who had joined him.

McCoy sat down next to his best friend, but didn't speak. He didn't make any move, and just waited.

It took almost five minutes, before Jim acknowledged him. Without looking up, he spoke. "How'd you find me?"

McCoy winced at the gravely voice, evidence of the captain's crying jag; he wished he had come earlier. "Your appointment with Pike shouldn't have lasted that long," he replied. "I figured you'd probably find the nearest secluded place you could. You've got a habit of disappearing for a couple of hours whenever it gets to be too much. You want to let it all out while no one's watching, so that you can come back and pretend that nothing bothers you." It was Jim's turn to wince, though the gesture was almost lost in his current posture, hunched over as he was; the only tell was the slight tensing of his shoulders. McCoy tentatively reached out and rested a hand on the shoulder nearest him, squeezing gently. "The only flaw in your plan was that I know you too well. I'm not going to let you go through this alone, Jim. That was never an option, so stop trying to run from me."

After that, the doctor fell silent, and waited. He didn't release his grip on the younger man, and after a few moments, he realized that he could feel the captain shaking. It was subtle, but it was definitely there. He held on tighter, and suddenly Jim was throwing his arms around McCoy's neck, in a life-or-death hug. He buried his face in the doctor's shoulder as his shaking increased. McCoy wrapped his arms around Jim and grasped just as tightly. He could feel a wet patch spreading on his shirt, but still he held on.

The pair stayed that way, the silence only broken by the sound of Jim's sobs. Slowly, they decreased, until it was just a sniffle; Jim pulled back, wiping his nose and eyes with one hand, while the other stayed firmly entangled in McCoy's shirt. Looking down at his lap, Jim spoke quietly, "The JAG lawyers want to talk to me, Kev, and Tom this afternoon."

McCoy grimaced. He hated lawyers. "What about?"

Jim swallowed harshly. "They want to go over what we'll need to do at the trial. Chris says we shouldn't need to do more than confirm that the man they have is really Kodos, but I can't help but think that it'll be more than that."

McCoy studied the younger man, and couldn't help but remember what Jim had told him the other night. I'm not sure I can live through it again. If they ask me about what he did, or what I saw… If they ask about the things I was forced to do… I don't think I can let myself go back there. Not again. I'm not sure I could survive it a second time.

He felt a sudden dread, as he realized that the chances of Jim having to talk about what had happened on that planet were incredibly strong. The chance to actually talk to three of the Tarsus Nine, to get their stories for the record was too good an opportunity for any decent lawyer to resist.

"Pike'll be there." Jim smiled, just a small one, but it eased McCoy's mind a little. It showed him that his best friend was not trying to go it alone anymore. He trusted the admiral to help him through what was most likely going to be one hell of a meeting.

"Will you come?"

McCoy looked up, startled, and met Jim's piercing blue gaze. He was both annoyed and captivated by those eyes; they seemed to be looking right into his soul. Jim always seemed to be able to look at him and really see him, passed the lies and bullshit, his idiot best friend always knew the truth. And he loved it as much as he hated it.

Gazes still locked, McCoy stood up and held out a hand for the captain. Jim let himself be pulled to his feet, but didn't let go, and their hands remained entwined as McCoy replied, "You know you never have to ask."

Slowly, Jim nodded, and though his eyes watered a bit, he maintained his composure as the pair exited the alley. Neither one was consciously aware of the fact that they were still holding hands.

XXX

Tom and Kevin branched off from the group as soon as Jim left. They were actually quite enjoying getting to know JT's friends – and quite possibly Kevin's future bosses – but without Jim there, it felt slightly more awkward. True, Tom and Spock had a similar background in science, and very similar interests, but the young scientist really wanted the chance to talk to Kevin, alone. So with a farewell to the commissioned officers, the two men headed back to Kevin's dorm room. The cadet knew his roommate would be out for the rest of the day, which gave the friends a much needed space to converse – or commiserate. Kevin wasn't quite sure what Tom had in mind, only that the older man seemed to want to speak with him alone.

Once back in the small dorm room, Kevin made sure the door was locked before he walked across the room to collapse on his bed, letting out a long-winded sigh. It had been a rough couple of days.

Tom took a seat at one of the desks – by its location near the foot of his young friend's bed, he assumed it to be Kevin's. Once settled, he took the opportunity to study the Starfleet Cadet.

Kevin looked… healthy. Happy. To Tom's scientist eye, he looked like he was settling into a life he could be proud of. He could see the same shadow that haunted his own thoughts, but it didn't seem to be suffocating the cadet. Kevin looked like he had moved on. Or at the very least, was moving on. He highly doubted any of them would ever fully be able to let it all go, but as long as they were able to live their daily lives without feeling like the world was closing in on them, he could count that a win.

"So what made you decide to join Starfleet?" Tom asked, breaking the comfortable silence after almost five minutes.

Kevin sat up and shrugged. "Truth is, I didn't really think about it until right before I joined. After everything happened, I didn't see the point in Starfleet. You know, they just always seemed to be late and useless and only show up for the cleanup and the condolences and the funerals."

"What changed your mind?"

Kevin smirked. "Captain Kirk," he admitted wryly. "That whole thing with Nero happened, and I realized that while Starfleet certainly has a lot to answer for, I could actually make a difference. I didn't want to reach the end, look back, and think, 'ehh'. I don't want to have regrets, Tom. I want to matter."

An alert from Kevin's comm. system interrupted anything Tom might have said. Moving towards the device, both men read a message from Jim, telling them of a meeting with lawyers that afternoon. Kevin replied quickly, before moving back to his bed.

The two had a lot to catch up on, and almost three hours to waste.

XXX

The two JAG lawyers were exceedingly stereotypical. Pike could see that within thirty seconds of entering the conference room they had reserved for the purposes of this interrogation – that is to say, discussion. He knew that, theoretically, there would be no reason for this session to include any of the more sensitive information. He was hoping that that would be the case. That hope disappeared, however, when he saw the next person to walk through the door.

I actually combined two chapters here; the one I was going to publish for this week was just too short. Hope you enjoy!

Please review!