Carlisle read me to sleep hours later while I snuggled against his cold body with his arm around my shoulders. He told me it was his book as a kid to adulthood.

"Tonight of all nights my mother passes when I hear word the other doctors known of her terrifying sickness have found a cure. My mother of course had a well life but what shall it be when she is no longer here; how will this world change? My own father has been rumored to of found another lover and wealth to his new title but that is the least of my worries. I am only 13 years young and left without a home or mother, arrangements surely are being made as everyone speaks around me but I know I will not the suitor or lady of the hosehold I will live under. As I meet them tonight I understand they hate the thought of a young boy wasting his time in medicine when there is no such cure for anything anymore. I shall ignore them as well as I can for all my progressing years until I leave for good in my early 20's. now I as write again in what seems like days but truely seems as years; young women of age meet me in the hospital wing in hope of courtship and out of loneliness in my heart I oblidge to few but never all-many are married in secret but never spoken of truely. I want to be faithful not mistaken of action."

"Goodnight my Isabella, sleep well." Carlisle spoke softly as I closed my eyes slowly.

I didn't dream.

I don't remember sleeping.

I hardly remember laying there.

Only Carlisle's story was in my head.

My eyes opened the next morning from the sunlight shining through the large bedroom window to find Carlisle no longer around me but the book sitting on the bedside table with a white rose. I picked up the rose and twirled the stem with my fingers before smelling the soft scent; Carlisle's footsteps could be heard around the house as if he were a human but I didn't want to move just yet.

"Thanks for the rose." I said softly into the air knowing he would hear me as always. Each petal was silk to the touch and white as paper-perfect except for one little tear on the outer most shaped one.

"Your welcome my Bella." I heard Carlisle say as it echoed through the empty house.

I walked down stairs to the livingroom and saw Esme sitting next to Carlisle on the couch. He had a thoughtful look on his face until he looked up to meet my face with shinning bright golden eyes but returned to his thoughts moments later resting his chin on his hands. I looked to Esme as she had a commpassionate expression with one hand on his shoulder blade; I suddenly wanted to know what they were talking about but hoped Carlisle would tell me later.

"Bella, it's so good to see you again." Esme greeted me warmly.

My heart pouded with ache in my chest as I smiled to her. She reminded me of everything-like they never left. I retreated from the room quickly and into my own grabbing a CD before making my way quickly to Carlisle's study. Esme and Carlisle were now in the backyard slowly walking into the woods talking as I stayed silent trying not to cry about what I was witnessing. Does he still love her? Is that why she came to see him? My eyes watered at the thought.

I moved to the living room and pressed play on my CD once putting it in the stereo. Running up that hill by placebo began playing as I curled up in front of the couch hugging my knees to my chest letting tears stream down my face. The song changed to memories by within temptations and all my thoughts of Carlisle and I rushed into my head with the lyrics of the song. I started to calm my tears and slow my heavy breathing but it became difficult with every thought-I'm not Esme, I can't give him what she had. I whispered those last words to myself.

The song rang through my head until I felt a pair of cold arms around me.

"Carlisle?" I asked unmoving.

The smooth cold arms tightened around me; I turned and threw myself into his chest as he held me tightly. Another set of hands braced my shoulders and I turned my face to see Esme smiling at me softly.

"I hate to leave without speaking to you as long as I have Carlisle but I really must; I hope we can see eachother again, bella. Goodbye." Esme said rubbing my back soothingly before smiling at Carlisle and saying something in Italian before leaving through the front door.

My heart slowed from my emotional attack shortly after Esme left and Carlisle turned the music off so we had silence; he placed me on the couch beside him as I took in his scent. Another memory I would hold forever.

"Carlisle, what did Esme mean of speaking to you as long as I have Carlisle, what were you talking about?" I asked him completely.

"She arrived last night awhile after you fell asleep. We've been talking all night about what the relationship between her and I would become; we had decided we would always be there for eachother even if it may not be of anything intimate. She asked of my feelings toward you and I told her they were strong as anything could be between us while the post realtions between you and Edward calmed down after the confrontation you both had which she was told about by Edward himself.

