My favorite song Set the Fire To The Third Bar by Snow Patrol.
Ch.14
It had been five days and Brennan still hadn't heard from Booth, but why would she he wasn't scheduled to return for another nine days. She had become obsessed with her phone taking it everywhere with her, setting it on the toilet while she took a shower. She knew this was bad for the phone's battery, the water's heat could caused water damage to the battery. It was worth it. She would check it irrationally 'just in case' he called, even though she had never heard the phone ring in the first place.
The dig wasn't going well and her co-workers were becoming aggravated and impatient, everyone was agitated. It wasn't a good working enviroment. People were short, days were long and Booth still hadn't got in touch with Brennan. After her shower she sat down on her bed. She needed to write him. He said she could, only that he wouldn't be able to respond. She needed to write him for her own benefit now.
She also needed to map out tomorrow's dig site, something different needed to happen on this dig if any progress was to be made. She grabbed the map of Maluku and spread it out before her exhaling. Her eyes wandered to the small map of the world in the corner. She placed her finger on Maluku inhaled and gently traced a line with her finger to Afghanistan. On the map it seemed like such a short distance. Inhaling she exhaled a shaky breath quickly brushing a tickle of a tear away. She picked up her phone, no one had called. So, inevitably she returned to the map of Maluku.
"Sarge, East or West?" Jameson asked.
Booth looked at the rising sun. It rose on him and set on her. "West."
I find the map and draw a straight line
Over rivers, farms, and state lines
The distance from 'A' to where you'd be
It's only finger-lengths that I see
I touch the place where I'd find your face
My finger in creases of distant dark places
Brennan stared at the map in front of her suddenly she snatched it crumpled it and threw it toward the end of the bed. She grabbed her laptop. A letter to Booth would help her God if this didn't she didn't...she just needed some...some, peace. Hell isn't that why she came to Maluku? She came to get away from murder and get perspective and not worry all of the time. What an epic fail that had been. This whole dig was seeming to be an epic fail. And worrying is what she had become an expert at doing.
Booth,
I'm scared Booth I haven't had any nightmares, but I'm scared. I need you to come back to me Booth, you have too. I know we don't get to decide things sometimes and that scares me, but what scares me more is that I have allowed myself to become one of you. One of those people. People that believe in transcendent and eternal. That is a scary feeling Booth. I find that maybe the reason I never said and still have a hard time saying what I feel is because it's the unsaid words that are not only the hardest to say, but they are the most meaningful Booth.
Please call me as soon as you get back and if for some reason you are able to receive this message, even though I know you most likely won't. Please send me something back. It doesn't have to be long, just let me know you are okay.
Daisy and I don't go to sleep at the same time anymore. She has taken to socializing with a group of our colleagues by the campfire every night. I miss sitting by the fire alone at night. Daisy and our colleagues stay up later and later each night, at least it seems that way. I can hear them laughing now Booth. The dig isn't going well, but I'm fine. It just hasn't turned out to be what I was expecting. Angela was incorrect I do not believe I will find anything really great that changes mankind here.
Except maybe in my perspective. I have found it has altered the way I believe in certain or particular things. Things, in which I never allowed myself to believe in before. I'm finding that these things, are real Booth. As real as the letter I'm writing you. They exist.
See you soon
Love,
Bones
I hang my coat up in the first bar
There is no peace that I've found so far
The laughter penetrates my silence
As drunken men find flaws in science
After she sent Booth the letter Brennan lay back pulling the comforter up to her chin. She didn't pick up the map that she had crumpled up and thrown to the end of the bed. Instead she put the lap top on the floor and inhale listening to the voices outside her hut as she lay in bed.
Daisy stoked the fire and listened to Dr. Marks respond to a fellow colleague, "She snapped at me today too. I don't know what this lot thinks of her, but as for myself she is a bitch of a woman and sometimes just heartless." Marks stood and walked back toward his hut. The eyes around the campfire followed him and then glanced at each other awkwardly.
