"Is something bothering you Kurt?" his uncle asked.
Kurt chewed and swallowed, because it was difficult to find the correct words. The sandwich itself was easy enough to eat. There seemed to be a lot of those around lunchtime, and Kurt often wondered at the processed bread. There was no resistance to it.
It made him miss when Margali and Amanda would make rolls. Amanda would always complain bitterly about it, but she was a very good cook. He'd never been allowed into the kitchen after the time he and Stefan had made dough with too much water and compensated by smearing it all over each other's faces and shirts while wrestling.
He'd been at the Institute for almost a week, but every day seemed more surreal than the last. He'd never been in a place so accepting, so calm. The Institute was a nice place, and he was enjoying spending time with his uncle. Charles was thoughtful and kind, and obviously eager to get to know Kurt.
Kurt had never had that before, and it was an odd feeling. Sure, Stefan and Amanda had always cared about him. However, he'd grown up with them. There were a few other people at the circus that he'd considered friends, more or less, but he'd never had anyone who actively wanted to know who he was.
It made him feel all the worse about concealing why he was there. Sure, Charles seemed content to let things lie for now. However, Kurt believed in being honest and, the more he got to know Charles, the more uncomfortable he got with keeping a secret from him.
However, it was still his secret and his shame for a reason, and he would deal with it privately. He might not believe in lying, but he did believe in not bothering people with unnecessary knowledge. Charles didn't need to know the events of that night.
So Kurt tried to focus his energy into other things. His uncle was spending a lot of time with him, which he appreciated, but he also felt bad about disrupting his life. Hank and Alex, who he'd been introduced to his second day at the Institute, seemed to have a pretty good grip on things. However, he could tell that his uncle was a necessary part to the smooth operation of the Institute.
He was worried he was sucking up his uncle's time, and it underlined that Kurt didn't really fit in there. Kurt was neither a student or a teacher. In a place that was meant to be a haven for misfits, he was the odd one out.
"Just zinking," Kurt said.
"I can see that," said Charles, amused, "I was simply wondering what you were thinking about."
Kurt managed a brief smile before looking around him.
"I vas...vondering if maybe I should start taking some courses," he said.
Something joyful flashed in Charles's eyes, but it was gone so quickly that he wondered if he'd imagined it.
"Really?" he asked, his voice calm.
"Um, ja," Kurt said.
He licked his lips. A sudden thought occurred for him, a possible explanation for that joy if it had actually been there. Prickles of guilt crept up his spine. Maybe Charles thought his interest in courses was indicating a desire to stay there permanently.
Although it pained him, he would have to set the record straight.
"I may not be here for long," Kurt said, "But...it seems like I should do somezing."
Charles's face remained neutral, and Kurt wondered if he'd overthought the situation.
"I see," he said, "Well, and this is just based on what you'd told me, I would certainly start putting you in the GED classes."
"Vhat?" asked Kurt.
"It's for people who are old enough to have graduated high school but they were unable to attend most of the grades," Charles explained, "Usually the people involved are a little older, but we do have courses on that for mutants who want to attend college here or at another institution."
"Oh," Kurt said.
He shifted. He'd never thought of himself as being behind academically, and he'd never really been interested in pursuing an education. He'd always thought his life would be tied to the circus, and he'd be part of the act.
Amanda had been the first one to make him doubt that. She'd told him she wanted to get out when she got older, go to America, leave the country. She'd told him she had plans, had been saving money from odd side jobs she'd worked during the winter. One day, she told him, she was going to go to school and get an education, and then she was going to be anything she wanted.
His stomach fell when he thought about that. He knew perfectly well that she'd spent almost every penny she had to get those boat tickets, tickets that only Kurt had been able to use. The little money she'd had left had been spent on him getting to his uncle and her getting home.
It was quite possible he'd set her dream back for years.
"Kurt?" Charles asked.
"Ja," said Kurt, blinking.
Charles was looking at him, concerned.
"Are you sure you really want to do this?" he asked, "I won't force you if you don't want to, and you shouldn't feel as though you have to do this to please me."
Kurt flushed. That's what he'd interpreted his silence as?
"Nein," Kurt said, "I zink it vill be a gut idea."
