As I haven't received any feedback since the last update, I don't know if people really like this story, or are just reading it to kill some time. If you are enjoying this story please let me know, otherwise I'll assume that no one wants it, and my time can be utilised more productively with writing rather than posting.

Linda

**

Chapter 14

Three weeks later

Everything had been going so well, too well. Lois and he were dating exclusively, he seemed to be winning her over slowly; and life couldn't have been better. So it only made sense that it all had to hit the fan sooner or later. He'd been hoping it wouldn't happen until after he managed to get his ring on her finger; then at least she could yell and storm at him all she liked, but he wouldn't have to worry about where he'd be sleeping that night, nor would she be able to get away. Not that she was getting away now; he just had to figure out how to charm her back, without looking like a complete dickhead.

He was supposed to be on his way to her place to spend the weekend. He'd been hoping to slowly coax her into letting him stay a couple of nights during the week as well, but after listening to her message on his answer machine, he figured that he'd be lucky if she let him sleep with Fred.

He hit play again, cringed and shook his head. Ok, he needed help; he needed the kind of help only others in the business could give. Correction: others who were men and would know how to charm back their lady love, without losing their self esteem in the process.

Unfortunately his only real experience in dealing with an angry girlfriend or partner was Lana, and she'd enjoyed it when he grovelled. She'd enjoyed it less when he eventually told her to fuck off; but he'd certainly relished the experience. However, Lois was a very different woman to his ex-wife; Lois would never respect a man who allowed himself be used as a doormat, and he never intended to be that again either. So if he wanted to keep her esteem and gain her love, then he needed advice on how to soothe down her ruffled feathers, without looking like a total loser in the process.

Knowing exactly where he could get said advice, he spun into the suit, flew out his apartment window, and made straight for the Watchtower.

Stopping on the threshold to the main room, he was relieved to find only the men were present. The fact that they were all talking about him and Lois was kind of deflating, but deciding that his best course of action was just to brazen it out; he walked into the room and called out a general greeting "Hey guys."

The men stopped talking, turned to look at him, turned back to each other and nodded.

"He's in the dog house." Bart declared loudly.

"Oh yeah, he's in deep shit." AC confirmed with twitching lips.

His shoulders drooped "Yeah I am." Clark sighed, took a seat at the table, and rested his chin in his hand "You are talking about me right?"

"Uh huh, so how bad is it?"

"It's not that bad." He replied sulkily.

"Bull." Victor retuned succinctly "If it wasn't that bad, you wouldn't be here chatting with us, you'd be snuggling up with Lois, so spill."

"I spend time with you guys." He felt insulted at the slur that he didn't have time for his friends.

"Not on the weekends man; we all know that unless it's a Superman emergency, or we make specific plans to get together; come Friday night you're unavailable." AC held up a hand at Clark's frown "Hey we're all just jealous that we don't have someone soft and feminine to cuddle up with on the weekends; if we did, we'd plan our buddy time around that too, so don't worry about it."

Nodding, he raked a hand through his hair "I don't have anyone this weekend either; I don't think." Huffing out a deep breath, he tapped his fingers on the table "Why are women so.... grrrr." He finished, shaking his hands in frustration.

"Maybe it's that time of the month?" Bruce chimed in helpfully.

"For the love of everything holy, don't even suggest that to her." Oliver recommended with a slight shiver.

"I'm with Oliver, don't even go there man." Victor agreed with a rapid headshake.

"Well I think it's insulting and crass of you to even suggest that Bruce, and what's worse is that Oliver and Victor actually gave your boorish assumption validity, by making it sound like Lois shouldn't even be offended by such an asinine theory in the first place." Bart declared loudly, then turned and muttered to Clark "X-ray around buddy, make sure none of the women have arrived, and are secretly listening in."

The men all sat up straight, eyes wide and alert with fear.

After a quick scan of the watchtower, Clark gave the good news "No, we're good; they're not here."

After slouching back in their seats, Bart patted Clark on the back "Oh well in that case, I agree with Oliver and Victor; if you value your hide, don't even imply that might be the reason."

"You're a coward Bart." Bruce sneered with a wide grin.

"You bet." He agreed swiftly without even a hint of shame "I made the mistake of telling an ex that maybe her monthly was the reason for her nutso behaviour once. Well the look she threw in my direction, made my balls wanna curl up and hide."

Each man automatically crossed their legs in alarm and protection.

"Yeah, and that's why she's an ex." Bart nodded meaningfully "It's also why I defend women loudly against that accusation, until I know for sure there aren't any around."