"I don't know, I mean yes she is moody and short. She snaps at everyone a lot, but hey we all have our days." Ryder said shrugging his shoulders.
"Yeah, but not everyday Ryder. Come on. Doctor B is a real B and it's not just a hormonal or a once a week thing it's like she has no heart at times." said Olson.
Ryder shrugged not liking confrontation. Olson turned to Daisy, "What do you think Daisy? You do know her the best. Hell you are her roommate. That has to be a bitch." some people chuckled, but Daisy only thought of the woman who she had seen sitting by the fire alone wiping her tears away because her lover was in a war-zone.
Daisy inhaled, "I think that if you don't have something nice to say-"
"Daisy, really? Say what you think we aren't in kindergarten." Olson said.
"Yeah Daisy, come on." Thompson urged.
Daisy looked at them both and then looked at all of the eyes that had settled on her. "Fine. Fine. Dr. Brennan is a good person. She is a great roommate and she would never speak behind your back like you are doing. She would at least have the guts to say what's on her mind to your faces. She is human just like the rest of us." Daisy said and stood up prepared to walk away.
"Calm it down Daisy. You're getting a little over protective of the doc and if you think you are going to get on her good side by being nice to her think again." Olson said.
"Goodnight." said Daisy turning and walking back to her hut.
Brennan had heard what Marks had shouted, that 'she was 'a bitch of a woman and sometimes just heartless.' Brennan curled up clutching her cell tighter to her chest, it was her connection to Booth. She remembered when Booth told her she had a big heart muscle, bigger than most give her credit for. She needed him. She hated it when people didn't like her even if she didn't let on, she had a sensitive core. More so than most knew. She smiled a sad smile as she lay in bed, knowing even though they were miles apart she was loved. He was loved. Brennan's eyes closed and she drifted off as Daisy walked into the hut.
Booth joked with his men as they headed west. "Hey Sarge, you have anyone back home?"asked Brady a young kid around nineteen.
The other men waited on Booth's answer. "Yeah, yeah she is amazing too."
"Think she'll wait?" Brady pushed.
Silence lingered and Booth remembered her expression when she fell down on the ice as they were ice-skating. When she spun in a circle frivolously like a child in her wonder woman out fit, she was so care free. Again before he went in for surgery she had smiled a sad smile at him, and again when she waved at him before he played hockey.
Something she had said to him in her office once had stuck with him. She was chuckling, her laughter contagious and her smile beautiful. "Sometimes I think you are from another planet..." Brennan laughed and then became serious. "...and sometimes I think you are really very nice Booth." Brennan smiled genuinely at him. He returned it. He remembered her kissing him under mistletoe and knowing that the universe had indeed spoken.
"I don't know Brady, but I pray to God she does." Booth said thinking about Brennan.
Their words mostly noises
Ghosts with just voices
Your words in my memory
Are like music to me...
For Brennan the inevitable morning had come, a new day a new sunrise. Booth lay down on the ground with a sigh as the day came to and end. He looked up to the stars and the moon, another night another sunset. Brennan stared at a skull with Dr. Marks. She tried to concentrate on the skull and task at hand, but Marks dark words from last night kept ebbing their way into her mind. She hated it. She tried to focus again, but all she could think of was Marks hurtful words. She wished Booth was here with her now more than ever.
Booth couldn't sleep, he missed her. He missed her touch, her smile, her laugh, the lazy circles she liked to draw on him in the early morning, the way she tasted, her kisses, and the way she drew out the 'th' in his last name ever the slightest. Her, just her.
He held his thumb up to the moon, it covered it. It connected them, no matter how far apart they were they would always be under the same sky. Under the same moon, even if at times one couldn't see it, it was there. Booth knew just because you can't see something, it doesn't mean it's not there, that it doesn't exist. It would always be there. Booth smiled a sad smile. He missed home. He missed her.
