I do not own any of the internet personalities or memes presented in this story.
The Internet Police: The Will of the Internet
The Second War, Part 4
"The Free Greendale Army proudly presents Why War directed by Abed Nadir," announced the white words on the black and white film, complete with the sound of trumpets in the background. "Part Five: The Endgame."
"At Yogurtsburgh, the Nostalgia Critic, Dean Duncan, and Dean Spreck, collectively known as the Big Three, are meeting to discuss Figgleland's unconditional surrender," said Abed in a voice-over.
The black and white film showed the Big Three enjoying rounds of smoothie in the frozen yogurt shop. They sat next to each other, in which they talked about their plans for post-war reconstruction.
"It was a struggle getting to this point," said Abed in a voice-over. "We must thank the brave men and women for allowing us to become much closer to victory. However, we also must not forget those five brave souls who decided to renounce their loyalty to Fred and tried to end the war quickly in the hopes of saving countless lives. Unfortunately, they have failed in their attempt of assassinating Fred, and shortly before their execution, they were judged in a kangaroo court by Fred himself."
The scene changed to Pierce and the Germans in a courtroom as they were berated by Fred. Juergen was trying to defend the Germans as Fred launched into tirades against them.
"Are you proud of yourselves for attempting to kill me?" said Fred.
"Of course," said Juergen. "We're Germans after all. We have a term that describes Germany and our pride of it. It's called Das Land der Dichter und Denker, the land of poets and thinkers. Our poets encompass the many artistic fields, from literary ones like Goethe and the Brothers Grimm to musical ones like Bach and Beethoven. As for the thinkers part, Deutschland had scientists like Max Planck to Albert Einstein who changed our microscopic and macroscopic view of the universe."
"I don't know who any of these people are. But they all sound old and useless, just like you and your friends," said Fred.
"Well that's a shame," said Juergen. "You, with your immature brain, can't even comprehend how great these men are. I think these great men would be proud of us Germans for being as worthy as them."
The film then showed Pierce being interrogated by Fred. They exchanged harsh words towards each other, though Fred was far crueler in his insults.
"You disgusting old man. I thought you supported a white-dominated world, but as it turned out after I delved into your Greendale records, you were friends with two mole people and two cockroaches. Why did you join me in the first place if you were unwilling to agree with me on several points, you old troll?" said Fred.
"Because I was a bastard who wanted to fit in with the younger crowd," said Pierce. "I have since changed my mind when I saw you ordering the murder of enemy soldiers."
"And you thought it was okay for you and the Germans to perform murder yourself when you tried to assassinate me, which resulted in the deaths of my military advisors (who were unlucky enough to not hide behind the table I had overturned when I had one of my mental breakdowns)," said Fred.
"The objective of Operation Valhalla was to kill you and end the war with the push of a button," explained Pierce. "I thought about all those young military advisors that were with you in the concrete bunker. I knew that the bomb would also kill everyone present in the concrete bunker, many of whom were young kids or adults. I understood that if I pushed the button, then they wouldn't be able to live a long life like I had. That would mean they wouldn't experience many of life's greatest moments and adventures. In the end, I decided to go along with Operation Valhalla because you and your little rascals squandered your chance at living a good life by pushing your abhorrent ideology onto the rest of the world. You don't deserve life if you are willing to destroy other people in the process."
"Well. Since all of the participants of Operation Valhalla except you and the Germans reinstated their loyalty to me, it appears that they prefer life after you tried to take life away from me," said Fred. "I think I have a better judgment of who should live and who should die. You are a useless piece of dung, and you deserve to burn in hell."
"Well I'll see you there when you arrive," said Pierce.
In Apartment 303, the Band of Siblings was watching the sham trial of Pierce and the Germans on the television screen. Everyone knew that they had entered into the final days of the war. As the film Why War continued playing in the background, Abed, Troy, Rachel, and Todd were discussing amongst themselves about their final impressions of Pierce and the Germans.
"I never really thought of the Germans as being horrible," said Todd. "I mean, they wanted to use the Greendale Seven's Study Room fair and square while the Greendale Seven was hogging it. They organized a protest so that every student would have the opportunity to have a place to study for their classes, and I was a part of the protest."
"We are terribly sorry for that incident," said Troy. "Though they may have been jerks, the Germans were right, and due to their actions whether intentionally or unintentionally, I, Abed, and the rest of the Greendale Seven were able to make up for our selfishness by repairing the other study rooms for the rest of the student body to use."
"All that doesn't matter now," said Rachel. "Right now, it's the Germans last act that counts. And their attempt to end the war quickly was an act of heroism that redeemed them of any past crimes."
"What about Pierce?" asked Abed. "Did you forget his betrayal of Greendale early in the war (of which he shot you right in the head with his paintball gun)? Can his plan to assassinate Fred really make up for his previous treachery?"
"I think Pierce fully redeemed himself when he sacrificed his life for Greendale," said Rachel. "And I think he really did care about you guys despite some of the horrible things he did to you. After all, his last words were 'Long live the Study Group'".
"I guess you're right," said Abed. "Pierce may have done some questionable things in the past, but as a whole, the Study Group has also performed acts of cruelty, like hog the study room as Todd have pointed out. He, I, and the rest of the Study Group are only human after all."
Just then, Todd's cell phone was ringing. Todd got up to answer it as he stood by the window.
"Hello," said Todd.
"Daddy. Is that you?" said the voice of a little girl.
"Yes sweetheart. I'm here," said Todd with a trembling voice to his oldest daughter.
"Where are you?" asked Todd's oldest daughter.
"I'm just on the battlefield. I am fighting my last battle before retiring completely from military service," answered Todd.
Abed and Rachel looked at each other with concerned looks. Once again, Todd was tempting fate by saying that he was going to retire after conducting his last mission.
"Do you want to speak to mommy?" said Todd's oldest daughter.
"Of course," said Todd.
"Hi Sweetie," said Todd's wife. "Are you really coming home after this last military job?"
"I indeed am," replied Todd. "I just can't wait to get back home to greet you and my two little girls. Think of all the fun we will have once I retire."
As Todd listed the things he and his family would do after the war, Abed and Rachel knew in their hearts that Todd was unknowingly pushing his luck by announcing his retirement.
