A/N: So, here we are again... THANK YOU to all of you who have put this on alert/faves! THANK YOU to those of you who constantly review! Mezz, you rock my world with every theory! :)
To This Guilty Blood over at the Facebook FFA- I can't not thank you enough for making this story the first in what I'm sure will be a long line of amazing company on the FFA Blog's Monthly Spotlight! I am still over the moon excited you chose Home for the inaugural fic! For anyone who doesn't read this blog, I've put a link on my profile! You should totally check it out! :)
Claire Bloom, babe, you are AMAZING! Thank you for your constant hand holding and guidance! I'm the luckiest author in the world to have you! xoxo
As always...Stephenie Meyer owns ALL things Twilight! I make nothing, I claim nothing. I'm just a girl who likes to play dress up! Thank you, SM, for allowing us to play in your toy box! :)
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CHAPTER FOURTEEN- Bodyguards
"...this is a delicate unravelling..."
Latest Mistake, Mandy Moore
Edward
Two days.
Forty-eight hours.
They seemed to last longer than the past five years.
For two days, Bella followed Alice around the house, catering to her every whim. If Alice wanted to go somewhere, Bella took her. If she needed anything, Bella retrieved it for her. No one else was allowed near either of them. They were like some kind of fucked up conjoined twins.
Not that I could talk, Emmett was stuck to me like a rock star's groupie. He was around every corner, watching my every move. If it seemed I was even considering opening my mouth to speak in Bella's presence, he'd punch me. Of course, being in Bella's presence wasn't a common occurrence. When I walked into a room, she would immediately exit. If she walked in, and I was already there, she would turn on her heel. I had tried, countless times, to get a read on her. I only wanted to know if the entirety of her anger was real, or if she were just punishing me in some way. Part of me hoped it was the latter, for if it was flippant vengeance she sought, perhaps I hadn't completely destroyed her after all. However, another part of me, the part that loved her just as much as the day I'd left her, wished for her fury to be as real as the ache residing in my chest. If it were the case, if her outrage was as raw and fervent as it seemed, she must, in some way still love me.
That singular hope is what kept me in the house.
If she still had feelings for me, after all this time, whatever they were, maybe there was a chance for me...for us.
Alas, Bella's mind was as closed to me as the day I'd met her. I had to settle for what little I could overhear of her conversations with the others. And she wasn't giving much away. The only stories she told were of grand adventures - places she'd traveled, sights she'd seen. With each retelling of how wonderful and beautiful, and awe-inspiring Europe had been, I felt sick knowing I had not been there to experience it with her. When she told Emmett about taking out her first grizzly, I felt guilty for taking away his chance to watch her do it. Bella even talked with Rosalie, going on for hours about shopping in Milan. While that wasn't an adventure I particularly wished I had been on, it was the way she talked with my sister about it that tugged at my heart.
Bella had changed, in more than the obvious ways. No longer shy and reserved, this Bella had conquered the world all on her own. She left out, however, any mention of exactly when or how she had come to be like us. I got the feeling she had given away some inkling to Jasper and Alice, as they kept any conversation flowing so she didn't have to talk about it.
Alice wasn't getting any better, though she wasn't getting any worse either. Carlisle had exhausted every available outlet, trying to figure out what was going on, but had come up empty handed. He decided the next best course of action was a sit-down with the wolves. So far, Bella had called Jacob Black eight times, but for some reason, he wasn't answering.
I overheard her venting her frustration to Carlisle in his study. "I don't understand," she said. She was pacing the floor, gripping her phone in one hand and twisting her hair with the other. "I've left him voice mails, text messages...,"
Seeing Bella so passionate about helping Alice warmed my cold heart in a way it hadn't been in five years. Just being in her presence, in spite of the fact she was ignoring me, was bringing about feelings I had long believed I would never have again. I couldn't get over how incredible she looked as a vampire. To say she was beautiful would have been the understatement of a lifetime. She was exquisite - magnificently graceful and utterly beguiling. Her eyes, though no longer the deep brown I remembered, shone with a golden shrewdness emanating straight from the depths of her heart. I could hardly believe I hadn't wanted this life for her. It seemed to suit her better than I could ever have imagined.