Brennan walked away from the skull and Dr. Marks in frustration. "Do you need help with that Dr. Brennan?" Marks asked smugly, hoping that she did.
"No. No. I am perfectly capable and more than qualified to examine the remains Dr. Marks, thank you." Brennan said.
Marks chuckled and held his hands up in mock surrender, "Hey, I was just trying to help."
"I understand and I thanked you but as I said I do not need your help Dr. Marks." Brennan said exhaling.
"Yeah, Dr. Brennan I can see that." Marks walked off mumbling, "Kinda, thankful anyway I really didn't want to be stuck helping you."
Brennan heard him but dismissed it and let it alone, he wasn't worth getting upset over. She needed to focus. So she did and completed the task at hand, but not without checking her phone first. She missed Booth. No one had called. She put her cell back in her pocket and got back to work. This was the third time today Olson had seen Dr. Brennan check her cell.
"Expecting a call Dr. Brennan?" Olson asked curiously.
Brennan looked up. "What no. Why?"
"Because you look at your cell every ten seconds." Olson said.
"That's not true." Brennan's voice was raised, defensive. She didn't know why.
"Not literally, but that's like the fourth time today you have checked it."
Brennan inhaled feeling trapped. Exhaling, she tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear and turned her back on her student only to face Daisy. Brennan met Daisy's big brown eyes and Daisy gave her a sad smile, they shared a momentary glance of understanding. Brennan inhaled and faced Olson again. "My partner is in a war-zone Dr. Olson. We try to keep in touch. Now can you please get back to work."
Brennan glanced to her right at Daisy and Daisy smiled at her. But Brennan couldn't smile, she didn't have the energy to muster a smile. She missed her partner. She missed Booth. She missed him and she loved him.
She wished he could be here and hold her so she could peacefully close her eyes in his embrace and forget it all. Forget about Marks, about the mean rumors that flew around camp about her, the war Booth was in, the war they both fought everyday on the inside, and the thousands of miles between them.
In Afghanistan the sun was starting to rise, in Maluku a black blanket full of stars was being pulled over the island, the sun was setting.
I'm miles from where you are,
I lay down on the cold ground
I, I pray that something picks me up
And sets me down in your warm arms
It had been twelve days, twelve but it seemed like so many more. She lay in bed noticing that Miss Wick had come inside tonight the same time that she had and had not socialized with their colleagues by the fire. "Daisy, why didn't you stay out with our colleagues tonight, per usual?"
Daisy pulled her comforter up to her chin. "You are much better company Dr. Brennan."
Brennan started to say something but stopped and the two shared a smile as both drifted off to sleep. Booth was beginning to stir to the early morning.
Brennan smiled looking down into Booth's eyes. Her legs around him, her back against the wall she let her arms fall to either side of her. They made their way to the bedroom and he threw her onto the bed, she looked at him desire and want in her eyes. He was over her in a second and she removed his belt and pulled at his pants while he unclasped her bra. Shortly after she wriggled out of her panties kicking them off. This wasn't about making love, this was full out want, need, and pent up passion and desire built up for over a year, hell five years. It was raw and it was emotional and yes it was great sex. Because sometimes making love isn't needed, sometimes I'll take you here and now and there and later too and then again some more, is what is needed.
Booth looked at the woman asleep on his chest. He traced circles on her back and watched as her face twitched and her hand try to swat at where he was lightly tracing circles. Brennan turned over and Booth stiffled a laugh. She rolled back over and her eyes opened. Her baby blues pierced his chocolate orbs in the dark. She smiled at him and let her hand cup his jaw, his lips met her and she smiled into his mouth as he rolled them over. She looked down at him, her hands on either shoulder supporting herself upright. She started to pivot her hips back and forth and watched his expression as she did. "Oh yeah...oh God, yeah, Bones. Oh God Bones I'm going to...Bones!" But she didn't stop, only slowed her hips down as she looked in his eyes and watched his face intently. Hair hanging in his face she leaned down and kissed him as he tried his damnest to kiss her back she took him where no man had never gone before. "Booonnesss!" She gave him a mischievous smile.
