92
Team seven made it back to Konoha without incident. Though Kakashi and even Naruto noted that Sakura seemed to be acting a little weird. She had always played up to Sasuke; asking him for dates and trying to get his attention. But as they returned home she seemed barely able to put two words together around him. It was as though she was suddenly transformed into a younger Hinata trying to talk to Naruto. As for Sasuke he treated her with the same mix of indifference and acceptance he always had. Kakashi had tried to find out if there was a reason for this sudden change but Sakura refused to say. Once they were back in Konoha Naruto immediately went searching for his fiancé while Kakashi ordered Sasuke to join him for a special task. Sakura was forcibly left alone as Kakashi informed her she could not join them.
XXXXXXXXXX
Team ten made it back to Konoha after a frustrating and rather unrewarding mission. Of the people they had gone out to find all but one they had tracked down. But the information they provided on Akatsuki proved frustratingly vague and unreliable.
"All right, we'll check on the last name on our list later. For now you're all dismissed." Asuma told them. He quickly departed, eager to find out the details on a certain project.
XXXXXXXXXX
"I don't need any help with this." Sasuke grumbled.
"Oh come now Sasuke," Kakashi said cheerfully. "There's nothing wrong with asking for aid from your fellow leaf nins. We are all on the same side afterall."
"I don't need help." Sasuke repeated.
Kakashi sighed. "Wouldn't the results be better by combining our efforts rather than splitting them? And if you get help you'll have to spend a lot less of your own time on this."
Sasuke considered that. "Hn."
"Wonderful! So glad you agree!" Sasuke sent him a sour look but didn't actually argue.
They soon arrived at their destination, 'The Copper Cellar,' a bar in the poorer section of the village. Sasuke turned up his nose a bit as they entered. Seeing their fellow leaf nins sitting at a back table the two of them approached them.
Shikaku and Asuma looked up as they approached. "Kakashi, Sasuke, this isn't your usual haunt. What are you doing here?" Asuma asked.
"Well Sasuke here was wondering if you could help him with something." Kakashi said.
Sasuke sent him a flat look. "This was your idea."
"You're the one in charge Sasuke. You should be the one to ask."
"Ask what?" Shikaku inquired.
Sasuke let out a sigh. The things I do for that dobe. "I was wondering if you would mind helping me with Naruto's bachelor party."
The two Jonins shared an amused look. "Sasuke, I think we can do something for you." Shikaku said with a wicked smile.
XXXXXXXXXX
91
Naruto was as happy as he could be. He had gotten to spend most of the day with his Hinata-chan. She had come over and made him dinner. Now they were on the couch making out. And the absolute best part? She had brought an overnight bag with her. Now that they had been betrothed her family would turn a blind eye to their activities.
Between kisses he asked her again. "You're sure you won't get in trouble if you stay the night Hinata-chan?"
She giggled and nodded. "I'm sure Naruto-kun, since we're engaged now no one will say anything. Are you all right with us sharing a wedding with Shikamaru and Temari?"
He nodded and kissed her. "My Hinata-chan just so long as you're there and say yes I'll be happy."
They started kissing again and they were slowly getting to the point where they go to his bedroom when there was a knock at the door. He sent her a pleading look. "Do I have to answer that?"
She sighed; she didn't really want to be disturbed either. "Yes you do Naruto-kun, it would be rude not to."
He regretfully let go of her and got up off the couch to open the door. "Kakashi-sensei, teme, what are you doing here?"
With a smirk Sasuke grabbed his left arm. "Let's go dobe."
Kakashi grabbed his right arm. "We're kidnapping you Naruto." Kakashi had one of his big hidden smiles.
"Hey! I don't want to go anywhere!"
"You're not getting a vote dobe."
Hinata was at the door in a flash looking at the two who were trying to steal her fiancé away from her. "What are you doing?" She demanded to know. "Leave Naruto-kun alone! He doesn't want to go."
"We're sorry about this Hinata," Kakashi said. "But I'm afraid we have no choice."
Sasuke actually managed a slight chuckle. "It's a sacred male tradition. We're bringing him to his bachelor party."