I could tell she was suprised by how quickly our intensity had built over this time but eventually understood later into the night as I told her my side of it-how I cared for you even when you were with Edward, somthing told me that she experienced the same thing once but I didn't bother to go farther into that. We heard you scream in your nightmare during the early morning so I dashed up to your bed as Esme followed and she watched closely as I woke you enough for your senses to function as I gave you a medicine to calm your thoughts then placed you carefully back to bed. Once I heard your breathing slow we left. I left you the rose and led Esme outside to the balcony of the kitchen and we talked about what you and I had faced over the time I had decided to stay here. I told her we would be alright when she suggested that you see Alice or Jasper again as I partly listened to you upstairs-you were shuffling in your sleep. When you walked in earlier she asked me if I were willing to try something. So we listened to you outside." Carlisle explained.

(flashback: Carlisle's view)

Esme and I sat on the couch as I listened to Bella move around upstairs and thank me for the flower I left her.

"Carlisle, would you be willing to try something?" My close friend asked beside me.

"What do you have in mind?" I asked looking at her intently.

"I want to see what Bella's reaction would be if she thought you and I were become intimate again, if she will go back to the burning of her arm or try something else?" she said curiously.

"So you want me to hurt her to see her reaction." I was appauled suddenly, hurting bella was the last thing on my mind.

"Yes, Carlisle. We will sit on the edge of the yard near the trees while her thoughts question themselves and once we have our answer we'll sprint back to her." She planned loud enough for me to hear.

I rested my head on my hands when I heard Bella step onto the bottom floor as Esme kept attempting to calm my thoughts she knew I was having. Isabella's light human steps stopped behind us and I turned to smile a goodmorning to her still unable to get the thoughts out of my head.

"Alright." I said lower than a whisper that only Esme's hearing would recieve.

Esme greeted Bella as I noticed Bella's heart rate speed up greatly before she dashed out of the room. I wanted to go after her until Esme grabbed my arm stopping me.

"It's time." she nodded as we walked to the backyard then to the trees hands laced. I could still hear every move she made inside the house-first to her room, then my study, and ending in the living room before playing music.

Bella heart pounding rapidly made me want to rush in there with every cry she suffered from this but Esme wasn't ready and refused my silent looks with every pain Bella felt. The last song played and Esme hadn't moved much-she concentrated on Bella's emotions until she got her answer.

I listened closely and heard Bella whisper she would never be Esme. I was struck by that raced thoughts of my own as we ran back to the house and to Bella's hurting body.

(End of Flashback)

"You and Esme wanted to see what I would do?" I clarified while unconciously rubbing the scars that he patched a time ago.

He nodded.

"Now that I think of it I was curious of what you would do aswell, Esme had a point or she wouldn't have asked me to do that-she knew I wouldn't want to if there wasn't a point." He brushed his cold hand down the bare skin of my arm.

I sat still thinking about what just happened.

"Can I get into a bath?" I asked Carlisle.

He nodded again.

I walked upstairs into the bathroom and ran the water on hot the entire time it filled. The steam would relax me like always; Carlisle walked in as I stripped down to my underwear and placed a few towels on the sand colored marble counters. I said nothing as he smiled softly at my face before leaving-I wanted to be alone this time. The candles around the tub stayed unlit and the lights were dimmed as I sat in the hot water thinking about what Carlisle did to me earlier. Sure it was under Esme's request, but still.

I sat in the bath thinking until my wet hair turned mostly dry and the water became noticably colder than it already was. I felt betrayed.

My CD of sad songs was laying on my bed as I walked out of the bathroom along with the rose he had given me this morning on his book. Shaking my head I dressed in a pair of jeans and a black shirt before laying the bed with my legs close to my chest staring at Carlisle's rose. I placed the CD in the stereo I had on my dresser as Carlisle knows I like to listen to music when something's bothering me-I played the CD tracks twice before turning off the player and laying there in silence.

It was late afternoon the next time I heard a soft knock at my bedroom door; I turned my back to the door expecting Carlisle to walk in like always.

"Bella?" Esme's voice rang apologetically.

I turned toward her quickly in suprise at the beautiful vampire standing near the closed door. I made a soft motion for her to come closer and she strided into the room more to sit on the chest at the end of the bed before looking to me again with sadness across her features.

"Bella the last thing I ever wanted to do was cause you and Carlisle this amount of pain. He told me of how you burned yourself and I simply wanted to know if you would ever do it again if Carlisle put you through hurt or any of us did. But now I deeply regret it seeing as what it put you both into-I never wanted you to hurt like this." She explained sadly.

"Carlisle was only doing what he thought would be right." She added before leaving the room silently.

I looked out the window and nodded when she left.

I still needed some time to think.

"You mean everything to me Carlisle but right now I'm not sure of how much, I'm sorry but I want to be alone tonight to think." I said softly knowing he would hear along with Esme if she had not left again.