"Surely Jacob has a life outside of his tribal duties," Carlisle said. "And, he has no idea we are here. I'm sure he'll return your call soon enough."
"It just isn't like him," Bella countered. "I know I don't remember much about my human life, but I remember Jacob, and he never ignored me. He was always there for me when I needed him, always ready to help, always. From the night they found me in the woods...," she paused and took a deep breath. "Jacob saved me, Carlisle, when...,"
"When we left you," he finished for her.
"Yes," she sighed. "He picked me up, helped me put the pieces of my life back together. I never would have made it through without him. He was...everything to me."
My insides felt like they were dissolving into flames as I thought about Jacob Black helping Bella through my absence. My hands involuntarily balled into fists, and I fought the urge to growl, through clenched teeth. I hadn't known Jacob very well, but I hadn't needed my gift to know how he felt about Bella. The very idea she could have somehow reciprocated his feelings made me sick to my stomach. I couldn't listen to her wax poetically about how important Jacob was to her. Thankfully, Carlisle took the conversation to a different place.
"You seem to have retained some clear memories," he noted.
Bella was quiet for a moment before she answered. "I have," she said quietly. "I don't understand it, but the clearest memories I have are all of Jacob...or Edward. I'm beginning to think it's because of the insane amount of human emotions I seemed to have retained, as well."
...or Edward?
Knowing she had clear human memories of me gave me some solace. I could only hope not all of them were of the time after I had left her.
"Insane amount of human emotions?" Carlisle questioned.
"Yeah," she said. "It's kind of like your compassion, or Esme's maternal way, I suppose. I feel things, just like when I was human. It isn't like what Jasper can do; I don't read the emotional temperature of others or anything. It's just within me. I get upset, anxious, embarrassed. When Alice left to head home, before she was attacked, I collapsed on the ground again. I was completely, physically paralyzed, Carlisle. The loss engulfed me, just like...last time."
"You only mention the unpleasant emotions, Bella," Carlisle said curiously. "Do you not also feel happier sentiments to the same extent?"
Bella shrugged her shoulders. "I don't guess there's been much occasion for those," she said.
Hearing Bella speak so openly with my father, bought my own unpleasant emotions to the forefront. How I wished she would talk to me, or at least listen, so I could explain my atrocious behavior. If she would only give me a chance to make my case, attempt to justify my actions, perhaps...
Emmett walked up behind me, slapping me loudly on the back of the head and saying, "Eavesdropping now, Eddie?"
Bella turned from where she was standing in the doorway of Carlisle's study and glared at me. "I thought I made it clear you were to stay away from me," she snapped.
"I'm sorry, Bella, I just...," I tried to speak, but was once again interrupted by a punch to the shoulder from Emmett. I wheeled around and connected my fist with his jaw before he could stop me. "God damn it, Emmett!" I shouted. "Will you knock it off?"
"Hey," he laughed, rubbing at his face, "I have orders."
I turned around to try and talk to Bella again, but she was gone. "Where did she go?" I asked Carlisle.
"Edward," he said, in a fatherly tone I was in no mood for.
"This is ridiculous," I said. "She can't ignore me forever."
"Oh, but I think she's having fun trying," Emmett laughed.
"This isn't funny," I snapped. "Can't any of you convince her to at least listen to what I have to say?"
"I'm afraid that will have to be up to Bella," Carlisle said. "She came here to say goodbye to her father, Edward. She wasn't expecting all of this. Bella has had five years to ponder the things you told her. She believed them then, and she still believes them today."