"Let's hope the universe isn't that monstrous and allow Todd to see his family again," thought Abed to himself.
Positioned away from Abed, Troy, Rachel, and Todd, the Nerd and HurricaneAubrey were surfing the internet. HurricaneAubrey was trying to retreat into her happy place by searching the YouTube video Sunset. Filmed by John (another participant of VlogCandy), the video involved HurricaneAubrey wearing a black coat and glasses as she was frolicking in a green meadow during a sunset. Before she had begun watching Sunset, HurricaneAubrey had been watching her famous 51 Things I Found Around My House video. The video showed random items that she had scavenged around her house. The 51 Things video was, in the opinion of many viewers, a showcase on how the objects HurricaneAubrey found throughout her house reflected both her personality and her lifestyle. As HurricaneAubrey watched herself in the Sunset video, she thought for a few seconds if there was also a deeper meaning in the video.
"Just relax and enjoy the video," thought HurricaneAubrey as she replayed the video.
Every time she rewatched her old videos, she would see advertisements for promoting George Zazz's Institute Army and its civilian offshoot the Enlightened League. These advertisements decried the state of the modern world. They had simple slogans like The Fall of Civilization, This Generation is the Worst, Today's America: The Home of the Ignoramuses and Weaklings, Out with the Old and In with the New, The Rise of the Plebeians, Our children will murder our heritage, and Read the Blue Book. She skipped ahead of these advertisements which showcased people in either khaki or blue safari uniforms (with Pickelhaube helmets on their heads) preaching their message to the masses.
"Nothing is wrong right now," said HurricaneAubrey defiantly. "I just want to be left alone."
Now that she was watching herself wander playfully in the YouTube video Sunset, HurricaneAubrey could relieve herself of the burden of being a part of today's culture.
"You can't run from it," said the familiar voice. "Don't deny the bad news."
HurricaneAubrey didn't even attempt to locate the source of the voice as she concentrated all of her attention on watching Sunset. Despite all of the negativity she read on the internet, she still had just the slightest bit of hope for her generation and of the world today.
"The territory of Figgleland is being reduced as our forces are being pushed back towards Hawthorne Manor by the Allied and City College forces," said General Kevin as he pointed his finger at various locations on a map placed over a table. "We have lost several strategically important areas as a result such as the Greendale Mall and the Greasy Fork. With these catastrophic setbacks, the enemy's advance has proven unstoppable at this point."
In Hawthorne Manor's Study Room, Fred was attending a war meeting with General Kevin and his other military advisors. Also in the room was Judy and Bertha, who was watching Fred peering through his reading glasses as he read the map.
"Don't worry," said Fred. "Reinforcements are on their way from Nebraska."
General Kevin and the other military advisors looked at each other nervously.
"Mein Figglehorn... the reinforcements…," began General Kevin before pausing.
"The reinforcements coming in from Nebraska were discovered by the enemy. They destroyed all of it while it was being transported," said one of the military advisors.
Everyone waited for Fred to say something. Fred took out a bottle of his usual medication, but he found out it was empty. He then took out a bottle of Adderall, which was empty as well. The room remained silent as Fred took off his reading glasses and placed them onto the table.
"Anyone who is a top military advisor will stay in this room," said Fred in a calm and quiet voice.
Everyone who was not a top military advisor left the room, with Judy and Bertha leaving as quickly as possible. General Kevin and his military peers stood nervously as the door to the Study Room was slammed shut.
"What the H-E-double hockey sticks happened?!" screamed Fred as he threw the chair he was sitting on across the Study Room. "I had those supplies coming in from Nebraska and what did you do?! You hacked it up!"
Fred was screaming at the top of his lungs as he ran around the Study Room, tearing apart paintings, curtains, tables, and books in the process. Meanwhile, the people who were asked to leave the Study Room were standing outside of it in silence as they heard Fred release his rage inside. Judy was sobbing quietly as she stood besides Bertha.
"I knew all of you were hacking useless from the start! All of you have failed me and have been a nuisance to me from the very beginning!" screamed Fred.
"Mein Figglehorn, don't you dare insult all of us," said General Kevin as he tried to control Fred's temper.
"All of you deserve to be insulted after what all of you did to me!" shouted Fred as he held up a crayon in his hand.
"Mein Figglehorn, you're being ridiculous," said General Kevin.
"Every single one of you are the scum of the earth!" yelled Fred as he threw the crayon across the room. "Every single one! Ever since the First War, my generals have been a thorn on my side in my quest to create an empire, and even during this Second War, my generals still haven't learned anything! What I should have done was replace all of you dunderheads with more competent individuals who would obey all of my commands!"
Fred began to calm down as he retrieved his chair, placed it back to its proper place at the table, and sat in it.
"During this Second War, I have conquered the entire Denver area all by myself. And I did it without needing any of your help," explained Fred.
Fred then raised his voice again as he returned to his criticism of his military advisors and his army.
"I have been let down by my advisors and by my own military! Without my brilliant leadership, Figgleland would've been defeated from the very beginning! It's your entire fault that we have been brought to the point of defeat!" moaned Fred.
Judy continued crying as Bertha offered her some words of comfort.
"Judy. Don't worry. We can still kill off the degenerates at Camp Superior," said Bertha.
Everyone in the Study Room stood around Fred as he fell silent once more as he sat in his chair, thinking about the grave situation he was in.
"The war is over, and we have pretty much lost," said Fred in quiet tone. "And there's no escape for me this time for the enemy controls the land and the skies. I have some hope in my rockets, but I doubt they'll make much of a difference. The only thing I can do is wait in this manor and await my fate. And one more thing. I hope my rant won't end up on the internet."
Miles away, Allied forces were approaching Camp Superior, the site where all political prisoners and minorities were detained. The Band of Siblings saw the barb wires and watchtowers of Camp Superior as they walked besides the Allied tanks and heavy artillery. They were waiting for the arrival of the Allied planes to give them additional support.
"I remember this field," said Troy. "This was where my Study Group (except for Abed) was dropped off when they were trapped in a Winnebago that was converted into a space simulator sponsored by Kentucky Fried Chicken."
