CULLEN FAMILY: Esme and Carlisle. Rosalie and Emmett. Jasper and Victoria. Edward. Alice. Wensley and Jessica.
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.
Rated: T.
Author: xPaige Turnerx
Summary: COMPLETED AND WAITING TO POST. "Trust me, dating a vampire and having a wolf for a brother are the LEAST complicated aspects of my life. Every now and then my nose reenacts the elevator scene from The Shining, and I randomly wake up in the woods. Normal was shot to Hell a long time ago."
"At the center of your being
you have the answer;
you know who you are
you know what you want."
-Lao Tzu
Their sneakers scuffing against the tiles of the floor were the only noise around them at the mall. It was a mall, and it was the weekend, so it was busy and there were people everywhere, but even that noise seemed to fade away. Nothing breached the bubble of awkward, uncomfortable silence that surrounded them. Nothing but their shoes on the floor.
Bella snuck a glance up beside her, trying to subtly catch a look at her brother's face. It was set in a hard frown, eyebrows pinched together in thought, dark eyes studying the floor before them. His hands were in his pockets, arms no longer across his chest, so at least he was open again. Not as closed off. That was a good sign.
She sighed and looked back across the mall, eyes skating along each sign to the store they passed.
This time it was Jacob whose gaze flicked down to his brother, attention caught by the frustrated sigh. Her eyes, as always, were hidden away, but he had spent enough years learning to read her. By now, he was a natural. From the way her bottom lip was slightly swollen, Bella often chewed on it when she was anxious. Her fingers were twitchy, swapping from tugging at the hem of her shirt, to tapping patterns on her thighs. Even her shoulders were raised slightly, her defences on the precipice of rising, ready to defend herself at a moment's notice.
"I was thinking maybe a new knife," Jake said suddenly, stopping in the middle of the hall. He looked back over his shoulder, trying to remember which end of the mall a particular store was at, and scratched the top of his head. "My dad's is dull, no matter how often he sharpens it, and I know he's planning a big bonfire next month."
Bella chuckled, walking to the big window display of the jewellery store they were in front of. She leaned her shoulder against the glass and absently looked inside. "And we all know it's not a proper bonfire until Billy carves the first log."
"It's tradition!" Jake grinned, coming to stand next to her. He eyed the expensive looking jewellery inside. "It's also good luck. Have you ever witnessed a bonfire end in any way other than spectacularly?"
She seemed to consider this and shrugged her shoulders. "I guess not. Actually, last time I went down there for some fishing gear with Charlie, they'd gotten in these cool looking rods. I think Billy and Charlie will love them."
"Hah! I knew I brought you along for a reason. Two people down and Christmas is still a month away."
Finally, Bella looked away from the window, levelling a skeptical look at the giant boy. "I can't tell if you honestly think this is good time management. We should be done by now, not just starting."
Huffing, Jake crossed his arms over his chest. "Well I've only got three people to buy for, so... technically I am almost done. Besides, I already know what I'm getting you, I just have to go sometime when we're not hanging out."
"You don't have to get me anything, Jake," Bella said with a roll of her eyes that was lost on the boy. "Or your present could be telling me what to get you because I don't know!"
"You wound me!" he gasped, clutching his heart and staggering backwards into a group of people walking by. "Oh, sorry. Here, let me just, sorry, here." Sheepishly, he picked up one of the bags he trampled and handed it back to the man, all before dramatically collapsing back against the wall and sliding down to the floor. "Here I thought my brother knew me better than anyone else in the world!"
Unable to smother her snicker, Bella strolled over and slid down the wall next to him. The two ignored the curious looks sent their way and leaned against each other. "That was one of the more ridiculous things I've seen recently, so thank you for that. I'm pretty sure you crushed that man's wife's Christmas present, too, so way to go."
"His fault for just dropping it like that. What if I was a thief? I'd be halfway out of the mall with that bag and he'd still be standing here. I bet you he's got a vice grip on that bag now."
"So he should be thanking you?"
"Exactly!" he laughed, large chest shaking. "Anyway, you wanna talk about dramatics? That was me mocking you and your little show you put on there. Like I didn't see that giant box all wrapped up with my name on it, under your bed."
Bella gasped, jolting up to look at him. She whacked her hand against his shoulder, grabbing his arm when he tried to defend himself, and shook him. "You saw that? What were you doing in my room, you little dweeb?! That was supposed to be a surprise!"
