Bella's Point of View
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I wonder if anyone knows how I felt. I was staring hazily up at the dark ceiling of the quiet room, my small breaths coming out as pants as they echoed around me, suffocating every thought I could manage. I pressed my lips against the bandages on my arm, wishing so much that I could break out of here. I couldn't even think about….him. He was long gone now. Edward had died, and once again, everything in my world came crashing down. I curled up into a ball on the small mattress, hugging my legs to my chest to stop the feeling of drowning in sorrow. It felt as if my heart had sunk through the floor, though I wished my heart rate would plummet with it.
I turned over and screamed into my pillow. The sounds of my screams echoed throughout the small dark room. I screamed for the pain of losing my daughter as the feelings started to rush through me as I could almost feel her little nudges in my stomach. The feelings from being raped started to fall down upon me. Edward helped keep those away, but he was gone now. Edward. I screamed even louder, as tears rushed down faster than ever before. I slid off the bed and crawled to the corner, curling up into a tight ball. I wished for the drugs that took me away from here, and dulled the pain. The sedative took me back to sleep, where the pain was still there, but dulled and where I could see my darlings. I suppose that was the only place to see Edward now.
My delusions started to come back. I watched my little Elizabeth play in a field of flowers. The warming spring months brought butterflies fluttering against the winds and light flowers twirling around her. I imagined her eyes in the dark watching the fireflies flicker under the midnight moon, dancing as the lights from candles illuminated them, captivated by the scene of dark butterfly moths approaching the porch light that always guided her home. Her little eyelids softly closed over her dark emerald eyes as exhaustion kissed her babyish face. Her light mutterings and sighs reached to me as her silky baby hair twirled around my fingertips. Her small body draped over the soft fabric of my old calico dress, as her head rested in the palms of my hands.
Edward came next. He was back next to me, his rough hands tilting my head up to meet his light green eyes, smiling as I saw the twinkle of amusement and love shine in his eyes. The priest declared us man and wife, after Edward's deep voice broke with emotion as he said his vows, making him mine. Edward running after Elizabeth as she played in the sunny backyard, their faces turning bright red with laughter as he chased her, the grass stains appearing on his light cotton shirt. His deep musk smell pulling me closer as we overlooked the meadow near my first home, turned red and orange as the sunset drew to a close on a crisp fall day. The crickets and calming sounds of cicadas were heard with their loud songs as I put my head down on Edward's shoulder, watching Elizabeth playing in front of us.
I even imagined my stomach ballooning to hold the children I knew we'd be having. Edward and Elizabeth's hands clasping over my moving stomach as the small baby kicked hard against the wall of my stomach.
It was hard to imagine anything anymore. I doubled over in pain as I thought about it. I knew they wouldn't sedate me. They'd wait for me to calm down, when I was turning catastrophic. I pressed my fingertips against my lips as I slightly bit down on them, waiting for them to come and sedate me. They would never have let me out of there, because I didn't have any desire to leave anymore. Everything I had was there. I closed my eyes and waited. Maybe this was what it was like to go insane. I grabbed my stomach where my baby used to be and I held close. After a while, I just slipped away from the world, into where reality met imagination. My dreams.
Edward's Point of View
Maybe I was dreaming. I could hear the light breaths of someone as I heard a constant beat. I recognized it almost immediately. The beats of a heart monitor were as foreign to me as breathing. I had grown up in a hospital. Carlisle, my father, had taken me to work each day off and showed me to his staff as his pride and joy. He would show me each floor and let me press the buttons on the elevator as we rode up to his office. I would get to meet each of his patients as he made his daily rounds. Dad would teach me about everything I would ask, never holding back. I remember his speeches to me about drugs and alcohol and my pledges to never be one of the people in the hospital that we passed at night in the E.R. I would never be the one sobbing about my stupid mistake, especially drunk driving. Oh, how wrong I was.
I still remembered the day that Carlisle found out about my drugs and alcohol. I saw a slight tinge of anger in his eyes, and the light disapproval that coloured his eyes slightly darker. The worst though, was I saw his disappointment in himself. I could see the same thing I did in him. I watched as he started blaming himself in his head, thinking he was the worst parent in the world. He didn't even say anything to me. He just slightly shook his head and turned to walk away. I grabbed his arm like a child, clutching it to me, begging for forgiveness, but he just kept walking.
He didn't talk to me for four days, and I could've counted each and every second.
We haven't been the same since.
I knew I had been this way before. The small pants had belonged to Esme, as my brother, Damien watched from the doorway of the small hospital room. I wondered if it was the same now. I could feel a light body draped across my bed, heavy on my legs. I wasn't quite sure how I got there, not remembering what got me in the hospital this time. The last thing I remembered was Bella waking me up. Shit, how long ago was that? I suppose it didn't matter.