The Nerd and HurricaneAubrey were confused by Troy's statement, but decided to shrug it off. After all, they have seen and heard weirder things as Internet Police agents.
"I know that Annie and Britta are trapped in there along with the other prisoners," said Abed as he waited for the command to run towards Camp Superior. "We need to get them out."
The Allied soldiers waited until the all clear was given to charge towards Camp Superior. After a few minutes of waiting, they heard the sound of airplanes flying above them. They knew that the Allied air support had arrived.
"Charge!" yelled the Nerd as he led the Band of Siblings and the rest of the army to Camp Superior.
The Allied forces crashed into the bard wire fences of Camp Superior, which they promptly tore down. Apparently, Camp Superior's courtyard was occupied by Bertha and her FF soldiers. It looked like they had gathered some of the prisoners and were about to execute them by firing squad. Among the prisoners were Annie Edison and Britta Perry. The FF soldiers took aim with their real guns and were about to execute the prisoners.
"Get down!" yelled the Nerd as the Allied soldiers ran towards the FF.
The prisoners ducked toward the ground as Bertha and her FF squad turned to face the Allied soldiers. With no time to waste, the Allied soldiers fired their paintball machine guns at them. Bertha and her FF squad were knocked unconscious.
"Get them the hell out of here!" shouted the Nerd to several Allied soldiers.
Some of the Allied soldiers were busy freeing the prisoners from their cages while the other soldiers were preoccupied with fighting the remaining Figgles that were stationed to guard Camp Superior. With the combined force of Allied tanks, heavy artillery, and aerial bombs, Camp Superior was quickly falling into the hands of the Allied soldiers. HurricaneAubrey and Todd were going to each cage freeing the prisoners.
"I can do it," said HurricaneAubrey as she shot several Figgle guards unconscious with her paintball gun.
"Good job," said Todd as he opened up the cages.
Pretty soon, all of the prisoners were freed, and just as HurricaneAubrey and Todd were about to leave, they heard someone crying in the one of the offices. HurricaneAubrey and Todd went to investigate and they found a little girl crying underneath a desk.
"I want my mommy!" screamed the girl as she tried to shield herself.
HurricaneAubrey took a closer look at the little girl and saw that it was Disaster Girl. It was the same girl who set the Abraham Lincoln Presidential Library and Museum on fire. She was about to shoot her when she saw her cry again.
"Please don't," said Disaster Girl. "I was blackmailed by Fred to set buildings on fire and to participate in this war. Please save me from him. I just want to go home to mommy and daddy."
In HurricaneAubrey's mind, she was undergoing a moral dilemma. She was given direct orders to shoot all Figgles she saw as they were the enemy. One would think that being unconscious by way of being struck by paintballs wouldn't be so bad. On the contrary, a person hit with paintballs would feel some considerable pain short of being shot by actual bullets. And being unconscious was short of being actually dead, and when you're unconscious, you would lose several hours of your precious life that you would never get back. With that on her mind in addition to Disaster Girl's relentless sobbing, HurricaneAubrey decided to help this innocent girl (who did say she was blackmailed by Fred) get back to her family.
"Alright," said HurricaneAubrey as she lowered her paintball machine gun. "Let's get you out of here."
But Todd still held up his paintball machine gun.
"Turn over your pockets," said Todd. He then turned his attention to HurricaneAubrey. "We can't be too careful."
HurricaneAubrey was embarrassed to have overlooked the possibility of Disaster Girl carrying a weapon that she would use to stab them in the back. After a thorough inspection, HurricaneAubrey and Todd determined that Disaster Girl didn't have any weapons on her.
"Let's get you back to mommy and daddy," said Todd as he carried Disaster Girl on his shoulders.
At Hawthorne Manor, Fred was giving medals to his fellow soldiers (with the medals being made of bottle caps). As Fred was sticking the bottle cap medals onto his soldiers with bubble gum, Judy came out to greet him.
"Mein Figglehorn. The F-1 and the F-2 rockets are ready to be launched," said Judy. "Do I have your permission to launch them?"
"Go ahead," said Fred as he finished chewing on a piece of bubble gum that would be placed onto a bottle cap.
The Liberation of Camp Superior was wrapping up as HurricaneAubrey accompanied Todd as he carried Disaster Girl.
"Did you know I have two little girls that also have a wonderful mommy?" said Todd to Disaster Girl.
"Really?" said Disaster Girl. "And you're going home to them just as I'm going back to my mommy and daddy?"
"That's right," said Todd. "Maybe you can play with my two little girls after this war is over. I just can't wait for this war to be over."
HurricaneAubrey smiled as she and Todd led Disaster Girl through the hallways. They had reached one of the courtyards of Camp Superior. Apparently, most of the Figgle soldiers had already been defeated, and most of the prisoners released. HurricaneAubrey knew what the outcome would be. She and Todd would return Disaster Girl (who had been manipulated by an evil man-child to torch buildings and was merely a victim) and everything would return back to normal. HurricaneAubrey looked towards the sky and gave a sigh of relief. Suddenly, several objects were falling from the sky. They looked like guided missiles. And they were plummeting quickly towards the ground.
"Run!" yelled Todd as the first of these short missiles started hitting the ground.
HurricaneAubrey ran as Todd followed her, carrying Disaster Girl on his back. Dodging the missiles falling around her, HurricaneAubrey tried to search for shelter. She then saw what looked like the entrance to a small, concrete building. With the missiles hitting the concrete building without doing damage, she knew that this was the perfect shelter. She ran towards the door and opened it at once.
"In here!" yelled HurricaneAubrey at Todd and Disaster Girl.
Todd carried Disaster Girl into the concrete building, and HurricaneAubrey reached for the door to close it. Out of nowhere, Disaster Girl pushed Todd and HurricaneAubrey out of the concrete building.
"What the…?" stammered HurricaneAubrey as she stared at Disaster Girl, who was smiling wickedly.
"You really fell for the old crying little girl trick!" laughed Disaster Girl. "Even after what I did to you at the Abraham Lincoln Presidential Library and Museum. I think you two are past your expiration date just like old Abe."
