Entry 28:
The party did not go at all as planned. And that's why I'm leaving. I'm running away. I can't stay and actually sort through this mess. I can't even say I'm sorry, even though I am. I am dreadfully, horribly and frighteningly sorry. I promised Bella I'd never endanger her again, and when I make a promise I intend to keep it. I guess that's one thing that makes me different than humans, isn't it? But I've done it. I endangered her most gravely! I should have foreseen this. Or Alice should have! Alice should have seen this coming and prevented it! Who invented wrapping paper in the first place? Presents should only be wrapped with...fur? Or cotton? Something that can't cut people. Whose bad idea was wrapping paper in the first place. I'm going to look it up. Aha! Joyce C. Hall! Joyce C. Hall of the HALLMARK COMPANY! I knew they should be in trouble for more than just frighteningly cheesy specials on tv. I should have brought her down when I had the chance, way back in 1917. Because of her my love was almost killed tonight, on her birthday! And by my own family as well! I should have confronted her before she ever let this wrapping paper business get out of hand. Told her to reexamine the dangerous potential her product posed. Oh it is sad to see the way my angst brings out alliterations of agony and arduous anguish. WHY JOYCE? What did I do to you? What did anyone do to you to bring your wrath upon me in this way? Did I spurn you once? Back in 1917? Wait...no! Joyce C. Hall was a man. No wonder he was so angry, as to try to harm the world with his seemingly congenial invention. He was simply bitter! Oh it is all coming together now. It's all just one big, black circle of sadness. I can't believe the corruption of this world... it sickens me. I sicken me. And Jasper's lack of self-control sickens me. And why did I have to fall in love with someone so clumsy? If Bella had just opened the present without cutting her finger we would have been ok. But it isn't her fault she's accident prone. It is one of the reasons we work so splendidly after all- she being the danger magnet, me being the danger. And alas, I love her too deeply, too passionately to blame her for any of this at all. Not when I know where the blame should truly lie. Mainly, first and foremost, with me. For I am a monster. But secondly with that dastardly Joyce C. Hall.
A/N: I regret to inform you that Joyce C. Hall really was a man and he really did invent wrapping paper. Please ReViEw! REvieW!