A/N Okey guys here it is a chapter that most of you have been expecting since the beginning of this story "He is mine, isn't he?"
I hope you enjoy it and leave your comments I love them all!
I don't own the Chicago franchise nor the characters
Chicago
May 2016
Explaining to JJ what had happened with April and the baby and Kevin, telling him that they are dead, that he'll never be able to meet baby Mia, that he'll never be able to play basketball with Kevin again was the hardest thing I had to do in my entire life.
It's been almost a week since April Sexton and Kevin Atwater were killed, about three days since I shot Gregory Yates. Today were the funerals, April was going to be buried with baby Mia right next to her parents, and Kevin had a police burial. Everybody was to attend the funerals, the whole Firehouse 51, the entire staff of Chicago Med and District 21 and afterwords Mrs. Goodwin had organized a repast in a restaurant for friends and family; she also had organized a daycare in her house for the parents that couldn't find a sitter. I already talked with Nat and Gabby and made sure they were bringing Nate, Louie and baby Chloe to Mrs. Goodwin's house, we were supposed to drop the kids there and head to the Cemetery together.
I was in my room in front of the vanity putting little bit of makeup on, enough to hide the circles my eyes, the black skirt and blouse i was going to wear to April's service were on a hanger and neatly hanged on an on the foot board of my bed, the jacket in black and white stripes was hanging on one of the poles of the bed and the black heels were in front of it waiting for me to put them on, right next to the black police uniform i was going to wear for Kevin's service when JJ walked into the room and jumped on my bed, he looked at me for a moment
- How come you're getting dressed up again? - he asked and my stomach turned into a ball of nerves
- Because, uh, mommy and grandpa are gonna go to April and Kevin's funeral, and you're going to to to Mrs Goodwin's house with Nate and Louie and the other kids, remember? - i answered sadly, i hated this, hated that i had to explain to my not even four year old son about dead and funerals, he was still a baby he was still seeing the world as a better place then we did
- And what happens there exactly, - at the funeral - he asked curiously looking at me with his big emerald green eyes.
- We're going to say goodbye to April and Kevin, monkey. - i said, after taking a deep breath, i wasn't ready for it, i wasn't ready to say goodbye to me friends, i've known them for years, April was there when JJ was born, and Kevin was there when i first started in district 21. The moment i answered his question JJ jumped off my bed and ran out of the room, a sigh escaped my lips and i returned to getting myself ready. About twenty minutes later i was ready, i picked up my purse made sure i had everything in it and headed downstairs, dad met me at the bottom of the stairs, dressed in a black suit and ready to go.
- JJ' we're going... - i started calling when he ran towards the stairs dressed in his small black suit with white button up shirt and black untied shoes, and his black stuffed dragon in hand
- I want to go. - he stated and dad helped him down the stairs
- JJ... - dad started with most calmest voice i've heard from him, but JJ interrupted him
- April and Kevin were my friends, and i want to say goodbye, too - he stated with such sad face i've never seen before on his beautiful little face, how could my baby boy be so strong and smart i had no idea. Dad and i exchanged looks then i walked towards him and keeled in front of him tying his shoes up
- It's gonna be really sad, monkey - i tried to reason, tried to explain so he can understand, he just squeezed his dragon closer to him
- I'm already sad - he said and another sigh escaped my lips i looked at dad for a long time then back at my son
- You are right April and Kevin were your friends and you should say goodbye - i replied then hugged him tightly, picked him up and carried him to the car, i put him in his car seat and took my spot in the passenger seat in Hank's Escalade, he took off and i made sure to text Nat and Gabby that we're taking JJ with us.
About half an hour later we were at the Cemetery. Kevin's service was. First, Fire house 51 was already at their places, lined up on the side of the road waiting for Kevin's arrival. I made sure that Natalie had JJ then took my place in the line between Hank and Jay covering the last few feet from the road to the grave that in about an hour will turn into Kevin Atwater's forever home.