Shit. Bella. Where was she and how was she? I wondered if the had let her see me. She was probably fine, but I worried so much about her. I knew what damage she could do when she was alone. I missed her just thinking about her. I couldn't wait to see her. Speaking of which, how bad was I?
I groaned slightly as I tried to stretch my muscles. They were tight and sore and it was hard to move. I felt the soreness of a tube in my throat, and I crinkled my nose as it made me want to choke. My hand went up to it, trying to pull it out, when a hand stopped me. I slightly opened my eyes. Damien's dark, jet black hair was long and straight, falling against his head. If it wasn't too long after whatever had happened, then it must've been about two months since I saw him last.
Damien glared at me, but I saw in his eyes the relief. I looked down, and there, in fact, was my mother. She was snoring slightly. The bright sunshine streamed through a window at the side. Damien's eyes glowed their odd hazel-gold colour. He was only a year younger, and got perfect grades. I made fun of him for his emo look, obnoxious music, odd girlfriend, and extreme intelligence. I was the more favoured of us two, at least by our parents. He hung out with the loners, and took all advanced classes. His hair used to be a nice blonde, but one day, when I came home at midnight, I peeked into his room to see a black haired boy with a lip ring.
We used to be close, but as he got older, my friends and I started excluding him. Damien had always been very anxious. We would scare him and he would run away and hide. We laughed at his tears. He was about a year younger than me, but he never fit it with us. He would spend most of his time in his bedroom, or in the lower bunk when we shared a room. Damien always had his nose in a book or doing homework. Everything changed when he turned fourteen.
His friends started coming over more, and he started changing. He listened to odd music and got a piercing below his mouth. My parents were not happy about it but were always in favour of self expression. He became happier, but different. Damien's grades soared high, and within a year, he had moved into his own room, painted one wall black, gotten a girlfriend, and changed his entire style. We were no longer brothers in my eyes.
The hardest part of being in that hospital bed was looking at him. I could see the resentment in his eyes of me being there. I could see the sheer anger, for upsetting our parents, I was certain. I saw the relief that his brother was awake. All of the sudden, I saw the tears form in his eyes, and he slammed his head against the table next to my bed, followed by face palming himself, and leaving the room. Mom barely stirred.
Damien came back within a few minutes, a nurse and doctor following behind. They gently woke my mom up, who looked at me crying, acting as if it was a miracle that I was alive at all. She called my dad on her cell phone, and he came quickly. The doctor let dad take the tube out from my throat, instructing me that it would be uncomfortable and painful for a while. Mom and dad went out in the hall to talk to the doctor, leaving Damien and me alone. I could see the panic that sprung up in his eyes as soon as they left, like a caged animal stuck in a small area with a predator. He lunged for the door as quickly as possible, grabbing the door handle just as I got my voice.
"Stop!" I croaked, my throat burning.
He froze, turning to look at me.
"You haven't seen me in two months. Don't leave just as I'm waking up." I begged.
"It was your choice to be sent here. It was your choice to do what you did. It was your choices that led you up to being here in this hospital room, after struggling for days to stay alive. That's not my fault. And you're right. I haven't seen you in two months, because you were stupid enough to get yourself sent here, so what right do you think you have to boss me around to stop me from getting the hell away from you." Damien hissed, his eyes burning golden.
I was stunned. He had always been quiet to me, rolling his eyes at my insults, a small hi, maybe. Damien never talked. He had changed a lot in the past month.
My mouth opened and closed for a minute. My little brother?
"I've changed, Edward. I'm different. After all, while you were here, I was sitting at home, watching the toll on mom and dad as each call came in saying that you weren't doing any better. I sat there while the bills rolled in, the lawyer bills, hospital bills, medication bills, insurance bills, and every other fucking bill you can think of. I watched as mom cried her eyes out and sunk to the floor every night, wanting you to come home so badly, but knowing you weren't ready or okay. All because you fucking screwed up."
His eyes were shining again with tears. He squeezed them shut.
"They're talking about you, you know? Asking if maybe you can finally come home. Asking for answers that the doctor's can't say. Why you did it, if you're going to be okay, wondering if perhaps a different thing will change you, or anything. It's all about you. It's always about you. I'm so sick of it!" He whispered, voice filled with fervor.
"Listen, Damien, I'm so sorry…" I started, but he cut me off.
"Why'd you do it? Huh? You ruined my life. I got so depressed when you left, and seeing mom and dad that depressed, that my girlfriend of a year and a half broke it off with me. My grades started slipping a little bit. My GPA got down to a 3.7. Do you know how low that is for me? Do you even fucking care? So why? Why'd you decide to kill yourself again, just when you were supposed to come home. Couldn't stand us, that much?" He growled, tears starting to run down his face. He always did cry when he was mad and hurt.