Then Booth woke up looking around him he caught his breath hoping he hadn't said anything aloud. He knew he spoke in his sleep, but damn those were dreams for his eyes only.
After I have traveled so far
We'd set the fire to the third bar
We'd share each other like an island
Until exhausted, close our eyelids
She gave him a mischievous smile and he chuckled as she lay next to him. It was his turn now to make her come undone at the seams. She looked up at him a smile on her lips he smiled back. He kissed her and then explored other areas of her body. Her breath was hot on his shoulder and her skin, like his, was sweaty. It glistened under the glow of the bed side lamp. "Oh God, Mmmmooth." He looked up and her head had started to tilt back, she rocked her hips up so he could have better access. Two were becoming one. "God Bones you are so wet."
"Mmmhhmmm...uhhh..nigh" He smiled knowing Bones wouldn't be speaking anytime soon. He heard another whimpered moan that cued him that she was close. Then they were in sync, one with each other as the night went on. He ran his hands up the back of her head and grabbed her hair tight as she came undone. "Boooothhhhhhh." He felt her tighten and then fall to pieces, she was jello. He kissed her temple and she eventually opened her eyes lazily. It was a whisper, "I love you Booth."
"It was my pleasure Bones." said Booth cockily with good humor and she glared at him. "I mean I love you too." he kissed her slowly as she snuggled into his side, her head on his chest her eyes were drifting closed, exhausted they both slept intertwined in each other.
Brennan sat up it. It was night or maybe not she looked at the phone in her hand, two o' eight. Damn, one hell of a dream, now that was paradise. Why couldn't every dream be like that? She wondered what had woke her and looked at Daisy's sleeping form. Not her. She didn't know why she woke, there was no noise her phone had unfortunetly not rung and her lap top had the same amount of messages as before. Nothing had changed. Brennan sighed, unable to sleep she picked up her lap top.
And dreaming, pick up from
The last place we left off
Your soft skin is weeping
A joy you can't keep in...
Booth readied himself for the morning grabbing an mre and eating on the run with his men. Soon it was Brennan that was crawling into bed after yet another long day of work. Daisy knew Brennan had heard what Dr. Marks had said today. It wasn't the most pleasant thing either. Dr. Gerard wouldn't confirm nor deny what he had heard, he didn't want any part of Marks nasty spat with Brennan.
Only Brennan wasn't willing to fight. Especially not tonight, not tonight. Tonight Brennan lay in her bed staring at the ceiling. Daisy was outside, which was odd because lately she had been in bed much earlier. Brennan dismissed it. She looked at her phone grabbd it and held it like a child would a favorite stuffed animal as she curled up on her side her cell in her hand. It was her lifeline to him. How did he do it? She couldn't comprehend it. How did he take her heart so easily? What was it about him that made her need him? She never had needed anyone her life, until now. She sat up setting her cell on her nightstand she reached for the lap top, she needed to write him.
Booth,
I wish you were here and I know I have said that before, but I had a dream Booth and it was very sexual. I want you here for more than one reason Booth, I need you. Booth there are people here, a certain colleague of mine that doesn't like me. The man said I was a heartless bitch. I hope that I'm not coming across as mean as he makes it sound. He is irrational to think such things anyway, everyone has a heart. He is a scientist and he should know this. I believe he meant I'm incapable of love, but that is untrue because I love you Booth and I love Angela and Hodgins. I don't love them like I love you, but it proves I'm capable of love.
Brennan stopped typing and stared at the screen. She was capable of love, capable. Marks was wrong, and he didn't know her at all. She looked at the door inhaled and started to type again.
