When social services arrived to take the small boy away Rita found it harder than she thought she would to give him up. Strangely it felt as though a small part of her had grown accustomed to the bond they had developed. It wasn't a feeling she'd ever felt before. Wrapping the blue cotton blanket tighter around the bundle, Rita stroked his hair a final time and handed over the boy to his designated case worker.
"Thanks for taking such good care of this little one until we could get here. His mother has been known to us for quite some time. They were housed at a homeless shelter last time we saw them but managed to drop off the radar about a week or two ago."
Taking a step back, Rita smiled weakly.
"Just doing my job."
As the woman turned to leave, Rita felt a reassuring hand on her shoulder. Charlie appeared at her side.
"You did a good thing today Rita. You've made that innocent life just a little bit better. Go and take a break, we can spare you for 15 minutes."
"Thanks Charlie."
Rita traced her way back in the direction of the staffroom focusing on her footsteps. One foot in front of the other, concentrating on how her weight shifted as she walked. The squeak of white trainers on lino joined the cacophony of background noise as junior doctors rushed around doing consultant's bidding. Mothers in cubicles fussed over their children, lives were extinguished and brought back from the brink. People busied themselves, life moved forward, the world kept turning.
Rita made herself a cup of tea and sat on the sofa, folding her legs underneath her.
From the window, Connie observed Rita curiously. The way her gaze never wavered from the mid-distance, a blank expression on her face. Her mug of tea, rapidly going cold, clutched to her chest. Connie knocked softly and opened the door.
"Rita. Thought I'd find you here."
Rita didn't look up, she didn't respond. There was a moment of uncomfortable silence. Connie closed the gap between them, choosing to sit on the arm of the sofa.
"Rita?..."
Carefully, deliberately, she placed a hand on Rita's knee.
"Your work today...looking after that little boy. I've never seen that side of you before."
Rita met Connie's gaze for the first time, a questioning look in her gleaming eyes. Connie reached out and traced the hard line of Rita's jaw with her thumb. She pushed a stay lock of hair out of her eyes.
"What I'm trying to say is...I'm impressed Nurse Freeman."
Rita let her eyes close and savoured the feeling of their close proximity not wanting to pull away. Her skin was left tingling when Connie eventually removed her hand. Rita moved in closer but Connie froze, a look of trepidation in her eyes.
"We can't do this..." She motioned between them. She spoke as if saying the very words was painful. "This can't happen."
Rita frowned. "Why can't it?"
Connie sighed, exasperated. "Because it just can't Rita. We work together, I'm your boss. Because of Grace, because of..."
"Connie..." Rita cut her off pinching the bridge of her nose. "
"I'm not looking to be messed around. I'd rather just be up front about this from the start. We're both adults, cant we at least be honest with each other?"
"I..." Connie opened then closed her mouth. She sighed deeply.
Rita, looking frustrated, got up from her spot on the sofa. She poured away the cold tea and placed her mug on the side, she didn't turn back to face Connie. Connie watched as she tensed and relaxed her shoulders. There was a moment of silence.
"I'm not going to be your 'play thing' Connie," Rita warned, her voice low. She marched out of the staffroom and closed the door behind her forcefully.
Feeling like she was suffocating, Rita rushed straight out of the ED past Louise at the reception desk and into the car park. She immediately took deep gulps of cool fresh air, running her hand over her face and down her neck.
"Someone's in a hurry." Zoe was lent up against the wall to Rita's right. Her cigarette glowed in the dimming light. Jumping at the sound, Rita swung round realising who it was.
"Needed some air," she mumbled.
Zoe nodded thoughtfully bringing the cigarette to her lips. Rita followed the motion with her eyes. She went to lean against the wall next to her, closing her eyes as her head rested against the cool bricks.
Zoe tapped Rita on the shoulder offering up the open packet.
"You look like you need it. Just a one off."
"Thanks Zo." Rita placed the cigarette in her mouth and went to light it taking a deep breath in. Instantly her muscles relaxed, the tension rolling off her shoulders. She let her eyes close again.
"You going to tell me what's wrong then?" Zoe inquired raising an eyebrow in Rita's direction. Rita opened one eye in response.
"Mhmhh." Rita shrugged.
"Mmm...very enlightening." Zoe smirked.
"I can't." Rita's voice was almost a whisper. She put her cigarette to her lips again blowing the smoke up into the darkened sky.
Zoe turned to face Rita. "You know you can trust me Rita don't you? I want to know if I can help."
Rita sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. She shut her eyes tightly imagining the trouble she'd be in if Connie found out she'd said anything.
"Someone...has tried to get close to me. Things have happened between us...and she wants them to go further. I don't know if I can trust this someone. It's all complicated and kind of a mess."
Zoe nodded slowly. "Do you want it to go further?"
Rita met her gaze. "More than I've ever felt before."
"You have to risk it Rita." Zoe stated simply. "Without taking that risk you'd never know and that's as worse as never even trying."
"But it's so wrong and difficult for so many reasons." Rita's voice cracked, Zoe placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.
"Why does it have to be?"
The rapid harsh clicking of heels interrupted their thoughts. Connie appeared at the ED entrance scanning the car park. She turned to go back inside and spotted Rita and Zoe in the corner.
"Didn't know you smoked..." Connie eyed the cigarette in Rita's hand with contempt.
"I don't." Rita said simply.
Connie's eyes narrowed dangerously. "You're needed in cubicles when you're quite finished." She stalked back inside.
Stubbing out their cigarettes, Zoe raised her eyebrows at Rita.
"Does this 'someone' have a name then?"
Rita didn't reply. Her eyes fell on the spot Connie had just vacated almost without her instruction.
"Well well well. You are a dark horse Rita Freeman."
Her cheeks coloured in embarrassment.
"Well my advice would be good luck, stand your ground and don't let her walk all over you...unless you're into that kind of thing." Zoe smirked.
Rita shook her head in amusement. "Thanks for making me feel better Zo."
"You know where I am if you need someone." Zoe grinned at Rita.
The two women walked back into the ED together.