"I didn't peek, I swear! I didn't even shake it!" he chortled, trying to gently pry his arm from her grip. "Bella, I promise! I don't know what you got me, I can't even guess. It was the most non-descript box I've ever seen."
"It better be! I searched for months for it, you little... ugh, Jake. It's the perfect gift and if you ruin it..." she warned, getting up to her feet.
He got up, holding up his hands with a wide grin. "I won't, I won't. I won't even mention it until Christmas, okay? We'll pretend this conversation never happened and just go get those gifts for our dads."
Scrutinizing him, Bella slid her hands onto her hips and hummed. Finally, she looked away, after he squirmed in place, and walked back over to the window. "Okay, but first come take a look at this. Alice wears chokers a lot, and this one has a violet pendant on it. Do you think she would like it? I could even engrave something on the pendant."
"I guess?" Jake said with the least amount of enthusiasm he could scrounge up. He pressed his forehead against the glass and looked to where Bella was pointing. It was pretty enough, a silk black ribbon with a silver clasp and a violet pendant on the front. "What would you carve into it?"
Again, Bella hummed under her breath. She traced her fingertips along the glass in the design, trying to imagine it in her mind. "A violet. The flower, I mean."
"Why? It's already that colour. Why not, like, her name or that crest they're always wearing?"
A blush worked its way up her neck, the tips of her ears singed red. "The violet means something."
"Means what?"
She side-glanced up at the boy and bit her lip. "I'm not sure you want to hear it. I know how squeamish you get whenever I bring up my affections for Alice, but I just... I want to get her something but I also want it to show her, you know, what she is to me. That I don't just see her as a friend. But I... I'm not so good with the words, you know? I mean, I'm not so good with the physical aspect either."
Bella paused, a devious smirk latching onto her face. "Well. I'm not bad, really, in fact, I've been told I'm quite good at certain things, but she's the one with the most experience. Not that that's a bad thing, I don't mind, I guess, it kinda sits like acid in my stomach when I think about her with people before me, but, hah, that's not. That's normal. Right? I should feel sick thinking of her touching other people or them touching her – fuck – now I'm mad. They touched her and I can't even tell her that I – what, what am I doing? I need help, Jake."
"Bells," he sighed out in exasperation, hands on his hips. His face was twisted up with something akin to disgust but was closer to frustration. Annoyance even. "I don't know."
She pouted, a whine sounding in the back of her throat while she shifted from foot to foot in front of him. "Come on, Jake. I can't do this by myself! You're supposed to be my wingman!"
"I don't," he crossed his arms over his chest again and scowled at the window, "I don't wanna. I don't want to think about you with that thing."
Her heart dropped into her sneakers but she kept her face impressively aggressive, refusing to reflect the hurt inside. "Well too bad, because I want to be with that thing. Get used to it."
"I'm trying."
"Try harder!"
He scoffed, shuffling back a few steps and rolled his eyes. "Look, just buy the stupid necklace thing. Whatever. It's pretty, flowers are pretty, you're both going to be pretty together. Happy?"
"No!" she snapped, stomping her foot. Well. She hadn't done that since she was seven years old, but apparently, this was a stomp your foot issue. "You are my brother. You are my best friend. You are my confidante, my sounding board, my safe place. You are my home, Jacob, and I need to feel safe and happy and secure in my home. I need to feel like I can be myself and be accepted and be supported in my home. I know that's selfish of me, expecting that from you, demanding that from you, in this situation, but it's where we are. It's what I'm doing. You don't have to like the Cullens, you don't have to pretend not to hate them, but you do have to make an effort with Alice. She's off limits, you can't... you have to treat her like a regular person because I need advice and support as if she were."
Her voice was high and fast, trembling and choppy. Jake could see her struggling to keep her composure, and took a few quick strides over to her. He clamped his large hands down on her shoulders, ducking to look at her face. "Hey, it's okay. I'm sorry. I... I'll do better, okay? I'll try harder. It's just, it's so much more difficult than I thought it was going to be, and I got lazy. Thought I could skirt around the edges and you wouldn't notice, wouldn't bring her up this often. You never talk about people this much, and I – that's no excuse. Okay. I'm going to be better, starting now. Just... it is hard for me, remember that."
"That's disgusting, I'm your brother," she joked weakly.
