Hey! New chapter, it's not great but I need a sort of filler to get to the next bit in the plot, sorry. Still don't own Divergent shockingly enough. I ADORE your reviews, please keep em comin! Favs and follows (aND REVIEWS) are always appreciated! Enjoy!
It felt like I'd been on top of the roof of the old, crumbling building for hours. And the sun had already begun to set, so it must be true, and even though I should've been thinking about what job I wanted, what my ranking would end up being, where my apartment would be, what it would look like...all I could think about was the past.
When I should've been looking towards the future and what it would hold for me, all that popped into my head was my family from Abnegation and how they didn't come and visit me and I didn't even think of going to visit them.
I thought of how Tris...Bea...whatever...she was always there for me. We told each other everything, but somehow I'd missed whatever was happening between her and Four.
I thought about Al, how I'd thought he was our friend, but how quickly he turned on us to save his own skin, how he'd been so cowardly that he'd thrown himself into the chasm rather than face what he'd done to us.
I thought about Peter and how he would probably rank first despite attacking us. Then I realized why he would probably rank first...he had bruises littering is face and neck..someone had beat him up for what he did. Not just someone, it had to have been Eric.
Shaking my head, I let out a long breath. I'd been getting mixed signals from him the minute I got on the roof. He'd teased, taunted, hit me, kissed me, infiltrated my dreams, held my hand, taken care of me, tossed me away. Why was it so difficult for him to just say he liked me or didn't?
It made me think of when I was little and a boy from school, Tristan, would always follow me around and hit me, push me, hug me and do most of what Eric did to me now. He had liked me...but then again, we'd been about six at the time.
Although, after my fear landscape, was I sure how I felt about him? I didn't realize it before, but I was scared of him. Scared he might do the same thing Philip did, scared he might love me, scared I might love him too.
Part of me wanted him to leave and never return...but another part of me, a larger part, wanted him to come up on this roof right now and confess his feelings, kiss me, hold my hand...do something!
I was sick of dancing around, I just wanted everything out on the table.
"I thought you might be up here," I knew it was him without having to turn around. "Do you...wanna talk about it?"
I stared at the nearly set sun and pulled my knees up to my chest. "About what?"
"Ana, don't pull that shit. You know what." he growled, sitting down beside me.
"What do you want me to say? Sorry I'm scared of you raping me after what Philip did? Sorry I couldn't say I love you to a fear landscape version of you? Or sorry that I was too weak to get you off, too weak and let you die?" I asked, my throat getting tighter with every word.
He let out a sigh and I saw him shake his head in my peripherals. "Ana-"
"Please don't." I winced, hearing the tremble in my voice.
"Listen to me," he said, reaching out and turning my head to face him. "I don't want you to be scared of me, Ana."
I shook my head with a disbelieving laugh, "You don't want me to be scared of anything. You think Dauntless should have no weakness, no fear, no feelings of any kind."
"That isn't true." he muttered.
"Like hell it isn't." I snapped, standing up and kicking a stray rock over the edge of the roof.
I heard gravel crunch and assumed he was getting to his feet. "Maybe you fear me so much because you haven't got a damn clue who I am."
"I know exactly who you are," I hissed, turning around and coming face to face with him. "You're an arrogant, self-centered, know-it-all, dick who thinks he can bully anyone he deems weaker than him."
He nodded angrily, "Well don't stop now, keep going."
"You're an asshole, you think you're stronger than everyone, you think you're the alpha dog, you think you're so tough, but when's the last time you had to admit you loved someone? When's the last time you had a-"
"Shut up," he was grinning. That little prick, why does he- suddenly, his mouth was on mine and one of his hands was gripping my waist tightly and the other held my neck carefully, pulling me closer to him.
I wanted to push him off, he was making fun of me. I was furious, I'd just been yelling at him, telling him off and now he was kissing me?! But...at the same time, it just felt...good. Not amazing, not fireworks, not intense, just...good. And I liked it.
