Chapter 14
When the morning came, the men of barracks two were stunned when the door to Colonel Hogan's quarters opened, and Hogan limped out, dressed and shaved. His appearance even caught Wilson off-guard. He poured himself a cup of hot coffee and sat down at the table.
"Colonel," the medic stated sitting beside Hogan. "You really shouldn't be out of bed. You should be resting."
"Until when, Sergeant?" Hogan said more harshly than he intended. "Until the liberation comes? I'm tired of resting. I need to get back to normal." He took a drink of coffee.
Sergeant Olsen, smiling at seeing the Colonel at the table, approached. Putting a hand on Hogan's shoulder he didn't notice the Colonel's stiffen at his touch. "Good to see you back with us, Colonel. How do you feel?"
"I'm doing as well as can be expected considering, Sergeant," Hogan lied yet trying to sound sincere at the same time." His eyes sought out Wilson and his core unit who were watching him carefully, ready to step in and run interference if their commander was becoming too stressed out.
Olsen nodded. "Glad you're back, sir." The sergeant turned and walked away. Soon, other prisoners were gathering around the Colonel patting him on the back with sayings of 'welcome back, sir,' 'glad to see you feeling better, Colonel,' and 'good to have you back, sir.' Hogan endured their touches on his back and shoulders while every part of him wanted nothing more than to scream for them to keep their hands to themselves. When he couldn't take it anymore, he calmly got to his feet and smiled at the others.
"Okay, fellas, thanks for the welcome back. But I think I'm gonna be in my quarters until roll call. Somebody let me know when Schultz shows up." He then turned and with coffee cup in hand, walked to his quarters and went inside, closing the door.
Olsen looked at Wilson and the team. "Is it my imagination, or is the Colonel still a bit out of sorts?" he asked, worried. "I mean, he acts like he's okay but is he really all right?"
The medic put a hand on Olsen's shoulder and smiled. "He's fine physically. Emotionally, he's still a bit short-tempered. But he'll be all right soon. I promise. Just give him some time."
"Anything we can do to help him?" Olsen asked.
"Just be patient with him. That's the only thing you can do for him. But I think I'll have a talk with him anyway." With a quick glance over his shoulder at the team, Wilson walked towards the small room and knocked on the door. He opened it when Hogan bid him enter. He found Hogan standing by the open window gazing out at the empty compound, sipping his coffee. He glanced over his shoulder when the door opened.
"I figured you'd be showing up, Joe," he said flatly. "What's up?"
"Colonel, you don't have to show up at roll call, y'know. You don't have to prove anything to anybody," the medic said, closing the door behind him and leaning against it with folded arms.
Hogan continued gazing out the window and drinking his coffee. "Maybe I have to prove something to myself." He paused for a moment as if he was thinking about what he wanted to say next. He glanced again over his shoulder. "I'm tired of being afraid. I'm tired of letting those bastards control my life. It's about time I took back my life again. Can you understand that?"
"Yes, I can. But you have to keep in mind these men in the other room are worried about you. With the exception of your unit, the others have been kept pretty much in the dark. I just think you're rushing things a bit. You don't have to appear at roll call. Medically speaking you still are recovering from pneumonia and are excused from roll call. You can relax in your quarters instead. Or did you forget?"
"And do what, Joe?" Hogan asked tersely. "Stare out the window? Or perhaps I should lay on my lower bunk and count the number of boards on the underside of the top bunk?" He massaged his forehead as he stared at the lower bunk. "I don't mean to yell. It's just…I can't explain it to you. Hell, I can't explain it to myself." Wilson slowly approached the window and put a hand on the Colonel's shoulder. He removed his hand when he felt Hogan flinch.
"Colonel, you have to give yourself time. You're still dealing with the rape."
"I know. And you're right. But I can't hide in my quarters forever. I have over one thousand men in this camp depending on me."
Wilson sighed. "Colonel, nobody's asking you to hide from the world. All I'm saying is that you don't have to rush things. The men will understand if you need to take more time."
Hogan let out a deep breath "There's another reason I need to get out of here, Joe. But I really don't want to discuss it. So I would appreciate it if you'd leave right now. I really need to be alone right now and think."
"Colonel…"
Hogan turned suddenly, and gave Wilson his 'no nonsense' look.
"Don't have me make that an order, Sergeant," he hissed. "Now, please go and leave me alone."