I couldn't argue with Carlisle, he had a point. Whereas I had spent five years knowing the truth, Bella had spent them believing in the lie. I was suddenly afraid too much time may have passed. If she recalled me, and our time together, with the clarity she claimed, the damage may be beyond repair. I walked downstairs to find Alice sitting cross-legged on the sofa, tapping her fingers on the armrest.
"Alice," I said as I walked through the living room.
"Not so fast," she said, hearing rather than seeing me go for the front door.
"What do you want?" I asked.
"Sit down, brother," she commanded in a way only Alice could, "we need to talk."
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Bella
Edward had been lurking about for two days. Every time I turned around, there he was, staring at me with that confused look on his face.
As juvenile as it sounded, part of me wanted to turn around and scream, "Take a picture!"
Alice stuck to me, and I to her, so I was never caught off guard by him. Thankfully, no one asked me any direct questions concerning my transformation. I talked with them about the places I'd visited and the sights I'd seen, careful to avoid any topic that wasn't completely superficial. Someone, and by someone I'm pretty sure I mean Alice, had directed Emmett to punch Edward any time he attempted to speak when I was around. I admit, it was amusing, but there were times I found myself wondering what he wanted to say. The only thing I cared to hear from him was why he always stared at me like I was a mutant. I realized the new me probably took some getting used to, but, God, he just wouldn't quit staring, with that confused expression in his eyes. Sometime in the night, after our confrontation in Carlisle's office, I must have muttered my sentiments aloud because Rosalie laughed lightly behind me.
"What?" I asked, turning to see her standing in the stairwell.
"Nothing," she said. "I just think it funny, that's all." Rosalie walked to stand beside me at the window.
"Funny?" I asked, not so amused. "You find it comical the way he's always studying me like I'm a puzzle? Forgive me if I fail to see the humor, Rose." I wasn't really mad at her, just annoyed at the whole thing.
"No," she said, sighing and gently bumping my shoulder with hers, "that's not what's funny. What's funny is how crazy it makes him that you're still silent to him." Rosalie tapped at her temple, smiling.
"Wha- oh!" I said, realization dawning on me. "He still can't read my mind?" I asked, bending towards her and whispering as though it were a secret and no one would be able to hear me.
"Nope," she said, "and it's got him so wound up, he's about to lose it." She shook her head, laughing again.
"It's probably for the best anyway," I said, pulling at a stray thread which had come loose on the curtains in front of me. "I doubt he'd be all that interested in knowing what I'm thinking when it comes to him."
"Oh, please," I heard Emmett say as he came in from the kitchen, "he'd give his left nut to get inside your head right now!"
"Emmett McCarty Cullen!" Esme called from the living room. "Language!"
"Sorry, Mom," Emmett apologized, winking at me and placing his arms around Rosalie's waist. "But seriously, Bella, you might want to have a little pity on the rest of us and put him out of his misery," he laughed. "I'm getting a little bored punching him every five seconds."
"I'm sorry, Em," I said honestly, patting his shoulder. "God, what have you got in there?" I laughed, playfully slapping his bicep and grinning at the small ping that sounded as my hand made contact.
"What can I say?" Emmett smiled, showing off his picture perfect teeth and dimples, "I was packing some serious heat when that grizzly almost got the better of me."
My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I knew who would be on the line; he was the only person besides Alice who had the number.
"Jacob," I answered, "where the hell have you been?"
"Geez, Bells," Jacob said, "hello to you, too."
"Sorry," I said, "but I've called eight times and sent you a dozen text messages." I smiled politely to Emmett and Rosalie before stepping away and slipping through the front door. "I was starting to worry," I admitted quietly.
"Everything is fine," Jacob said, "I was just out of range for a little while. What's going on? You sounded really upset in your messages."
"It's a couple of things, actually," I said. I was pacing on the front porch, nervous about what his reaction would be to what I had to say. "First, you need to know the Cullens are all in Forks now," I paused, waiting for him to process the information. Not unexpectedly, Jacob's response was less than welcoming.
