Kyla watches her sister move about in a fog, blank face and heavy movements, and she wants to cry more – even though Kyla believes that her own sadness has already added another layer of water to the ocean.

Seeing Ashley sad just rips Kyla up and it leaves the younger girl at a loss, not sure how to comfort and not sure if that comfort would even be accepted in the first place.

Like when she skinned her knee and tried to hide the tears and yelled at me.

Like when she stopped talking to that friend of hers and looked so lost, but wouldn't tell me why they ended their friendship.

Like right now, sitting beside me and a million miles away.

There is a buffet of food and there is alcohol and there are somber people.

And there is Christine, who looks composed one moment and angry the next – and Kyla isn't sure if that anger is grief or just annoyance at having to do this at all.

And she'd turn to Ashley – if this was anything else – and get her sister's opinion and they'd laugh a little and keep each other company.

But the company they both seek is in a coffin, getting ready to be put in the ground after people pay respects. And the house is full of musicians, rowdy and telling stories.

And there are some family members that Kyla doesn't know, can't remember.

And then there is Aiden, sitting beside Ashley and holding the girl's lifeless hand.

Kyla feels a betraying twitch in her palm, but shoves it away.

Because this isn't the time to be petty, to want that solace to be all my own.

But she misses it all the same – that consoling arm, that strong shoulder – she wants someone to hold her hand and to care.

Because Ashley can't seem to offer that and who else is left? We are the only family now, we are all the other has got.

"I can't do this…"

It is a faint whisper and Ashley is up, running past startled faces and drunk faces and out of the house.

Kyla starts to chase after her, but a warm grip is on her wrist.

"Just… let her go."

"But Aiden, what if she hurts herself?"

And they both know it is possible.

Ashley Davies is a wild girl on the best of days, doing all the things that 'good' girls are not supposed to and flaunting the fact.

But with so much pain, Kyla fears what Ashley might do.

"I can't lose her now, Aiden. She is all that I have left."

And even though she should be all dried up, the tears start to fall again and Aiden is wrapping her in a secure embrace.

And Kyla holds on tight, thinking for the hundredth time that this has to be some horrible dream and that she'll wake up – and everything will be fine, everything will be peachy…

But it is just a daydream and someone starts talking at the front of the room and it is mostly silent in this rambling house – and the quiet is only punctuated by Kyla's stifled sobs against Aiden's chest.

*

Ashley sits upon the shore for so long, losing count of hours and hours of time.

She tore her skirt of black on the door of her car and that about pushed her over the edge, her hands clenched into fists and she had to bite her bottom lip to stop from crying out.

She took off her shoes and walked along what seemed like miles of sand, walking and walking and seeing nothing.

Not the ocean. Not the sun as it rose and fell. Not the first glimpse of stars in the dusky sky.

Not even music sounds good. Nothing will be good ever again. Not now.

And Ashley can see him as plain as her own shaking form on the ground, she can see his kind eyes and his always-laughing smile. She can see the way his hands created songs and she can still smell his cologne in the air and she can't imagine a world without her father in it – the man who instilled in her the love of jazz and of swimming and of… everything.

I never got to tell him of my dreams, of wanting to be just like him.

I never got to tell him of my fears, of not wanting to fail him in any way… of wanting him to be proud of me.

I never got to tell him about… so many things… things like Carol and boys and…

"God, Spence, I wish you could have met him. He would have liked you. He would have picked on you a bit for listening to such bubblegum stuff… but he would have liked you, I just know it…"

And Ashley is smiling as she is crying, curling in on herself and feeling alone and scared, her voice timid and broken as nighttime rolls in.

She knows she should go back home, back to face… him, being gone… or to – at the very least – try to be there for her sister. She should grab onto Kyla and never let go.

But Ashley is frozen in anguish and all she wants… all she craves is…

"Spence… I wish you were here something awful…"

But Spencer Carlin is too far away to hear her and Ashley's words get drown out by the tide.

*

Kyla stares out the window all night.

And she falls asleep on the couch, still in her mourning clothes when Christine jerks her awake.

"You'll be late for school, dear."

And that voice is clipped and aloof and quick, so quick that by the time Kyla flutters her eyelids and looks around… there is no one there.

Just the distant sound of heels clicking against the floor.

And she glances back outside, to a world just waking up and moving on and life just as it was before – at least for everyone else. Not for me. Not for Ashley.

Kyla had hoped that her sister's car would be there with the dawn – I had hoped that she would be the one to wake me up and tell me to go to bed – but the driveway holds only one car this day.

She calls Aiden and the boy says he looked at the beach where they used to hang out almost every weekend and couldn't find the girl – and his sigh is as weary as Kyla feels.

She closes her eyes, trying desperately to not cry anymore – feeling washed out and tired and… god, I'd give anything to have him back…

"What about this guy that Ash likes? Maybe he knows something?"

Aiden's voice penetrates Kyla's thoughts and she blinks fast, attempting to keep up and catch onto whatever this information is that the boy is presenting.

"…Wait, what?"

"Yea, umm—"

"Ashley has a beau?"

"She said so. Said she's… well… uh…"

"Aiden!"
"I just don't know if I should tell you, Kyla. It might have been in confidence or something."

"I'm her sister!"

She can imagine the boy wincing at her shrill tone and she can hear Ashley's voice in her own head ('you sound like a cat with its tail caught in a door, Ky!'), but it matters little to her right now.

If there is someone who might know where Ashley is, then Kyla wants to know about them.

And once I find her, then I can get mad at her for not telling me of her secret boyfriend! I mean, we're sisters! Would it kill her to confide in me every once in a while?

"…wouldn't say his name, just that they talk a lot and that he is not from around here--"

"Not from around here? What do you mean?"

"Just what I said, Kyla. She said that they talk day and night…"

"But Ash is only ever gabbing to… to…"

Wait a second…Talking day and night…? Not from… around here? I mean… it can't be… can it? It couldn't be.

…Could it?

"I need to go, Aiden."

"What about Ashley?"

But she isn't listening to him.

She just hangs up the phone and feels her mind spinning with…

I don't even know what to call what I am thinking! This can't be true… I mean, Ashley is… she likes boys and… and she's even spent the night at their houses before!

But now that she is thinking about it, Kyla is having doubts and she wonders what kind of life Ashley is keeping hidden from everyone in the world – from the halls of King High and from Kyla and from Aiden…

Oh, Ash, if this is true… I don't know what to do…

A sound comes from the foyer and mail scatters to the floor from the brass slot and Kyla walks over in a daze, picking it up and setting it down.

But a blue envelope catches her eye and she knows just who it is from.

And it is such a wrong thought, such a bad deed and makes her feel like such a terrible sister…

But I need to know. You should have told me. I don't know how to handle this… if it is true… and you are not here to talk to, Ashley… you are not here to give me answers.

"So, maybe this letter from Spencer Carlin can answer some things for me."

*

TBC