The last chapter before the epilogue. Mostly dealing with guilt and the consequences for the future. Expect some Clintasha fluff :-) (or almost fluff). Epilogue coming up in a matter of minutes, it's really short anyway.

Chapter 13: Don't do that to yourself

The first SHIELD helicopter arrived half an hour later, when they were in the middle of their shawarma. They all heard it, but nobody rushed to get up. Their team leader was asleep with his head on the table, Tony was staring blankly at the wall, Thor looked like he wasn't sure whether he liked the food or not, and Bruce was obviously very pleased with himself and he wasn't going to let Fury ruin his moment.

"We should report," Natasha told Clint. "Or Fury will kill us."

"After everything we've been through you are worried about upsetting Fury?" Clint raised his eyebrows.

"Loki doesn't scare me half as much as our director. Let's make it quick," she got up.

"There is really no need for that."

They all turned and saw Fury standing in the doorway. The director went inside and sat on a table next to them. Natasha poked Steve to wake him up and ignored Stark inviting Fury for shawarma.

"No, thank you. I can't really afford being seen with you too much. I just dropped by to tell you that you are free to go. The Avengers Initiative has never been an official part of SHIELD agenda, so you don't have to talk to me again. Although I would appreciate your help from time to time," he continued. "A word of advice – disappear from the radar, all of you. The world knows about you and it's going to either destroy you as a threat or use you until there's nothing left of you. It is becoming a dangerous place for you.

I have one last request. I don't know where Loki is and let's keep it this way. The same goes for the Tesseract. Do whatever you think is necessary and don't tell me about it."

"Thank you," said Thor quietly.

"Good. Barton, Romanoff, a word in private, please." He lead them to the other side of the restaurant. Once they were out of the earshot, Fury started to talk. "I am sorry but I can't keep you as my agents any more. There are people in SHIELD who would kill you on sight. And the Council would love to see you dead. The Helicarrier crew is in an uproar. Once Stark got rid of the nuke, Warner and Holzmann tried to gather a group of people to find you two and kill you. I had to lock them in but I can't hold them off forever. You need to disappear."

"Wait, wait, Terence tried to kill us?" Natasha didn't understand. Terence was their friend.

"Verity," said Clint. She turned and saw his horrified expression. "On the bridge... I killed Verity."

Natasha remembered looking at Verity and Terence and wishing she could have a relationship that simple and sweet. She was glad the she found out about Verity after she had had her opportunity to kill Loki. God or not, he would have paid for the girl's death.

"It was not your fault," she whispered to Clint. "I know how you felt, remember? It wasn't you."

"My point is," Fury interrupted her, "I can protect you from an angry mob or the Council, but not from both. You are on your own, if you don't count your fellow Avengers."

"We are no Avengers," Clint laughed bitterly. "We just happened to help them."

"You two were the first people on my list of potential Avengers. After Abe died, I saw what you could do and I knew you were hero material. You can put it on a T-shirt." He turned to leave, but he paused for a second. "And good luck," he added.

They spent the night in Stark tower. First two floors were damaged and the top got the worst part of the fight, but between that there was enough room for them. Natasha took a shower and let JARVIS take care of her injuries. She wanted to check on Clint, but she needed to lie on a couch for a minute first. She fell asleep the moment her head touched the pillow.

She woke up in the middle of the night. She sat up and saw a dark figure perched on her window sill. Clint was looking at the city, not at her, but she knew why he was there. She crossed the room and put her arms around him. He leaned against her and they stayed like that for a moment.

"It's okay," she whispered. "It's over. Get some sleep."

"I did," he answered. "But I had dreams. I remembered..."

"You didn't know what you were doing," she tried to persuade him.

"Selvig did. He fought it, he made the failsafe. I just massacred innocent people as I was told. I gave him everything he needed to know. I am a traitor."

"I talked to Loki," she confessed. "He knew about Irina, about Sao Paulo, about Abe and Janet. He tried to get to me, but guess what? That's not the most efficient way to hurt me. What would break me is much more simple – the beach in Brazil, our time in Oregon, that night in Budapest. You know that and you didn't tell him. You fought too."

"I couldn't even remember your name."

"Names don't matter. Yes, you will remember everything and it will hurt. But we are going to make it through, we always have. Go to bed, it'll be better in the morning." She pulled him off the window sill. He didn't resist.

Natasha considered dragging him to his room, but Clint was like a rag doll, like he lost all will to move on his own. So she just laid him on her bed, sat next to him, and stroke his hair.

"That's creepy," he muttered with his eyes already closed. Then he moved to the side and patted the spot next to him. She laid next to him and kissed him.

"You don't mind," she said.

That night Clint found out that he wasn't the only one with nightmares. He couldn't sleep but Natasha dropped off right away. For some time everything was quiet. After an hour or so she started to moan. Soon the moaning turned to whimpering and mumbling. Clint heard his name and moved closer. Natasha started to thrash about. He caught her wrist to avoid being punched in the face and that only caused her to fight him.

Seeing Natasha vulnerable had always forced Clint to pull himself together. She needed him. He let go of her hand and gave her time to calm down.

"Irina... Irina, please..." she whispered.

She started to flail her arms around. This time Clint caught her, held her against his body and didn't let go.

"Nat, wake up!" he said aloud. "Wake up!"

She twitched a couple of times before she was fully awake. Clint still held her.

"Clint?"