I feel like if you were here everything would be better. The dig, Marks, The knot in my stomach. I miss you. I love you. It feels like it's been thirty days but I know it has not. I wonder when you will receive these letters. I hope that it will be sooner rather then later. For some reason Ms. Wick did not go to bed at the same time that I did tonight. Is it hot there? I imagine it is, though I know at night it can be quite cold too. It's been thirteen days Booth, I hope I will hear from you soon. You said you would return in fourteen.
I know you won't be able to have access to a computer for over fifteen days, but I wish it were different. I never used to believe in wishes, I know why people wish now. I figured it out Booth. Because when one is in love they will do irrational things that they don't believe in if it may mean there is a slight chance that their loved one may be okay, that they will return. When in love one does everything in their power for the other even if they do not necessarily believe in it their selves. At least I think that's why people wish. Booth this is so much harder than 'just one rotation around the earth.' I believe Parker will agree with me if I said please do not ever leave to a war-zone again. I need you here with me Booth. See you sooner then later. I can't wait to be in your arms.
Love,
Bones
I'm miles from where you are,
I lay down on the cold ground
And I, I pray that something picks me up
and sets me down in your warm arm
Day fourteen had come and gone with no word from Booth. It was now night fifteen and Brennan was about to lose it. Daisy was at a special dinner with her colleagues and Brennan was sitting crying in the shower. The warm water had turned cold a while ago but she didn't notice. "Damn it! Damn you!" she threw the soap because it was readily available. It swayed back and forth in the tub as it slid it's way toward her. When it came to a stop in front of her she cried harder. That's when she heard the ring and stood quickly grabbing her towel she stepped out of the shower and answer her cell.
"Brennan."
"Bones!"
She wanted to cry at the sound of his voice but stopped herself, she was mad at him damn it.
"You didn't call me yesterday." she said flatly, turning the shower off and just now realizing how cold the water actually was.
"I'm sorry, I was really busy and wasn't able to get to a phone Bones. We got in later than we thought we were going to be getting in."
"I don't care."
"Bones."
"No, Booth. I was worried, I was scared. Hell, for God's sake Booth I find it hard to function, and I never have a hard time concentrating. Never."
"Well what do you want me to do different? I called you as soon as I could."
Brennan's eyes teared up as she look up to the ceiling. For what? An answer? Hope? Who the hell knows.
"It wasn't good enough."
"Really Bones? What should I do different? You tell me."
Brennan sat on the bed, crumbling she yelled into her cell her face red with tears. "I don't know Booth. I don't fucking know anymore!" She yelled inhaling and exhaling sobs as she cry into her end of the receiver. She was angry, but not at him. She was angry with the military, with the situation, for falling in love.
"Oh God Bones, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Shhh, it's going to be okay baby. It's going to be okay."
Brennan inhaled trying to compose herself. "I'm sorry Booth, I...I it's just..."
"I love you Bones." Booth said and Brennan looked up again. Why did she do that? Another tear escaped.
"I love you too Booth." her response was automatic and her voice had been on the verge of tears since she answered the call. She needed to hear those words. "I wrote you Booth, even though you said you wouldn't be able to read my letters until tomorrow or today. I still wrote you."
Booth smiled, "Thank you Bones I love reading what you write."
"You do?"
"Of course, why wouldn't I?" Booth asked.
"I don't know, you are probably very busy Booth."
"Nah, I'm fine. How are you?" Booth said and Brennan knew something was up with him.
"Fine, what's wrong Booth?"
"Nothing, why do you think somehting is wrong?"
"Because you have that tone in your voice."
"What tone?"
"That one Booth, you use it when something is usually upsetting you such as a personal case."
"Well no case here Bones. Just me and I'm fine."
"You told me that fine was a word most commonly used when one lies to cover their true feelings." Brennan said sitting on the bed rubbing the cell with her thumb.
"Who told you such a thing?" Booth scoffed.
"I'm not joking Booth, what is wrong? Why won't you tell me?"
"You deserve a better conversation Bones. You don't want to know, really. So, how is Daisy?"