Disaster Girl was about to close the door to the concrete building when she was shot unconscious in the forehead. HurricaneAubrey stared at the source of the paintball, and she saw an Asian man holding a paintball machine gun in his hand.
"Fucking kids," said the Asian man. "They fucked with Chang when they abandoned the Changlourious Basterds."
The man known as Chang retreated into the other buildings, and with that, HurricaneAubrey ran quickly into the concrete building. Todd got up and ran to enter the concrete building. Unfortunately, a missile struck Todd, and the next time HurricaneAubrey looked through the opened door, Todd had disappeared out of sight.
"Todd!" screamed HurricaneAubrey. "Get in here!"
But she saw that Todd wasn't there, and after a few moments of screaming his name, HurricaneAubrey resigned to the horrible truth that Todd was dead. HurricaneAubrey closed the behind her. HurricaneAubrey was absolutely speechless and had a blank expression on her face.
"Now do you believe me," said the familiar voice, which was ignored by HurricaneAubrey with all her might.
At Brooks Memorial Hospital, HurricaneAubrey was sitting silently on her hospital bed. She was surrounded by several Allied soldiers, many of whom had several physical injuries. HurricaneAubrey looked at herself and saw that she had a few scratches on herself but was otherwise fine. But her mind was shattered beyond belief. She saw that she was in a hallway where all of the wounded soldiers were located, and she saw Troy in a hospital bed and he was talking to Abed and Rachel, who were sitting next to Troy's hospital bed. She could hear them talking amongst themselves.
"Troy's been awfully quiet and keeping to himself," said Rachel as she stared at Troy, who was staring blankly at the ceiling.
"He's just been through a lot of physical and psychological trauma," said Abed.
"So I heard about Todd's death," said Rachel
"We knew it was going to happen," said Abed. "We had hoped that the universe would be more forgiving regarding Todd's repeated instances of tempting fate. Turns out the universe was far crueler than we thought."
"We should have warned Todd about his repeated predictions that he was going back to his wife and kids. If only we had told him the truth. Maybe he could've been spared or at least was more prepared for the fact that his life was coming to a swift end," said Rachel.
"I remember he spent the last days of his life watching a copy of The Dark Knight with me before we gave it to the Critic," said Abed. "I think he lived his last days the best he possibly could."
Abed and Rachel were staring at Shirley's hospital bed, who was stirring as she was in a deep sleep.
"At least Shirley's doing okay," said Abed. "And with the rescue of Annie and Britta from Camp Superior, the Study Group is all back together again."
"I think you're forgetting that Pierce is dead," said Rachel. "He joins such brave individuals such as the Germans, Magnitude, and Todd who sacrificed their lives for equality and justice. Going back to Todd, how will his wife and two kids react to his death?"
"I have no idea," said Abed. "His family will be asking many questions regarding his death, such as if it was fated he would die in the Second War. I don't believe that it was fate alone that caused his untimely death. It might have been something else."
HurricaneAubrey heard everything Abed and Rachel had said. Abed had just said that there were other reasons that Todd died besides tempting fate.
"What were those other reasons?" thought HurricaneAubrey.
HurricaneAubrey thought back to when Todd died. The most obvious reason he died was because he couldn't run fast enough to avoid being hit by those rockets. But then she thought about why Todd was caught in that situation. It was because Disaster Girl had pushed both of them out of the concrete shelter.
"It's all Disaster Girl's fault," thought HurricaneAubrey. "Thankfully, she has been arrested and is going to be placed in the Internet Police's Asylum where she belongs."
However, HurricaneAubrey just remembered that she was the one who placed her trust in Disaster Girl despite everything she had done in the past, which included almost killing her back at the Abraham Lincoln Presidential Library and Museum. The only reason HurricaneAubrey trusted her was under the faulty notion that Disaster Girl had only committed arson as a result of being pressured by Fred, and HurricaneAubrey had operated under the belief that all children were pure and innocent. To make things even worse, she just ran into the concrete building and left Todd to die.
"Don't blame yourself," thought HurricaneAubrey. "You are a fine soldier, and when rockets are falling from the sky, you just couldn't think fast enough to help Todd into the concrete building."
Just then, the Critic had walked into the hospital's hallway where he was deep in conversation with General Winger. The presence of both the Critic and General Winger lifted the spirits of the wounded soldiers.
"I think I deserve the lion's share of the credit in the Liberation of Camp Superior," said General Winger. "I knew the layout of the open field since I told you about the Winnebago incident."
"I think you're forgetting about my discovery of the reinforcements from Nebraska that were going to aid Fred's army," said the Critic. "And I was the one who ordered a military operation in destroying the reinforcements. And if I'm not mistaken, I recall you saying that you were the deciding factor in the victories at the Battle of Riverside High and the Crossing of the Quad."
"And I was," said General Winger.
"I think you should consider the fact that others have helped in winning this war," said the Critic.
Before General Winger could respond, the Critic stopped in front of HurricaneAubrey's hospital bed and stared at her. HurricaneAubrey stared back, internalizing her fears of him. She had watched a clip of the Critic slapping Todd repeatedly for being in the hospital without serious injuries. She saw the Critic inspect her, of which he noticed that she didn't have any physical injuries on her.
"This soldier will be keep here for some time," said a nurse walking by the Critic. "It's a problem with her nerves."
HurricaneAubrey was horrified that the nurse would say these words in front of the Critic. She knew what was coming. She lowered her head and closed her eyes as she waited for the Critic to slap her. It took a while for HurricaneAubrey to open her eyes, and when she did, the Critic and General Winger were already walking away from her.
"Maybe the Critic is disappointed in you for failing to live up to the expectations of past American soldiers," said the familiar voice. "After seeing an excessive number of young soldiers like you being completely useless on the battlefield, it isn't surprising that he had enough slapping soldiers that would still be weak anyway."
"Enough!" thought HurricaneAubrey. "Stop making me feel worse than I already am."
"Your generation has desecrated the graves of your ancestors," said the familiar voice."
"I said out!" thought HurricaneAubrey.