He let her go. "You didn't tell me that it's this dangerous to share bed with you," he said dryly.

"I am sorry. Was it bad?" she asked.

"No, just... you still dream about Irina?"

Natasha nodded. She was still breathing heavily, but she was calming down. Clint wanted to get up and go to the bathroom, but as soon as he moved, a sharp pain shot through all his back. He unsuccessfully tried to suppress the cry.

"Clint? What is it?"

He shook his head. "I landed on my quiver when I jumped through that window. Cracked a rib or two I think."

"And you didn't let JARVIS take care of that? Barton, are you trying to piss me off?" Natasha was already on her feet. "JARVIS, get the infirmary ready I am taking agent Barton there."

"I'm fine, Nat, really," he protested.

"Yeah, healthy as a horse. Come on."

"Nat, please... I avoided it on purpose. The pain..." he bit his lip. It was difficult to admit, but she deserved to know. "It is fair. I caused all this, I need to be punished somehow. This is the least I can do."

It didn't even make her pause. She had her answer ready.

"Remember Budapest, where I tried to kill the Smorph on my own? Remember what you told me? It doesn't work this way. I am getting tired of repeating this, but it wasn't your fault. And even if it was, you can't change it now. The only thing you can do is to live the best life you can – and let JARVIS take care of your ribs."

There was no point in resisting. They were just starting, but Clint felt that he wasn't going to win many fights in the future.

Fury sent a couple of his most trusted agents (off the record, of course) to keep watch until they figured out what to do with Loki. The god was still in Stark's safe, gagged and guarded all the time by SHIELD agents and at least one Avenger. Selvig, Banner, and Stark were working on a way to use the Tesseract to get Thor and Loki back to Asgard.

When they weren't Loki-sitting or helping out in the lab, Clint and Natasha enjoyed free time. After Fury's warning they stayed in the Stark Tower, but they were far from bored. Now that they were officially a couple, there were so many things they wanted to find out.

Ever since Budapest Clint had been wondering if Natasha could kiss better then her doppelgänger. She was even better than in his imagination.

And Natasha had always wanted to know what was it like to kiss someone she had feelings for. It was new and amazing and after every kiss she just wanted more.

They were sitting on the roof, next to Selvig's broken portal device and Natasha was teaching Clint chess, when they heard footsteps. They both jumped up and had their weapons ready in a heartbeat.

Two people stood there in combat gear. It was the first time they saw Terence Holzmann fully armed. Next to him, agent Warner was holding them at gunpoint. Before Natasha and Clint could decide what to do, Terence held up a metal box and opened it. Six tentacles shot out and disarmed them before they could move a muscle. At the same time eight more men appeared behind Warner and surrounded them.

Weaponless, outnumbered, and Clint's back and ribs were still far from alright.

"What are you doing here?" asked Natasha. Talking seemed to be their only hope now. Where were the Avengers when they needed them?

"The Council paid us very well to get rid of you two. They came to the conclusion that you became the Black Widow again and he," Warner pointed his gun at Clint, "has gone Dark Side as well."

"And we didn't need much persuading," Terence added. He was looking them with so much hatred. Natasha remembered the too sweet boy who helped her get to Clint in Detroit and she couldn't believe that he was on his way to becoming an evil genius. "It's kind of personal for all of us – you made quite a lot of enemies. And by the way, Stark has a lousy security around here. Disabling his system was a piece of cake."

"Terence, listen..." Clint began.

"You don't speak to me!" Terence shouted. "You killed her!"

"Terence, it wasn't me. I was controlled by somebody else..."

"Excuses!"

"No, it was Loki. I couldn't stop it, he was using my body. All I could do was watch myself killing my friends!" Clint shouted back. Natasha watched it in fascination. Clint was repeating everything she had been telling him for two days now and by trying to persuade Terence, he seemed to be persuading himself.

"I don't believe you," Terence shook his head.

"Then do it. Kill me. It won't get any easier. Ask Natasha. She killed someone who once had been her friend. Even though it was in self-defense and there wasn't any other way... ask her if she has ever dealt with it."

"Shut up, Barton," snapped Warner. "Positions!" he ordered the other agents.

"Terence," said Natasha softly. She hoped she could make him help them. "It's not going to bring Verity back."

"Take aim," Terence ordered without even acknowledging her presence. He was staring at Clint and if looks could kill, there would be no need for the other nine men.

"A word of advice, son – back off!"

Captain America in his full gear appeared just behind Warner. Iron Man flew over the roof and hovered protectively above Clint and Natasha. Behind Steve stood a much less impressive figure of Bruce Banner who gave Terence a friendly smile.

"Be so kind and don't make us angry," he told him.

"Only three Avengers coming to our rescue? Where is Thor?" Natasha asked.

"Yeah, feeling a little unappreciated here," Clint added.

"Thor is on Loki duty," Bruce explained.

Then Warner made the worst mistake of his life. He took advantage of Bruce being distracted and fired at him.

Ten men on the roof were hardly a match for five Avengers. The Hulk managed not to hurt anybody. Tony held back as well and in the end there was only one casualty. One of the agents was dead, but he had been shot. That meant that none of the Avengers was to blame, because none of them used bullets this time.

"Come on," Stark landed on the roof and he herded the rogue agents inside. "Fury will deal with you."

"Terence!" Clint called. "I am so sorry about Verity, but there was nothing I could do."