This is the Cirno News Network with a breaking news story. Trouble on the mountain today, as a large explosion issued forth from Youkai Mountain itself, near the base of the waterfall. Sources indicate that they saw a figure flying away, carrying what appeared to be a sack. We hear believe this may be the first incident of a cucumber thief stealing away cucumbers from the poor and innocent kappa on the mountainside. We attempted to reach the nearest kappa to the incident for comment, but our field correspondent was unfortunately returned hogtied and waterlogged. Apparently, they were in a rather poor mood. We will get back to you as this story develops.

Thank you, and enjoy the show. This has been THE STRONGEST! Now back to your irregularly scheduled fic.

Backwards-Dreaming Broken Youkai

Appears that the resistors on the last project failed dramatically; too much energy flowing through them. Overloaded the wires too, as the cords have melted into the floor. I need a better material. Now, if I was to add a smidgen of… Hrm? Oh, knocking on my door? How unusual. No one ever bothers to come up here. Well, nobody but the other kappa. But they just come up the waterfall.

They seem to be in a bit of a hurry though, so I should go see them. Now, palm scanner, type in the password… User is identified as Nitori Kawashiro. The vocal password is Swordfish. Now just wait for the gears to whirr and click apart, give a blood sample and a splash of water from the old bowl, and we're done. I do so love this door.

But who could be here. Oh, the sunlight is bright. I should remind myself to install extra generators. I don't want to be blinded if it ever turns out to be important in the future. So sorry! Didn't mean to be talking to myself. It's a bad habit, vocalizing like this. Do come in, do come in. But what might you be doing up here?

For that matter, what are you? The one looks somewhat like the maid, but those joints aren't natural. Surprised? It is my job, after all. Someone in this land has to know how to use tech, considering how ubiquitous it is in the outside world. And it's leaking through.

But here I am talking to myself. Who might your companion be? Wait, you smell… Human? A human came all the way up the mountain to see me? Lovely! How is everyone doing? I haven't been able to get down there very much recently. Or are you from the outside? In that case… No, no, must remember to be a proper host. So sorry, human. I rarely get guests all the way up here. Especially from your kind. Usually, it's one of the tengu ordering me to make this or that from them, as if I am some simple blacksmith. I am anything but!

Anywho, did you come here seeking some assistance? Oh, your companion needs some retooling. Interesting. So this isn't one of Margatroid's newest creations? That, or Melancholy's? Very interesting indeed. A purely mechanical frame? I might like to examine that later. Would you mind if I did so? Oh, what a pity. You know, it's much more fun if I am able to root around the insides. Who knows what wonders may be concealed in that mechanical head of yours.

But then, I wouldn't be a very good host. And after all, kappa are ancient friends of the humans! I wish they'd remember it more, but I can't say that I blame them. The past few centuries have not been the kindest for relations. I'm sure that you'll ask later. Let me go get some cucumbers for you, though. Oh, and feel free to wander around. You might be able to find any replacement parts that you require. I'm sure there's plenty around here.

Just don't touch anything flashing. Or glowing. Or pulsating. Or… Well, you get the idea.

So, here you go! Lovely sliced cucumbers, topped with a nice dressing. …No, it's not a dressing made of cucumbers. I may be a kappa, but I'm not that obsessed. You humans have some weird ideas sometimes.

So, what did you come up here for? Anything else than that? Oh, well, that's a pity. I'm glad to see that my reputation has spread enough that you'd seek me out, but I'd have thought… No, never mind. That's me being stupid. I just thought that maybe I'd get a visitor for more than… Well, I shouldn't be taking this out on my guest.

Oh, very well, if you insist… The humans just never come up here to see me anymore. Even the kappa don't bother to come see me. Well, they have to come see me when I have to go down and work on the reactor, but that's the only time. Ever since that time long ago, I've lived up here.

What happened? Well, it's a long story. It was back when we were planning an actual treaty between the humans and kappa. This is before your time by quite a long time. Has it been four centuries? Or perhaps five? It's in one of my records, but I've almost forgotten. That's… that's quite sad, actually. I hadn't realized… Well, my hermitage up here as gone on for so long. Rather, it might be best to call it my exile.

You see, way back when, I had a human of my own. …No! No, nothing like that. Not in that sense. I don't… we don't kill people by extracting their shirikodama. Not in the longest time, at least. But he was my… lover. My husband, if we had bothered for such titles. He was mine, and I was his. While our species had been close before then, we hadn't truly been friends. But the other kappa saw us, and thought we could be an example. Of course, they took their sweet time in deciding, he finally… finally… he died.

I'm sorry, not the best of topics to be sharing with a stranger. But it's so nice to have someone to talk to again. Well. Moving on, sorry, they eventually decided to propose the alliance to the humans. I wasn't involved in the preliminary discussions. As I was busy… burying him. He's the only one I go to visit, when I do leave. No one else can go in. No one else without a key… A key that I made, and can't be copied. I know it can't be.