A music player was placed next to her table, and putting the music player's headphones into her ears, she searched for some relaxing music to listen to in getting rid of the guilt inside her. At long last, she found a version of Michael Jackson's Smooth Criminal by Alien Ant Farm as well as other versions made by various Glee clubs. She listened to them and was generally pleased by them. As a fan of Michael Jackson, she thought that these songs were worthy of his legacy. Turning off the music player, HurricaneAubrey slumbered off to a deep sleep where she would be freed of all of her worries and anxieties.
"You had a hard day," whispered HurricaneAubrey to herself as she closed her eyes. "You can finally rest."
HurricaneAubrey found herself walking through a green meadow, wearing a black coat and glasses. She appeared to be in an unspoiled field. She saw that the sun was setting, creating an orange tinge over the landscape. This meadow appeared to be similar to the Elysian Fields but there was something different about it. For one thing, the sun was more real than the Elysian Fields' and the meadow had a distinctively English feel to it. HurricaneAubrey began running through the meadow and spinning around in circles without a care in the world. HurricaneAubrey made her way over a hill and she something that astounded her. There was an English manor in the horizon. With remarkable speed, she ran down the hill and reached the steps of what looked like Chatsworth House. Before entering into the house, HurricaneAubrey looked back at the hill, and saw that there were two unidentified people on it. She couldn't figure out their identities from such a great distance.
"Hello," said HurricaneAubrey to the two individuals on the hill. "Can you tell me who you are?"
The two people on the hill didn't respond, and after one last look at them, HurricaneAubrey entered into the English manor. The manor was lit with candles. The rooms contained historical statues and paintings. The statues ranged from the Winged Victory of Samothrace to the Thinker. Finally, the paintings she witnessed were ones by Élisabeth Vigée-Lebrun and Impressionist painters like Monet. Added to the fact that the manor's interior was a work of art itself with its ornate furniture, tapestries, and ceiling, HurricaneAubrey felt like she was in heaven. She noticed a self-portrait of Élisabeth Vigée-Lebrun adoring her daughter in a maternal manner.
"Lovely," said HurricaneAubrey as she moved closer to examine the portrait. "Simply lovely."
HurricaneAubrey admired the painting for being lifelike and colorful. She smiled back to the smiling Élisabeth Vigée-Lebrun and her equally happy daughter. HurricaneAubrey reached out to touch it, feeling that she was worthy enough to touch it. With her hands seemingly clean and with no one around, she wanted the chance to feel the areas where the painter's stroked her paintbrush to create such a beautiful portrait. She moved her hand over the smooth face of Élisabeth Vigée-Lebrun and her daughter.
"If artworks could talk back to you, I wonder how they would respond to my gentle touch," said HurricaneAubrey.
Out of nowhere, red streaks began appearing on the self-portrait, with red liquid oozing out of it. Horrified, HurricaneAubrey removed her hands from the portrait and stared at her hands. It was covered in a red liquid. Upon closer inspection, she discovered that it was blood. But she saw that there weren't any wounds on her hands, meaning that she wasn't bleeding. With her mind racing for a logical explanation for this phenomenon, she inadvertently bumped into the Winged Victory of Samothrace, and when her hands made contact with the sculpture, it started to expel blood from itself. Not daring to have her hands touch anything else, HurricaneAubrey ran towards the center of the room, away from any other priceless artifacts.
"What have you done, child?!" shouted a familiar voice.
HurricaneAubrey saw that a man dressed in Victorian attire had just entered into the room.
"Are you the person I saw on top of that hill?" said HurricaneAubrey.
"I indeed am," said the man. "What has happened?! Are you hurt?"
"Don't come any closer!" shouted HurricaneAubrey.
But it was too late. The man ran towards her. Instinctively, HurricaneAubrey pushed him away, forgetting for a moment that her hands posed a danger to him. She saw that the man had red streaks on his chest as he fell to the floor.
"Why?" said the dying man.
The man closed his eyes. HurricaneAubrey stared at his lifeless body and saw a mirror. She gazed into the mirror and saw someone who had dark circles around her eyes, and she was brandishing a bloody knife. It was her, and as she tried in vain to not stare at her counterpart smiling wickedly back at her, she noticed that the mirror showed another figure in the corner (probably the other person HurricaneAubrey saw on the hill). HurricaneAubrey turned around and…
"This is Abed Nadir, and I am with the Allied Army as they approach Hawthorne Manor. The City College and Allied Army have arrived to end the war that Fred has started," announced Abed from the radio next to HurricaneAubrey's bed. "Our artillery has penetrated the walls of Hawthorne Manor. The last battle of the Second War has begun."
HurricaneAubrey was sweating excessively as she recalled every graphic detail of her dream that turned into a nightmare.
"Let's go!" shouted the Nerd as he ran past several unconscious Figgle soldiers.
At this point, the remaining Band of Siblings comprised of the Nerd, Abed, and Rachel. They saw what remains of the Figgle army as they desperately tried to defend the last stronghold of Figgleland. Though they were few in numbers, they were determined as they fired machine guns, artillery, bazookas, and anti-aircraft weapons upon the Allied and City College soldiers. The Band of Siblings as well as the other Allied soldiers was halted from their advance to Hawthorne Manor. In order not to join the soldiers that were being killed by these fanatical Figgle soldiers, the Band of Siblings hid behind a tree, and in the meantime, they reloaded their bullets as they planned what to do next.
"Their defense is well-entrenched!" shouted Abed.
"At this state, we'll never get past them," said Rachel.
"Only someone would be crazy enough to fight them out in the open," said the Nerd.
"Did someone say crazy person?!" yelled a voice from nowhere.
Just like that, Chang charged in front of the Figgles. Despite being the midst of flying bullets, Chang was dodging the bullets with the greatest of ease.
"You want some of this, you little snots!" shouted Chang. I am a Changed man, and you're about to be Changed up."
As the Band of Siblings groaned at Chang's lame pun, Chang cleared out the last of the Figgle soldiers in front of them.
"We have a clear path," said the Nerd. "Let's go get Fred."