"But I don't want to go to a bachelor party!" Naruto whined. "I want to stay here with Hinata-chan!"
"Too bad dobe be a man!"
"But I don't want to be a man!" Naruto pouted.
Kakashi shook his head. "Naruto we would be failing you as friends and as fellow men if we didn't force you to do this. Anyway I'm sure Hinata doesn't mind. Do you Hinata?"
"Actually I'd much rather he didn't…"
"See she's fine with it." Kakashi said.
"Let's go." Sasuke said. Together he and Kakashi leapt away with a firm hold on Naruto.
Hinata was left standing at his door as the three of them were quickly gone. She hurried to the phone knowing who she needed to call.
XXXXXXXXXX
Shikamaru was in the middle of a game of shogi with Temari when his dad and his sensei came in and each put a hand on one of his shoulders. "It's time boy, let's go." Shikaku sounded almost giddy.
Shikamaru frowned. "Go where?"
Asuma grinned. "We're kidnapping you and taking you to your bachelor party."
"Oh really?" Temari crossed her arms and sent Shikamaru a sweet smile. "Is that so?"
Shikamaru felt the blood drain from his faced. Geez! Do they want her to kill me? Saying that right in front of her. "Actually that sounds way too troublesome, and besides I want to live."
"Sorry boy, it's a sacred male tradition and I'm not letting you break it."
"You'll thank us for this when you're older." Together he and Shikaku hauled Shikamaru to his feet.
"That's if I live to get older." Shikamaru was looking nervously at the girl he loved. She was giving him a dangerous look.
"Oh it's o.k. Shikamaru go and have a good time. And don't worry about the fact that I could walk into you room while your asleep and suffocate you with a pillow." She sounded like she was joking but Shika knew better. He loved her and wanted to be with her always. That didn't mean she didn't scare the hell out of him at times.
"Well there you have it!" Shikaku said pleasantly. "Thanks for being so understanding daughter!"
"We promise to have him back before sunrise." Asuma said. The two were carrying him to the door. They had reached it when a shout split the air.
"HOLD IT!!" Temari shouted and was on her feet. "I thought I would be all right with this, I really did. But I've decided that I'm not. Shikamaru you are NOT going!"
"Temari," a calm voice called from behind. "Whether you like it or not this is a tradition. We have to let the men in our lives have a little fun or else they become joyless." Yoshino said calmly. "Do you trust Shikamaru?"
She was startled by the question and who was asking it. "Of course!"
"Are you certain of his love for you?" Yoshino asked patiently.
"Yes!" She clutched at the Nara's Heart that she always wore.
"Do you really believe he would ever betray you?"
Temari slowly shook her head. "No, I suppose not."
"Then what is the matter?" She asked kindly. "You should let him go and simply wait here with patience and good grace."
Temari was surprised to hear this coming from Yoshino of all people. She let out a sigh. "I suppose you're right."
Seeing their chance Shikaku and Asuma got going. Temari stood there and watched them go.
Letting out another sigh she turned to Yoshino. "I don't believe this."
"I know dear." She patted her shoulder. "It's for the best. This way Shikamaru gets to have one wild night and get it completely out of his system. Looking back I'm sure you'll realize accepting it is for the best."
"So how did you manage to just sit still all night while he was out drinking and staring at dancing girls?"
"Oh I didn't." Yoshino said. "When Inoichi and Choza came over to kidnap him I gagged and tied him up and kept him in my closet all night."
"WHAT?!" Temari shouted. "But you said I should wait here with patience and good grace!"
Yoshino nodded. "That's right you should. I never said anything about me. Besides Shikamaru is my son I don't want him to be tied up in a closet all night. Want some tea dear?"
Temari just looked at the woman and felt betrayed. She wondered if she could catch up to them and beat them down in a fight to get Shikamaru back. Right then the phone rang. Feeling annoyed she picked it up. "What?" She barked. "Oh hey, listen I can't talk right now Shikamaru was just kidnapped by his dad and Asuma." She listened for a bit. "You do? What?" As she listened again she began to grin. "Ino! You're a genius! I'll be right there."
