A/N 1: Here we go with the big finish to The Body Snatcher Conundrum. See my other note at the end for more.
Chapter Fourteen: Showdown at The Cheesecake Factory
Penny and Sheldon's meeting at the studio went better than expected. Howard texted Sheldon to let him know that arrangements at The Cheesecake Factory had been made. Bernadette and Amy had finished preparing Penny by 7. By 7:30 everyone was in place and the connections had all been tested. Most were listing over Bluetooth. Sheldon and Howard had laptops and were observing the camera feed emanating from a currently empty booth.
At 8pm Hernly walked in. Bernadette showed him to the predetermined booth and seated him. At 8:15 Penny made her entrance and what an entrance it was. Every head in the restaurant turned, not just her friends. The regulars didn't even realize that the incredibly beautiful woman in the knockout lowcut dress was the not incredibly good waitress they preferred not serve them whenever they came in.
Penny walked over to Hernly, pulled the contracts, two copies, out of her purse along with a pen and placed them on the table.
"Hello, Mr. Hernly. Let's get this business out of the way so that we can enjoy the rest of our evening."
Hernly's eyes were wide open, almost staring.
When Penny leaned over to sign the contracts he couldn't take his eyes off her breasts, which seemed as though they might fall out of her dress at any moment.
Penny thought, "Yup, gravity defying is probably right."
When Penny slid the contracts over to Hernly for his signature he only glanced at them and quickly signed, while still staring at her breasts. He absent-mindedly folded his copy and out it in his jacket and slid the other over to her.
Penny sat down and said "Do you have my check?"
"Even better, Penny. I brought cash and I was able to get you a little more. $25,000 in total. I don't want anyone to know you're carrying this much so let me hand it to you under the table. After handing her the envelope his hand wandered over to her knee and gave it a little squeeze."
Penny thought "Oh I so have this guy pegged."
"Let me order us some champagne to celebrate. Two flutes of champagne, waitress."
Penny wasn't worried. She and Bernadette thought things would go this way and she knew that while Hernly would be getting the champagne he'd ordered, she would be getting non-alcoholic sparkling cider.
Their drinks arrived quickly.
Suddenly, Hernly noticed one of the people at the next table over and asked Penny, "Is that Will Wheaton from Star Trek over there?"
"Yes, he comes here all the time."
"Do you mind if I go over and introduce myself? I'd love to get him to appear on the show?"
"Well I was hoping we could discuss my appearing on the show? But please go ahead."
Penny said the word "appearing" as though it had a much more salacious meaning for her than for Wil Wheaton.
"Hello, Mr. Wheaton. Sorry for disturbing your and your friends' dinner. I'm a big fan. My name is Paul Hernly, Executive Producer of "It's Chemistry," the new hit show on TBS."
"Oh, yes. I've heard good things. Nice to meet you."
"May I give you my card? I'd like to discuss the possibility of you appearing on the program."
"I'd be very interested. I'll have my people get in touch."
"Thank you so much. Enjoy your evening."
So far Hernly was almost exactly on script, thought Sheldon.
Hernly returned to Penny. And he was back to staring at her chest.
"Well that was fortuitous. Now let us enjoy our evening."
"Mr. Hernly…"
"Paul, please… I hope we can be friends. Good friends."
"Paul, I was wondering. You said you might have a part for me."
"Oh, yes. I certainly do. And I believe it will be a very good part. But, to be fair, you will have to audition."
"When can we schedule an audition?"
Hernly remembered that he passed a hotel not far from The Cheesecake Factory.
"If you'd like you can probably audition for this evening."
"But you haven't even given me a script."
"Penny, I'm sure you recall that I told you that the part you'd be playing would be that of an exotic dancer."
"A stripper. I remember."
"Well, I need to know that you can handle that part before we can go any further."
"So you want me to strip for you?"
Sheldon, Howard and Raj all looked at Leonard, who seemed like he was about to jump out of his seat. Leonard noticed them and relaxed back into his seat uncomfortably.
"Is that a problem?"
"Well, if that's what the part calls for. I so want my big break and this could be it."
"It very well could be, Penny."
"But Paul, I'm an actress. I mean, I can certainly dance, but I was hoping I'd have some lines."
"Well, Penny. I'm still developing the part. The happier I am with your audition, the bigger your part will be."
"Time to reel him in," thought Penny."
"I don't understand, Paul."
"Well, Penny, if your audition moves me, if it touches me, I would be inspired to make the part bigger."
Penny lowered her voice.
"So, Paul, we're both adults here. Let me see if I understand what you're saying. You're implying that if I were to, um, touch you my role in the show would get bigger."
"I said what I said, Penny."
"Paul, I think we both understand what I'm looking for. We're just negotiating the price."
"You could say that, Penny."
"So, let's say, after I take off clothes, I were to offer you a hand job. Would that get me a couple of lines?"
"It might"
"How about a blow job?"
"That would certainly get you a line or two."
"Showtime," Penny thought.
"WHAT ABOUT IF I JUST FUCK YOUR BRAINS OUT! WOULD THAT GET ME A RECURRING ROLE ON YOUR LITTLE SHOW!"
