Lean On Me

Chapter Fourteen

Wednesday November 21, 2007

Dillon is just standing there. Barely breathing. Doing his best to remember reality: He loves his fiancee and that is not a freaking lie. He loves her. He loves her smile. Her soft heart. Her snark. He loves holding her when she cries about her mom. He loves hearing stories about her and her brother from when they were kids.

He loves that Sarah does not feel like a cold hotel room or huge mansion to him. She is a little white picket fence around a house only big enough for them to squeeze past each other in the hallways. She's meeting at the airport and kissing like its the end of the world....when she goes off to work with the bands she manages. And she's laughing on the couch at funny movies while throwing popcorn at each other.

She's what his dreams look like now.

But as he stares at Lulu there is no way to deny that some string lingers between them that he might not ever be able to break. Even if he wants to do that more than anything. He only wants to be her friend.

Lulu raced across the boat house and then her arms were around him in a hug filled with half parts happiness and desperation. All she said was "Hey," but that's not all he heard.

Dillon heard: Hey, I missed you. Its so good to see you. God, I don't want to step back and leave go of all he could think was: a long moment she hugged him. When they finally broke apart she put space between them and went to go sit down on an overturned wooden box. "So, how was the film? Was it everything you every imagined?"

"It was an amazing experience. Beyond what I could have dreamed."

"Worth it?"

He only stared at her and walked closer.

Lulu said "Worth fighting your family to let you go, I mean. Worth moving. I'm sure it was, right? Sure. So when does it come out?"

"Not for over a year."

"I'll buy the popcorn if you buy the drinks."

He sat down next to her.

Lulu went on "Unless you watch it for the first time at the premiere. Do assistants get to go to that? What do you think?"

"Probably not. The director called me Devin for most of the shoot. I was afraid if I corrected him again he would fire Devin for having an attitude problem."

She chuckled.

Dillon asked, his tone saying so much more than the words that came out of his mouth, "How are you, Lu?"

"Me? You know me. The same. Basically."

"Yeah? You still in school?"

"That didn't really take. I missed so much last year that I would have to retake all my classes."

"So what are you doing then?"

"Oh you know. Working at Kelly's. Getting held hostage at parties. Dodging bullets. The usual."

He let out a long breath. "And how did that dating contest thing ever shake out? My money was on Spinelli. But Luke was giving three to one odds on Milo. He said it was the mob factor."

"Don't you think you should have bet on yourself?"

"I didn't actually bet but there was a real pool. I heard that Sonny had a thousand on none of the above and he cleaned up."

"My Dad can be such an ass, Dil. Seriously."

"So...Logan then, right?"

She stood up. "Stop acting like you don't know. Lucas is not that great at being subtle. I can tell in his emails when he's just got done talking to you cause your name always comes up. You really want to pretend you don't know a thing about Johnny and me? Logan and me? How Maxie tried to ruin my life."

"I heard."

"Thank you for not lying to me."

"I don't lie to you."

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Lucas Jones came in on the last flight of the night at Port Charles Airport. Georgie stood there waiting for him. He could have taken a cab, had his mom or his sister come get him but he wanted his favorite cousin, and Georgie was more than happy to say yes.

After a quick hug they headed out of the airport together. She gave him a worried look as they were walking to her car. "Okay. Spill."

"I should have known you would see it right away."

"What's going on with you?"

"We got in a fight. He somehow got it in his head that since I won't bring him home to meet my family this weekend that I'm ashamed of him or being gay or something."

Georgie didn't say anything.

Lucas went on "Not you too. Don't pile on, okay? I can't fight you and him at the same time. I'm cool with being out...finally. And I love him. But this is a college thing...you know. What? I'm gonna bring every guy I ever date home to meet my mom?"

"He's not just any guy and you know it. You've been into him for over two years even if you guys just made it official a few months back. You two have been friends who wanted more since day one. Now you have each other and I can't blame him for wanting to know he really means as much to you as you mean to him. You know his family. He wants to know yours. I think its sweet."

"Well, don't get too attached to the idea of me and him cause I think he dumped my ass right before I got on the plane to come home."

Georgie stopped walking , as she sucked in a shocked breath. "Luc...no. Make it right. Call him."

"Later."

She groaned. "Not you too. You're going to be a stubborn man over this, aren't you?"

He just grunted in response and started walking towards the parking lot.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Lulu told Dillon "It was a mess. I was a mess. But its over. Done with. I'm done with Johnny, Logan, Maxie....all that bullshit. For a half of a second I thought about going after Coop to get Maxie back but its not even worth it."

Dillon stood up. "That's not who you are. To go for Cooper out of revenge. You're way better than that. Don't let them change you."

She breathed out "How is it you that are the only one who really knows me at all?" Her eyes were filled with a hell of a lot more than friendship in that moment.

And he knew she didn't let that happen on accident.

Dillon shook his head and walked away from her. "You can't say things like that to me! Okay?"

"Whoa. Hold on. What just happened here?" She walked over and touched his arm but he jerked away. "I can't believe this. You haven't forgiven me....have you?"

"There's nothing to forgive."

"If that's true then.....why can't I say that you are my closest friend? My oldest friend. You know me best, Dil. Is that wrong to admit?"

"Don't do this to me."

"What am I doing?"

"You always do this. You exchange one guy for another. And you pretend like its not what you're trying to do but no one believes you...not anymore....I can't be your new game, Lu. Not this time."

"My new game? That's......a shitty way to talk about me. You sound like you hate me. Do you hate me now? I made you hate me when I pushed you away. What was that line you gave me? You can make any choice you want, Lulu, but you can never lose me......not so much, huh? Our friendship is over, isn't it, Dillon? When did you decide to push me out of your heart so completely? What happened to always being friends?"

"Stop." He turned away from her and ran his hand through his hair.

"You're so angry at me you can't even look at me!"

"I'm not angry, Lu!"

She motioned at him. "Yeah, you are. I can see it!"

He took a few breaths in and out. "I shouldn't have came here. That was my mistake. But yours was doing this to me."

"Doing what?"

"Respect Sarah. She doesn't deserve this. Us acting like we can just be cool and not think about what happened here last year. Maybe one day I can be that cool but I'm not that guy today. I have to get my head on right. Put Sarah where she belongs in my life: first."

He felt like saying I'm sorry immediately afterward but that was the thing. He could not be sorry.

He might be overreacting but he was a very emotional man and more than that even he knew her. He knew her way too well. Every look said: Save me. Say you love me again. Take this pain away for that she was ready to love him back now anymore than she could last summer. But that didn't stop Lulu from wanting Dillon's adoration.

He would never hate her for that. He understood her too much to ever hate her. But he couldn't give that adoration away to her now.

Their eyes were locked on each other. He was lost in his own head. Choking on the lack of air in the room. Lulu always filled his chest up.... she made him breathe deep and really feel life...and yet she was also nearly killing him. Stealing all his breaths. Making him breath just her.

Or he was doing it to himself? By not being able to get past her one hundred percent.

It would just take more time. That is what he had to believe. Because his heart did belong to Sarah....and one day it would belong to her 100 percent. She wouldn't have to share space with Lulu.

Lulu's mouth opened. Dillon felt like cutting her off. He wanted them to just end this tonight. Try again in six months. Cause he wanted her in his life but only when it didn't hurt like this anymore.

Lulu breathed out only one word. "Sarah?"

(And did you say she was pretty?

And did you say that she loves you?

Baby, I don't want to know.

And can tell me now was it worth it?

Really I don't want to know.) (Fleetwood Mac)