But eventually, we did get the treaty hammered down. It was something that had never happened before, youkai and humans allying with each other. Of course there were youkai that were friendly, but are there any others that have ever made it formal? Only Yukari has gone that far, considering her deal with the Hakurei. But that's not with humans in general, only with one person. Or family, rather.

This though… this was special. It was something that we had debated for so long, and it was about to come true. It could have been the core of a new society, humans and kappa working together. We might have even descended from the realm of fantasy that we're now locked in, safe only due to the continued existence of the border.

But then, it happened. She happened.

It was on that bloody bridged, that everything changed. The humans… they were affected by her powers. They grew jealous. Of our long life, of our control over the water, over our technical prowess. Anything and everything suddenly became fair game. I was shocked. I tried to implore them, to please see reason. There was no reason to act like this. To give us the chance. But they didn't listen. The magic that had its grip on them was too strong to be broken by those humans.

We weren't affected, not so much. But it was enough to persuade the others. They were not needed after all. The humans were not nearly as good as a proper kappa. They were dumber, slower. They only bred faster than us, so why should we even bother with gaining their trust? They'd simply overrun us, unless we don't let them.

I couldn't believe it. They knew we could along. Just like me and… and him. But no, they just pitied me, looking down on the poor girl who was caught by a human. Maybe I found one good one. Or maybe that human managed to ensorcell me. Nonsense! Complete and utter nonsense!

In the end, I had to leave the village. I had become a veritable outcast. They believed I might have become a human spy; that I was giving away the secrets of the village. I might help the humans march in. Somewhat scary, is it not? How far the smallest seed of envy and distrust can spread? I wish that I had been able to stop it, or halt it. But the only thing I could do is wait it out. All alone, up here. On the mountain.

I'm glad that girl ended up getting tossed down in the underground, though. Bitch deserved it like no one else. And when Marisa ended up going down there… Heh, heh. Well, I might have shot off at least half of my load of missiles at her. Oh, what a surprise she got. And then Marisa socked her in the face with a spark and left her to rot. Oh, how I love that girl.

Sorry, sorry, I'm starting to sound a bit too bloodthirsty there, aren't I? My most humble apologies. I just get so worked up over it… Everything that happened leaves me so bothered. I wish that things didn't have to be like that. I'm the only one who remembers how we're ancient allies. All that could have been. And yet, none of your kind will listen. Even the Child of Miare doesn't remember, with her information shaded by the jaded eyes of the other humans. We're listed as no more than simple stealers of souls in her encyclopedias.

But no matter. I remember, and that will be enough. Perhaps I'll get another chance in the future, now that we've started to open back up.

But here I am talking about depressing things! Perhaps I could show you around some? I've got quite a few contraptions here that I've spent a lot of time working on. Granted, most of it is cobbled together from outside computer shikigami. Yes, I am quite aware that they are not shikigami, but I think that the phrase fits it well, no? A personal servant for whomever owns it, and can only do what its owner tells it to do? Close enough, I do believe so!

At least, before I've added in my own upgrades. After all, why should one limit themselves to merely on or off values? What if they could be on or off at the same time? Or neither? It lends to much more active calculations, do you not think? Oh, do stay away from that. I did have Miss Reiuji come up here and help me set that up. IT supplies power to my lair here. Quite the interesting little device. Never running out, as it takes whatever is fed and fuses it. With a little bit of magic on my own end, and a fair amount of technology, I can sustain it perpetually. Use my control over water to separate it into component molecules, then modify it, feed it, and extract it! Not that big of a problem, and it only takes forty megaKappabytes in order to control it through my primary console! Impressive, no?

That's why I'm hoping this plan will follow through. The goddess on the mountain wants to use it to gather faith. But I'd… I'd rather have it to get the human's trust. Wouldn't that be such a lovely idea? The ancient allies, keeping a promise that's never been forgotten, and helping out their friends with nothing expected in return? It's almost… romantic. If only… I shouldn't go there.

So, are you willing to stay? Your companion would be an interesting study, after all. And I promise not to break her down too much. While I have parts here that would be easily a match for her hardware, it'd still be better if I were allowed to observe how they operate in sync. A lovely orchestra of whirring gears, dancing valves, expanding hydraulics…

Wait, she uses pneumatics? Very interesting. Definitely must take a look at that later. But back to my point. Will you stay? We could do wonderful things together. And it'd be so nice to have company again…

You… you won't stay? You must be heading on? Why? Why leave an old ally all by herself up on the mountain. No one comes to see her. No one at all.

Letting you leave? I'm… I'm afraid I can't be letting you do that, human.