"Penny, we're in public. Please, a little decorum."
"AND HOW ABOUT IF I WERE TO LET YOU FUCK ME AND MY MOTHER AT THE SAME TIME. WOULD THAT GET ME MY OWN FRIGGIN' SHOW?"
"Penny, I don't understand where this is coming from. If you don't calm down I'll have to leave and you won't be on television at all. You'll spend the rest of your life as a waitress in this very restaurant. Now, do you want that or can we just go down the road and get on with your audition?"
"OKAY, IT'S NOT ENOUGH THAT YOU STEAL MY SCRIPT AND PASS IT OFF AS YOUR OWN. NO, THEN YOU GO AND SEDUCE MY MOTHER SO YOU CAN STEAL STUFF FROM MY HOME. AND NOW YOU HAVE THE GALL TO SAY THAT IF I WANT A LITTLE PIECE OF WHAT WAS MINE IN THE FIRST PLACE I HAVE TO FUCK YOU."
Sheldon signaled Wil Wheaton who walked over to Hernly's table.
"Excuse me, Mr. Hernly. Am I to understand that you just demanded that this young lady sleep with you in order to get a part on a sitcom?"
"Mr. Wheaton, I believe you misunderstood. Penny here and I have a relationship and our conversation is private."
"I don't know. I heard what I heard. And for a private conversation it was pretty loud."
"Mr. Wheaton, I'd thank you to mind your own business return to your table."
"I don't think so. Miss, um, Penny is it? Would you like me to leave?"
"No. I wouldn't."
"I'm not going to leave. In fact, I think I'll invite my dining companions over to join us."
"Well then, I'm going to leave," declared Hernly.
Sheldon signaled Zack, glad that Penny had thought of it. Hernly started to get up, then felt a firm hand on his shoulder and felt himself sitting back down.
Wil Wheaton continued.
"Mr. Hernly, I'd like to introduce my dining companions. This is Brian Rosten, chief litigation attorney for TBS and this is Jason Black, VP of programming for TBS. They have some questions for you."
Hernly was starting to turn pale.
Rosten began. "Mr. Hernly, what do you say to this young lady's accusation that you stole her script…"
He reached into his briefcase and pulled out a sheaf of papers.
"This script."
It was Penny's original script. It even had a grade on it. Hernly started to sputter.
"How did you get that? I can explain that. And I have a contract showing that she has surrendered any rights she might have."
"In a moment. I'd also like to know how you explain this."
He reached into his briefcase again and pulled out Penny's Hello Kitty notebook. By this point Sheldon had come over and joined them. Everybody in the restaurant, not just Penny's group of friends, was watching.
"That's mine. It was in my safe. That's my private personal property!"
"Miss, have you ever seen this notebook?"
"Of course I have. It's mine."
Hernly glared.
"She's lying. It is my property and you've stolen it from my office. I'm calling the cops."
Hernly pulled out his cell and started to dial when Zack grabbed his hand and squeezed until he dropped the phone onto the floor.
Rosten continued.
"Penny, would you please open the notebook and read what id written on the first page."
Penny began to read.
"This is the story of Penny. September 24, 2007. 2311 N. Los Robles Ave., Pasadena, CA"
"And what is the significance of the date and address?"
"That's the date I moved into my very own apartment at that address and met two wonderful, but kind of nerdy geniuses."
"So I'd like to ask you, Mr. Hernly, why are you in possession of this young lady's notebook?"
Hernly decided to attempt to finesse the situation. He pulled out the contract Penny had signed earlier.
"This young lady has surrendered all rights to her stories. I have a signed contract right here."
Rosten, smiling mysteriously, motioned to Hernly to hand him the contract.
"Mr. Hernly, this contract says no such thing. You should know that Penny showed the contract you prepared for her to me earlier today. That contract was very favorable to your interests and very unfavorable to hers. After visiting your offices I took the liberty of redrafting it so that it is now a very fair agreement which you have in fact just signed. It now says that you, in fact, surrender all rights and remuneration for the program "It's Chemistry" and any other programs in development with your production company. Furthermore it dissolves said production company."
"No, that can't be right. I wrote that contract myself. It can't possibly say that."
At that point Penny joined back in.
"Oh, Paul, that's exactly what it says. You see, my friend Wil Wheaton here, we've known each other for years. He kind of owed me a favor and when he heard what you had done to me…Yeah Paul, I'm not the idiot bimbo you think I am plus I have some really smart friends. Well, Wil helped set up a meeting with Mr. Rosten and Mr. Black this morning. We showed them a copy of my original script and photos that proved you stole my diary and then we all went over to your offices and my mother let us in and showed us where the safe was. Since you lease the offices from TBS they have the safe combination on a master list. We opened it and found my diary with my name in it and the script that I turned in for your class. I was a little surprised to see that you only gave me a B- on it. We also found some photographs of you with a couple of the actresses on the show. Very embarrassing photographs. Just be glad there weren't any of my mom or I'd be going all Nebraska on your ass right now. And there'd better not be any. And speaking of photographs, everything that happened here this evening has been recorded so don't try to put out any "he said, she said" nonsense or it all ends up on youtube."