"Yes, sir," Wilson replied as he turned and exited the room, closing the door. He was met by LeBeau, Carter, Kinch and Newkirk. "Not here," he said. "Kinch, how much time before roll call?"
Kinch checked his watch. "About forty-five minutes."
"That should be enough. In the tunnels." He led the way to the double bunk followed by the others. Kinch glanced over his shoulder. "Olsen, watch the door. Let us know if Schultz heads this way."
"Right, Kinch." He watched the five men disappear below while still wondering secretly if his commander was truly all right.
Once below, Wilson had Kinch fasten the lock on the tunnel opening so nobody could come down. Satisfied they were alone, Wilson rubbed the back of his neck, worry etched on his face.
"Gentlemen, I think the Colonel's problem goes deeper than I first thought."
"What are you saying?" asked Newkirk. "Are you sayin' he's havin' a ruddy nervous breakdown?"
"No. But he will if he doesn't release all this pent-up anger he's burying. I think he's burying his emotions so he doesn't have to deal with them, and is holding himself together with chewing gum. Anything is liable to set him off. And I don't think he should be at roll call until he releases his anger. If he should unload on Klink or Schultz or one of the other guards there could be some embarrassing questions asked that we can't answer."
"What can we do?" asked a concerned Carter. "I mean, when we try to talk with him about what he's feeling, he shuts down."
"Carter is right. The Colonel won't discuss anything about what happened to him either in the woods or in his quarters. Even though he knows we know about both incidents."
Wilson let out a deep breath as he folded his arms. "I don't know what else to do to help him. Any ideas?" he asked hoping one of the men could come up with something."
Kinch sighed. "Maybe if I talked with him again."
The medic glanced at the radioman warily. "I don't know how much good it'll do, Kinch, but go ahead."
"I'll do it right now. But you'd better head back to your own barracks before roll call," Kinch replied as he headed in the direction of the ladder leading to the barracks.
Hogan didn't acknowledge the knocking on his door. He just continued to stare out the open window in his quarters with a blank expression. If he heard the door open he gave no indication.
"Colonel?" Kinch said as he closed the door quietly. "Can I speak with you, sir?"
Hogan sighed and looked over his shoulder. "Something I can do for you, Kinch?" he asked in a flat tone.
"Colonel, is everything all right?" he asked, concerned.
Hogan let out a deep breath and closed the window. Leaning against the window sill he wrapped his arms around himself. "I'm all right, Kinch. Really. No need to worry. I just need to be alone right now," murmured sadly.
"Colonel," Kinch approached Hogan and gently put a hand on his shoulder. "You know I understand what you went through better than anybody. I understand how you feel struggling internally with what happened to you in the woods while trying to keep it together in front of everybody else. It's gotta be tough."
"More than you'll ever know," Hogan replied with a faraway look in his eyes. "I don't even…" he let his voice trail off and bowed his head.
"You don't even what, sir?"
Hogan turned away from Kinch and opened the window again. He felt like he was suffocating. He needed to feel the early morning breeze on his face to have him feel he was able to breathe. "Nothing," he said. "Nothing at all. You'd better get ready for roll call, Kinch." He almost considered telling the radioman about his responding during the rape, but at the last minute decided not to. He just couldn't embarrass or humiliate himself further even though he was positive Kinch knew or at least suspected. But regardless, Hogan could just not allow himself to talk of it. But the pain he felt was fresh.
Kinch sighed knowing Hogan was dismissing him and he would get nothing else from him. "What about you, Colonel?" he asked. "Shall we say you're still recovering, or are you going to appear at roll call?" It was then that Kinch thought about whether or not he should tell Hogan about the plan Hans and Henrik had for taking him out of camp, but decided against it for now. The Colonel's psyche was fragile enough as it was and Kinch wasn't sure if he could handle knowing. So he decided for now to wait for awhile and play it by ear.
"No, I'll be there. I just need to think for awhile and pull myself together."
"Yes, sir." Kinch quietly left the small room leaving Hogan alone. The Colonel hung his head. He couldn't tell anybody he no longer felt safe even in his own quarters. Not since those guards appeared at Stalag 13. He was beginning to wonder if he would ever feel safe again, and the depression at that thought increased.
He was brought out of his melancholy by the loud voice of Sergeant Schultz in the outer room.