Funny thing about that sauce. Very interesting creation. Tastes fantastic with cucumbers. But when the subject is hit with another chemical spray, it only takes for a few moments for them to interact, inducing paralysis. It won't last very long, I'll admit, but it does the job I want it to do. And that is keeping you here now, human.

Do you know what loneliness is? Have you any concept? Hundreds of years in exile, for something you should have foreseen. A mistake, which you might have been able to prevent, and should certainly have been able to rectify. But, I won't go through that again. Not again. Never again.

Instead, you'll stay here with me. And you can help with my latest, and greatest experiment. It's a good thing that kappa are youkai too; indeed, if it wasn't for that, I might have trouble carrying you over here. But do not fret, as this will not take long at all.

You see, I had an inkling that someone might come up here. Someone might be visiting. It was, after all, only a matter of time. The other humans that have visited were too strong, or too well protected. Be it the oddball at the summit, or the rogue in the forest, or the miko herself. But you… you're normal. Completely normal. No magic, no longevity, no immortality, no taints of beastliness. You're… you're just like he was. Normal. Nice. Nice to me.

I don't want to lose that again. I want to keep that. Must keep that.

No, no, I can see that look in your eyes. I'm not going to attempt to resurrect him. As much as I do miss him, he's earned his rest. That is, if he wasn't reincarnated. Maybe that's why I'm doing this. Maybe you're him. I never saw his soul, though. I never went that far with him, so I couldn't honestly say. But, I suppose we'll be finding out soon.

See, I want to ensure that my dreams come true. I don't want to be alone again. And I want everyone, anyone to realize what the kappa and the humans are. We're ancient allies, are we not? And I know how to prove it.

Last time, it happened because we joined as one, him and I. We both become as one, for many years. Not in a literal since, although that happened a lot. Instead, we were like one soul. I loved him. Loved him so much. Everyone could see that. But I've run out of time. Or rather, I'm tired of all this time. I must work to fix my problem now.

Ah, that settles all the straps. Clamps are good, so begin raising the chair platform. Begin the inversion. Extend the arm out. Oh, sorry, I'm doing it again, aren't I? Vocalizing my thoughts and all that rot? So sorry. I'm not trying to be rude. I'm just doing what I must. For both of our benefits. But now that we're in position, I suppose I should tell you what I'm doing.

You are aware of what a shirikodama is, don't you?

The closest equivalent would be to call it your soul. Your very life essence. Technically, it's a bit more complicated, as even though other youkai can take your soul or spirit, only a kappa can take a shirikodama. But I'll not bother you any more than I have to with the technicalities. Just know that I'm going to give you a wonderful gift. By taking the shirikodama, I'm giving you the chance to join with me. We'll become one, and then I'll show them all that humans and kappa can get along. And then, I won't be alone, either.

No more being alone, no more having to be in exile. If only this works… I've finished replacing the cables. Hopefully they won't burn out. Don't worry human. I'm not going to kill you. I'm giving you a chance to live anew.

After all, humans and kappa are ancient allies, aren't we?

A/N Ok, this was a bit of a doozy for me. It actually came off completely different than what I originally intended this to be. Back when I first thought this out, I was thinking it would be more similar to 1984 in tone. (We have never been at war with the Kappa. We are at peace with the Kappa. We are at war with the _) But before I could figure out an appropriate appellation for us to be at war with, I watched Song of a Broken Youkai once more.

So, instead of clinically disassociated Nitori, we get distraught Nitori who's been alone for hundreds of years. And in this interpretation, she doesn't even have Momiji or Hina to be friends. Although, considering the planned Hina… Anyways. This is a girl who lost everything, her love, her life, in such a short span of time. And for centuries, she's been alone with that thought. What she could do to get it right? Not that she is in the right mind by this point. After all, who else would think it's a good idea to remove someone's life essence, killing them, and uploading said essence into herself?

I'm also aware of the hypocrisy of her statements. Why does she think that she is alone when she also 'loves' Marisa, and knows Okuu and others well enough? I see it more of a sense that she considers them at most acquaintances, but more like how one would consider their plumber. Sure, you're friendly with them, but do you spend a lot of time with them? No, you simply call them, have them do their job for you, and then leave. No real companionship.

But I digress. I hope I haven't scared many of ya'll away in the past few chapters. I figured that I'd go ahead and toss this one out finally. Considering none of the oneshots want to be finished… Yeah, I don't know. These just seem to flow out for me. Anywho, enough rambling. I'll catch ya'll on the flip side. As always, please read and review, all of which are welcome.

Oh, almost forgot:

Mr. Muss, Glad you liked it. Wanted to turn things on their head a wee bit. As for Kogasa, I will have to admit I haven't got that far in thinking. Would it be too bad of a joke for me to say that it will be a surprise, even to myself? Yes, it would be. Anyway, I do have a plan for Wriggle, so that may have to tide ye over for now.