XXXXXXXXXX
Chouji was just heading out the door. When Ino and a boy around their age approached him.
"Chouji-kun!" Ino called. "Are you headed off to Shika's and Naruto's bachelor party?"
"Ino-chan!" Chouji felt a little panic. "Uhm, yes I am."
Ino smiled and walked right up to him leaning in close. "Chouji-kun could I ask you for just a tiny little favor?"
"Ino I can't bring you with me or tell you where it is!"
She looked shocked at the very suggestion. "Oh Chouji-kun I know that. I don't want to go. But I was wondering if you could bring Keitaro with you." She nodded to the boy standing behind her. He looked utterly ordinary. He had short black hair, brown eyes, glasses, was about five feet and skinny, and had on plain ordinary clothes. He looked like a future accountant. He was definitely not the rugged good looking type Ino usually went for.
"He's your boyfriend?" Chouji asked.
"Oh Chouji don't judge by looks! Keitaro has never been to one of these and he wants to go."
"And you're o.k. with him going?"
Ino grinned. "Of course I am! I mean if it's safe for Shikamaru and Naruto it must be safe for him too."
"I don't know…"
"Oh pleaaaaase, for me with sugar on it?" She was giving him the puppy dog eyes and he knew he had no chance of saying.
He sighed. "All right."
"Thank you Chouji-kun." She gave him a kiss on the cheek and he immediately blushed. "You're the best!"
XXXXXXXXXX
"You like her don't you?" Keitaro asked as they were walking.
Chouji looked alert. "You mean Ino?" Keitaro nodded. "Of course I like her! Her, me, and Shika practically grew up together. She's a dear friend and teammate."
"That's not the sort of like I mean."
Chouji frowned at the boy. "You don't need to worry I'm no threat. She doesn't like fat guys. Besides I have a really great girlfriend. Irmana and I have been together for three years and she has never complained about how I look."
Keitaro nodded. "I'm sure that's so. But you still like Ino don't you?" He didn't seem the least bit jealous or upset.
Chouji frowned at him. He honestly didn't see what this guy had going for him that would make Ino like him so much. "Look, don't take this the wrong way, but you're probably only going to be with her a few weeks. So don't waste your time worrying about me. Just be very happy you get to be with someone like her. And be nice to her or me and Shika will make you regret it."
Keitaro smiled. "Right."
XXXXXXXXXX
The Copper Cellar was packed with men drinking talking and laughing. On a number of the tables beautiful scantily clad young girls were gyrating about as men cheered and offered them ryu notes. At one of the tables a certain white spiky haired ninja was writing madly with one hand and waving notes in another. Out side the door tot eh poor signs had been posted announcing the bar was closed for a private party. Other signs announced that no wives or girlfriends were permitted. Shikaku had an empty sake cup in his hand and was refilling it from a small bottle. The two guests of honor were both staying clear of the girls so far. Naruto was sticking close to Sasuke while Shika was leaning disinterestedly against a wall. Well, they would get an introduction to at least one beautiful lady soon enough. Shikaku grinned like a mad man as he sucked down another shot of sake. This almost made up for his having to spend his own bachelor party tied up and gagged in Yoshino's closet. He was near the door and saw as Chouji entered with a young boy he'd never seen before. A wicked grin appeared. He hurried over to where Asuma and Kakashi were. He grabbed each and in turn whispered some information to them. He pointed to the uninteresting looking boy. The three of them eyed him like a pack of hungry wolves eying an unsuspecting deer.
XXXXXXXXXX
On a roof top across from the Copper Cellar Ino, Hinata, and Sakura eyed the bar.
"Byakugan!" Hinata activated her blood line limit.
"Well?" Sakura asked nervously.
"Give her a minute." Ino said.
"But I want to know what Sasuke-kun is doing!" Sakura said in frustration.
"I've spotted them!" Hinata announced.
"What are they doing?" Sakura asked.
