They hadn't spoken about it for 2 days. Collectively, they'd been busy and in and out of the flat, they hadn't had time. It was the first time they'd just sat quietly together and relaxed since Dan's overdose. He was still shaking, not as much as before, but enough for it to impact him, he had to clench his teeth just to avoid chattering. Phil handed Dan a shallow cup of tea and slouched back down onto the couch beside his friend. Dan relaxed his jaw and the sound of his teeth chattering began once more, Phil started laughing.
"Sorry! You can't laugh every time I start chattering again!" Dan whined with a smile, "It's not funny!"
"It is funny," Phil chuckled, "Sorry, you're doing really well, really,"
"How much longer will I have to deal with this?"
"If it remains this amusing, then I really want it to last forever," Phil laughed again, watching Dan struggle to put his tea down without spilling it.
"I'm really proud of you for coming out to PJ and Chris," Dan diverted,
"I'm really proud of you for telling them about everything too, you just kept going, you were so brave,"
"I rehearsed while you guys were in the other room," he admitted, smiling, "but I feel okay now. I promise to take my medication and stay on it, once the overdose is out of my system at least,"
"You seemed so much better when you were taking it, if you want to put it in the kitchen it'll be easier for us to remember it?" Phil suggested, sipping his own drink now that it had cooled a little,
"I felt better. Yeah, that's a good idea. Can I ask you something?" Dan sounded a little worried, almost scared to ask,
"Of course!"
"Why am I shaking? I don't understand it, and the other thing I don't understand is how relaxed and knowledgeable you are about this..?" Dan queried, Phil shuffled a little in his seat and looked up at him with guilty eyes.

"Phil, answer me." Dan demanded, noticing Phil's facial expression,
"When I was 22 I tried to kill myself. I overdosed on the same thing, just a little more," he began, choking up a little, "they explained everything to me. The shaking is just withdrawal symptoms." Dan fell completely silent.
"Do you… do you still think about, I mean, doing something… again?" he finally spat out, completely unknowing of how to handle the situation, suddenly everything Phil had done for him seemed so much bigger and somehow it was all even more impressive.
"No. Occasionally the thought crosses my mind, but I'm able to push it back and it's not a problem anymore. You don't have to worry about it, I don't," he adjusted his hair and smiled to Dan, though his eyes were filled with guilt,
"I'm sorry for everything…" Dan slid himself over and buried himself into Phil's chest, listening to his heart and the steady rhythm of his breathing. Phil could feel the subtle shaking of Dan's body and he put his arm around the boy and closed his eyes.

I fucking love you, Dan.
The words echoed through Dan's mind, over and over. Phil loved him. There was something so wonderful about being loved by someone he cared about too. He'd said it weeks ago and hadn't said it again since, and yet it still resonated throughout his head so frequently. It made him want to hug him, to latch on and cuddle him until they both fell asleep. They were a comfort to each other, a comfort they both needed and Dan knew that very well. He wanted Phil to love him. He didn't know why, but he knew that if Phil stopped loving him, he would feel so empty. Emptier than he did when he hurt himself. He was also an inspiration to Dan, he always had been, but now he knew that Phil had tried to commit suicide and had since moved on gave him hope that he could do the same too. He wanted spend some time with Phil, it was almost 12pm and Dan still hadn't left his room yet, he opened the door and walked through to the lounge room, stopping before entering upon hearing Phil talking to someone on the phone,
"Okay, I'll see you then," he laughed quietly, "love you too," he giggled a little this time. Dan rounded the corner as Phil hung up,
"Can we watch a movie tonight? I think it'll be nice to just chill," Dan asked,
"Uh, I'm a bit busy tonight… How about tomorrow night?" Phil smiled at his friend,
"That's good too," Dan replied, purposefully retaining eye contact before twitching a quick smile and turning toward the bathroom, taking his shirt off and beginning to unbutton his jeans before he left the room, intending for Phil to stare at him without letting on that it was deliberate. Phil stared. He enjoyed the view of Dan's skin, slightly darker than his own; Dan's hips were his weakness. If he wasn't careful, he'd find himself aroused and awkwardly have to wait until his body had calmed down before joining Dan in the apartment again. He distracted himself by scrolling through Twitter and the urgency to grab Dan where he stood soon deflated. Thank god.

"OKAY, DAN, I'M OFF!" Phil shouted through the flat as he exited and headed down to his taxi. He hopped in and they drove through the light rain, Phil admired the small rays of sunlight that managed to break through the clouds before the sun set entirely. It was beautiful. He had deliberately not told Dan where he was going or what he was doing that night, just in case things didn't go to plan. He was so nervous, but so excited. If things went well, he would tell Dan everything, if not, he would put it off entirely until Dan would eventually hound him about it. The cab stopped and Phil thanked the driver and paid his toll before stepping out onto the footpath and letting his eyes adjust to the change in lighting. He checked his phone and adjusted his hair before walking into the restaurant. He glanced around and looked for his date, and then he saw her, he walked over and sat across from her with a large smile on his face,
"Mum!"
"Phil! How are you?" She asked excitable, her eyes sparkling with pure joy just from seeing her son again,
"I'm really good, mum. How are you?" he smiled, hiding his anxiety about why he had asked to see her. He was worried, but he knew that she loved him, he knew that even if she didn't accept him, she would still love him. After a little conversation he gathered the nerve he needed and told her,
"Mum, it's nothing serious like that, I'm not sick!" he laughed, she had mistaken his concerned tone for illness or something of the sort, "I'm gay."