At this point Mr. Black spoke up.
"Production on "It's Chemistry" has been halted. Your production offices have been shuttered. If your previous actions weren't enough, the conversation you just had with Miss Penny places you in violation of the morals clause of your contract which is now voided. It is unlikely you'll be securing work with any other studio and, if I get wind that you have, I will consider it my personal pleasure to torpedo it. You will be hearing from our attorneys."
"And by the way, since your car was leased by the studio, it is being taken back to the leasing company even as we speak."
At that point Dr. Gabelhauser and the Academic Dean of City College stepped up.
"And you will not find employment as an instructor of any kind at any institution of higher learning in the state of California. Between the two of us we know a lot of people here and all over the country. Stealing the work of a student and presenting as your own for profit is frowned upon, not only in the sciences but even in the humanities and social sciences. Your days as a teacher are over. In addition, we will be contacting all of your former students in order to determine whether you have done this before and will support any desire they may have to squeeze blood from the stone you are about to become."
Penny moved over to Sheldon and squeezed his hand. Surprisingly, he didn't flinch.
Rosten, Black, Wil Wheaton, Dr. Gabelhauser and the City College Dean all went back to their seats.
In the corner, Penny's mother took off the floppy hat she'd been wearing and stomped over to Hernly, slapped him across the face and threw the keys to his house at him.
"Penny's friends and I moved all of my stuff out of your house this morning, you creep. Oh, by the way, I might have forgotten to turn the water off in the upstairs bathroom before I left. And the downstairs bathroom. And the kitchen. But don't worry about your stuff. We moved it all out of the house before we left and put it on the front lawn. I hope it's still there."
"Don't ever fuck with my family again!"
And she went over to Penny and gave her a big hug.
Now it was Bernadette's turn.
"Don't feel too bad. Here's a complimentary drink from The Cheesecake Factory for your trouble."
Bernadette faked tripping and spilled the flute of champagne into Hernly's lap.
"Whoops."
As she walked away she whispered to Penny, "That was fun. I never got to do that when I really was a waitress. Thanks for letting me do it now."
Penny's turn.
"Now, Mr. Hernly, on behalf of The Cheesecake Factory, TBS, CalTech, City College and all of my friends I'd like to invite you to get the fuck out of here. And, with the exception of if we see each other in court, I never want to see or hear from you again. And I think that goes for all of us."
Hernley stood up, with a big wet stain in his lap and started to leave. Then he turned around, glared at Penny and said; "You bitch! You set me up! I demand you give me my damned $25,000 back."
"What $25,000, Mr. Hernly? I don't remember you giving me anything. Did anyone see him give me anything?"
Almost as a chorus, the crowd yelled "No!"
Hernley started toward Penny. Thinking quickly, she hiked her dress up a little and kneed him right in the groin. He dropped to the floor, struggling for breath, screaming silently.
The entire restaurant broke out in applause.
Zack grabbed Hernly by his collar, dragged him out the front door, and deposited him in the parking lot just in time for him to see his very expensive car leaving on the leasing company's flatbed. After about a half hour Hernly struggled to his feet and limped out of the parking lot then turned and shook his fist at The Cheesecake Factory like a Grade B villain.
Back inside the restaurant everybody was chattering and Sheldon quickly called them to attention.
"On Penny's behalf I wish to thank all of you for you assistance in this endeavor. We hope to have good news to share in the coming days but there will need to be meetings and arrangements and contracts and it is just inappropriate to say anything further at this juncture. The Penny Revenge Squad, as I knew it would be, has been triumphant!"
Penny moved to Sheldon's side.
"You guys have all been wonderful. I feel so incredibly blessed to have you all in my life. Especially you, Moonpie. This couldn't have happened without your help and leadership."
And she turned and put her arms around Sheldon and looked up into his eyes and decided, what the hell, and kissed him right on the lips. And surprising her, he kissed her right back. And hugged her even tighter. Realizing everyone was staring they pulled away from each other.
Leonard was bout to say something but Howard and Raj stopped him. Amy stared incredulously.
Penny staggered a little.
"Um, wow."
"And only my Meemaw can call me Moonpie."
"Uh, folks, I know you've probably all been pretty tied up in what's been going on tonight and probably haven't really eaten. Since I seem to have come into some money, dinner's on me!
A/N 2: So tomorrow I'll tie most everything up with three little epilogues which include some nice Shenny moments. Then, after a few days we'll be returning to this little AU that I've set up for Season 7 and beyond for just about the fluffiest thing I've ever written which will lead into some of the darkest. I'm still writing and haven't come up with a title yet.
Thank you all for the kind things you've written, the follows and especially to those who've made me a favorite writer. My TBBT fiction is my first foray into the world of fan fiction and I'm enjoying the hell out of it. Also getting ready to show some of it to some of my pro writer pals for notes and advice. And maybe there's possibility of trying to go pro myself. There're folks way worse than me that make a living writing.