With Chang as an honorary member of the Band of Siblings, the Nerd led them towards the entrance of Hawthorne Manor. Before entering into the manor, they saw that some City College soldiers had reached the roof and were waving the flag of City College. It appeared that the Figgles were already losing control of Hawthorne Manor. Making their way past bullet-ridden walls and damaged stairways, the Band of Siblings searched every room for Fred. They saw outside one of the windows that the Allied and City College tanks were completely obliterating the Figgle defenses, with the bomber planes helping out. The Band of Siblings fought their way through the rooms and hallways of Hawthorne Manor, and at long last, they reached the manor's Study Room door, and they were about to kick the door down when they heard Fred screaming at the top of his lungs.
"You have failed me, Kevin!" screamed Fred. "I sentence you to death."
"Just take your medication, you sicko!" shouted General Kevin.
"I don't have the medication to control me. I'm unhinged and I'm dangerous!" said Fred.
A gunshot was heard, and the Band of Siblings kicked the door down. They were greeted with the sight of General Kevin lying on the floor with a bullet hole in his head. Judy had accompanied Fred when he shot General Kevin in the head. And when they caught sight of the Band of Siblings, they scattered at once before the Band of Siblings could hit them with their paintball guns.
"Well, well, well," said Fred in a hidden place. "Look what we have here: a drunk, a blood-sucking leech, a dirty cockroach, and a traitor of the master race."
"Shut the fuck up, you chipmunk-voiced piece of shit," said the Nerd.
"Mein Figglehorn, don't listen to that old bag," said Judy in a hidden place. "He doesn't appreciate what world we intend on creating."
"Well Chang's gonna Chang you up," shouted Chang as he shot repeatedly at the ceiling.
Unfortunately for Chang, the ceiling's structure had weakened from repeated aerial bombings, and thus, it caved in, with pieces of it falling onto Chang and knocking him unconscious.
"Poor Chang," said Fred with an evil laugh. "Looks like the old leech has been knocked out by his own stupidity."
"I'll get them now," shouted Judy as she emerged from her hiding spot.
"Judy no!" shouted Fred.
The Band of Siblings was ready as Judy was shot repeatedly. She fell unconscious onto the floor.
"You'll pay for that," said Fred. "How about we play a game of hide and seek? If you can't find me in time, then I'll kill all of you."
"Enough of your fucking games!" shouted the Nerd. "You fucking little punk. Don't you realize how many people you killed?"
"So what if I want to rid the world of all the adults in order to do whatever I want? Who cares about all of your old stuff when we have plenty of new things to play with?" said Fred.
"You have no idea of how you are shitting on the legacies of the countless men and women who have come before, who created the world you had a chance to prosper in, and gave inspiration to millions of people around the world," said the Nerd.
As the Nerd engaged in a lengthy conversation with Fred, Abed and Rachel were quietly searching the room for Fred.
"Do you feel sorry for killing Pierce and the Germans?" said the Nerd.
"They tried to kill me, so I killed them," said Fred.
"An eye for an eye," said the Nerd. "Do you not realize that…"
A shot was fired, and the Nerd saw that Rachel was hit in the chest. The Nerd rushed forward to confront Fred while Abed dragged Rachel behind a couch.
"Rachel," said Abed as he tried to stop the bleeding from her chest. "I've got you and you're going to be fine."
More shots rang out as Fred tried to hit the Nerd. He missed the Nerd every time. The Nerd found Fred behind a statue of himself.
"This ends now," said the Nerd.
Not one to just give up without a fight, Fred lunged at the Nerd just as the Nerd was about to shoot him with his paintball machine gun. Like a ferocious cat, Fred scratched at the Nerd's chest and face.
"I'm unhinged!" laughed Fred as he continued scratching at the Nerd's face. "I'm in fury mode! Nothing is going to hold me behind since I lost my medication."
The Study Room's windows shattered in several pieces as aerial bombs landed nearby the manor. Fred ignored this as he continued scratching the Nerd.
"Once I'm done with you, I'll retreat into exile and rebuild my Figgle army. Figgleland will rise again in the future," said Fred as he started to choke the Nerd. "I'm a bad man, you old nerd."
The Nerd knew the consequences of Fred getting away again. He remembered all the lives lost by his madness and what his nightmarish world would look like. And so, the Nerd pushed Fred off him with all his might. Fred crashed into the wall, but he still had an enormous amount of energy within him. Fred gave a primal scream as he ran towards the Nerd. With one shift punch, the Nerd knocked Fred down onto the floor.
"Is that all you got old man?" scoffed Fred as he got back onto his feet. "You think you can deal with a bad man like me."
Fred tried to swing a punch towards the Nerd, but unlucky for him, the Nerd dodged these and delivered the finishing blow to Fred. Fred was knocked unconscious, and in order to make sure Fred was completely subdued, the Nerd pummeled him even more.
"Fuck you for killing people in the First and Second War," said the Nerd as he continued punching Fred. "Fuck you for being a racist and for being a spoiled man-child. And fuck you for being a no talent hack that got three movies, an animated series, a life-action television show, dolls, t-shirts, and a Christmas album."
The Nerd saw that Fred wasn't going to wake up anytime soon. He lowered his arms. As he wiped his bloody face with his sleeve, he stared at Abed treating Rachel.
"She's going to be alright," said Abed.
The Nerd gave a faint smile towards Abed as he got up to look out of the broken window, where he saw the last remaining Figgle soldiers waving the white flag.
"The Free Greendale Army proudly presents Why War directed by Abed Nadir," announced the white words on the black and white film, complete with the sound of trumpets in the background. "Part Six: V-Day."
"The Second War has come to an end," announced Abed in a voice-over. "Fred has been taken into custody by the Critic and his friends. He will be judged for his crimes against humanity and will bear the burden of causing countless deaths and property damage." Fred was seen with his hands up as he was led into an armored truck along with Judy, Bertha, Disaster Girl, and Mr. Rad. With the end of this terrible war, Greendale Community College and City College have joined together in celebrating the victory we had fought so hard for."