And he honestly meant it. He couldn't go back to the circus, and he had no idea how to go about getting involved in another one. It was probably best that he didn't perform in front of crowds too: it wasn't a good idea for a wanted murderer to parade himself around.
And then there was Amanda. It was unlikely she would be able to have the chance he had in front of him. While he couldn't make it so she lived through him, he could at least make sure he was taking advantage of an opportunity she would want.
Amanda was sick to death of her mother. It wasn't a respectful thought, but the two of them had gone so far past respectful and disrespectful these days that it didn't matter. She was starting to actively hate her, and she had always prided herself on being able to separate her emotions from most of her serious choices.
She'd said she was casting her mother off, and she'd meant it. Amanda didn't have time to waste dealing with hypocrites or people who wouldn't listen. She'd never thought her mother would fall into either of those categories, but she knew no one was perfect. The best thing to do in this case was to cut her losses and admit she'd been wrong about her mother.
However, she still had to be around her, and it was driving her crazy. People were starting to question why they weren't together more often. Surely they were grieving? One son was dead and the family's ward had disappeared. Most people hadn't put the dots together because they were missing crucial information, but it was a pitiful situation from their point of view.
In situations like these, people in the circus community drew closer together. Amanda had seen people go through loss in their community, whether it was by disease or violence, and she'd cooked enough food and scrubbed enough floors for grieving families to know what to do.
People were trying to do the same thing to her now, and it was driving her crazy. Everyone knew she and Kurt were lovers and, the idea that he had disappeared after her brother's death, made her a major object of pity.
Everyone kept giving her sympathetic looks, as though they could possibly understand what she was going through. She wanted to scream at them all to leave her alone, but she had to keep her head down, had to play the victim.
Her mother wasn't making it easy though. While she hadn't implicated Kurt in Stefan's death either to the police or the community, she certainly used whatever opportunity to twist the knife in Amanda's back deeper.
She would give her a nasty look whenever someone said they were sorry for her loss. Whenever people asked if there was news of Kurt Margali would brush them off, or say that she was sure he would be along any day now. After all, she would add nastily, he never could be without Amanda for long.
There was nowhere to escape, no time where she could just lay down and scream out her feelings. If she cried in the trailer, her mother would hear. The other places weren't private enough, and she had the feeling her mother was just waiting for her to slip up and make a mistake.
Maybe it was paranoid, but it was enough for Amanda to start thinking. If she was this paranoid, this afraid and angry after a week, then who was to say it wouldn't get worse? Amanda couldn't feel any love for her mother at the moment, but that didn't mean she wanted to hurt her. She was afraid that feeling would change in the coming months.
So, she got to planning. There were about four months between her and Christmas. That meant there were four months between her and Kurt, between her and someone who would understand and truly sympathize with what she was feeling.
At the rate she was going, there would be no money for her to get to America though. No money to get to the one person she had left. Amanda had to go on the assumption that his uncle had taken him in, or at least would do so until she reached him. If he hadn't, then she was sure Kurt would figure out a way to leave her some sort of sign that things had gone wrong.
Regardless, that was too long to for her to stay with her mother. They were going to stop travelling in a month or two for the colder months and she could start picking up odd jobs and saving up money.
Once again, it was too long. It was too much time spent doing nothing, and there would be very, very little money to get where she needed to go. She wasn't like Kurt, who could teleport for two miles at a time. No, she would have to walk that distance, and if that was the case, then she might as well start walking now.
She came to the conclusion that she needed to leave the circus entirely and work full time somewhere else. It might look a little suspicious, but she could sob about how there were too many memories. People who left the circus sometimes did that, and people always left them alone. Maybe it would work for her too.
So she began flipping through newspaper and magazine advertisements, looking for a job that would take her away from the circus and her mother. She was in her third magazine when she found something she thought was perfect.
It was an advertisement for airline stewardesses, and you could interview over the phone. Amanda knew of a few pay phones she could get to so no one would suspect what she was doing. She'd have to mail a few forms, but she figured she could do that easily enough.
The pay wasn't fabulous, but the job had the perk that she could get free air fare on some voyages. Maybe that would be enough to get her to America, get her to Kurt. Once they were together they could figure out what to do.
Yes, that was what she'd do. Come hell or high water, she was meeting him for Christmas.