"When you say 'the Cullens'...," he asked, and I could hear the anger rise in his voice.
"I mean all seven of them," I replied cautiously.
Jacob may have been the one to tell me I should go with Alice, but his feelings towards Edward had never risen above minimum tolerance. Knowing he was back, and in the same place as I, wasn't going to sit well with Jacob. He took several deep breaths, and I listened through the phone as his heart rate quickened, then slowed again.
"What else?" he asked.
"Alice," I said, "she's not getting better. I called Carlisle, and he brought Jasper. The others, well, they showed up later. But that's really not the point. Carlisle would like to set up a meeting with the pack. He needs to know if anything like this has ever happened before. I was hoping you'd help me-"
"You mean help them," Jacob cut me off.
Another memory, brought on by the way he practically spit the word them, chose that moment to crash into my consciousness.
Jacob and I at the movie theater...
"I know what he did to you, Bella. And I promise, I will never hurt you like that."
The two of us on the beach at La Push...
"I have to go, Jake. I have to at least try."
"He doesn't want you, Bella. He doesn't deserve you. I love you. I can make you happy. Why can't you see that?"
I blinked and was back to reality, to Jacob calling my name.
"Did you hear anything I just said?" He was annoyed, and rightly so, I hadn't been listening.
"Look, Jacob," I said. I may not have heard him but still had a pretty good idea what he said. "I know this must open some old grudge for you, believe me. But Alice is my friend, and she's in trouble. All I'm asking is for you to help me help her. Forget about Edward, forget the past. Do this for me. Please, Jake."
Jacob was so quiet I could almost hear the synapses in his brain as he worked out his decision. I hoped my plea to our friendship carried the weight I'd intended.
Finally, he spoke, "I'm only doing this for you. And the only way it happens is if it's just you and the Doc, no one else."
"Fine," I agreed.
"I'll call you back," he said, hanging up before I could say thank you.
"I should be there," Edward's voice rang out from behind me.
"Don't you intercept enough private information without resorting to eavesdropping?" I asked sarcastically, not bothering to turn around.
"Not when it comes to you," he muttered quietly. "And like it or not, Carlisle will agree with me, Bella. My gift could prove quite useful."
"Well, like it or not, Edward," I retorted, rounding on him, "I'm in control of this meeting, not you."
"The wolves can't be trusted," he said, standing in the open doorway, arms crossed, "and we need to be sure what they tell us is the truth."
Damn him and his stupid internal lie detector.
"It doesn't matter," I snarled. "Jacob said me and Carlisle only. Besides, I'll know if he's lying to me."
"How can you be so certain?" he asked, suddenly seeming less volatile, yet more on edge. He relaxed his arms across his chest and looked at me as though he were waiting for me to have an epiphany.
"Because I know Jacob," I said hotly, "and I know he'll tell me the truth. He may not care for your family, and he may be engineered to hate vampires, but he'll do this for me because it's what I need him to do."
"It's been a long time, Bella," he quipped. "How can you be sure he's the same as you recall? Are you honestly willing to put Alice's well-being on the line here?"
Anger at his accusation flowed through me, and I hissed, "Alice's well-being is my main priority, Edward! You are not going to the meeting, and that...is...final!"
Edward backed away, slowly, and sighed, "Whatever you want, Bella."
I was stunned. Edward Cullen backing down from an argument was nothing I had ever witnessed. I doubted if it had ever happened at all.
"What?" I whispered, unable to find my voice and now the one staring in utter confusion.
"You're right," he said. "Jacob won't allow it if I'm there. Perhaps he would agree to Jasper's presence, though. His gift might be equally as useful as mine."
"Perhaps," I said. My insides were coiled in light of his sudden change of heart. What was his deal? Was he placating me to try and get back in my good graces, or did he truly see my point? "I need to find Carlisle," I said.