The scene transitioned from the arrest of Fred and his Figgles to people celebrating at Greendale Community College and City College. The flags of both schools were waved in unison by the marching Allied and City College troops through the Denver area. At the head of this parade of soldiers was an open-air car occupied by the Critic, General Winger, Dean Duncan, and Dean Spreck, and behind this vehicle were what was left of the Band of Siblings. The Nerd, Abed, Rachel, and Shirley were marching triumphantly with smiles on their faces. On the other hand, Troy and HurricaneAubrey, the remaining members, looked somewhat crestfallen in the midst of the jubilation going on around them. The Critic appeared to be on the top of the world as crowds of people praised him for being the mastermind behind the liberation of the Denver area. HurricaneAubrey stared on with a less than enthusiastic expression. The Critic turned his head around to see the army that followed him into victory, with a smile on his face as he did so. The Critic and HurricaneAubrey caught each other's eyes, and without warning, the Critic's joyous face became downtrodden. HurricaneAubrey looked down towards the ground, and soon afterwards, the Critic turned his head forward as General Winger, Dean Duncan, and Dean Spreck continued waving to their admirers.
"Nevertheless, we must never forget the lives that were lost in the fight against Fred. The funeral preparations are being undertaken as we try to retrieve the bodies of the brave men and women who sacrificed everything for a more peaceful world," said Abed in a voice-over.
The movie showed the retrieval of the bodies of Pierce, the Germans, Magnitude, Todd, and several other people. Oftentimes, the bodies of Allied and City College soldiers were found in places where the Figgles had left behind the various forms of modern entertainment.
"As both Greendale Community College and City College carry out this task, there are already tensions between the two schools as Dean Spreck has been establishing permanent military bases throughout the areas he had liberated. There is talk that Dean Spreck has no intentions of leaving these occupied regions anytime soon, with his justifications ranging from needing resources to rebuild City College to using these neighborhoods as a barrier against another surprise attack on City College. In the middle of all this chaos, one thing is certain. Life will never be the same again," said Abed in a voice-over.
And with these final words, Abed's Why War series reached its conclusion. Abed and Rachel had been watching the entire movie as the people around them were holding a victory party in the North Cafeteria.
"Well done, Abed," said Rachel. "I think your Why War film series may be your magnum opus as a filmmaker."
"Don't jump to conclusion. I have just started my career as a filmmaker," said Abed. "I still have many years ahead of me to hone my skills as a filmmaker."
"Fair point," said Rachel. "You have plenty of opportunities in the future to become a filmmaker on par with the likes of Spielberg and Kubrick. For now, let's relish in having survived this war."
The laughter and vibrant chatter entered into Abed and Rachel's ears. For the first time in a long time, everyone was having a good time without a care in the world. As Abed and Rachel pushed past the crowds of people giving a toast to victory, they saw the Critic, the Nerd, and General Winger posing for the cameras.
"What do you have to say to those young scalawags who still pledge their loyalty to Fred?" said Leonard.
"I would say to them 'we sure beat your fucking asses the first time around, so why stop there,'" said the Nerd.
"Not to mention that I played a big part in kicking down those ruffians," said General Winger.
"And to everyone who says that I have grown soft over the years, I'll say to them that 'I still got it in me to be a motherfucking badass,'" proclaimed the Nerd.
As the Nerd and General Winger continued addressing questions to their supporters, Abed and Rachel noticed that the Critic remained silent, as if he was in deep thought. They saw that he had his eyes not on the throng of admirers but on someone else. Abed and Rachel followed the Critic's gaze and saw that he was staring at HurricaneAubrey. Soon afterwards, HurricaneAubrey fled from his sight and exited the cafeteria. It looked as if the Critic wanted to follow her, but alas, he was swamped by his fans, who were asking him questions like What do you think of the bat credit card and Where is the evil popcorn man. Feeling curious, Abed and Rachel decided to follow HurricaneAubrey. They passed by the Greendale students and faculty talking about their greatest victories and their hopeful plans for the future. They saw Troy sitting feebly against a wall and Annie reading a book on her digital device. Abed and Rachel saw that the book she was reading was The Blue Book by George Zazz.
"Come on, Abed," said Rachel as she pulled him away from Annie. "We're going to lose HurricaneAubrey."
"Right," said Abed as he followed Rachel out of the cafeteria.
Not fitting in with the atmospheric jubilation she was in, HurricaneAubrey decided to take a stroll around the campus. Wandering aimlessly, HurricaneAubrey found herself in the Quad of Greendale Community College, where she and the Band of Siblings had fought the Figgle soldiers (in which they lost Magnitude in the process). HurricaneAubrey fell to her knees and began weeping for the end of innocence, the darkness of her generation's heart, and for the deaths that she and her generation had caused. As she was in the cafeteria, she was using her G.E.D. to browse the internet, and what she found sickened her beyond belief. On YouTube, she saw clips of kids beating each other into a bloody pulp. In addition, HurricaneAubrey saw hundreds upon hundreds of comments saying that the present generation (her generation) was horrible due to their propensity towards being uncivilized and unintelligent. Constantly, she saw many video rants about how today's television shows, movies, music, books, video games, food, and generation sucked. Before the Second War, HurricaneAubrey could have simply scoffed off the statement that today's world was uncultured and malicious due to believing that examples of this were far and few. But after randomly browsing hundreds of internet pages, she was absolutely overwhelmed and was more than certain that the world was in a complete mess and her generation (and to an extent herself) was doomed to failure. Out of the darkness of the Quad, a majestic sound from time immemorial was heard. The beauty and grace of the musical melody was in stark contrast to the destroyed buildings of Greendale Community College. HurricaneAubrey saw what was making that music. It came from a lyre being played by a man dressed in the finest Victorian attire.
"I am George Zazz, and I take it you're at the lowest point of your life my darling," said the man.
"It's you," said HurricaneAubrey. "You were the mysterious voice I kept hearing."
"And I was the man that you killed. Please don't reject me this time or stab me with a knife," said George. "I have a few words to say to you."
"Go on," replied HurricaneAubrey.
"I think you are a part of the problem with today's generation and world. And don't you dare deny it like you have before," said George.
"No," said HurricaneAubrey.
"No?" said George bewildered. "Aren't you forgetting your 51 Things video?"
"What about my 51 Things video?" asked HurricaneAubrey.
"Take another look at it, and see what's wrong with it," requested George.
HurricaneAubrey turned on her G.E.D. and searched for the 51 Things video. Just like before, the video showed the items she possessed: several dollar bills, three wrist watches, and a finger puppet of a giraffe.