When he broke the kiss, he kept his hand on my waist but let go of my neck. "Why did you do that?" I frowned, my voice sounding weaker than I'd wanted.
"Because I wanted to," he shrugged, placing his other hand on my waist as well. "I've wanted to since the first time in the tattoo shop."
Oh my god, what do I do. What do I do?! Demand something of him! Make him say why he's been acting like this!
"If you've been wanting to do that, then why have you been such a dick to me?"
He nodded, biting his lip and looking down. "I didn't want to make it seem like anything was going on between us."
"Anything like what? Nothing was happening between us. All we did was kiss," I frowned. "Tell the truth, you just didn't want to lose your job because you were screwing around with an initiate."
His face turned stony. "Why do you always assume I have bad intentions? That I can't care about someone?"
"Because you're an ass." I snapped. "Because you're so cold and unfeeling and cruel, and there's just no way you would let someone close enough to you for you to care about them."
Woah, what the hell, Ana?
Eric looked shocked and his eyebrows furrowed as he dropped his hands from my waist and backed away.
"Wait, Eric, I didn't.." I reached out and grabbed his hand. "I'm sorry, I'm just...frustrated. You...I feel like you're toying with me and everywhere I go I see you, even when I sleep and it's just..."
He stared at the ground and for a few seconds we stood in silence before he spoke, "Yeah, I have dreams about you too. They keep me up at night. I haven't got a solid nights sleep in weeks."
As he looked up and met my eyes, a warmth spread through me and I couldn't help but smile. "Why are you smiling?" he teased. "This is a serious problem."
"And how will we fix this serious problem?" I grinned, biting my lip and stepping closer to him.
He mockingly looked around as if someone might be watching us, "Well, initiate, tomorrow you'll be a full-fledged Dauntless, and we won't have to worry about the little Leader-initiate problem, will we?"
"Oh but then I'll have much bigger things to deal with than puppy-love." I smirked, wrapping my arms around his neck and standing on my tip toes. "I'll have a job, and an apartment and I'll have to deal with my aching need for-"
He cut me off, crashing his mouth onto mine and gripping my waist so hard I thought I felt myself bruise. He grinned, nipping at my bottom lip and tugging me closer so our bodies were flush against each other.
"We should..." I trailed off with a whimper as he trailed soft kisses down my neck. "Go...it's..already dark." I giggled and pinched his shoulder as he licked the crook of my neck. "C'mon, it's gonna be a pain to climb back down if it gets darker."
He nodded, still pressing kisses to my neck and jaw. "So let's just say till it gets light out."
"We can't," grinning, I pulled myself away from him and walked towards the edge of the roof. "Tris and them will be expecting me."
He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me so my back was hitting his front. "Tris and them have had you all to themselves this whole time," he whispered, leaning down close to my ear. "I can finally kiss you without consequences."
I wormed from his grasp and grinned, "Not till tomorrow you can't. Technically, I'm still an initiate."
"Are you a tease?" Eric raised an eyebrow and edged closer to me, backing me up until the back of my knees hit the guard on the roof.
"Eric!" I gasped, grabbing his arms as my knees buckled and I nearly toppled off the roof.
He smirked, wrapping one arm around my waist. "I won't let you fall."
"Yeah, but I'm still worried." I admitted, my heart thudding against my ribs. "Let's just go down."
Eric leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine one last time and nodded, "Alright, but I'm going down first."
"Why does it matter?" I asked, lifting an eyebrow.
"Because then I'll get such a lovely view."
"Ana! Where have you been?!" Chris gasped, bounding up to me excitedly. "The final rankings came in!"
Tris smiled reassuringly at me and nodded to the list that was up on the training room wall. "Looks like our little champ made second place." she ruffled my hair and Will slapped me on the back.
"You guys did well too," I smiled softly.
Chris snorted and crossed her arms, "Oh, please." well, alright, they hadn't done that well. Chris was just behind Will coming in fifteenth and sixteenth place, and Tris had come in fifth, which was pretty great actually.
"Why did your ranking drop, Tris?" I frowned.