"He's still in his study," Edward replied, stepping aside to let me pass.
"Thank you," I mumbled. As I started up the stairs, Edward stopped me with a light touch to my arm. I froze; a familiar, warm, electric current running through my body and leaving me immobilized. It was the first time, aside from when I'd punched him, we had touched. It was also the first time his skin didn't feel different from mine. Part of me wanted to revel in our equality, to just...feel him.
"You know, Bella, even those whom we believe we know best, lie sometimes," he said quietly. He placed the slightest pressure on my arm before releasing me altogether. My skin felt quite cold again, and I fought back the urge to reach out to him, to feel him once more.
I stared at him, not understanding. He looked up at me with only his eyes, and for the thousandth time I wished I could read his mind.
He shrugged his shoulders and smiled weakly, "Just something to consider."
I nodded once, turning in search of Carlisle. I found him, as Edward had said, in his study.
"I suppose you heard that," I said by way of greeting.
Carlisle smiled, "Yes, and I'm actually very proud of you."
"Proud?" I asked.
"Of the way you stood your ground with Edward," he explained. "It isn't often anyone, other than Rosalie, can put him in his place like you just did."
"He doesn't like not being in control," I said.
"No," he agreed, "he doesn't. But maybe it's time he learned."
"Good luck with that," I cracked.
For the first time in two days, I didn't feel anxious. My first conversation with Edward in five years had come and gone. It was a rather uneventful event, unless you counted the emotional whiplash. Carlisle was right, I stood my ground. Showing Edward I was no longer the fragile, impressionable girl he remembered had to count for something, right?
"I do think Edward's suggestion about Jasper has merit," Carlisle said.
All I could do was nod. I didn't know why, but verbally admitting I agreed with Edward didn't seem physically possible.
"Jacob said he'd call back," I said. "I suppose he's got to talk with Sam and the others first."
"I'm sure," Carlisle agreed. He watched me as I fidgeted with the hem of my shirt. I was feeling a little off kilter after Edward's cryptic statement as I left him downstairs. Carlisle asked, "Is there anything else you'd like to talk about, Bella?"
I thought for a moment, then closed the door to the study and dropped my voice to barely a whisper, "Did you hear what Edward said to me on the stairs?" Carlisle shook his head. "He said 'even those whom we believe we know best, lie sometimes.'"
"Ah," Carlisle nodded, sitting in the large leather chair and placing his elbows on the desktop, he rested his chin on top of his hands, "well, I suppose he has a point."
"Okay," I said slowly, "but what exactly is his point?"
Smiling, a knowing but I'm not telling smile, he replied, "Perhaps the statement speaks for itself, Bella."
Exasperated, I sighed, running my hands through my hair and walking to sit on the sofa. "What is with all of you and your perplexing platitudes?" I asked.
"You and Edward have...things to work out," he said. "I think it's best if I stay out of it."
I recalled, though not for the first time, the occasions on which I had demanded my own father stay out of my business with Edward. How I wished he had done so. Maybe then, when I'd left, it could have been on better terms.
As if he were the one with mind reading abilities, Carlisle murmured, "Charlie did the best he could, I'm sure. You were his only child, Bella, and he worried for you."
"How did you know I was thinking of Charlie?" I asked, staring out of the window.
"It's written all over your face," he told me.
I was about to respond when my phone buzzed in my hand.
"Jacob," I answered.
"Hey, Bells," he greeted, his voice sounding more rational and friendly than before. "I'm sorry about before."
"Me, too," I said, still feeling defensive and a little wary. "I didn't know what else to do. Carlisle is the oldest vampire I know, and he's Alice's father."
"It's okay," he said, and I could hear him smiling. "You did what you thought was best."
"Did you talk to the others?" I asked.
"Can you be at my house within the hour?" he asked instead of answering my question.
Carlisle nodded, having heard, and I said, "We'll be there. Oh, and Jacob, I have one last request. I'd like to bring Jasper, too. He's Alice's mate, you know, and I think he deserves to be there."