"But wait a moment. What's this?" thought HurricaneAubrey as she suddenly saw some items that seemed out of place.
She saw that there were Nintendo DS' and a Cooking Mama Doll within the 51 things, all of which were after the Critic and Nerd's generation and belonged to Fred's generation.
"Items similar to the ones in your 51 Things video were in possession of those Figgle soldier. Don't you see the connection," remarked George. "You were subconsciously supporting the lifestyles and actions of the Figgles and of your degenerate generation considering that these and other similar items were found amongst the bodies of Allied and City College soldiers murdered by the Figgle soldiers. Can't you think with that juvenile brain of yours?"
HurricaneAubrey was trying to think about some counterarguments to Zazz's claim that she was partly responsible for Fred's killings with increasing difficulty.
"There's a reason that you killed me in that English manor. It's because you're contaminated with the sins of the modern world. To save you the trouble of thinking with your brain, I'll just summarize all of the messages I've been telling you from the online commercials and apply them to your situation. There's a reason why the Critic and Nerd have decreasing respect for you. It's because you are a part of a generation that included Fred. You actually do share similar interests and lifestyles. It really wouldn't be unreasonable for them to see you as being the embodiment of Fred based on your possessions, hobbies, and similar ages," explained George. "That's why the Critic and Nerd moved away from you at the Eisenhower Presidential Center. You deserve it for not being a part of their generation."
HurricaneAubrey got up and tried to run away from George, but as soon as she turned away from him, he suddenly appeared in front of her, giving out a sigh of pity towards her.
"Once again, you are in denial of your own faults and still insist on living in a fantasy world where your generation is pure and innocent. Haven't your readings of Lord of the Flies, the crimes of the Figgles, your lackluster performance in the Second War, and my commercials taught you nothing?," stated George.
"So by that logic, I was completely responsible for Magnitude and Todd's deaths," said HurricaneAubrey.
"That would explain everything," said George. "You were naively optimistic that these children and your generation were merely misguided, and even when these Figgle soldiers killed Magnitude, you were stupid in trusting Disaster Girl for her age, disregarding her past crimes. Alas, you were too forgiving of her, and you had caused Todd's untimely death. I don't think the Critic, the Nerd, or anyone in the previous generations would have made the same mistake. And you had the nerve to disrespect the Critic for being mean to you when you fully deserve it for being a weak coward."
"But why didn't the Critic slap me like he did Todd," stated HurricaneAubrey.
"Because he's already so disappointed with today's generation that he is tired of even complaining about it," explained George. "I told you this already, and yet, you still want to believe otherwise. You're a part of the problem."
HurricaneAubrey turned around and tried to face away from George, but like before, George appeared in front of her.
"Now before you start running away from your problems like many in your generation, let me ask you something. Why did you murder me?" said George nonchalantly.
"I didn't," replied HurricaneAubrey.
"Care to explain why I was bleeding when you touched me?" asked George. "Try to actually think this time and not submerge yourself into denial."
George was staring at HurricaneAubrey. After being repeatedly scorned by him for being immature and in denial, HurricaneAubrey fell to her knees and lowered her head in reverence of him like he was her father disciplining a misbehaving teenage girl.
"Because I subconsciously hated the previous generations' paintings, sculptures, and people," answered HurricaneAubrey. "I am a victim of my generation's filth." It was here that HurricaneAubrey had an epiphany about all the questions she had. "I know why Fred and his supporters tried to kill everyone here. It was because they had followed old traditions and practices that were unsuitable to the new and hip society that Fred had intended for Figgleland. And I'm a part of the generation that included the monster that was Fred."
"That's correct," said George. "I'm glad that you recognized this. I was worried that you would remain a Plebeian after your previous denials of me and my murder at your hands. But even through all that, I still came to you without anything except the clothes on my back and this lyre. It's a bloody shame that it took many months, numerous Institute commercials, and several deaths for you to get to this point."
HurricaneAubrey started to weep bitterly at having been placed in this position. The Internet Police's motto was to prepare for the unpredictable. The Critic and George were right. She was just some little girl who was naïve in believing that life was mostly sunshine and rainbows. No longer could she deny everything that had happened to her or any criticism thrown at her. She was at a complete loss of what to do. As HurricaneAubrey was in a state of deep mourning, Abed and Rachel had found her in Greendale's Quad. From a distance, Abed and Rachel saw that HurricaneAubrey was alone and was talking to herself.
"What do you want me to do?" stated HurricaneAubrey.
"I just want to rescue you from the modern world and return you to the idyllic past that you dreamt of," said George, saying this statement in a more fatherly manner. "You don't have to do anything but follow my instructions."
"What can I do to return there? And what about getting the respect of the Critic and the Nerd?" asked HurricaneAubrey as she continued bowing her head. "I'm in need of some guidance."
"Both of your questions have a simple answer," answered George. "Join me for I am your salvation. You can start by reading The Blue Book written by me. It will provide you some guidance in these confusing times. I'll always be there when you are confronted with the evils of your generation and of today's world."
Without another word, George started playing his lyre again as a tribute to the ancients. He disappeared into the darkness. Wanting to have some answers in a world filled with confusion, HurricaneAubrey accepted George's offer. She searched for a copy of The Blue Book by George Zazz on her G.E.D. and started reading it. HurricaneAubrey started walking out of the Quad when Abed and Rachel approach her.
"Is everything okay?" asked Rachel.
"Everything's just fine," said HurricaneAubrey. "I have been redeemed by George Zazz."
HurricaneAubrey gave them a reassuring smile and was soon out of sight. Rachel gave a sigh of relief as she held Abed's hand.
"I think everything has been resolved. All's well that ends well," said Rachel.
"Not quite. I think we haven't reached the end of all this conflict," said Abed. "I sense that we only experienced a wham episode, where everything changes and nothing will be the same again just like I said at the conclusion of my Why War series."
"Is it for the best or for the worst?" asked Rachel as she gazed at the war-torn buildings of Greendale Community College.
"It's far too early to tell. For now, all we can do is move forward and see how this story will end," said Abed.
Please give me your opinions regarding this story by writing reviews. What other internet celebrities or memes do you want to see in this story?