In exactly ten hundred hours everyone was in their place, and the voice of Sergeant Trudy Plan came through the police radio and speakers in Kevin's patrol car parked few feet away
- "All units stand by for tone out. Code 337 ADAM. This is the final call for Officer Kevin Atwater Badge number #6582. Officer Atwater was fatally shot on May 12th, 2016 while answering the call of duty. He gave of himself while serving his community with courage and valor. The men and women of the Precinct 21 are forever grateful, and proud to have serviced with Officer Kevin Atwater and will never forget his ultimate sacrifice. All units, break for a moment of silence. [pause]
Kevin Atwater, may you rest in peace, knowing that your strength lives on in your siblings, your legacy will be carried on by them, and that your honor will continue with all of us. Officer Atwater, thank you for your service. We know Kevin will watch over his entire family, especially his sister Vanessa and brother Jordan as he travels to his chosen place in heaven. Kevin, you will be missed by all.
Officer Atwater, Call Sign 337 ADAM. Respond now to your final assignment at Rosehill Cemetery 5800 N Ravenswood Ave, Chicago, IL." - Sergeant Plat finished the call, and the sirens of every law enforcement car in town started in unison. The Police Procession had begun from the front of District 21 to the Cemetery with motorcycles then Chief Emma Crowley's car in the front, followed by the hearse and the rest of the police cruiser. By the time the procession reached the cemetery, it had been about an hour. The service started almost immediately after everybody gathered around the grave. On one side were the chairs and Kevin's brother and sister followed by Adam and Kim were sitting on the first row. After Kevin's death, we had found out that he was the only family the young kids had so Kim and Adam had decided to adopt them in hope to keep them together and close to their family in District 21. The unit was on the other side in a line holding it together for Kevin and mostly for his siblings who had been through enough.
It was a bit past noon when April and baby Mia's funeral began, we had all changed, and most of the people had gone home after Kevin's funeral, witch made April's a lot more private and a lot more sad since there were only people that knew her and loved her. I was trying to hide behind huge sunglasses, but it wasn't working, the tears were just falling, and halfway through the service I had started to sob when I felt my son's hand to slip into mine, and another pair of hands sneaked around me keeping me from falling to the ground. It didn't take a lot to figure out that it was Jay, he was holding me tightly close to his body like he could shelter me, protect me from all the pain I was feeling.
The ceremony ended and people started to leave the grave, heading towards the restaurant where the repast was going to be held when i realized JJ wasn't holding my hand any longer. Frantically i started looking around when i saw him stepping closer to the freshly covered grave, i stepped back towards him and was amazed at what he did next. My strong, smart three and a half year old baby boy kissed the black stuffed dragon in his hand and then carefully placed it on the grave.
- What are you doing money? - i asked curious trying to figure out what was going through his head at this moment, he loved that dragon since the day he was born, he refused to sleep without it and now he was willingly separating with it
- So, Mia can play with it in Heaven - JJ answered innocently and i had to cover my mouth before i fell apart right there in the middle of the cemetery. I kneed down and hugged my boy really tight, i have no idea how did i get so lucky to be able to call this amazing little boy my son but Gosh was i proud of him. I felt a hand on my back and turned my head to find no other then my partner Jay Halstead standing behind me dressed in his dark almost black suit with a small smile on his face
- Come on I'll take you to the restaurant - he said offering me a hand to get up
- No it's okey, his car seat is in Hank's car, we'll see you there - i said rubbing my hand up and down on JJ's back
- It's in my car, Voight said he needs to take care of something and asked me to make sure you to get to the restaurant safely - Jay explained and slid his hand on the lower part of my back guiding me me towards his GMC.
- Where is grandpa? - JJ asked and it looked like he was just about to start crying, i was just about to speak up, when Jay spoke first taking me by surprise
- Hey, I'm Jay i work with your mom and grandpa... And i promise you he is alright, he just needed to take care of something and asked me to take you and you mom to the restaurant and make sure you are okey. - Jay crouched in front of my son and said with the most sincere tone he could summon, JJ looked at me, than back at Jay
- I'm JJ... do you like trucks? - my son asked him which made me laugh, give it to a kid to measure people by what car they liked.