"I think we've all been on the receiving end of that look, and maybe adopting your practice is a good idea." AC put in thoughtfully while all the men bar one nodded.

Bruce shook his head incredulous "Are you superheroes or yellow bellied cowards?"

"Can't we be both?" Oliver tapped his chin thoughtfully "Superheroes when there's some ass to be kicked; and cowards when there's some woman's ass we need to kiss?"

"Well as you know discretion is the better part of valour." Clark reminded them all pointedly "So we're not being cowards; just....prudent."

Bruce rolled his eyes and let out a scoffing laugh.

"Tell you what Buddy, the next time Dianna's a little pissy, why don't you be the brave Dark Knight, and ask her if she's got her period." Bart smirked.

They all looked at Bruce with brows lifted in patient mockery, enjoying the way he shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

Bruce pulled at his shirt collar, smiled weakly and hoping to change the subject, got back to the matter at hand "So Clark, are you gonna tell us what Lois said when she kicked you out?"

"She didn't kick me out...yet." Clark replied wounded, then ducked his head "I'm supposed to spend the weekend with her but..." He coughed and smiled "....but I was wondering if maybe I should give her a couple of days to cool down before going to make up."

"So you're here to hang with the guys and play poker, until Lois cools down?" AC clarified slowly.

"Um I ah....yeah and um I was thinking, maybe you guys could give me a little advice." He scratched his cheek absently, but refused to meet anyone's eyes.

"Well why don't you tell us exactly what happened and we'll try and help." Bruce obligingly suggested.

Considering he'd already heard them all talking, he knew that asking was pointless but couldn't help looking at each man hopefully in turn "Does that mean you haven't seen the news?"

At the quick grins, cleared throats and eye rolling he received in reply, Clark figured he had his answer already. However, that wasn't going to stop his friends from rubbing it in.

Oliver grinned quick and bright "Oh we've seen the news, I'd say that everyone in the worlds seen it. But the stories are kind of conflicted, so if you want our help, we need to know what really happened."

Clark winced and closed his eyes "How bad has it been; I've only caught a few sound bites and they were awful, but I haven't had the courage to actually look, or take any calls from mom and Chloe. Thank god the work day was almost finished and I didn't have to go back to the Planet afterwards, because I know that everyone there would have been talking as well."

"Oh it hasn't been bad at all; it's been very entertaining actually." Oliver cocked his head to the side inquisitively "So tell me; did Superman really tell Lois Lane to shut up?"

Clark's head drooped before bobbing up and down.

"Man you are in deep doggy doo." Victor shook his head pitifully.

He looked up, saw his friends faces, and his contorted in agreement "Yeah, and considering the size of Lois' dog, it really is deep."

AC patted his friend's back in commiseration "The news has been full of people saying that Superman saved them from an incompetent bank robber, but it wasn't seeing Supes in action they found so fascinating, it was watching him fight with his girlfriend."

He groaned and rubbed his hands over his face "Shit."

"It didn't take long for Lois to become your girlfriend." Bart put in politely.

"She said that she wasn't." He riposted; feeling both hopeful that would help squash the rumour mill, and crestfallen that she'd been so adamant about it.

"Everyone who was there said that Superman and Lois had a lover's spat, and when she yelled that she wasn't your girlfriend, you yelled back even louder that she was." Victor put in helpfully.

Bruce tapped the table with his finger "Actually to be precise, he roared back; like hell you're not." He finished with a straight face.

"I did shut up...kind off...after it was all over; and I didn't speak to the media." He replied weakly.

"Yes, you seem to have contracted laryngitis, only after you'd already let the cat out of the bag Clark." Oliver replied dryly.

"Way to be discreet man." Victor guffawed, cuffing his friend on the arm.

He sighed once again, and scrubbed his hands over his face "Yeah, and now Lois is beyond pissed."

"What's she pissed about exactly? That you told her to shut up, or that you told her she was your girlfriend, or that you told everyone she was your girlfriend. Those are three different things to be pissed about." AC questioned curiously.

Clark looked at his friends "I need help."

"Well as Oliver said before, the stories are kind of conflicting. See at the moment there are two camps, the men's and the women's; and as such there are two different views about what was actually said. The only thing they all agree on is that Superman and Lois Lane had a lover's quarrel, and she is most definitely his girlfriend." Bruce smiled kindly at his friend and coaxed persuasively "So we'll be happy to help you out, but we need to know exactly what happened first."