"Nothing so far." Hinata answered nervously. "Naruto and Sasuke are at the bar. They're having a beer. Shikamaru is just standing there sort of watching."
"Typical," Ino said. "He probably thinks it would be too much trouble to actually do anything."
"Why are you even here Ino?" Sakura asked. "You're not worried about Shika are you?" She grinned. "Or are you worried about a different boy?"
Ino frowned. "I'm here to support Temari and Hinata and help them. Anyway I notice you haven't even mentioned Lee, you know, your boyfriend?"
Sakura blushed. "I trust Lee I know he won't do anything."
Ino smiled knowingly. "And if he did you'd probably just use it as an excuse to break up with him guilt free." Sakura glared at her best friend.
"There are a bunch of girls dancing on tables." Hinata said sounding depressed.
"Well it's a bachelor party. How is, 'Keitaro' doing?" Ino spoke.
"Well…"
XXXXXXXXXX
Keitaro had spotted Shikamaru and was heading that way. The plan was simply to deliver the message and then try to just blend into the background.
"Hey there." Keitaro suddenly felt a firm hand upon a shoulder. "I saw you walk in here with Chouji. I'm Nara Shikaku.
Keitaro stiffened a bit. Running into Shikaku was not part of the plan. Offering a weak smile Keitaro replied. "I am Urshima Keitaro, Ino's boyfriend. She asked Chouji to bring me over with him."
Shikaku laughed. "That Ino! What a wild one! You know most girls would never want their boyfriends to attend on of these things, never mind help them attend. I mean it almost sounds like she sent you here just to spy on us." Shikaku sent the boy a wicked grin. "Silly thought right?"
"Right!" Keitaro tried to laugh.
Shikaku casually put an arm around Keitaro's shoulders in a very friendly gesture. "You know the only thing worse than a guy spying for a girl would be if a girl tried to come in here disguised." Shikaku's grin got wider and sharper. "You know what we do to girls who get caught doing that?"
Keitaro swallowed. "What?"
"Oh we strip them naked and throw them out." He laughed.
Keitaro blushed. "That's terrible!" Shikaku eyed him curiously. "Uhm I mean it's terrible that we don't do more."
Shikaku laughed. "I like you Keitaro, come on lets get you a drink. It's an open bar tonight!"
"I'm not really a drinker." Keitaro protested.
Shikaku chuckled. "Time to get you started then." Keeping an arm around his shoulders Shikaku guided Keitaro away from where Shikamaru was and towards the bar instead.
XXXXXXXXXX
"So you ready for your big moment dobe?"
"Huh?"
Sasuke chuckled. He thought the beer was loosening him up just a bit. "You do know what's going to happen to Shikamaru and you tonight right?"
Naruto looked pale and nervous. He had read Jiraiya's books and heard his stories. A few of them involved bachelor parties. "The chair?"
Sasuke grinned. "That's right, you had better enjoy it! Because after this you just get one girl for the rest of your life."
"That's plenty so long as the girl's Hinata-chan." Naruto took a deep breath. "Sasuke you're my best friend right?"
"Unfortunately."
"Sasuke I need a favor." Naruto leaned over to whisper to him.
Sasuke frowned. "Naruto you are such a wimp! Do you know what people will say tomorrow?"
"I don't care. I only care about what Hinata-chan will say." Naruto said stoutly.
Sasuke shook his head. "You really are in love huh dobe?"
"Yeah I am."
Sasuke sighed and got up from the bar. "All right, let's go use the bathroom."
Naruto got up as well and put a hand on his friend's shoulder. "Thanks Sasuke."
"Sure, but don't touch me."
XXXXXXXXXX
Sasuke slouched towards the door while Naruto returned to the bar to order another beer.
"Going somewhere Sasuke?" Kakashi asked as his student approached the door.
"Hn, this is boring. I think I'll go home and brood for awhile."
Kakashi chuckled and spoke quietly. "Say hello to Hinata for me."
Sasuke stiffened and got moving fast. Kakashi watched him go with a laugh.
XXXXXXXXXX
"Oh thank Kami!" Sakura said with relief as Sasuke exited the bar.