- I do, i actually have a big one, do you wanna see it? Maybe if your mom let's me, I'll teach you how to drive it someday. - Jay quickly answered JJ and got his interest mentioning his truck and the possibilities of him driving it; i wasn't surprised that my son loved the idea of the truck it was just another one of the similarities between him and his dad. JJ agreed and even let Jay pick him up and carry him to the GMC. Seeing them like that, bonding, discussing how big the truck was, was something i never expected to see, and it was filling me with utter joy. Jay strapped our son in and helped me get in the truck, for which i was really grateful, considering the tightness of the skirt i was wearing there was no chance i would be able to get in by myself.
The whole ride to the restaurant the boys were discussing cars, and trucks and sports, I just sat there letting it all in, letting the sight of the two most important people in my life to sink in and stay in my memories. On the other hand, I was glad that JJ looked a lot more like himself, a lot more cheerful, it was a good thing to see, my hart was still hurting, and it would hurt for a long time, but he was just a kid he deserved a happy, joyful childhood. We got to the restaurant and Jay helped me get out of the truck, then got JJ out and the tree of us walked into the building.
The room was big, the tables were dress in black table cloths, the chairs were covered with white covers with black ribbons and the centerpieces were candles in the front there were big portraits of April and Kevin surrounded by flowers and more candles. A lot of people had already taken a seat on different tables, at the far end away from the doors but closer to the portraits were set few big tables and i could make it even from this distance that they were meant for us, the closest people to Kevin and April. Jay, JJ and I made our way towards those tables when JJ ran forward and disappeared between some people, i hurried after him stepping around a table when i heard my son's cheerful voice
- Uncle Will you're finally here - my son squealed and jumping in the arms of no other than William Halstead, this was the first time he was meting the guy in person but it was like they knew each other their whole lives, which was partly true since Will knew JJ since his birth, but what was more interesting was the fact that from all of the people he knew the only one my son has ever called uncle was Will without having any idea how right he actually was with that statement.
- Oh, wow you're gotten so big J-man - Will said checking out my son, i got close and gave Nat a hug, it wasn't the best place to meet and i hope we don't have to do it again soon, but it as nice seeing my best friend. A little bubbly toddler was sitting in a booster seat right between Natalie and Will my godson was one year old already and he was so adorable, he looked just like his dad with his reddish hair and big brown eyes, but i could also see Nat's smile in his beautiful little face
- How're holding up? - Nat asked and i shook my head
- Not good, trying to be strong for JJ but it's not that easy, how about you? - Nat just shrugged her shoulders, i could see the pain in her eyes, pain that i could feel to me too, but i also knew that it was way harder for Nat since she was working with April, and was used to see her every day at work
- It's hard being at the Er and not seeing her, i've cought myself a few time calling her name... It helps that Will is finally back it makes it a little bit easier - she said and we looked at the tall ginger guy who was still holding my son playing with him and the little bubbly Nate
- It's nice finally seeing you in person Will, i'm sorry it had to be in these circumstances - i said smiling sadly getting his attention and he put JJ on the ground
- Me too Erin, and i'm so sorry for your loss - he said and gave me a big hug and kissed the top of my head. Hugging him was so strangely comfortable, so familiar and at the same time new, but then again he was the older brother of the man that i spent the last four years of my life loving. And speaking about Jay i heard him clear his throat behind me and Will let go of me
- Jay, little brother it's good to see you - Will said giving Jay a man hug, the confusion on Jay's face was evident even a bland man could see it it was fun to watch
- I thought you're coming back next week.. - Jay stated moving his gaze from his brother, to Nat, to me and back to his brother
- I changed it, look man i'm sorry about Kevin - Will said clapping his brother's shoulder in support