"Roll caaaaaaaaall! Raus, raus! All prisoners outside for roll call!" His eyes suddenly lit up when the door to Hogan's quarters opened and the Colonel walked out. A wide smile appeared on the obese guard's face. "Colonel Hogan, it is good to see you back on your feet again. I hope this means you will be joining us for roll call this morning? The Kommandant will be most pleased."
Hogan glanced at Schultz and forced a smile on his face. "Yes, Schultz. I will be attending roll call this morning." He sighed as he zipped his leather jacket partially up.
"Then everybody outside for roll caaaaaaaaaaaaall! Raus, everybody!" He stepped away from the door and waited outside as the prisoners slowly emerged from the barracks. Hogan held back to allow the majority of the prisoners to leave before he walked outside and stood in his familiar spot in the formation beside Newkirk and in front of Kinch. Even without looking he could feel the eyes of LeBeau, Kinch, Carter and Newkirk on him, watching him, ready to come to his aid if he should need it. He nervously clasped his hands behind his back.
Schultz began counting each prisoner, grinning when he came to Hogan. He never noticed Hogan chewing his lower lip in order to hold it together and get through roll call.
Kinch stepped forward. "You all right, Colonel?" he whispered.
"I'm hanging in there, Kinch," Hogan replied flatly. Kinch stepped back.
"Schuuuuuuultz! Repooooooooort!" boomed the voice of Colonel Klink as he approached from his office. Schultz saluted.
"Herr Kommandant, all prisoners present and accounted for."
"Excellent, Schultz." Klink's eyes then noticed Hogan. "Good to see you've joined us for roll call again, Colonel Hogan. I trust you've recovered from your illness?"
Hogan cleared his throat. "Not fully recovered, sir. But feeling much better."
"Glad to hear it, Hogan. Do you feel well enough to resume your duties as Senior POW officer? There is a work detail required and I need several of your men to repair one of the roads that was damaged during a bombing raid a few days ago."
Newkirk, Carter and LeBeau all exchanged concerned looks. Kinch, seeing Hogan about to respond, immediately stepped forward. "Kommandant, I regret to inform you that although Colonel Hogan has recovered sufficiently to attend roll call, Sergeant Wilson hasn't cleared him medically to resume his duties as Senior POW officer as of yet. You can check with him if you wish."
"I see. Hogan, is this true?" Klink asked.
Hogan turned and looked at Kinch, somewhat confused. He then turned back to Klink. "I'm not aware of Sergeant Wilson issuing any such restrictions on me, Kommandant. But apparently Sergeant Kinchloe is. So I guess until such time, he is still the Acting Senior POW."
"We can settle this very quickly. Schultz, dismiss your men, then go to barracks twelve and bring Sergeant Wilson to my office. Sergeant Kinchloe, you and Colonel Hogan will also come to my office. This way there will be no misunderstanding on anyone's part."
"Yes, sir," Hogan and Kinch said at the same time. Hogan glared at Kinch again over his shoulder. The radioman sensed the Colonel's anger.
"Jawohl, Herr Kommandant," Schultz replied with a salute.
Disss-missed." Klink said saluting before abruptly turning and marching back to the Kommandantur.
Schultz turned to the prisoners. "All prisoners, dismissed!" He then headed toward barracks twelve.
As Hogan and Kinch followed a short distance behind Klink, Kinch saw Hogan glance at him. "Sergeant, you better have a damn good explanation for this!" he hissed in a low voice.
"I do, sir. It's just… I just can't tell you what it is right now. But believe me when I say it's important that I remain Acting POW for now."
Newkirk, LeBeau and Carter watched Kinch and their commander follow Klink to his office. They were worried. The news about the work detail caught them by surprise. LeBeau folded his arms.
"What do you think?" he asked the others. "Think Wilson will back up Kinch?"
"He'd better," Carter replied. "'Cause if he doesn't and Colonel Hogan goes on that work detail, Hans and Henrik are gonna be waitin' for 'im."
"That's why Kinch wants to remain Acting Senior POW," Newkirk added. "We gotta keep the Gov'nor here in camp. Once we accomplish that, then comes the hard part."
"What hard part?" asked LeBeau looking at the Englander, curious.
"Confining the Colonel to the infirmary claiming he needs to be quarantined in case those two clowns come here instead."