"Yeah!" Hinata cried out.
"Why are you so happy?" Ino asked.
"That's not Sasuke that's Naruto!"
"What? No way!" Sakura said.
"I'm sorry Sakura but it is; now I have to go. I need to get back to his apartment before he does. I am sooo going to reward him for this."
"But…" Sakura tried to protest but Hinata was gone. "Great now what?"
Ino laughed. "We wait for Keitaro."
XXXXXXXXXX
Keitaro was near the bar with Shikaku simply unable to get away.
"So Keitaro, are you a breast or ass man?"
Keitaro began to choke on the beer. After a bit a gasped response cam. "What?"
Shikaku chuckled at the obvious discomfort. "Breast or ass which do you like more in a girl?"
Keitaro turned a shade of light red. "Uhm, breast I guess."
"You guess? You don't know?"
"Oh, uhm, definitely breast. Yes I just love breasts; I can't get enough of them."
"So how many women have you had?"
"What sort of question is that?" Keitaro said sharply.
Shikaku grinned. "The sort of question men ask each other all the time. You a virgin?"
Keitaro was trying to come up with an answer to that when someone came over.
"Say dad I was wondering." Shikamaru froze as soon as he spotted Keitaro. "Dad! This is…"
"Keitaro, Ino's boyfriend and latest victim." Shikaku leapt in. "Have the two of you met?"
"No we haven't." Keitaro managed to slip out of Shikaku's hold and stand up. "Shikamaru Ino's told me so much about you I feel like I know you already. I hear you have an amazing woman as your fiancé."
Shikamaru sent Keitaro a flat look. "Yeah, Temari is an amazing girl. She's always surprising me."
A loud shout got everyone's attention. "All right! Mitarashi Anko is here and now the party can really start!" A scary looking woman in a trench coat entered the bar to some wild cheers and cat calls. "Who's first?"
In short order a space in the middle of the bar was cleared and a single chair set up. With surprisingly little resistance Naruto was gotten over to the chair and sat down in it. He had a tiny smirk on as Anko approached him still wearing her trench coat.
"I remember you from the exams." Anko said with a nasty little grin. "You have sweet tasting blood. Mind if I have a taste while I make you into a man?"
Naruto leaned back and relaxed. "Do what you want just try not to leave any bruises."
Everyone roared with laughter including Anko. "No promises!" She dropped her trench coat to reveal she was wearing nothing but fishnet. She immediately straddled him and began to move her body against his.
XXXXXXXXXX
Keitaro looked on with horror at what was happening. Everyone else was crowded around cheering wildly even Shikaku. Keitaro looked to Shikamaru who was looking right back rather than at the entertainment.
"I bet you can't want for your turn huh?" Keitaro asked dryly.
Shikamaru shrugged. "Not really but my dad kind of expects me to do it and so does everyone else."
Keitaro took a deep breath. "Look Shikamaru I sort of came here to give you a message from Temari."
"I can imagine." Shikamaru took a deep breath as well and prepared himself. "All right go ahead and tell me what horrible things she is going to do to me."
Keitaro's head shook. "No, no threats. Temari just wants you to know that she loves you and knows that she can trust you." Keitaro let out a sigh. "Since the very first time she was with you she hasn't even thought of anyone else. She has never even thought of looking at another man because you are everything to her. She just wishes she was everything to you."
Shikamaru grinned. "She is." He said quietly. "And just between us guys. Whenever I look at another woman I match her up to Temari and they all pale in comparison." He yawned. "It's late and staying here would be too troublesome. I'll see you around Keitaro, it was nice meeting you." With everyone looking at what was happening to Naruto no one but Keitaro saw Shikamaru simply walk out of the bar.
XXXXXXXXXX
"Looks like Shikamaru is leaving early too." Ino pointed out.
"Unless it's someone with a henge." Sakura pointed out.
"Nope, I recognize the slouch that's the genuine article." Ino said decisively.
Sakura smiled at her friend. "Well then aren't you going home now? I mean Shikamaru and Naruto have both left so there's no reason for you to still be here. Unless you're worried about someone else."