"Booth! You are wrong, I want to know! I deserve to know why you feel the way you do. So please, tell me what happened. Maybe I can help." Brennan demanded and offered, she heard Booth exhale.
"Nothing happened Bones. It's just hard today, we had some changes. Some guys left and we got some new guys. I...I had a dream the other night and I miss you Bones. I miss you really bad." Booth said and Brennan smiled.
"I miss you too Booth. What kind of dream? I had a dream as well." Brennan said.
"Did you? I don't know if yours was anything like mine. Mine was, it was...it was..."
"...sexual?" Brennan offered and Booth rolled his eyes.
"Yeah, Bones."
"Really, mine too. Was I in your dream?" Brennan asked.
"Yes Bones, but we don't have to talk about it."
"Why it could be very stimulating. Though, first let me get dressed you called when I was in the shower."
"God Bones, Jesus, just..please stop."
"Why? Oh, Ohhh okay." Brennan said and Booth chuckled at her.
"Get dressed."
"I am, I can talk to you and put on my pajamas at the same time. I'm very good at multitasking Booth."
"I know you are." he said and Brennan smiled.
"I want you home now." Brennan said now changed sitting on her bed.
"I just got off the phone with Parker and he said the same thing."
"I assure you I do not intend it in the way Parker does." Brennan said and Booth smiled.
"Bones?"
"Yes."
"I'm okay, it was just a hard day. How are you?" Booth said and Brennan exhaled.
"I miss you, bad. Maybe you will feel better when you write me back, whenever I'm having a hard time I stop what I'm doing and write you. It's cathartic, you may feel better when you write back Booth." Brennan said half urging him to do so and half helping him out.
"Probably so, but I will feel best when I have you in my arms again." Booth said and Brennan was quiet.
"Don't Booth."
"What?" asked Booth.
"Don't put that image in my head, because right now that is all that is keeping me going. When you say it, it feels unrealistic. And that's okay, I would rather it just be a dream to me for now." Brennan said her voice shaky.
"I'm coming home Bones." Booth said.
"You don't know that for sure."
"How do you know that not for sure." Booth said and at his words she inhaled.
"Booth please."
"No. No Bones, listen it's going to be you and me when I get home." Booth said but all he heard was silence.
"No. We can't we are just partners. The F.B.I won't let us work together. No."
Booth chuckled, "Wow, Bones. Really? After all of this, partners? Fucking partners is what you call us?"
"Your angry." Brennan said.
"Good observation genius and yes I'm angry Bones. Because I know that you know we are more than partners. For fucks sake Bones don't you remember the night before I left?"
Brennan was crying again. She nodded yes as she answered, "I won't ever forget Booth."
"Do you regret it?"
"What? No never. Not at all Booth."
"Bones, it's okay to be scared." Booth said and he heard her crying.
"I'm scared Booth, scared of what will become of us, of the future, of what could happen to you-" she started to cry harder.
"Lay down Bones. It' going to be okay. One day at a time, okay?" she nodded yes pulling the comforter up to her chin she curled up on her side the phone lay on her ear. "See you soon baby, other people have to use the phone. When you close your eyes tonight I'll be waiting for you, okay? See you in my dreams." he chuckled as did she.
"Booth?" Brennan yawned.
"Hhmmm?"
"I can't wait to be in your arms again either." Brennan yawned again through her smile. "I love you Booth."
"I know Bones, we'll make it alright. See you soon Bones."
"See you soon Booth."
Brennan waited and he hung up first then she exhaled and ended the call. Smiling she dug her head into the pillow that her arms were wrapped around and breathed it in. Not too much longer and she would be in his arms. Her eyes closed and she fell into a dream world, into his embrace.
I'm miles from where you are,
I lay down on the cold ground
and I, I pray that something picks me up
and sets me down in your warm arms
song-Set The Fire To The Third Bar by Snow Patrol