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Chapter 14-Lost

I've been skipping school the past week. Thankfully, Koma called the school to let them know about our situation, so my absences will be excused. All of my friends, they really wanted to come over to comfort me, but I told them they could see me when at the funeral. Honestly, I just didn't want people surrounding me right now. I just want to be by myself. Today is my mother's funeral. I've been holding it off, because I still have not accepted what happened. The thought of the funeral makes my stomach sick.

Rich is the only person I've been talking to. He's been visiting me every day, regardless of me telling him he doesn't need to. Even if it's for five minutes, he makes an effort to see me. I think he's afraid of me trying to harm myself again, but I've assured him I won't do it anymore. Even though it's really hard.

Koma and I haven't been talking much. It's been so quiet around here. Not to mention gloomy. Every time I try to talk to Koma, she just tells me she doesn't want to talk. As much I respect my sister's wishes, I just want to talk to her. This is the time I need my sister the most and it's killing me that she wants nothing to do with me like always.

It's around 5:00 and the funeral is at 6:30. I start getting ready. I take a shower, don't bother to put on makeup, leave my hair naturally straight and put on a long sleeve black dress that stops above my knees with heels.

I go downstairs and see that Koma is ready. We don't say a word to each other and leave.

Koma and I are the first ones at the cemetery. My mother's casket has already been buried. In her will, she stated she wanted to be buried immediately without Koma and I seeing so we wouldn't be in as much pain, but it doesn't help at all. We both hold our flowers for her and we place them on her grave. Our minister arrives shortly after. He tells us how sorry he is for our loss and he then prepares his talk.

People start arriving at the funeral. They surround Koma and I, telling us the same things over and over and it's honestly making me insane.

I see Rachel, Gar, Vic and Karen. I smile a little, but I feel happy that they're here. They walk over to me with sympathetic looks and they give me a group hug, which I don't mind from them.

"How are you feeling?" Rachel asks me.

I give her a fake smile. "I'll feel better soon."

"We're all so sorry Kori. You don't deserve to go through this." Karen tells me.

"You know if you need anything, we're all here for you." Vic says.

"And we love you." Gar concludes.

"I love you guys too." I say.

What they is so sweet and I appreciate it, but I don't feel better.

In the distant, I see Rich wearing a suit and walking to the cemetery.

He finally reaches us. He looks at me and doesn't hesitate to wrap his arms around me and I wrap my arms around him. I lay my head on his shoulder.

"Thanks for being here." I whisper.

"Wouldn't miss it for the world." He tells me.

Everyone takes their seats. Koma, some of my family who came from Tameran and I sit in the front. The minister begins talking. I zone out a little and stare at the picture of my mother next to him. Her emerald eyes, jet black hair, beautiful smile. She's perfect.

The minister finishes his talk.

"And now, Lua's daughter Kori would like to say some words." The minister says.

He steps away from the podium and I take his place. My eyes scan everyone in the seats. I feel so nervous, I haven't done this before. My mother was the one who spoke for me at my father's funeral and now she isn't here to help me. I see Rich in the audience and he gives me a reassuring smile.

"My mother was the most beautiful person I knew. She was my sunshine on every stormy day. She was my best friend. She taught me everything I needed to know about life. But there are still some answers I need, and she's not here to answer them. So I'll need to figure it out without her by my side. My mother and I rarely fought. We had a great relationship with each other. When my father died, I counted on her to help me get through it." I take a deep breath. "But how is she going help me get through this? Where am I going to find her when I have a problem and when I'm sad?" I stop talking and look at her picture and her grave. "I'll go here. If I need something, I'll always be here for the help I need." I finally felt my eyes water and my throat is getting chocked up. "But…she won't be at my wedding. My father can't walk me down the aisle and my mother won't be there to see me get married. She won't be there when I have a child of my own. I don't know if I'll be a good mother. Because she won't be there right by side. When I graduate, she won't be there. When I'm growing up, she's not going to be there. My mother will not witness me growing up for her own eyes. Yes, she'll be here in my heart, but I can't see her. And she will never see me. I will never see my mother again. I won't hear her laugh, see her smile, listen to her voice and smell her favorite perfume on her." I felt my tears trail down my cheeks. "But she's still my angel and she's going to look over me. I know her and father will be smiling down on me always." I conclude my speech and leave the podium and go back to my seat.

The minister takes over again. "Now is the time to place flowers on Lua Anders grave."

I see everyone leave their chairs and put numerous flowers on her grave. Each time they do, they look at Koma and I.

I see Rich place my mother's favorite flowers on her grave; white roses. I stare in awe. He remembered her favorite flowers. I told him a while ago. Because this is both mine and my mother's favorite flower and I mentioned my mother loves them too. Richard looks at me after he places the flowers. He smiles at me and goes back to his seat.

After everyone is finished placing flowers, the funeral is finished. Everyone talks me again, telling me how beautiful my speech is. Including my friends. Everyone gives me one last hug and leaves. Soon, the whole cemetery is empty, except for Koma, Rich and I. Koma leaves to wait in the car.

I stare at her grave with many flowers suffocating it. Rich and I were the only ones who put white roses on her grave.

Rich puts his hand on my back. "I know you've heard this already, but your speech really was beautiful."

"Thank you." I say.

"I wish I could have gotten to know your mother better." He tells me.

I blink away my tears. "Me too. She would have really loved you."

I feel Rich staring at me so I look up at him. He gives a small smile.

"But from everything you've told me about her, I love her." He says.

I smile back. Rich pulls me in for hug. I wrap my arms around his neck and he slowly rubs my back.

"You're my best friend. I just want you to know that." Rich whispers in my ear.

My eyes were beaming, even though he couldn't see. I look at Rich now, still surprised, but happy. I put my lips to his soft cheek and kiss it.

"And you are mine." I tell him.

"I never want anything to get in the way of that." He says, still holding me.

"Nothing ever could." I tell him.

I start to feel rain droplets falling, but ignore it.

"I know." He says.

"Than we have nothing to fear." I say.

Rich and I look into each other's eyes for a while, not saying anything. I stare at his lips.

'What am I thinking?'

Before anything can happen, the rain falls even harder. I untangle myself from his arms.

"Koma must be waiting." I say hastily.

I walk away from Rich and towards Koma's car.

Rich is only my best friend and he has a girlfriend. I can't let anything happen between us.

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