The boy snorted, a tired but ultimately amused sigh heaving his shoulders. "Bella..."
"Okay." Bella nodded, staring down at her shoes as she blinked away the sting in her eyes. She sniffed once, ignoring her embarrassment, and nodded again. A lightbulb went off and she looked up quickly. "Okay, here. It's not a Cullen."
Jake's head tilted to the side. "Eh?"
"Alice. She's not a Cullen," she said earnestly. "She's just this girl, just this regular human girl, with a regular human family. Met her at school in Phoenix. There are no vampires. She's just this blue eyed, blonde haired girl, like-like from fucking Wonderland or some shit, got that? Keep it in your mind. I was new at school and I didn't have many friends yet, I'm always so hesitant to let people in, you know. I keep them away, in case they see my eyes."
"Bella."
Ignoring him, she continued and started pacing back and forth. "But she just... she didn't care that I always wear these shades. She didn't get offended by my sarcasm and jokes. She laughed. She thinks I'm funny and cute and charming." A smile curled at the corner of her lips, involuntary and genuine, the likes Jake wasn't used to seeing meant for other people. "I like making her laugh, seeing her face light up, listening to the music she makes when I tell a dumb joke. She's thoughtful and kind and so genuinely nice to me, cares about me. And when I look at her, when I meet her eyes, my heart just... freaks the fuck out, has a seizure in my chest."
"And I'm happy for you, Bells, I am, but I-"
"I'm scared though. I've never felt like this before, never. I just don't know what to do, Jake, because what if it all falls apart? What if she stops thinking I'm funny and cute and charming? What if she starts getting offended by my jokes? Or worse. What if she starts laughing at someone else's jokes? Starts looking at someone else. Because I'm not enough. Because I can't... what if I lose her before I even have her all because I'm scared?"
He frowned deeply, stepping into her path to block her pacing. "Bella. Look at me." He waited until she did and gave her a serious look. "I'm not good at the whole matters of the heart thing, I'm destined to Imprint on my one and that's that. I don't know how it works for people like you or her."
"I know, I just-"
Jake held up one finger. "But – hey – but listen. There are some universal truths and rules that apply all across different species. If you... if you like this girl, this human girl from Phoenix with a human family that are definitely not vampires, then tell her. Remember what your mom used to say? You can learn to live with regrets but the what ifs will always haunt you. So you give it your all, you give it your best, and in the end, if it all falls apart, you know you did everything you could. You know you fought and that's what matters. And you know I will be there to pick up the pieces of your life. So stop getting defensive, take a chance, and tell her how you feel. Because even I thought it was kinda shitty that you denied being girlfriends so emphatically."
Bella's eyes widened, her heart jumping up into her throat. "I panicked!"
He snorted. "Well I know that but she doesn't understand that. All she knows is you denied it pretty quick. So stop being a bastard and tell her that your heart soars or whatever cheesy shit you just said."
"I said seizure but-"
"Bella."
"No, yeah, I get your point, details aren't important," she agreed with furrowed brows. "Okay, well... alright then. So. I'm going to go buy that pendant and then we can go to the hunting store."
.
.
.
It was weird.
Life was unpredictable, unless you were a certain little Cullen, it was wild and chaotic and just plain weird sometimes, he knew this. He knew this quite well, he'd lived for so very long, obviously, he was going to notice a pattern. But this?
This was weird.
Jasper's dark amber eyes tracked her movement, clumsy and uncertain as she stumbled through the woods in her sleep. He wasn't even sure how she kept getting out but she did. Every couple of nights one member of the family, whoever's turn it was to watch, would come home just exasperated. Nobody knew how she did it, how she got out without their knowing, but she did.
Naturally, he assumed it was their own fault. Whether they got distracted, were lured into a lazy effort by the lack of anything happening since the shirts, or because they weren't truly interested in protecting her. The last one mainly aimed at Rosalie and Wensley, though more so Wensley these days. She could hide it all she wanted, but Jasper could feel the effect Bella had on his blonde sister.
So colour Jasper surprised when, on his night, under his watch, he looked up from his perch in the tree. Glanced towards the woods across the street and the familiar heartbeat within, and then back to the window before him. The bedroom was silent and he gasped, falling out of the tree to tear off into the woods.