Bobbing his head, Clark exhaled heavily and began explaining "See this afternoon I was at work....."

Everyone sat forward interested. From the time Lois Lane and Superman's squabble had hit the news, each man had been dying to hear the whole story.

Earlier in the day

Clark couldn't stop from smiling as he typed up his story; this was a beauty, it wasn't Pulitzer worthy but it was still worth a few kudos. Perry had been pleased, then again his editor was always pleased when they beat the competition; not that Perry considered The Star worthy of being called competition.

His fingers flew over the keyboard gleefully, he'd had to slow down once or twice when Chloe hissed at him to remember that he was in public, but he was too excited. This was his first exclusive from start to finish; this story would have only his name under the heading, and he found it hard to temper the burst of satisfaction he felt.

Once the story was finished, he scanned it over, checked it again and again, before emailing it to Perry, then sat back feeling quite chuffed with himself.

He grabbed his mug, pushed back his chair, and walked towards the kitchen when the news on the TV finally penetrated his consciousness. Almost simultaneously, he felt a sinking feeling in his gut, his heart wobbled and remembering that the last time he'd felt like this Lois had been in danger, he rushed towards the stairwell and was gone.

He flew as fast as he could to Seattle, stopped above the bank, saw the police cars surrounding the building, saw that the area had been cordoned off, and after x-raying through the bank walls felt his heart tilt once again. He saw a room full of people; one of whom was Lois sitting on the floor, while an armed man told the teller behind the counter to hurry up.

It was obvious the idiot hadn't given any thought to what the hell he was doing. When the teller put the bags on the counter, the thief looked between the gun he held in one hand, to the door that pulled inwards, to the three full bags and groaned. Clearly he'd given no thought to the fact that to get out of the bank with the money and a weapon; he'd need at least one free hand.

Clark watched with interest wondering what the guy was going to do, then shook his head in resignation when Lois began to call out helpful suggestions.

The man looked at Lois, waved his gun and told her to stuff it; which of course just encouraged her to be even more disparaging. Deciding he'd better go down there before she got her fool head blown off, he swooped down and flew through the window coming to a stop between the thief and Lois.

Turning side on to keep an eye on the thief, but ensuring that Lois knew he meant business, he stood in his Superman stance and glared at his love.

She got to her feet and smiled at him "It's about time you got here."

He was in no mood to be charmed and glowered in return "It's about time I got here, is that all you can say?"

"Umm, thank you." Her winsome smile dropped off her face at his next words.

"Thank you." He snorted back rudely "God Lois, can't you shut up even when a lunatic is pointing a gun at your head."

"Shut up, did you just tell me to shut up?!" She hissed back, glaring daggers at him.

"Yeah I did. What the hell did you think you were doing?" He demanded, casually reaching out to take the gun and crushing it.

"I was giving him suggestions on how to get out of here." She returned snottily, then added for good measure "And his gun was nowhere near my head."

"You were just trying to needle him is what you were doing." He countered back flatly.

"I was trying to be helpful."

"Bull." He raked a hand through his hair in exasperation "You're 35 Lois, when are you going to learn to keep quiet and be discreet."

Her eyes turned to slits "You dare to drag my age into this?"

"I'm just saying that you...."

"I know exactly what you were saying; you're saying that I'm old." She cut in with a growl.

"I didn't say that you were ol..."

"Hey you two, have you forgotten that we have a situation here?" The thief cut in waving his empty hand around, then shrugged uncomfortably when the patrons looked at him and rolled their eyes, before turning back to catch the rest of the conversation between the superhero and the woman.

"Shut up!"

"Butt out!"

They turned and yelled at the perpetrator simultaneously, before turning back to each other once again.

"Gees, I thought I had issues with my girlfriend" He muttered loudly enough for everyone to hear.

Lois looked at the crook, pointed at Clark and shouted "I am not his girlfriend."

"Yes you are."

"Like hell I am." She yelled, whipping back and shoving her face closer to his.

"Like hell you're not." He bellowed louder, moving his face closer to hers.

"If you don't want him honey; I'll take him." A buxom blonde called out.

"He's all yours." Lois sniffed disparagingly then turned back to Clark "Well don't just stand there, make yourself useful and stop him before he runs away?"

"And where's he gonna run to Lois, to all the cops that are waiting for him outside?" Clark asked sarcastically, before picking the thief up, moving him to the corner, grabbing the flag that was standing there and tying him up, before stomping back to stand in front of her once again "Happy?"

"Ecstatic." She snorted back rudely.