"I'm waiting for Keitaro to leave it would be rude not to and besides I want to hear all about it." Ino said.
"Sure, and I suppose Chouji being in there has nothing to do with it." Sakura teased.
"Shut up forehead girl." That just got a laugh from Sakura.
XXXXXXXXXX
Keitaro had waited just a couple minutes to let Shikamaru get out of sight before heading for the door.
"Where do you think you're going?" Shikaku took hold on Keitaro's left arm.
"And where's Shikamaru?" Asuma asked as he got hold of Keitaro's right arm.
"Shikamaru decided he was tired and decided to go home." Keitaro said happily.
Shikaku chuckled. "I knew that boy's survival instincts would kick in." He smiled at Asuma. "You owe me a hundred ryu."
"I know." Asuma grumbled.
"Actually if you don't mind I think I'd like to go home too." Keitaro yawned.
Shikaku and Asuma shared a look. "Oh I'm afraid we can't let you go yet." Shikaku said.
"Nope," Asuma agreed. "Not until you've enjoyed the full experience." The two of them began dragging him to the front of the crowd.
"That really isn't necessary!" Keitaro said in a panicked voice.
"Oh but I insist!" Shikaku replied.
XXXXXXXXXX
Anko finally got off of him and was smiling at the poor boy. 'Naruto' was sitting there jacket open, hair a mess, and with a huge grin on his face. He wasn't moving.
"I think you killed him!" Someone in the audience shouted.
"What a great way to die though!" Someone else shouted which led to a loud peal of laughter.
Naruto finally managed to get to his feet and stagger away from the chair he'd occupied for the last twenty minutes. "The things I do my friends." He said in a happy daze.
"All right now where's the other one?" Anko yelled. "Bring Shikamaru out here!"
"I'm afraid Shikamaru snuck out." Shikaku announced to a loud round of boos. "And everyone who had a bet with me I expect to see your money before you leave." There was another round of boos. "Anyway Anko we have your next customer right here." He and Asuma planted Keitaro down in the chair. He gave the lad a happy grin. "You love breasts right?"
"What?" At the moment poor Keitaro was too terrified to think straight.
Shikaku laughed. "You lucky guy you're in for a real treat."
As Shikaku spoke Kakashi went over to Anko and whispered something to her. As Anko listened an evil look (well eviler) covered her face and she nodded. She strode over to where Keitaro was and straddled him pressing her body against Keitaro's he hands were running through his short black air. "Well I guess you'll have to do. So are you ready for a real woman?" And without allowing for any possible reply Anko planted her mouth atop her customer's and sent in her tongue.
Five seconds later.
"Aaaaacccck!!" Keitaro shoved Anko off and with surprising strength and speed forced a way through the crowd and out the door.
Shikaku and Asuma were both laughing so hard they thought they would die.
"Oh!" Asuma finally managed to talk again. "I can't believe that was Temari!"
Shikaku was still trying to stop laughing. "Well I can't believe that after all our training together she wouldn't know that Shika and I could spot her chakra signature with our eyes closed."
"So what are you going to say to her tomorrow?" Asuma asked.
"Nothing." Shikaku said.
"Nothing?"
"That's right, I'm sure she'll never admit it and so long as she doesn't I won't say anything."
"What happens in the bachelor party stays in the bachelor party huh?" Asuma said.
"That's right." Shikaku agreed. "Oh and by the way," he pointed to a fat balding man over near the bar. "See that guy?"
"Yeah?" Asuma asked. The guy was a total stranger.
"That's Kurenai."
"What?!"
XXXXXXXXXX
Outside the bar Keitaro disappeared in a puff of smoke to be replaced by a panting Temari.
Ino and Sakura jumped down to the street. "So what happened?" Ino asked eagerly.
Temari blushed. "Nothing! Nothing happened!"
Ino and Sakura both frowned. "What do you mean nothing happened?" Ino demanded.
"Nothing happened! And now if you'll excuse me I'm going home to see my loving faithful man." She left and promised herself she would never, ever talk about this again.