And now here he was, following at a safe distance, watching this curious girl stumble around the woods. When asked, the others explained that after discovering her in the woods, they would usually scoop her up and carry her back to bed. She was none the wiser in the morning, and waking a sleepwalker was, apparently, a big no-no. He couldn't remember why, just that Carlisle said it was dangerous.
He knew he should take her back to her room. That was the right thing to do, that's what was expected. That's what Alice trusted him to do. Of course he would.
Just... just in a minute.
Curiosity was a very dangerous thing, indeed. He was well aware of that. A temptress few could resist, able to lead you to your demise with one teeny, tiny, simple word.
Why?
Everyone was borderline obsessed with figuring out just what their delightful little Bella was. Truth be told, he was too, of course. He eagerly wanted to know, just like the rest of them.
However, there was one question, asked some time ago now, that he was still waiting for an answer to. That his anticipation of the answer had been building and building and now he was desperate to figure it out, to know why, when all the others had simply let it go.
Everyone but Alice, he knew. He could feel her anxiety, her fear, her own desperation, frustration, anger, and resentment of it.
This question ate at both of them, and maybe that's why he lingered, why he didn't scoop Bella up right away. Why he followed her through the woods, to a small, small clearing that held a grassy hill in the middle. Why he watched Bella lay back in the grass, her glasses reflecting the enormous trees reaching towards the sky. Why he stood close by, watching with rapt attention as her entire body relaxed and she sighed out in something akin to resignation and... something else, something jittery he couldn't feel feel, but could feel.
"Why do you go into the woods, Bella?"
His voice was soft, gentle, breaking the silence that had saturated the forest. He ever so slowly approached, walking up the hill to kneel down next to the girl. Sound asleep, he didn't expect an answer. Foolish, considering that, sound asleep, she strolled through the woods.
"This is where they find me."
Her voice was familiar; distant, dull and yet full of something so sharp and bright it demanded attention, murmured like an afterthought. Alice's took on this quality whenever questioned in a vision.
Jasper frowned deeply, her answer only giving him more questions. "Who are they? Why here? What do they want with you?"
"This is where they find me."
He huffed, leaning back on his heels, and looked up at the sky. Clouds, dark and ominous. "Helpful. Though, I suppose, even if you were conscious you wouldn't know the answers to those questions. How are you to know who they are or where their intentions lie?"
"This is where they find me."
She kept saying it, with the same inflexions, the same tone, the same pace. Repetition was, admittedly, an annoyance of his, but he was accustomed to it-
His head tilted to the side.
He was accustomed to it. With Alice. She'd mentioned it once, many years ago, that while it was uncommon to get the same vision twice, exactly the same, it happened. The universe trying to point out something important, something she needed to see, needed to know, she often said.
"This is important," Jasper murmured, getting to his feet. He looked around the clearing with a more critical eye, taking in each and every tree, every branch, every blade of grass beneath his feet. Nothing spectacular, and he didn't really know what he was supposed to be looking for. "Why is this important, Bella?"
"This is where they find me."
Jasper groaned, hand running through golden curls. "I know! You keep saying that! I get it, I'm missing something important." His golden eyes scanned again, more thorough; noticing every crack in the bark, every pebble in the light snow, every weed sticking up through the white blanket. "Why here? What is this place, what's the significance? Why is it important, Bella?"
"This is where they find-"
"I know," he roared, both hands in his hair. He was missing something, what was he missing? What were they all missing? Why were there vampires stalking her, why was she different, why did Alice fall for this girl, what were they all missing? "I know this is where they find you. This is where they find you. This is where they find you, Bella. I know. But why? Why do they find you? I don't know, you don't know, only they know. You just know this is where they find... you..."
The gears in Jasper's mind shifted as he switched trains of thought, following down a different path. He slowly turned back to the girl shivering on the hill, one hand clutching her abdomen while the other tore at the grass beneath her. And suddenly a new question hit him, like someone dumped a bucket of ice water on him, like he walked into a wall. A new and, quite possibly, much more important question he should have asked from the start. One that Bella, in this state, probably knew the answer to.
"Bella," he called gently, heart in his throat. "How do they find you?"
Though she did answer his question, it was not in the way he expected and had him scooping her up and dashing back through the trees as fast as he could. Racing towards the Cullen mansion like the Hounds of Hell themselves were chasing them.
"This is where I die."
.
.
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Who ordered more plot? Boom. Y'all are lovely and deserve all the best things in life.
peace
Paige