The bank guard stepped outside to give the all clear, the patrons got their feet, the police came in and cuffed the robber, but instead of anyone moving or talking, all stood and watched the floor show that was still going on between Superman and the woman.

Lois poked Clark in the chest then poked him again for good measure "Well what are you waiting for, you've stopped him; so you can just go to wherever it is you go."

"I'm not going anywhere until we settle this." He folded his arms tighter.

"We have settled this; you think I'm old and need to shut up." She replied pugnaciously.

"I didn't say that you were old." He gritted out between his teeth.

He and Lois kept stormy eyes locked; the bank was dead silent as everyone waited wondering what was going to happen next.

The blonde who'd called out earlier slinked over, wrapped an arm around his waist, rubbed her boob against his arm and smiled "Don't go anywhere without me honey; she did say that you were all mine." His lips quirked when she put her hand on his upper arm, squeezed and her eyes became round with delight "Wow, you're all muscle."

Lois snorted and cut in nastily "Don't waste your time Bambi, unless you're under 20, he'll just think you're too old."

"I did not say that you were old." He snarled in frustration.

"You implied it." She shot back.

"My names not Bambi."

"Take the blonde Superman; she's younger so she's still trainable." The thief called out encouragingly.

"Trainable….trainable?!" Lois screeched, swinging around to face the man.

"Yeah, and she's also stacked." He taunted deliberately.

"Are you saying that I'm not stacked?" She demanded wrathfully.

"Oh baby you are; hubba, hubba." He heard one cop mutter under his breath to his partner, right before the thief hollered back "You're a loud mouthed broad."

The cops jumped in front of the guy, he quickly wrapped one arm arms around Lois' waist and held her back; thanking god for super quick reflexes and strength as she began to wiggle against his arm.

"Let me go!"

"What are you gonna do?"

"I'm going to kick him, and then I'm going to punch him, and then I'm going to kick him again." She yelled, shooting the guy a venomous look.

The idiot certainly had a death wish or just felt safe in police hands. As they began to lead him out, he called back one last time "Take my advice and dump the brunette Superman; I had a girlfriend like her once and she didn't know when to shut up either."

"I AM NOT HIS GIRLFRIEND!!" Lois shrieked back.

"I am now." The blonde sang out cheerfully.

While the police were dragging the man out, Lois was still straining against his hold, the blonde was still batting her eyes at him, he was silently berating himself, and the patrons began to whisper and argue amongst themselves.

"He didn't say that she was old, he just said that she needed to shut up."

"He insinuated that she was old."

"He didn't, he just said that being 35 she should know better."

"Well he shouldn't have referred to her age young man, I'm older than her and I don't appreciate that remark."

"Now Thelma he never said that she was old."

"Oh hush, and turn your hearing aid up George, he said that she was old."

"My hearing aid is up, and he just said that she was his girlfriend."

"He said that she was old and his girlfriend."

"Why do women only hear what they want to? He never said that she was old."

Listening to them, he wanted to bang his head against the wall. He wished, really and truly wished that just like in Groundhog Day, everyone would forget this day had ever happened.

Present

"So you see guys, I really need help." He looked at his friends, noted they were all snickering and called out "Guys!"

"Just how stacked was the blonde?" Bart asked curiously.

"You didn't see her on the news?" Clark asked dryly.

"Yeah, but describe her anyway."

He glared at Bart humourless "Look this isn't funny; Lois is really angry."

Knowing they had to help their friend out of the jam he'd gotten himself into; throats were cleared and faces sobered.

"Clark didn't you learn anything about women from your ex-wife?"

"Only what turns me off." He replied in a tone so grave, that the men had to bite the inside of their cheeks to keep their countenance.

"Well here's something that you need to know..." AC enunciated his words carefully, and shook his head slowly for emphasis "...a man never, EVER drags a woman's age into an argument; no matter how much or little the provocation."

"But I only said…."

"Nuh!" Oliver held up his finger.

"I only meant…"

"Uh!" Victor raised his hand.

His face contorted and he almost wailed "I didn't mean anything by it."

The men looked at each other, sighed and just shook their heads in pity.

Oliver tapped his friend on the shoulder and spoke clearly "Um Clark maybe I should have warned you, but the media loves to speculate about superheroes; they want to know if we have a significant other, what we do in our spare time, etc, etc, etc." At his nod, Oliver continued "So the first rule about the superhero business is to ensure the media doesn't get any information about your personal life."