- Yeah, thanks... Do you know each other? - Jay asked a minute later pointing between Will and me
- Oh, i'm sorry Jay this is Erin Nate's godmother and Nat's best friend... - Will started introducing me and i had to cough to hide the laugh that was threatening to escape my lips
- More like sister but yeah - Nat pinched in nonchalantly giving me a little nudge
- Yeah i would of totally introduces you sooner if you weren't so damn obsessed with your mystery girl - Will added and this time he got my attention and i couldn't hide the surprise on my face
- Ellie ... - was all Jay said, looking straight into my eyes
- Yeah, her... - Will agreed not noticing the glances his brother and i were exchanging
- Ellie - Jay repeated and this time i could see an ocean of emotions in his eyes
- Yeah, i heard you the first time, what's wrong with you did i ... - Will started saying but Jay interrupted him
- No, Will, she is Ellie, she is my mystery girl - Jay tried to explain to his brother to which Nat gave me a little nudge and when i looked at her she mouthed "He knows?", to which i shook my head slightly and whispered back "Not yet"
- Wait what? I'm confused - Will said and i couldn't stop myself this time i had to laugh
- Will, Natalie this is Erin Elisabeth Lindsay also known as Ellie, the girl i fell in love with at rehab - Jay explained and with every word coming out of his mouth you could hear the admiration, the pure love he had towards me.
- You knew, didn't you? - Will asked Natalie, and Jay's gaze focused on his sister in law anticipating her response
- Yeah, she told me when i picked Nate and me from the airport after our visit in New York. And before you say anything it wasn't my place to say - Nat told the boys and they had to agree with her.
After we had figured out how we knew each other, we decided to sit down and eat. I had to admit I didn't expect things to go this way and I didn't plan on having this whole discussion in a restaurant where we were honoring our fallen friends, but I was glad it was out of the way. The rest of the night was filed with stories and memories about Kevin and April, about how each of us met them, about our favorite memory of them. For my surprise, Hank never made it to the restaurant, but I received a text message that he was okey, that was taking Olivia Benson to the airport and that he'll see me home, so I wasn't worried about him.
It was around midnight when we finally decided to put and end to the already long day and said our goodbyes to the people that were still in the restaurant. Will made me promise to have dinner with them this upcoming weekend, and he let us leave only when I said yes. Jay put JJ in the car and made sure he was buckled correctly before he helped me in and ran in front of his GMC and got into the driver's seat and took off towards my house.
By the time we made it home JJ was sound asleep, Jay parked the truck in front of the house and helped me get out before he opened the back door
- I'll take him - I tried to step closer to the back seat, but he didn't allow me
- Ell, it's okey I can carry him in you just get the door - Jay said sliding his arm up and down my back for a moment before he started unbuckling JJ's car seat. I knew there was no point in me protesting, so I just grabbed the keys from my purse and headed towards the stair, vaguely acknowledging the fact that the house was dark and that Hank's SUV wasn't in his parking spot. I unlocked the door and walked in turning the light and leaving my purse on the table next to the door, Jay walked after me with still sleeping JJ in his arms, and Jay's suit jacket was spread over my son's tiny body like a blanket. I walked further into the house, turning lights and opening doors, with Jay following me until we got to JJ's bedroom. Jay put the slipping boy on the bed and carefully removed his jacket from around him and stepped away. I stepped in and undressed JJ and carefully dressed him in camo pj's when I was done I covered him with his blanket and placed a kiss on his head and moved towards the door before I finally looked up to see Jay looking at the sleeping boy.
- He is mine, isn't he? - He asked without any traces of anger, or disapproval, or hate in his voice, on the contrary, his voice was filled with love and adoration and longing. He moved his gaze from the bed and looked at me, and his eyes were filled with desire
- Yes - was my simple respond and before I could realize what was happening, with few quick steps he had shortened the distance between us, his hands were on both sides of my face and his lips had crushed against mine in the most passionate kiss I've ever experienced.