"Don't you mean to say he's the one who can control everyone's emotions, and you'd like him there in case this meeting turns ugly?" Jacob laughed.
"Couldn't hurt, could it?" I asked, winking at Carlisle.
"Sure, sure," Jacob said. "Jasper can come, too."
"Thanks, Jacob. We'll see you in an hour."
Carlisle and I left with Jasper, and headed into the woods towards the Quileute reservation.
"I never said thank you for coming," I said to Carlisle once we were on our way.
"Thank you for calling me," he said. "I know it must have been difficult for you."
I suddenly felt ashamed of myself. Now, Carlisle and Alice had made the same comment. In my ire at Edward,I had given them the impression I wanted nothing to do with any of them. In truth, nothing could have been less accurate. The problem was, they were sort of a package deal.
I sighed, "I'm sorry, Carlisle."
"For what?" he asked.
Slowing my pace to a walk, I sighed again, unsure of what to apologize for first. Carlisle slowed beside me and glanced over his shoulder. Finally, I said, "For everything."
He was quiet for a moment before he said, "Bella, if anyone should be apologizing here it's me. I never should have allowed what happened."
"It's okay," I whispered, trying in vain to keep the emotion out of my voice. "I understand. I'm not saying I wasn't angry as hell, because I was, for a very long time, at all of you. Eventually, though, I realized you had no choice. Edwardgave you no choice."
"We all have choices Bella," he said, "and I made a poor one. At the time, though, my son was so insistent... Esme and I felt like we were forsaking our daughter for the will of our son. It wasn't an easy decision, and I've regretted the way we left you every day for five years. You were innocent, and you still are. You have nothing to apologize for."
"That's sweet of you to say," I said, a well of affection for the man beside me filling up my still heart. "I'm sorry your family's life was disrupted because of me, though. I know how much you all liked it here."
"We did," Carlisle said, "but we chose to go, Bella. Don't you see that? We did this to you, not the other way around. If we had stayed, if I had been able to convince Edward to stay and work through his issues...well, perhaps your transformation would have come about more the way Alice had envisioned."
"I've always wondered about that," I admitted. "I thought it was pretty clear my transformation was never on the table."
"Will none of you ever learn," Carlisle laughed lightly. "Never bet against Alice. Your transformation was a foregone conclusion, Bella. I only wish...," he let the thought die in the damp forest air.
"I wanted it to be him, too," I whispered, my voice barely registering in my own ears.
"Will you tell me," Carlisle gently pleaded with me, "something, anything about what happened? Did you...seek it out?" I watched as Jasper took a few steps ahead of us.
"No," I answered flatly, feeling sick at the idea of discussing my ordeal any more than I already had with Alice and Jasper. I realized when Carlisle sighed and nodded, he thought I meant I wouldn't tell him anything. "I mean," I continued slowly, wanting him to understand, "no, I didn't seek it out...I was...kidnapped." The fact I hadn't willingly been changed was all the information I was ready to part with at the moment.
Carlisle gasped, "What?"
"Kidnapped," I repeated. "I was taken from a hotel in Vancouver in the middle of the night."
Carlisle looked at Jasper, and seeing he didn't appear surprised, raised his eyebrows at his son. Jasper shrugged his shoulders and kept walking ahead of us.
"My God, Bella," Carlisle said, interested and concerned the way a father should be, the way my own father hadn't been given the chance to be, "by whom?" My silence told him I wasn't ready to give him the play by play. "Never mind," he said, eyeing me cautiously.
"It's not that I don't want you to know," I said, "but it's a long story, and..." I pointed ahead of us, "we're here."
End Notes: Same rules apply...reviews=teasers! Only this time I promise to send you the right one! LOL
Now, I'm off to do what needs to be done so I can go buy my Eclipse DVD at midnight! :)
~CBx