He grimaced and looked at his friend shamefaced, then swung his eyes to the next person who began to speak.

"Superman is big news, you might not have noticed this, but since his first appearance the media have been on a frenzy to find out any personal details about him that they can. They're particularly interested in knowing if he has a special lady in his life, especially since he doesn't seem to be in Metropolis on the weekends, but does tend to pop up in Seattle more often than not." Bruce finished sardonically.

Clark raked a hand through his hair and groaned.

"And now that people have heard Superman call Lois Lane his girlfriend, and those people told the news crews who were waiting outside the bank..." Bart trailed off and nudged the friend sitting next to him

"And the newshounds have found out that Lois lives in Seattle, she has now been dubbed Superman's girlfriend all over the media, all around the world." Victor finished dryly.

"Shit." Clark swore long and succinctly in his head "I was just so....."

"What?"

"I was just relieved that she was ok, and angry that she'd been so mouthy to the guy who was holding the gun, that I just spoke without thinking." He replied blowing out a deep breath.

"Uh huh, are you saying there wasn't a tiny part of you that wasn't ticked off, because Lois declared aloud that she wasn't your girlfriend?" AC asked politely and when Clark flushed, he inclined his head.

"Well I'd say that you've got a couple of problems. You don't want everyone believing that Lois really is Superman's girlfriend, and I'm guessing that you wanna get back into her good books as well, right?" Bruce asked calmly.

"Yes to both, but how the hell do I stop the Lois is Superman's girlfriend train, now that it's already started?"

"You could take the blonde up on her offer." Bart put in helpfully, but sobered at the look of rebuke shot his way "Sorry, look maybe you could play up to a few other women, and then the media will just think that Superman's a bit of a super-stud."

"Forget it." Clark replied flatly.

"If you try to tell the media that you and Lois aren't involved, they're just going to believe that you are." Oliver said seriously.

"I know."

"Look Clark, I'm not going to say it wasn't funny because the whole thing just sounds like a huge farce, but unless you find a way to stop the media in its tracks..."

"I know Bruce." Clark nodded and swiped a hand over his face "On the one hand I think maybe it'll help; especially when Lois interviews criminals for her books. I'd like to think they'd think twice before trying anything if they believe she has a super-boyfriend, but on the other hand she'll be hounded everywhere she goes." He rubbed his chin and grimaced "Lois is beyond pissed; after I left the bank I flew around for a while making myself useful, and when I got home I had a message on my answer machine from her. First she thanked me nicely for telling the world that she was my girlfriend, then she yelled that her message machine is full of calls from the media who want to talk to her about our relationship, then she screeched that all her friends want to know if she's dating Clark and/or Superman."

"Yow." Victor shivered "Well here's my advice for what it's worth; go and make up with Lois tonight, don't give her time to cool down, because more than likely all she'll do is get angrier, especially if she just keeps getting more and more calls." Clark nodded in agreement and noted the others were doing likewise.

"It sounds like you were both at fault about the argument though." Bart put in with a light frown.

He nodded slowly "Yeah, I mean it was pretty obvious the thief was an idiot, but when Lois started needling him, it pissed me off."

"It pissed you off because you were scared."

"Yeah, usually when I save someone I'm happy that I made it in time, this time I was angry because idiot or not, the guy could have killed her."

"Maybe you need to tell her that." AC suggested quietly.

"Did you ever get angry at Lana for almost getting killed?" Oliver asked curiously.

Clark sneered lightly "Nope, not only is Lana too wimpy to take anyone on, but when she needed help I was just glad to be the one to save her, and that was it. Lana only ever stirred the most shallow of emotions in me; she needed to be looked after, I was a hero blah blah..." His lips hitched up in a soft smile "Lois is the only one who's ever managed to pull all the deeper emotions out of me. She did it when we were kids, and she started doing it again when I saw her in the restaurant."

"Maybe that's why you liked Lana when you were a kid." Bruce replied thoughtfully "From everything you've said, and from what I've heard, you felt like an outsider right?" Clark nodded in agreement "And Lana needed to be saved every freaking day from someone or something, correct?" He rolled his eyes and nodded again "Ok, so maybe subconsciously you thought that if you could get this normal pretty girl to fall for you, then you'd feel less like an outsider, and more accepted. The fact that she made you feel like a hero was the icing."

Clark let out a laughing groan and scrubbed a hand over his face "Yeah Bruce I think you're right."

The men all chuckled lightly, gave Clark a few more words of advice, and when he rose to go and see Lois, they sent him off with good luck wishes.