She shrugged, rubbing her arm. "My physical training brought me down even though I had one of the top scores for the mental training."
"Sorry, Tris." I gave her a soft smile and rubbed her arm.
"Don't worry," she shrugged. "We should all go and celebrate."
Chris and Will immediately agreed, but I was still exhausted from the test and really didn't want to go. "Uh, you guys go ahead, I'm gonna sleep."
"What?!" Chris whined. "Aw, come on Ana! You have to come with us!"
I shook my head, "I'll see you guys tomorrow when jobs are assigned. I'm really just not feelin it tonight."
"Well, stay outta trouble." Will smiled, punching my shoulder lightly before the three of them walked away.
"Well hey there, kid. It's been a while." a woman grinned and I recognized her as the one who did my hair the first time. "Ana, right?"
I nodded.
"I'm Kara." she smiled, patting the chair and I hopped up. "Want me to buzz it down and re-dye it?"
"Please," I said quietly.
As she got to work on my hair, she made polite conversation before frowning and putting down her dye brush. "Alright, what's happened to you?"
"What do you mean?" I raised my eyebrows.
She leaned against the wall in front of me. "When you first came in here. You were happy and excited and seemed like you really wanted to be Dauntless."
"I am Dauntless, and I'm happy to be. It's just been a long few months." I sighed, sinking down a little more in the chair.
Kara smiled and held out a jar full of lollipops. "They're usually for really little kids, but I think you could use one."
Biting my lip to hold back a grin, I reached forward and took one as she got back to work dyeing my hair.
"Hey Ana! Heard you're ranked second." Reilly grinned as I looked around at the tattoos.
I gave him a soft smile and a nod as I picked a tattoo from the wall. "Hop on up, kid. Where do you want it?"
"On my forearm." I held out my arm, palm up and winced as he started near my wrist in dark gray ink.
After a while of silence except for the buzzing of the needle, Reilly spoke up, "So what's going on, Ana? Shouldn't you be out partying with your friends?"
"I didn't really feel like going out tonight. I have a lot on my mind." I shrugged.
"Spill," he smiled, his bright eyes crinkling around the edges.
Taking a deep breath, I did as he said, "I'm really confused and kinda scared...Eric was in almost all of my fears during the test, my best friend is apparently with one of our leaders and I had no idea about it, I've got absolutely no idea what job I want, I'm kind of just a mess and I want...I don't know what I want."
Reilly set down the needle and crossed his arms. "Alright, kid. Let's think."
"What about?" I furrowed my brow with a small shrug.
"Well let's start with what you want to do for a job," he suggested.
Shaking my head, I shrugged again. "I have no idea...fights maybe?"
"Like fighting for entertainment?" he frowned. "I thought you hated fighting."
"Well, I do, but I'm good at it..and I-"
He held up his hands, "Eric would never let you fight for entertainment."
"Who cares what Eric would let me do? He's not my Dauntless leader anymore." I crossed my arms tightly over my chest.
The old man gave a small smile and nodded as if understanding something. "I see. What's really making you unhappy is Eric."
"Wha-"
"What's he done this time?" Reilly shook his head, immediately sounding angry.
"What?" I tossed my hands up. "He hasn't done anything, this isn't about him! Well...it sort of is, but..forget it. Just, will you please just finish my tattoo?"
Reilly sighed and started back up on my forearm. "So how is he?" he asked after a few minutes.
"He's...fine," I bit back a smile at the thought of him. "I mean, he's a total asshole, but he's getting better."
The old man gave a short chuckle, "Thanks to you. You might not see it, but he's been in a much better mood since he met you."
"He must've been a real jackass before he met me." I grumbled, wincing as Reilly neared the crook of my arm.
"You have no idea," Reilly laughed, finishing up my tattoo.
I held out my forearm in admiration of the gray veins that trailed up from my wrist. "Thanks Reilly." I smiled, hopping down.
"Any time, kid. And hey, if you want, you can always have a job here giving tattoos." he offered with a shrug and a grin.