"Bella. I couldn't leave her." I whispered, my voice husky. I saw Damien do a double take.
"You care about a girl you met within the past two months, more than your family? We sent you here to get better, not worse. You ninny." He hissed.
I chuckled slightly at his word ninny. I saw Damien's face turn red, and the anger flair up again.
"You disgust me. I wish you had died." He yelled at me before stalking out of the room, and I froze. He had never said anything like that to me before. I could feel the hurt raging through my veins as I bit my teeth down. I wasn't good enough for anyone.
My dad came in for a brief visit, saying they were bringing me home. I obviously wasn't getting any better, so they had a special program designed for me to do at home. I felt my heart sinking.
I asked how long I had been out, and he said I was in a coma for about four days. I growled slightly. I asked how I had gotten this way, but he stayed silent. He said I was only going to be in the psych ward for about three more days, and that I'd be transferring that night because I was doing so much better, and the fact that they would have all the resources I needed there, and it was less than two minutes back to the E.R. if I needed it. I smiled lightly, but inside I was thinking of Bella.
My mother came in next. Seeing her became my unhinging. It was obvious that she was greatly jarred by my being back in the hospital emergency room. She broke down, hugging me close, saying how much she missed me and how she would be bringing me home as soon as possible. I hugged her back, but before I knew it, I was gushing about Bella. She watched, concerned as I explained the story.
"I've never seen you this way before." She stated simply, allowing me a chance to breathe, not a tone of condescension. I smiled at her, and she smiled brightly back.
"I'm leaving her to come home. I couldn't do that. I had to stay with her." I said, suddenly remembering exactly what happened. Mom looked freaked, but then her face smoothed over.
"You can see her when both of you get better. When she's out, she can talk to you, and when you're better, you can talk to her, but you can't be a support for both of you if you can't support yourself." Mom stated, and I knew she was right, but it didn't make it any easier.
We said our goodbyes as they started to put me in the wheelchair. Dad and Mom called their "goodbyes" and "see you soon"s at me, but I noticed that Damien was no where to be seen. They wheeled me silently back into those double locked doors of doom. Everyone was crowded around, except Bella. I looked around for her as they made me stand up, but she was no where. Rosalie came over and I whispered to her.
"She's in the quiet room. She's been in there since you…. She hasn't been out at all. I heard while they weren't listening that she's had so many sedatives that they're banning giving them to her for the time being and that she's gone catastrophic. The doctor's been in there a few times but only comes out shaking his head. Apparently she says jumbled up words or repeats what he says. Or she does nothing at all."
I started fuming. What was wrong with her? Why was she this depressed?
"Apparently she hasn't been sleeping at all, and stays in the corner. She keeps mumbling about you and someone named Elizabeth. I think she thinks you're dead. They aren't telling us anything about it right now." Rosalie whispered through the side of her mouth as they led me to my room. I was under twenty four hour surveillance. I walked into my bathroom and noticed that the shower curtain was gone. Most things I had were gone now. Would I be able to reach her where she went? Where was she?
If there was one thing I knew, was that it was so hard to get to someone who has disappeared into their own little world.
And she was so far gone.
Bella.
A/N
This story is NOT done but it is drawing slowly to a close. I need 7 reviews for this, and I only got 7 last time. : (
Playlist songs:
Drop in the Ocean- Ron Pope
Meet Virginia- Train
Hero (Red Pill Mix)- Superchick
CAMISADO-PANIC! AT THE DISCO
Where The Story Ends- The Fray
We Believe- Good Charlotte
Hold On- Good Charlotte
P.S. None of the characters are mine, but their personalities are and my plotline is, and Damien is totally mine, as well as Edward's mom. Everything else belongs to Stephenie Meyer.
P.P.S. This is what I imagined for Damien: .com/imgres?imgurl=..&imgrefurl=.%3FMemberId%3D8165183629&usg=_dzOXNmvpK9KImtgJLetZUYXUcIg=&h=400&w=277&sz=16&hl=en&start=22&zoom=1&tbnid=zK4BWD76BML2zM:&tbnh=148&tbnw=115&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dhot%2Bblonde%2Bemo%2Bguy%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DX%26rlz%3D1C1CHMZ_enUS392US392%26biw%3D1280%26bih%3D640%26tbs%3Disch:1&um=1&itbs=1&iact=rc&dur=311&ei=CkWFTI6tAoKBlAfs3uCyDw&oei=-USFTPD5BYa0lQfH1_yrDg&esq=3&page=2&ndsp=23&ved=1t:429,r:22,s:22&tx=53&ty=60
Lol sorry bout that link.
-K