A/N: Yeah, another quick update. I just didn't want to leave you hanging like this and, as I said before, I can't seem to update in a regular schedule. What do you guys want to see in the next chapter? I want to know :33

R&R

~X~

"I'm sorry." He spoke and her heart skipped a beat, it was Steve. "Your hair... It's beautiful, it's just like the one from a woman I knew. I'm Steve, nice to meet you."

"I'm Natasha, Natasha Romanoff." Natasha said and looked up, gazing into his blue eyes.

Steve gasped lightly when he recognized her. In his eyes, she saw a mix of happiness, pain, sadness, anger and something she couldn't quite read, relief, perhaps. "Natasha?! But... What? You were dead!" He looked around, as if he was searching for an explanation, he blinked twice and hard to see if his eyes weren't fooling him and when he looked back at her, all she could see was pain in his expression. "I was worried about you, the first few days, but then I accepted the death of another friend. I was grieving for you, we were all sad because of your 'death'. Why did you do that to us? Do you not care about the pain we all went through?"

"I know, I just... I... Let me explain, please." She told him, she was nervous, she had no words to offer him at the moment. From behind them, she heard Clint exclaim, 'Oh My God, it's Natasha.' She could hear the sound of chairs being dragged, she could hear the murmur coming from their table and she had the feeling that she shouldn't have come in the first place.

"Right." He nodded inhaling deeply to calm himself, that was, indeed, a great shock to him, "Why don't we sit down at the table and you explain it to all of us?"

Natasha took a deep breath, one down, four to go. Well, not exactly, she still hadn't told him the truth, she still had to explain everything to him and make things right. At least, he knew that she was alive. She could feel him trying to hold back, words and actions, both of them, she knew, would come out harsh and brute and he didn't want them to be like that. She could feel ten tension in the air. The silence between them, always so comfortable, was now tense, strange.

When they were almost at the table, she stopped and watched as Clint stood up and walked towards he and hugged her. It was a bone crushing hug, but she hugged him back with the same strength

"Fuck you, Natasha, just fuck you." He whispered in her ear, "Don't you ever do this to me again."

Clint, he was always able to forgive her, but then, there was always the first moment, the one in which they were too shocked to even think straight. Soon, they would all be screaming at her and asking questions, it would be just like an interrogation. After everyone had hugged her, after everything was settled again, the realization and rage began.

"Natasha, why did you do that?" Steve was the first one to speak, "We are all really worried, we were all sad. We are your friends, you could've told us, at least."

"And what about me, Natasha? Did you substitute me for Falcon?"

"Yeah!" Tony exclaimed, "Why did he, of all of us, the newer Avenger had the right to know and not us?"

And they all started to ask questions at the same time, to speak and ramble about how sad and worried they had been and how wrong she had been for having done that to them.

"Guys, one at a time, I can't explain anything to anyone if you keep going on like this." She said, but they didn't hear her over their loud arguing. With every word they spoke, she got more and more angry and frustrated even though she had no right to be feeling that way. Then it reached a point in which she was so fed up about all that, that she grabbed Tony's glass and spilled his drink all over them.

"Hey, what was that for?" Tony asked wiping his face. Everyone in the bar was silent looking at their table. Well, she didn't expect anything less than that.

"Your discussion was too heated. I just thought I might cool it down a bit." She answered, there was a murderous tone in her voice though she had neither right or reason to use it.

Everyone was shocked, even Sam, well, they had spent too much time far from her, so they had forgotten how it was to live with her. She almost smiled, it was just like the old times, "Why don't you tell us your reasons for doing what you did?"

"Okay." Natasha took a sip of her drink to help her, she needed to strengthen herself emotionally so she wouldn't break down in front of them as it was with Sam, she couldn't allow them to see her in that state. "So, I was in a mission in Russia with Steve, we were hunting down a Hydra commander, he had that base in which he was making experiments with the Serum I and Steve took. They were improving it with particles of the Tesseract to create not only superhumans, but also godlike humans."

Apparently, the man we were chasing, was the same one that created the serum for me, he knew me and he discovered our plan. He tortured me with my past, he made me face it all over again and he threatened to torture everyone I loved. And by that, he meant you. I simply couldn't allow him to torture you, you are my friends, you are my best friends, you are my family, the only one I will ever have. And I love each and every single one of you. I couldn't stand seen you dead, seeing you hurt." She stopped and had another sip of her drink, she was at the edge of breaking down in front of them, she placed the glass on the table, the ice clinked on the cup and there was a muffled sound when the bottom of the glass hit the wooden surface of the table. She inhaled deeply and did her best not to allow her voice to break down. "I missed you, all of you and I have no words to explain how much it hurt me not to see you."

Everyone was silent for a moment, she didn't know why. Maybe they thought that she was victimizing herself, but she wasn't, she was simply telling them the truth and she didn't care about what they thought.

"Why was it that Sam could see you? Why was he the chosen one." Clint was the first one to speak.

"When I got to the U.S, I thought I was safe, but I was being followed by agents and I had to run from them, the problem is, I was hurt, I had deep cuts and the nearest place to where I was was Sam's place. When I got there, I had lost so much blood that I even fainted in front of him." She explained, "Besides, you guys are staying at the Avengers tower here in D.C, I couldn't have simply showed up there without putting every single one of you in danger."

"Natasha, don't you think that we can defend ourselves? I mean, if any threat came, we could have very well defended ourselves." Tony said.

"Tony, I have made this mistake a few times before and I've payed a high price for it." She told them, "I have did this to friends before, people I knew and cared about and I watched them die and I was at their funeral knowing that the fault was all mine. You underestimate this people, you underestimate me and you underestimate the Russians."

Everyone was quiet again. She couldn't have told them that she did all that because of Steve, she couldn't have them know. She couldn't have Steve knowing about that. "And maybe you'll never forgive me, maybe you'll never talk to me again, I just wanted you to know that... I... I love each and every single one of you. I love Tony's adorable dokrness and the way I feel comfortable around Clint and his sass and Thor and Steve and Banner. I love all of you and I missed you all and I have no words to express it."

Just then Natasha realized that there was a tear going down her cheek. But she didn't care. "It's time for me to get going." She told them and stood, not before placing a piece of paper on the table, "Oh, and here's my address if any of you are interested."

She didn't even gave them time to answer her, to make any comments about what she had just said before leaving the place. Natasha went back to her place. Her chest was tight as she walked back in the cold, she had done the right thing and that was what mattered. She got to her place, locked the door and kicked off her shoes before sitting on the couch. Oh, what would she do to have Clint by her side to hug her and told her jokes and Steve to share his warmth with her and sleep by her side.

She went to her room and put on her pajamas, she laid on the bed and closed her eyes, she slept, having no nightmares, nothing, all she could see in her sleep was the cold black void. The cold reality, she was alone.